2005

GRAVEYARD SHIFT

CHAPTER EIGHT – Tours and Presentations –

"We will present education on funeral service to organizations,

schools, and groups at our downtown location."

The doorbell rang and there was nothing for him to do but to square his shoulders and open it. "Come in," Zelgadiss muttered, then gasped when his eyes came to rest upon the largest, tallest man he had ever seen.

"Ho! You must be the new nephew. Just call me Gaav." The huge man with a lion's mane of coarse, red-orange hair shoved a ham hock-sized hand towards Zelgadiss.

Zel didn't even blink an eye; he stood ramrod straight, aghast at the man before him and wondering how he could possibly be related to any of them.

Gaav grinned and then shot an impressively shaggy pair of eyebrows into his bangs when he beheld Zelgadiss' unusual coloring. Zelgadiss was not your average-looking teenager. "Wheeeew doggies! I don't know if you were lucky to get out of there alive or not. How do ya feel?"

Pain! Zel thought as Gaav wrung his hand in greeting, but he answered as powerfully as he could muster, "F-fine."

"So, you are Rezo's boy..." Gaav pushed inside the door and bent to remove his shoes, as was customary in the land.

"Grandson. My name's Zelgadiss," he swallowed. He was forced to step out of the shadows and into the light.

Gaav ran a paw through his bangs and gave the odd-looking kid the once over. "Zelgadiss, eh? Man, are you ever blue! Is that yer natural hair color? Never seen anything like it before, but then kids these days all look like freaks to me."

Before Zel thought of an appropriate response, Valgaav stumbled into the room. "Thought I heard a familiar voice. Hi, Dad."

Gaav forgot Zelgadiss in an instant and wrapped his boy in a hug, "Good ta see ya, boy! I think you've grown more since I last saw you." He stood back to look him over.

Valgaav, Zel noticed, was a foot shorter than his father, and since Zel knew his cousin to be over six feet tall, he figured that made Gaav over seven feet in height. He also could sense that these two, the father and son, loved one another; that realization came with a twinge of jealousy. Zelgadiss had been estranged from his mother and father for some time, but even when they had lived under one roof there was no love and warmth, nothing like what Valgaav and his father shared.

"Not possible," Valgaav said with a bemused smile. "It's only been a few months and all my clothes fit the same. Yer just getting shorter."

"Hmmm," Gaav said as he pondered the possibility. "What's all that stuff on your face? You're not going girly on me now, are you, boy?"

Zelgadiss checked a laugh with difficulty, remembering how Val looked in drag at the funeral home. That was a month ago? he thought, awed by the leap in time since the event.

"No, Dad." Valgaav frowned at Zelgadiss, at whom he was already a bit peeved over the whole Amelia thing, and looked abashed like a fourteen year old. "It's just the fashion in Atlas City. So, you staying for your birthday?" he asked, forcing a change of subject.

"I'll be in and out 'til then. Isn't that wild-woman's good-for-nothing kid here, too?"

Gaav looked over the other boy's shoulders for Xelloss. Xel was the son of Gaav's sister, Zelas. On cue, Xel and Lina pushed through the entry.

"My, my, it's my favorite uncle!" Xel mouthed behind his hand, "Does he know not to mention MORGUE?"

Valgaav shook his head, and then said to his father to speed things up, "Um, this is Lina Inverse. We, ah, we got a bunch of folks coming over, Dad. "

But his father was mesmerized by the lovely Lina. "Proof that good things come in small packages," he murmured over her hand, then kissing it in a grand show of manners.

"Um, thanks," Lina said, keeping herself under control. First Xel with a peck to her nose and now Gaav the Red was kissing her hand!

Xel frowned and turned his attention full on Lina. "I think it's time for a cat scan."

"A what?" she raised an eyebrow. She was getting used to playing the straight man to his quirky sense of humor.

"A cat scan...kitty search. You want to see the new kittens, right?"

"Yeah!" Lina said as she cheerfully followed Xel to his room.

