This chapter is another long one once again.
This chapter also has a song,but I'm putting it at the beginning--yeah, I know--but it fits . . . saddening-ly well, actually. I'm not going to sayit, butI've prepared myself for what you might say when it come to this chapter.
Anyway, all that's left is the Epilogue. Well, Enjoy this.
She thinks I walk on water,
She thinks I hung the moon.
She tells me every mornin'
"They just don't make men like you."
She thinks I've got it together,
She swears I'm as tough as nails.
But I don't have the heart to tell her
That she don't know me that well.
She don't know how much I need her.
She don't know I'd fall apart . . .
Without her kiss,
Without her touch,
Without her faithful lovin' arms . . .
She don't know that it's all about her,
She don't know I cant live without her.
She's my world, she's my everything—
And she thinks she needs me.
Sometimes she cries on my shoulder
When she's layin' next to me,
But she don't know that when I hold her,
that she's really holdin' me.
She don't know how much I need her.
She don't know I'd fall apart . . .
Without her kiss,
Without her touch,
Without her faithful lovin' arms . . .
She don't know that it's all about her,
She don't know I cant live without her.
She's my world, she's my everything—
And she thinks she needs me.
Yeah, now the funny thing is,
she thinks she's the lucky one.
"She Thinks She Needs Me" -- Andy Griggs
Mu ran his fingers wildly through his golden hair. "Ever wonder why you always seem to tell me that when we're in a car?" He breathlessly wondered aloud.
Murrue stayed quiet, eyes never straying from her lap. Settling his chest, Mu turned to her as he laid his hands lazily on the wheel.
"Murrue?" He asked again, hand reaching out to pull up her chin so he could see the tears slowly slide from her eyes. They weren't joyous tears anymore.
"What's gonna happen . . . ?" She asked softly, searching his eyes for the answers.
". . . What do you . . . ?"
"Mu," Murrue pulled her face from his hold as much as she wanted to lean into his hand instead. "We've already gutted one room for the nursery, and then we'll need another for Evi when she's older and for Matt too . . . We just don't have enough space, do we? And then there's the whole thought of money and—" Mu couldn't resist a smile.
That wasn't what Murrue was afraid of. She had just said it to at least say something. But he knew.
"Shh, Murrue," he whispered, stroking her cheek. "Don't you worry about that sort of thing. We've got tons of space, and besides, I'll take care of all that stuff. You just focus on getting better. We couldn't have planned this more perfectly." He flashed another laughing smile. "I mean look, you'll be free of this in three weeks, and . . ." He paused, slowing himself down so she could hear every word. "We've got time to worry, trust me . . . Now, let's let now just be us."
Murrue blinked at the sudden change in his demeanor. Mu went from a 'sad-care' to an almost 'playful.' She cocked her head, amber eyes glinting in suspicion. Mu's grin grew even broader.
"Say . . . shouldn't we be happy? This is our moment, our time, let's make it special . . . How about lunch?" He asked cutely, starting the car up again. Murrue blinked, not remembering him turning it off. Her tears had stopped falling. "Yep, a nice peaceful lunch . . ."
Mu flicked his watch, laughing. "We've got time, and I seriously doubt Kara will mind us taking her car for a few more hours . . ." His face screwed up as he muttered, mostly to himself. ". . . Evi and Matt won't care either . . ."
Murrue's eyes narrowed. There was something else in Mu's returning giddy smile.
"And I really want to find out how fast this thing can drive!" He exclaimed almost bouncing in his seat.
She palmed her face, softly groaning his name is exasperation. Mu didn't understand her annoyance as he revved the red car up.
---
The sleek red car pulled fast down the street a few hours later—the sun was on it's way down—and it stopped perfectly in front of the welcoming sight of home. Murrue was out of the car in a flash, yelling, laughter to her tone.
"That's it! Next time I drive!" Mu doggedly followed her down the stone path, pouting like some hurt puppy.
"Aw, but Murrue—" She turned on him, unable to keep the laugh from her face.
"No! I don't trust you behind a wheel—" Mu straightened himself out.
"But, I'm a pilot," he told her. Murrue smiled, shaking her head as her hands found their familiar spot on her hips.
"Driving cars in Orb and driving mobile suits in war are a bit different, don't you think?"
"Heh, heh . . . heh . . ." Mu's eyes traveled away from her as his hand found that familiar spot on the back of his neck.
It was like nothing had changed.
Murrue turned her back on him once again and started her way up the path. "Yeah, well," she sighed almost. "Just be glad that you didn't ruin Kara's car . . . And as long as you don't do your 'maneuvers' while Evi or Matt's in there with you, I . . ."
"Um . . ."
"Mu!" That time real fire burned in Murrue's eyes and Mu worked quickly to douse it out.
"No, no, that's not what I was 'um'-ing about!" He hurriedly bent down to pick Matthew off the ground. The little boy had clutched to his legs. "I meant this," Mu smiled.
"Daddy's home," Matt mumbled, pushing some hair from his eyes. Murrue turned and, sure enough, Evi was standing there too looking around.
"Mama, Daddy said you both went shopping." She cocked her head. "Where are the bags?"
