I have a confession to make... I do enjoy teasing you, my dear beloved readers. Thankfully, there is nothing in the law book about cruelty to fictional characters. If there where, I'd be in trouble:) And yes, it's true fan-rei... I am slightly evil;-) And I'll probably let you hang a few times more in the chapters to come. But fear not, your patience will be rewarded. Minervas secret is about to see the light of day... So read and review my darlings!

Love,
Jellicos

And to Death of the Endless: I'm expecting cookies;-)

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Chapter six: "And the truth shall set you free..."

She wasn't there. Not really. She went to class, but didn't say much. She sat with her friends at dinner, but didn't eat. Hermione had lived the past week in a trance like state. She couldn't feel anything any more. And she didn't care. Nothing seemed to matter.
Harry and Ron where at their wits end. They had tried everything, but their friend was too far out of reach. Even Draco Malfoy seemed annoyed at her state, since none of his excellent crude insults had the slightest affect on her. She didn't even seem to notice his existence, which in Dracos world was unforgivable.
But he wasn't in her class during transfiguration. It was no longer just Harry who noticed that something was wrong during class. Hermione looked as if she died a little, every time she stepped into the classroom. And Professor McGonagall seemed to be on the verge of a new break-down every time she glanced in Hermiones direction. She never did break down though. Professor McGonagall never would. At least not in the presence of her students.
Harry wanted to say something, anything, to get his friend back. But he couldn't think of a single thing that would help.
So Hermione did as she'd done since leaving her professors office that evening more than a week ago. She kept to herself, not thinking, not feeling, hardly saying a word to anyone.
She'd taking the habit of strolling the corridors, finding the most secluded spots in the castle to hide from the questioning gazes.
It was in one of those places she was sitting this Thursday afternoon. Classes where over and she had escaped not to have to be forced into any social events by her house mates. She'd felt a slight sting of guilt, not helping Neville finding a cure for his backfiring spell. But she was too wrapped in her own misery to care for too long. She didn't know what had happened that night. Only that McGonagall had pushed her away with those teas gleaming in her eyes. Hermione couldn't stand the thought of it. What hurt most wasn't the rejection, even though it seared through her like acid trough her veins. No, it was the pain she'd caused the one she loved. She didn't know what she'd done, but it must have been horrible for Minerva to react the way she did. Minerva. The name echoed in her head. It had been to good to be true. The taste of those lips, the feel of her skin, the addicting smell of her that Hermione could still remember. Hearing that voice moaning her own name had been the most beautiful sound she'd ever heard.

Hermione was so caught up in her own thoughts that she didn't hear the voices at first.
When she did, she froze. She knew she wasn't supposed to hear this, but she couldn't move. The sound of Minerva McGonagall sobbing rendered all her limbs useless. So she listened, even though she knew she had no right. She didn't even notice the tears falling down her own cheeks as a warm male voice reached her.