This gave Valgaav the opportunity to explain to his father how they were trying pass off as actors to hide their real jobs.

Gaav laughed. "Dealing-in-the-dead is not appealing to the young ladies? I see, well, you won't be able to keep it a secret for long. That young woman, for one, is too sharp, but I get the picture. Listen, I got plans, too. I'll see ya'll later." He gazed about the room again before leaving. "Clean. Good job. Watch the cat population."

"Thanks," Valgaav said as he walked him to the door. "Xel and Zelgadiss are good roommates, especially Zelgadiss– he cooks. And, um, the cats will go, mostly. But what makes you think Lina's smart? She hardly said a word."

"Oh, ho!" Gaav roared. "I live in town. I got ears! She's Luna's sister, the Luna. Here come your friends!" he grinned, while climbing into his car, giving Gourry, Sylphiel, Filia, and Amelia room to enter unhindered by his substantial body.

"Did you see that insulting bumper sticker on that man's car?" Filia started in as soon as she entered the house.

"No, I was trying to see who was getting in the car," Amelia explained.

"It said, 'My Juvenile Delinquent is Screwing Your Honor Student.' Crude. Typical of the kind of guys that live here, though," Filia added quickly. "Except Zelly, of course. Now, where's that Xelloss creep? I want to give him a piece of my mind."

"Better be a small piece," Gourry muttered, much to the surprise of both Zelgadiss and Filia who were standing nearby.

"What?" Filia turned her ire upon him.

"He meant he hopes you're not going to start a fight right before the club gets started," Zelgadiss put in adroitly before turning to Gourry, asking, "right?"

"Okay," Gourry nodded.

Valgaav barked out a laugh and folded up into a chair, "...a small piece...don't wanna lose toooo much more, or else...there won't be...enough...le-e-e-ft."

Filia narrowed her eyes and strode up to him, an available target. "And I suppose you think that disgusting bumper sticker is funny too?"

"Hell no, but my Dad did when he stuck it on his car."

Her eyes widened with that information. "At first I thought I might have known you from someplace, but now I'm certain that's impossible. I don't give creeps like you a second thought. Come on, Sylphiel. Let's get my movie started before I change my mind and go home."

Down the hall, Xelloss finally had Lina alone. He walked with a lift in his step and a smile on his face. "This way," he said, indicating the entry to his room. "Have a seat and I'll bring the kittens to you."

He chose two fluffy furballs from his drawer and set them on Lina's lap. "I think these kittens are the strongest," Xel suggested helpfully, eyes wide and steady. "One's like the mom and the others are like the black tomcat, who we suspect is the father."

Lina was resting on Xelloss' bed now with the pair of sleeping kittens. "These two are pretty cute, but I know that I'll take the black one. Hey, there's a funny little fellow in there."

"Yes, that one belongs to Zelgadiss. He named it Chimera."

"Right...he would pick the oddball." Lina smoothed the tiny black kitten's fur. "So tiny, ya know?"

Xelloss' attention was more on Lina than on the kittens, though. She was strong-willed like her older sister, but that was about at far as the similarities went. He felt drawn to the petite red-haired girl sitting invitingly close to him, but spiritually distant. She didn't respond to any of his advances as he expected. She was refreshing, vibrant, exciting. Yes, he found Lina attractive, but was it irresistibly so?

Lina looked towards the door. "Oh, I think I hear the others coming in. Go get Amelia so she can pick out hers."

"Hers? Oh, yes, her cat. Inna minute. But first..." He had noticed that both her hands were occupied with kittens, so he leaned in and brushed her lips with his own. "You are driving me crazy, Lina," he confessed in a whispered tone.

Before she could shove him off, he rose and went to do her bidding, leaving her blushing in mental disarray for the second time in less than an hour.

The anime club meeting began rolling as soon as Filia pressed the play button for the DVD. They would discuss the movie when it was over. Now it was time to pay attention, watch, listen, and enjoy. The club meeting place rotated from one member's house to another's, and this was Zelgadiss' first turn as host. Zelgadiss hadn't emerged from his self-imposed shell yet, which was why Valgaav and Xel had become involved. Unfortunately, that was the only reason. Subtitled cartoons were something new to them, and since this was the middle of a series, they were not following the story or finding the experience to be terribly interesting.

