DISCLAIMER: I don't own any of them. Although sometimes I wish I owned
Ranger. Yum . . . anyway. I don't have enough money to sue anyway. The
title has nothing to with the song in fact I don't think I've ever heard
the song . . . but I digress. Please review. It boosts my ego.
My Funny Valentine
PROLOGUE
Mondays are a terrible way to spend one seventh of your life. This particular Monday was worse though. As I drove to work I tried not to look at the pink and red hearts pasted in windows and the signs proclaiming that my least favorite holiday, Valentines Day, would be here in four days. Valentines Day is only worth celebrating if you have someone to enjoy it with. The last couple of years Morelli and I spent it like any other date, a fast food dinner and incredible sex. There were no candles, no roses, no romance. But even that would be welcome compared to a night alone watching romantic movies and eating leftovers with Rex and Bob. Morelli didn't react well when I told him about my night with Ranger. I knew he wouldn't. But I couldn't not tell him. Some part of me hoped that he would forgive and forget, not the realistic part, but some part. At least I waited till after Christmas.
I didn't expect much when I got to the office, and I wasn't disappointed. Apparently everyone was taking Valentines day off, even the criminals. This is a problem for me. My bills are more than I can afford, not to mention those pesky little extras like food and rent. The last time I was in this kind of trouble I asked Ranger for help. Unfortunately Ranger was out of town, just like he had been since before Christmas. The first time he disappeared like this, back when I had just met him, I didn't worry about him. He's a tough guy and he can take care of himself, right? But now he's a friend, sometimes more, and a coworker. I wonder where he is and I know it's probably not safe, and I worry. But it's Christmastime and he's probably with his daughter. So if Ranger's out of town, who am I gonna call for a job? Tank, of course! Aside from his tendency to throw people out of windows he's actually really nice.
Last year, while Ranger was out of town, Tank called me for assistance on a takedown. Basically it was a distraction job. I'm not sure if Tank put my name back on to the employee roster at Rangeman, but I've been working with him and the other guys ever since. Of course it's only been at times when Ranger's out of town. Tank also asked me not to mention it to Ranger. I try not to think too hard about it. I like working with Tank, he's not as closed lipped as Ranger about his life. He's happily married with twin boys. I got back into my car, this one had lasted the longest, and dialed Tank's number.
"Yo." All of Ranger's men answered their phones that way. They'd also taken to calling me bombshell after that stupid article in the paper.
"Yo yourself. I need a job or two."
"What kind of job bombshell?"
"Any kind. What have you got?"
"Well, the sheik's back in town."
"Pass, what else?"
"I do have a skip that needs a little distracting. Think you're up to being my girlfriend?" I recognized the tone in his voice. All of Ranger's guys flirted. I was learning to deal with it, I even got in a few good responses once in a while.
"I don't know Tank. You think you could handle me?"
"Depends on what you mean by handle." See, now I was out of witty comebacks.
"How much does it pay?"
"150 for me, 5 for you."
"Thousand!? That's a lot of money for just a distraction. Will it be dangerous?"
"For me or for you?"
"Me."
"Probably not. All you have to do is dress sexy, play dumb, and duck when I tell you to." Duck! Was he joking? Maybe.
"Will I be getting shot at?"
"Nah . . . like I said, you should be perfectly safe."
"Do I bring my gun?"
"No. The place we're going will be covered. Don't worry bombshell. You'll be as safe as I can make you." That was comforting. Tank was as good as Ranger, so he could keep me pretty safe.
"Okay, when?"
"Tomorrow night, six. Remember bombshell, sexy." Then he hung up. I wonder what Tank's wife, Suzie, would think of me playing his girlfriend. She'd probably laugh her ass off. What would Ranger think? And the thing that really bothered me, who would believe I was Tank's girlfriend.
My Funny Valentine
PROLOGUE
Mondays are a terrible way to spend one seventh of your life. This particular Monday was worse though. As I drove to work I tried not to look at the pink and red hearts pasted in windows and the signs proclaiming that my least favorite holiday, Valentines Day, would be here in four days. Valentines Day is only worth celebrating if you have someone to enjoy it with. The last couple of years Morelli and I spent it like any other date, a fast food dinner and incredible sex. There were no candles, no roses, no romance. But even that would be welcome compared to a night alone watching romantic movies and eating leftovers with Rex and Bob. Morelli didn't react well when I told him about my night with Ranger. I knew he wouldn't. But I couldn't not tell him. Some part of me hoped that he would forgive and forget, not the realistic part, but some part. At least I waited till after Christmas.
I didn't expect much when I got to the office, and I wasn't disappointed. Apparently everyone was taking Valentines day off, even the criminals. This is a problem for me. My bills are more than I can afford, not to mention those pesky little extras like food and rent. The last time I was in this kind of trouble I asked Ranger for help. Unfortunately Ranger was out of town, just like he had been since before Christmas. The first time he disappeared like this, back when I had just met him, I didn't worry about him. He's a tough guy and he can take care of himself, right? But now he's a friend, sometimes more, and a coworker. I wonder where he is and I know it's probably not safe, and I worry. But it's Christmastime and he's probably with his daughter. So if Ranger's out of town, who am I gonna call for a job? Tank, of course! Aside from his tendency to throw people out of windows he's actually really nice.
Last year, while Ranger was out of town, Tank called me for assistance on a takedown. Basically it was a distraction job. I'm not sure if Tank put my name back on to the employee roster at Rangeman, but I've been working with him and the other guys ever since. Of course it's only been at times when Ranger's out of town. Tank also asked me not to mention it to Ranger. I try not to think too hard about it. I like working with Tank, he's not as closed lipped as Ranger about his life. He's happily married with twin boys. I got back into my car, this one had lasted the longest, and dialed Tank's number.
"Yo." All of Ranger's men answered their phones that way. They'd also taken to calling me bombshell after that stupid article in the paper.
"Yo yourself. I need a job or two."
"What kind of job bombshell?"
"Any kind. What have you got?"
"Well, the sheik's back in town."
"Pass, what else?"
"I do have a skip that needs a little distracting. Think you're up to being my girlfriend?" I recognized the tone in his voice. All of Ranger's guys flirted. I was learning to deal with it, I even got in a few good responses once in a while.
"I don't know Tank. You think you could handle me?"
"Depends on what you mean by handle." See, now I was out of witty comebacks.
"How much does it pay?"
"150 for me, 5 for you."
"Thousand!? That's a lot of money for just a distraction. Will it be dangerous?"
"For me or for you?"
"Me."
"Probably not. All you have to do is dress sexy, play dumb, and duck when I tell you to." Duck! Was he joking? Maybe.
"Will I be getting shot at?"
"Nah . . . like I said, you should be perfectly safe."
"Do I bring my gun?"
"No. The place we're going will be covered. Don't worry bombshell. You'll be as safe as I can make you." That was comforting. Tank was as good as Ranger, so he could keep me pretty safe.
"Okay, when?"
"Tomorrow night, six. Remember bombshell, sexy." Then he hung up. I wonder what Tank's wife, Suzie, would think of me playing his girlfriend. She'd probably laugh her ass off. What would Ranger think? And the thing that really bothered me, who would believe I was Tank's girlfriend.