"Oh, my dear Minerva." Albus Dumbledore pulled out a hankers chief from his robes and gave it to the sobbing professor by his side. She took it and wiped the tears from her face.
"I'm sorry Albus, I didn't mean to get so hysterical." She said trying to stop the tears.
"I've never seen you hysterical Minerva. I doubt you have it in you." He replied with a gleam in his eyes. "Expressing your pain is a completely different matter."
"I don't know what's wrong with me." Minerva tried to shrug the whole thing off, but Albus knew her too well.
"It's Ms Granger isn't it?" But it was not a question, and Minerva wasn't even surprised.
"How do you do it?" She didn't look at him. "How do you see right through me like that?"
"I've known you for over twenty-five years." He smiled.
"It's Lily." Her voice was just audible, but both Albus and Hermione could hear her. Only one of them understood.
"I see." Albus voice was still warm, but now filled with deep compassion. "I take it Ms. Granger has unknowingly brought up some very painful memories."
"It's just.." Finally Minerva looked up at him. "Oh, Albus. I cannot make that same mistake again! I don't think I would survive it."
"What makes you think you're repeating a mistake?" Albus surveyed her, his voice revealing there was much more to it that he didn't say.
"Oh, but they're so much alike." She looked at the floor again, as if the memories would hurt her more if she was looking at Albus when she talked of them. "I let myself fall for a brilliant student once. I'm not doing that again. I knew that Lily didn't love me in that way, but I didn't care, she was the joy of my life then. Still it was almost unbearable when she married Potter. I knew she loved him. She told me. I knew there was no future, that I would get hurt no matter what. And I could live with that. With being her friend. But then she was killed..." Minervas voice trailed off. She didn't look up until Albus put his hand on her fragile shoulder.
"What makes you think it will be the same this time?" Albus looked at her.
"How many reasons do you want?" Minerva looked a bit agitated as she started counting her words on her fingers. "Ron Weasly. The upcoming war. A student for Merlins sake!"
"I see only one." Albus was still as calm as ever. "Fear."
"Fear?" Minerva looked at him as if he'd just declared her incapable of tying her own robes.
"You said it yourself. Lily loved James, not you."
"Always nice to be reminded." Minerva snared at him before he could finish. But Hermione didn't see it. She'd already left her hiding place.
"But Ms. Granger does." He continued in the same calm voice. Minerva looked up at him in disbelief. "Oh really Minerva, you must have noticed. I will not believe that my deputy headmistress hasn't seen what the entire school knows by now." He leaned closer to emphasise his next words. "Hermione loves you. With all her heart. And this is no longer about Lily, is it? You are in love with your young student and you are petrified of getting hurt again." Minerva looked as if all the strength had been washed out of her. It was the truth and she knew it.
"Minerva.." Albus voice had suddenly become very serious. "This is your decision to make. But bare in mind what I'm about to say. Student or not, this kind of love comes but maybe once in a lifetime. Hermione knows what she wants. It's up to you now." Albus rose from his seat. He gave Minerva a pat on the shoulder before leaving her with her thoughts.

What in Merlins name did he expect her to do? Commit emotional suicide? Because she was still sure that would be the case if she let Hermione know how she felt. Her heart couldn't stand the loss, she knew it all to well. Lily and James, Hermione and Ron, and Lilys murderer regaining his former strength wanting only one thing; Hermiones best friend and Lilys son: Harry. God damn it! This was not just complicated and painful. It was plain sick! Hermione was seventeen years old! And she was... well, probably the same age as her mother. It had been different with Lily. Sure, there had been the professor/student conflict. But the age difference hadn't been that much of an issue then. She wondered what Hermione could possibly see in her. And whatever she saw... how long would it last? How long before she realised that she could have anyone she wanted and not someone who was starting to get lines around her eyes, and strains of grey in her hair.
How long before Hermione knew she could do better and turned her affections to young Mr Weasly, or anyone else for that matter?
But then.. how long could she hold her feelings for Hermione locked up?
She didn't know the answer to any of her own questions.

The Gryffindor common room fell silent as Hermione rushed in. She was panting from running all the way and had to bend over and support her weight with her hands on her knees to catch her breath.
"Neville!" She was still panting, but looked happier than she'd done for over a week. "I need to talk to you, now." Neville looked confused at her but obeyed by walking towards her.
"Hermione, are you-" Ron started, with Harry close behind.
"Not now." She said, while almost dragging Neville with her through the portrait hole. "Will you wait up for me? I want to talk to you both." They just nodded before Nevilles feet disappeared and the portrait swung shut.