Cats were draping themselves comfortably over people and furniture, giving Xel something else to stare at. His attention drifted until he had to start talking.

"If you throw a cat out a car window does it become kitty litter?" he said in a low voice to Valgaav. Not low enough.

"No, but you do!" Filia hissed. "Now shhh!"

Gourry wasn't following the "Lain" movie Serial Experiments Lain very closely either, having been lost from part one, and so was happy to have others to chat with. He leaned back. "Why do you figure they don't make mouse-flavored cat food?" Gourry whispered with a look that made it hard to tell if he was serious or not.

Zelgadiss answered him before being poked to silence by Lina. "It is marketed to people, not cats, ouch!"

"Shhh!" Lina hissed.

Filia had been concentrating intently on the anime, her face serene and attractive. The continuing muttering in the peanut gallery triggered a change to her composure. Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde-like, her eyes narrowed and canines seemed elongated into fangs. With a little imagination, you could believe that she was a fire-breathing dragon.

Xel was just getting started. Lina hadn't seemed truly angry, as long as he just kept his voice low, but his nemesis, Filia, was really irritated. He thought he might have a little fun at her expense. "If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill himself, is it considered a hostage situation?" He licked his lips, pursed them, and gave Filia a wink.

Filia's face reddened.

"Homicide or suicide?" Valgaav choked out in an attempt to subdue his gravelly voice.

Lina found herself smiling in spite of her annoyance. "Shuddup, idiot."

Gourry scooted back, closer to Valgaav and Xel. He liked the other two guys even though he was wary of Xel's intentions toward Lina. "If a cow laughed real hard, do ya think milk would come out her nose?"

"Ho!" Valgaav sputtered. He was trying to keep it down, as ordered.

"SHHHHHHHHH!"

Xel smiled and shook his head, "Okay..."

But this time Zelgadiss leaned in and said, more loudly than necessary, "Okay, smartass, so if you're in a vehicle going the speed of light, what happens when you turn on the headlights?"

Xel gasped, "I hadn't heard that one...good job!"

"Please!" begged Amelia.

At which point Filia sat up, twisted around to face the noisy boys, pantomimed 'zip it up or I'll cut your throat' in a couple of quick, decisive motions, then returned to her previous position.

In a barely lowered voice, Xel asked, "Do you need a silencer if you are going to shoot a mime?"

Filia turned her head to catch him mock-shooting her with a finger gun. He grinned as he asked Valgaav, "Do you think we can we shoot her during tourist season?"

Gourry smiled. He was enjoying this. He could tell that they were cleverer than him, but he was holding his own. "So... why is the third hand on the watch called a second hand?"

"Because the first one was embedded in your brain, jellyfish for brains!" Lina shouted as she punched at him, missing his jaw but connecting with his shoulder.

"Miss Lina! I can't hear!" Amelia chastised her friend. "The music's getting really scary in this part. Something awful's going to happen, I just know it!"

"Why is it that night falls but day...?" Xel snapped a carrot stick in two, "... breaks?"

Lina's head spun, "Where'd you get that?" her eye on the carrot piece waving in the air.

Xel slowly passed her a plate of snacks he'd collected, making it appear to come out of thin air. "Maaaagic, my dear."

She took the plate, eyeing him curiously beneath her eyelashes, then with a wicked little smirk she asked. "Do you think that killing time damages eternity?

"Gods, I hope not!" Xel gasped, dramatically falling limply on his side to the floor. "Because if it does, my entire future is doomed."

"Oh, brother." Lina rolled her eyes. "You ever think why it is that fat chance and slim chance mean the same thing? Huh? Because it doesn't matter if you have no chance at all."

He blinked. "Oh." He absorbed the shock. "She doesn't mean that about me and her," he assured himself. He also decided that exchanging clever quips wasn't a substitute for really talking when it came to establishing position in a budding relationship. It was time for Xel to ask Lina out. He was stopped from acting on that thought, though.

"Okay," Filia said, and pressed the 'stop' button. "Break time. If you're all just going to talk, just stay in the kitchen, how 'bout it?"

She was nearly trampled in the rush to the snacks.

Lina ripped apart bags of chips while Sylphiel buzzed about finding bowls to put things in before the bags were completely depleted. "What happened to all your serving bowls, Xel?" Sylphiel asked.

"Oh, those were borrowed, but I can buy some if you think I'll be needing them," he smiled ruefully.

"Hell, don't waste your money on crap like that," Lina waved them off. "We can just fish around in bags. You got any more salsa?"

Gourry found it first and had it in his hand just as Xelloss saw it. "Over there," Xel pointed, hoping she'd be willing to fight for the jar. He much preferred to see Lina fighting with Gourry than fighting with him, or getting chummy with Gourry– either alternative being bad.

"Too much meat. It's everywhere!" Filia complained. As usual, she was at odds with Xel. "Is it really so difficult for you to accommodate vegetarians?"

He could have stopped to explain that it was Lina who picked out the menu, not him. He might have taken the time to point out the chips, dips, and fruit and carrots were not meat, but he didn't. That would have been a defensive move, playing into her hand. Xel preferred taking the offensive– it was heaps more fun, from his standpoint. Xel pulled a tray of heated 'chicken nuggets' out of the oven and asked with an innocent looking expression, "Isn't boneless chicken considered to be an invertebrate?"

Zelgadiss swallowed his smile and held out a peace offering of grapes. "Filia, try these." Despite Filia's sudden change of feelings toward him, which he understood to be her obvious aversion to blue-skinned, scarred, silver-haired freaks, he still harbored a first-love ache for her.

"And I'm not a fake vegetarian who eats seafood or anything like that!" she shot at Xelloss for the invertebrate comment. "Oh, thanks." She took the proffered fruit from Zel, managing to do so without contacting his skin.

"Sure," he replied, his male ego plunging to the depths of his soul.

Filia couldn't look him in the eye, not yet. How could she? She knew it was pretty shallow of her to drop him like she did, but what else could she do? It wasn't like they were going at it hot and heavy or anything. And, from what she could tell, he had been thrown out of his house, disinherited; he wasn't going to go to college– who would hire him anyway? What kind of future did he have to offer now? He hadn't even left this house, and who could blame him? Still, she did feel bad just ignoring him...

"Now where did that nutritional overachiever go with my Lina?" Xel muttered as he looked around for Gourry.

"Who do you mean? Oh, yeah...Gourry. She was chasing him down the street, last I heard. No, here they come." Zelgadiss passed them on his way out of the kitchen.

"Movie time!" Lina announced. "I gotta split on time tonight."

Filia, still picking over the food, chose a cracker and cheese combo. She was occupying the chair Lina had just vacated, and was about to cram the tidbit into her mouth when Xelloss sidled up to her and cracked, "Practice safe eating always use condiments." He topped her cheese with a squirt of mayonnaise, and then lunged out of her reach, giggling.

Filia observed her snack, and the bad joke, with a look of supreme disgust, which tickled him even more. She was trying to come up with an apropos retort, which would extinguish the smug look on his face and lay him low, but her mind failed to come up with anything. Instead, she just glared at him and rose to her feet, unintentionally scraping the chair on the floor.

The sound made Amelia cringe. "Like fingernails on a black board, ugh!"

Filia was still unable to come up with a suitable cutting remark, and Xelloss recognized that. He had her beat at last. His smile widened as he came up with another sharp remark of his own.

"So, tell me, Miss Filia, how can someone 'draw a blank'? Ah, come on. You have a sense of humor, don't you?"

He was about to taunt her further, hoping for a really violent reaction when, to his delight, Lina reappeared.

"Come on!" Lina shouted at him and pushed him into the front room. "You have a death wish or something?"