She had practically dragged Neville behind her all the way back to her hiding place. She was sure it would be empty by now and it was. There was no sign of neither McGonagall or Dumbledore.
Neville was breathing heavily as they sat down.
"What's... going on Hermione?"He asked while trying to catch his breath again. "You're confusing the hell out of me. Not talking to anyone for a week, then without explanation you grab me and drag me across half the castle to talk."
Hermione looked at him, slightly ashamed.
"I'm sorry Neville." She said. "I've just been so miserable lately, but I think I found the answer today. For both of us." She gave him a mischievous glance but Neville just looked puzzled.
"What are you talking about?" He just didn't get this girl sometimes.
"Remember when you told me that you where in love with-"
"Ssssch!" Neville hissed at her angrily while looking over both his shoulders as to see if anyone was listening.
"There's nobody here to hear it Neville." She replied, a bit impatiently.
"Still." Neville said, calmer, but still on edge. "No one is to find out." Hermione just sighed. "And besides," he looked a little defiant, "you still haven't told me about your crush. I take it it's not Ron, because then we wouldn't be hiding back here."
"It's Professor McGonagall." Hermione confessed, surprised at how easy it was to confide in Neville.
"I figured as much." Neville was smiling as she looked at him in astonishment. "Oh, come off it Hermione!" He said when she just stared at him. "I'd have to be blind not to notice there's something going on between you two. I think even Harry has his suspicions." At this, Hermione froze.
"Who knows?" She asked.
"Nobody knows Hermione." Neville said reassuringly. "There are rumours that the two of you had a spat of some sort -you should hear the outcomes people make up!" He grinned. "But I think Harry's the only one who has the slightest suspicion about the truth. But you know him. He sees everything, but he wouldn't tell a soul." Hermione didn't know exactly how to react to all this. There where rumours! Well, at least they where way off... or kind of. She sighed again. "Besides," Neville continued. "you knew about me and... well, you know..." He blushed heavily.
"Well, that was more of a guess... at least until I found that love letter you sent him." Neville blushed even more at the reminder.
"Yeah, that wasn't my best idea ever." He said, looking intensely at his shoes.
"He kept it, didn't he?" Hermione reminded him. But as Neville continued to observe his own shoes as if they where displaying a very interesting play, Hermione remembered why she'd dragged him out there in the first place.
"Neville, I've got a plan for the ball." She said with a gleaming smirk on her face, looking more excited then Neville had ever seen her before.

The next few days leading up to the ball had sent most of Hogwarts teachers into a state of pure resignation. The seventh year students did little besides gossiping and planning for the coming ball. Only Professor Snape had a tight grip on his students during classes, but even he could not hinder a few notes exchanging hands as he taught. He had tried though, confiscating the notes and reading them out loud to the class, usually with a devastated and flushed student as a result. After ripping a note from Hermiones hands however, the contents must have struck something in him since he neither read it to the class, nor tried to hinder the passing of notes in the days to come.
As for Hermione, she was constantly seen walking arm in arm with Neville, both with their heads close together, whispering and laughing.
Had Harry not known better he would also be buying in to the gossip about a romance forming between the two Gryffindors. As it was, Harry had a lot to deal with Ron, who couldn't decide if he was to be jealous at Neville or happy for him. But he wasn't that concerned for Ron at this time. That concern was directed at a completely different target, and by every transfiguration class it kept growing.

Minerva had noticed, just as everybody else, that there was something going on between Hermione and Neville Longbottom. She knew she should be happy. Her problems had been solved for her. She no longer had to decide what to do about Ms Granger, or her own affections towards the girl. Hermione had found someone else. Minervas fears had become reality and Hermione had realised she could do much better than her old transfiguration professor. Yet the sight of them pierced Minervas heart like flaming spears. She knew she had no right to have these feelings, no right to lay in bed at night wishing that Hermione would just walk into her chambers and say that it was all to get her attention and that she still loved her and only her. Minerva McGonagall had no right what so ever to spend the lunch hours watching her two students with their heads together at the Gryffindor table and from her place at the honour table think of ways to hex Longbottom without Hermione knowing. But she did. She did all of this and she knew she was closing in on the edge of sanity.
What was this woman doing to her?
Minerva had closed of all her emotions after Lily died. It had worked rather well and she'd gained the reputation with her pupils for being strict but fair and always carrying herself with flawless dignity without emotion. When Lilys son walked into her class in his first year, looking at her with his mothers soft eyes, she'd sealed the lock on her emotions all the way. It had been painful enough when it had happened, she was not about to re-live that moment.
But when Hermione had kissed her... Oh, just the memory was too much for her at the moment! This beautiful, bright young witch had opened the locks and Minerva was trying to stop the tide from welling out.
Yet she knew that this was not at all like her love for Lily. No, this was something else, something much stronger, something that actually made her think of hexing her own students!