"Oh, no! I plan on living forever," he smiled. He licked his forefinger and then ran it along her lower lip in a sudden movement. "So far, so good," he added with an air of supreme assurance.

Lina wiped off her mouth and was about to speak when Gourry jostled her.

"I just figured out who you remind me of," Gourry announced. He pushed Lina and Xel apart and managed to look congenial at the same time.

"Who's that?" Xel asked. He kept smiling, but with great difficulty.

"That dead dude, Ser-a-pee, or something."

"You mean Tadaaki?" Lina asked, and stared hard at Xelloss. "We went to his funeral."

Sylphiel caught Tadaaki s name, and asked, "What about Tadaaki?"

"Mr. Gourry thinks Mr. Xel looks like him. I don't know..." Amelia said.

"Yeah, some," Lina confessed. "Face shape's different."

"No, I don't think so," Xel said hastily, and shielded his face with his hair.

"Humph! Tadaaki was better looking and in better shape," Filia said, recovering her good humor and fighting stance.

Xelloss, who had had enough of the unfavorable, to him, conversation, flippantly snapped back at Filia, "Why is it called lipstick if you can still move your lips?"

She opened her mouth then closed it, frowned, then flicked on the movie. "Here we go."

Valgaav chose to sit far away from his two cousins and closer to Amelia and Sylphiel, both quiet, well-mannered, young ladies, the kind his mother would have wanted him to date, but not the type he seemed to attract. His eyes roved appreciatively over the two girls, who were whispering together. They were both so pretty and nice and too virtuous for him, he thought.

And then Amelia addressed him. "You are going to the audition tomorrow, aren't you Mr. Valgaav?"

"Yeah. I guess so."

"Oh, don't be so down about it. You're going to do great and get the job because you are so talented. We want to come and cheer you on!"

"Uh, no, Amelia, I don't think so. I don't..."

"You'll do better with a supportive audience. I read that somewhere. And then we can go out to lunch to celebrate! All of us!"

"You're pretty confident." He was taken aback by her forwardness. Was she asking him out, in a way? Or were they all just hanging out together? He wasn't sure how dating went in the White Shrine Capital of the world. In Atlas City he mostly just hung out informally with girls, guys, groups, whatever.

"I've got faith in you, like I said," Amelia cheered, her eyes glowing with joy.

"Oh, well... Hey, I can't make it. I forgot. I've got this appointment with the vet."

"What? You can't miss this opportunity to get an acting job!" Sylphiel put in.

"It's important. I gotta take the tomcat in to be neutered. I was told it had been done, but, well, we got the kittens to prove it wasn't, so I gotta do that. I almost forgot."

Sylphiel and Amelia exchanged knowing smiles. "I'll do that for you, Mr. Valgaav," Sylphiel blushed slightly. "I'll take your cat to the vet. Do you have a cat carrier, or should I bring one when I stop by?"

Her sweet offer caught him off guard. He had no way out now; no excuse not to go to the audition. "Oh, ah...thanks. That's not necessary. I have a carrier. I'll bring him along to the theater and you can pick him up there."

"Good! Then that's all settled. Mr. Zelgadiss is coming along, too, isn't he?" Amelia asked.

"I doubt it, but I'll ask," Valgaav said aloud, but thought, maybe.

Valgaav looked around, but didn't see Zelgadiss anywhere in the front room. "Probably in his room. I'll talk to him later." Again, he mentally tagged on the maybe.

It wasn't exactly a mob, but there were many tens of 'hopefuls' waiting outside the theater for their chance to 'be seen'. Valgaav, Xel, and Zelgadiss, who had been roped into holding the cat carrier for them, looked like rejects from the un-dead as they climbed out of their car. Transitioning from working nights to weekends often meant sleepless nights and dragging days. This was one of those days.

"Good thing we don't really need this job," Xel sighed as he ran a hand through his hair.

"I feel like shit," Valgaav managed to utter. He stumbled, nearly dropping the carrier.

"I'll take that," Zelgadiss said. However, he nearly dropped the cat this time.

Valgaav's rock climbing had given him extraordinary strength making it look effortless as he hefted the eighteen pound tomcat and five pound carrier. Zelgadiss stabilized himself and hobbled into the line of characters entering the theater building muttering, "Maybe this cat needs to lose a little weight."

"I think that's what we're sending him in for," Val laughed.

The director and producer for the show were busily sorting applicants by role and spreading them out into different area of the theater. Amelia and Sylphiel found Zelgadiss, sweatshirt hood pulled low over his head, sitting alone.

"Hi, Mr. Zelgadiss!"

"Amelia...Sylphie...hi."

"Hi, Zelly. So that's the patient?"

He nudged the cat cage with his foot. "Yeah, I should carry it out to your car for you, though. It's heavy."

"Oh I can handle it, I mean, I work out all the time," Sylphiel assured him. She grabbed the handle and grunted. "Ugh! Oh, no kidding! He's huge! You must be really strong to have lugged him all the way in here," Sylphiel said.

He smiled shyly and shrugged. "Yeah...that's me," he said to himself.

Xel and Valgaav ran up at that moment, "You're not leaving, are you?"

They had had a difficult time convincing Zelgadiss to come. It had meant leaving the security and obscurity of the house and possibly being seen by the outside world. Cat-sitting had been their only hope.

Zelgadiss shook his head. "No, I was just helping them with the cat. He can stay out in Sylphiel's car with the window down. It's cooler in the shade than in here." And then he left his cousins to fill out forms and look over lines to read.

Indeed, it was heating up. The theater was stuffy without air conditioning running (Why burn money making it comfortable for non-paying customers?) And with all the people inside, it was decidedly hot. Mr. Tomcat would be far happier outside. When Zelgadiss, Amelia, and Sylphiel returned, Valgaav's name had just been called for his audition.

"What kind of a part is he trying out for, do you know?" Amelia whispered to Zelgadiss as she watched Valgaav's odd behavior on stage.

Valgaav was limping around, one arm swinging uselessly at his side and howling.

"I have no idea, but it looks painful," Zelgadiss replied.

He looked about for Xel to ask him about the parts, when Valgaav's tryout came to an end and Xel's name was called. Valgaav stood off to the side and waited while Xelloss attended to the director's words. Then Xel, too, began to moan and groan and lurch stiff-legged around the stage.

"My dear gods..." Sylphiel gasped. "What is the matter with him?"

Zelgadiss had flung off his hood, thinking that he was better off frightening the folks, if that were possible–they looked like crazy actor-types to himthan frying his brains. "I think it's a combination of too much work and too little sleep."

But then, to his horror, Zelgadiss watched Xel point HIS way, at HIM, pointing HIM out to the director, smiling like a dope, and gesturing HIS way!

"Oh, Mr. Zelgadiss! The director wants you up on stage, too!"

Zelgadiss came about as close to throttling Amelia as he ever had, when an even more terrible thing happened to distract him; the producer was working his way through the throng, approaching Zelgadiss personally. When he was nearly upon the poor guy, the producer crowed to Zel, "Marvelous makeup job! I'd take you just on your makeup talent alone! You'll be fine, I'm sure; no experience is necessary for the part. You and your...cousins? Right? You will all do fine."

"We will? For what? What parts are you talking about?" Zelgadiss sputtered, reeling from the sudden, intense scrutiny.

"Why zombies, of course! In the Return of the Curse of Zoamelgustar we need dozens of zombies, but you...you are incredible."

"Oh gods..." Zelgadiss groaned.

Sylphiel and Amelia were ecstatically enthusiastic and cheered as Xel and Valgaav joined Zelgadiss at their seats with the list of rehearsal and play dates.

"I told them that I'm doing the makeup. I mean, we are the ones who know what the dead really look like!" Xel laughed. "Come on, we'll all take the cat to his doom, and then lunch, all right?"

"I hate you," Zelgadiss muttered so quietly only Xel could have heard him.

"I know," Xel returned cheerfully. "But you'll thank me for this someday."