The day of the Autumn Ball didn't start that well for Hermione. She was startled out of a most wonderful dream by a loud cry. It took her a second to find her way to conciousness and stop smiling in her sleep, but as her mind registered the cry she sat up quickly and withdrew the curtains from her four poster bed. Lavender Brown was standing in front of the dormitory mirror and Parvati Patil was mumbling comforting words as she patted her friend on the back. Hermione hurried up to Lavender who now stood whining.
"What's wrong?" Hermione asked, prepared for the worst. She'd seen much in these past seven years and it just seemed to get worse. Lavender turned to her with a terrified expression.
"Look at my face!" She cried, and Parvati hurried to add her comfort.
"It's not that bad Lavender, really!" She tried. Hermione looked as if she was seriously thinking of committing murder.
"It's a few sits." She said behind clenched teeth.
"A few!" Lavender looked at her in fury. "They are huge!"
Hermione strode back to her bed and got dressed in a hurry while muttering angrily as Parvati comforted Lavender by undermining Hermiones reaction with a few not so flattering comments about her appearance.
Hermione made sure to slam the door as hard as she could when leaving her dormitory, a gigantic bag hung from her shoulder. She couldn't believe them! She'd always known her dorm mates to be intolerable when it came to boys and looks, but this! Sure it was a ball tonight, but all that fuzz over sits? She refused to accept that she might have overreacted herself, but as she was greeted in the common room by Neville who stared at the size of the bag she was carrying, she felt a slight pinch of guilt.
They had agreed to meet in the common room before breakfast.
"You're early." She said, putting the heavy bag on the floor and joining Neville on the sofa.
"So are you." He said. "I couldn't sleep." Neville paused for a minute. "Are you sure about all of this?" He asked. Hermione could tell the question had been on his mind for a while.
"Neville, I'm not going to force you into anything." She said and laid a comforting hand on his. "If you don't want to do this, I won't hold it against you." She paused for a moment to catch his eye before continuing. "But tonight's the night, and you have to decide where your heart lies. Is he worth the fight or will you regret never taking the chance to find out?" As she looked at him, she knew she'd hit the spot. A determined expression overcame Nevilles face, making him look more grown up than Hermione had ever seen him.
"You're right." He said
"You're sure?" She needed him to be positive about this.
"Absolutely." There wasn't even the slightest hint of uncertainty in Nevilles voice any more.
"Alright then." She smiled at him. "After breakfast you'll go back to your dormitory and get our bags. The last owl from Hogsmede should be here by then. I'll take the package and meet you at the entrance to the prefect bathroom. It will be empty all day." Neville looked at her bag in slight disbelief.
"You want me to carry that bag through the castle?" He asked.
"It's not that big!" Hermione argued.
"What on earth did you put in it?" He was still somewhat reluctant to believe that Hermione could be carrying this large a bag if it wasn't filled with books. And he knew it wasn't.
"Just get it up to your dormitory and let's go down to breakfast." She said in a slightly annoyed tone. "There won't be many students there this early on a Saturday, and I really don't want to miss that owl." Neville did as he was told and a few moments later the two of them where on their way down to the great hall.

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I know that everyone's busy with the new book:) Just to make things clear, I won't be changing the story to fit the new book, it's a bit too late;) Hope you'll have time to read this as well though...
But I will keep writing a next chapter if anyone's interested (I'm so fishing for reviews right now -smirking-)
And yes... I know I'm evil and I'm not telling anything else just yet)

All my best to you wonderful readers and writers out there!
-Jellicos