The big black tomcat, it turned out, required a repeat neutering operation– the first one having been incomplete– and so, he remained overnight with the veterinarian.

Valgaav, Xel, and Zelgadiss had lunch with Sylphiel and Amelia, although Zelgadiss wasn't speaking to anyone. Valgaav was satisfied that Amelia harbored no special feelings for or an attachment to his freaky-looking cousin. Zelgadiss wasn't sending out any kind of signals; he wasn't even talking, so Valgaav concentrated on enjoying his lunch. The more he watched their lack of interaction, the more certain he became that Amelia had never been particularly fond of Zelgadiss. Then, when he noticed Amelia turn her eyes upward to meet his own unusual amber-toned eyes, Valgaav believed it was possible that she favored himself now, which warmed his heart and sent an embarrassing flush of heat to his face.

Sylphiel skillfully dodged Xel's moves. That also pleased Valgaav to no end. He was a bit jealous of his cousin's ability to attract girls and make idle conversation that brought them, as if under a spell, to his bed. Xel appeared confounded at every turn and twist in their light banter. Whether she was so disinterested in Xel, or was simply too dense to get what Xel was driving at, Valgaav didn't know for sure, but he admired Sylphiel profoundly.

By the end of the meal Valgaav was feeling much better about himself, Xelloss was wondering if he was losing his touch, and Zelgadiss was wishing for a gigantic hole to open beneath his feet so that he might drop out of this plane of existence.

They parted company at the door; the girls heading out to do some shopping and the boys heading for home to do some laundry. On the way (Xelloss was driving so 'the way' passed magically by Amelia and Lina's house), they spotted Lina playing frisbee with Filia on the front lawn.

"HEY!"

"Lina?" Xel called out in mock surprise. "Are you busy? Want to come over for the kittens? "

"Yeah! Hold on." She asked Filia if she would like to join them, but she declined with a good excuse.

Lina climbed into the back seat of the car alongside Zelgadiss. "I didn't think they'd be weaned so soon."

Valgaav looked over at Lina, "They're not."

"Really?" Xel asked as if he was totally mystified. He pulled away from he curb. "Well, I'll be... Oh, anyway, you can come look at them then so they get to know your smell and voice."

She was satisfied with the answer, to Xel's relief, and Valgaav rolled his eyes. How Xel got away with stunts like that he didn't know, but he did. Xelloss was a lady magnet, and although this one he might not catch, he was working his plays persistently.

Xelloss was pleased with the way the day was turning out. His acting career was on its way and now he was going to have some quality time with the current 'girl of his dreams.' He figured that Sylphiel was still 'mourning' her dead friend and so was immune to his charms, for the time being. Yes, he was pretty happy, and then they were greeted at the door by Gaav. His car wasn't visible. Where had he come from? Xel wondered.

"Good. Ya'll 'er back. I got some things I want to tell you, so gather 'round. First, things are changing in the business. More competitive. Cut-throat at times. But I've found a need to fill. WE are going to do pick ups," Gaav added importantly.

Gaav's announcement was met with confusion, dismay, and distress: the three cousins.

"Pick ups? What are those?" Valgaav asked.

"Not work! Not today," Zelgadiss moaned.

Xel was waving his arms madly, "No, no, no!"

But, alas, it was too late. Lina had overheard everything, and now her curiosity was piqued. "Yeah, what do you mean by pick ups?"

Gaav, pleased to have an interested audience, drew a deep breath in order to bellow expansively, when Xel wilted into a chair and said in a bored tone, "He means to send out poor schmucks like us to load up a van with dead bodies, probably have someone listen in on police reports for accidents so we can get the scoop on the other funeral homes."

"Well I'll be damned," Gaav deflated. "Zelas is already into that? I thought I got the idea first? Well I'll be..."

Lina was doing the math Like a Cray 2000. "You guys work at a funeral home... THAT one, the, ahhhh... Rubyeye one that we were at!"

Xel nodded and threw his arm over his eyes. He had given up the sham. Lina would either take flight or...

"Cool. You cut 'em up and all, or just stuff 'em?" Her eyes glowed with interest.

Xel's arm slipped off his head, revealing his eyes in a rare expression of shock, and his mouth mute.

"We do autopsies, embalming, whatever," Zelgadiss answered.

"Pick ups now, too, apparently," Valgaav snorted. "Xel's a pathologist, and I'm...good at what I do. Dad, are you listening! You read that report, didn't you? With Zelgadiss' chemistry background, we solved a murder case. Just us! We don't have time for charging around the country loading up little old ladies' bodies. We wanna do some real investigative research-type work for a change. Van runs are drudge work."

"I'll do 'em!" Lina volunteered.

"You can't drive," Zelgadiss reminded her.

"If it pays, I'll learn fast," she insisted. "I can do okay; I just haven't gotten around to getting my license, what with no car to take it in..." She caught Xel's eyes and smiled girlishly. "If I could borrow yours...?"

"You ever seen a dead body?" Valgaav asked. He was thinking grotesque with maggots hatching.

Lina thought for a minute. Hadn't she just gone to a funeral? That guy had been dead, right? "Yeah, no biggie."

"Can you bowl?"

Everyone turned toward Gaav. What had ever possessed him to ask a question like that? Sure, he was loud and overbearing, but crazy?

"Funeral home bowling league. Starting next month. The membership is nearly fixed, though we need some of those fancy newfangled shirts. We must win this year," Gaav growled.

Valgaav turned to Lina to explain, "That's why Xel is working for us. Player trade. Zelas, his mother, owns the Wolfpack Funeral Home, and their team has kicked ass for the past two years, mostly because of him. Dad traded two players, meaning employees, for him."

"And a great deal of cash, too! Well worth it!" Xel opined from the beyond.

"We'll see about that," Gaav muttered. "We have great potential this year."

Lina perked up, "Well, Zelly and I have been on a winning team for years, different league, of course."

"Leave me out of this," Zelgadiss began to moan.

"Shuddup! Anyway, he and I hadta split up this year to make the other teams more equal." She glared at him, daring Zelgadiss to deny the truth. He glared back, but said nothing. "But your team will win as long as he and I play on it. If we play for you, you will win, guaranteed."

"You haveta be an employee," Valgaav told her.

"Well? Do I get the job?" she asked Gaav.

"Get that license..."

"Consider it got," she said with complete confidence that it was a done deal.

"You'll have to work the night shift..."

"Noooo," Zelgadiss groaned, slapping a hand over his face and keeling over onto the chair beside Xel's.

"I'm a night person."

"There's bound to be some godawful sights and some heavy lifting."

"Blood and guts? No problemo. I'm stronger than that guy over there," she pointed to Xel, who didn't do anything to indicate that he had heard, disagreed, or cared.

"Fine," Gaav grinned. "Hired. Report to the office. Ask for Vurumagen, as soon as you get your license."

"Now about my pay..."

"He handles all that."

"Okay, then I want a percentage of the shirt sales."

"What shirt sales?"

"Bowling shirts! I got plenty of ideas. Nice ones for the team and t-shirt copies for the fans. They'll love'em!"

"How can you know that? They've never asked to buy anything like that before?" Gaav asked.

"Because...I am designing them, that's why. They'll be cool. You know, they will have clever things on them like: 'Support your local funeral home, drop dead.'"

Xelloss resurrected himself from the chair, regaining energy with an idea of his own, "That's good! Or how about: 'Bowl till you die, then we take over'."

"Heh, heh," Lina chuckled. "Yeah, we can do both and sell twice as many! You know, I tried to give the boating team the benefit of my brilliance, but they were too spineless and turned down: 'skeleton crew for boating club'!"

"Gaaaaw dang!" Gaav exclaimed. "You show great promise, girl. I like that!"

"Oh, yeah," Zelgadiss muttered into the hood that he was dragging over his face to hide. "This just promises to be...great."

"Indeed, it does," Xel smiled.

End Graveyard Shift, Chapter 8