"We didn't find anything we liked," Murrue answered quickly before Mu had a chance to open his mouth. She gave him a glance that meant she'd talk to him later. Kara slowly walked up to the pair, both of her children hanging around her. Murrue looked down. "Evi, could you get me a glass of water, please?" Mu's eyes washed over her as she went after her child.
"How's everything?" Kara asked quietly, stepping forward for the first time. The air suddenly became colder.
"Fine."
"It didn't seem fine when you left—"
"It is now." Mu even smiled as he walked away.
Mu didn't like being so irrationally cold to Kara, yet he couldn't help it when she had almost destroyed his marriage, and even still whenever she came close, Murrue stiffened up, causing Mu to stiffen too.
---
Mu silently tip-toed his way into the bedroom after he had laid Evi and Matt down for bed. Murrue had gone to sleep right after dinner, tired after the full day. Mu didn't object.
He didn't turn on the lights for fear of waking her up, but he felt his way easily around the familiar room in the dark, moving slowly so not to make too much noise. A smile took him over as he came closer to her form wrapped cozily beneath the covers.
As carefully as he could, Mu inched the thick blanket up until there was enough room to slide himself in next to her. Murrue's back was turned to him but he could tell she was asleep by the soft rhythmic rise and fall of her breathing.
Propping himself up on his arm, Mu gave himself a picturesque view of her peaceful face. With a smile, he lightly reached out and began pushing some fallen hair from her face.
Mu blinked in shock when Murrue sleepily turned her head to gaze up at his. She placed a soft kiss into his hand that he had kept placed over her cheek.
"I'm sorry," Mu whispered sheepishly. "Did I wake you?" She smiled and shook her head.
"I was already up."
"What were you doing?"
"Thinking." Mu cocked his head playfully as he grinned his all-knowing grin.
". . . About what?"
"About what's going to happen," she told him.
"Murrue, I thought I told you that—" He started, the firmness to his voice quickly disappearing with her cute smile.
"No, not that," she murmured with that same small, innocent, absolutely melting smile. "What's going to happen with us."
"Oh . . ." Mu feigned slow understanding as he pushed himself forward to kiss her. He couldn't control the need he had to place a kiss on that tantalizing smile of hers. As he tried to pull away, Murrue blocked his escape and pulled him closer. "I get it now," he managed to utter. Murrue shifted so she was lying flat on the bed making it so Mu didn't have to stretch over her to get to her mouth.
Throughout the kiss, unbeknownst to either of them, his hand slowly and carefully moved from her face to rest itself on her stomach.
Murrue noticed before he did and placed her hand on top of his. The kiss stopped out of surprise.
"So, what do you think it's gonna be?" Murrue wondered aloud, amber eyes moving from where their hands were to his face. "Boy or girl?" Mu softly shook his head, smiling.
"Does it honestly matter?"
Murrue quietly thought to herself, smile returning. ". . . No." Mu flashed a winning grin as he settled himself into the bed next to her. She pushed into him while doing the same thing and his arms instinctively wrapped around her out of habit.
Feeling sleep come over him, Mu couldn't help but nuzzle his face closer into her thick hair, letting the scent drift him farther. A thought swam before him.
". . . I wonder how Evi or Matt are gonna react . . ."
"I don't want to tell them," she answered quickly; Mu's arms breaking away, shocked. "Not yet, of course," Murrue reassured pulling his arms to her again. A wry smile shifted to her face, but he missed it. "Lucky for you, Mu, you missed out on the whole 'where's my baby brother coming from' speech."
Mu's eyes grinned. Murrue's eyes glistened. ". . . But, let's just keep it a secret between us . . . until we know whether it's going to be a girl or a boy. That way we can tell them 'you're going to have a younger sister' or something, okay?"
With a nod, he sealed his promise with a soft kiss.
---
Murrue lay tossing and turning in her sleep, mind going over and over again what other words her doctor had said that day.
Mu had stepped outside the office door, stunned, but obviously stunned with happiness. Murrue smiled before turning her attention back on Ms. Addison. The woman in the doorway did not hold a smile, but a sad, longing stare.
"Murrue," she started, voice soft and low as she sat down, reaching for Murrue's hands. "About this 'cure,' you know it just came out of the testing room, right?"
Murrue nodded, understanding Ms. Addison's views, but smiling nonetheless. The woman across from her worked hard to find the right words.
"Murrue, you don't have to take this chance," she burst out, shocking even Murrue. Suddenly, she didn't make sense anymore. "I told you about this because as a doctor, this is an amazing step that will finally rid you of everything. And, even though there is a 100 percent success rate, in some people, there were certain . . . side effects."
Murrue's eyes narrowed.
"What . . . kind of side effects?"
"It's different, unique to each person. Except, they're simple side effects that can be warded off with just a little more water in their diet and things like that. But I mean the big stuff, Murrue. It'll jump you forward in this sickness and make the next few weeks incredibly hard for you until the final 'session' where it'll be all gone and you might just be weak for a few days or so afterward."
"What's bad about that?" Murrue cautiously challenged, eyes peering hard into her Doctor's. "So, three weeks I'll be miserable but all the time getting better. And then it'll be over." Murrue sighed. "Sure, I'll still take a pill a day to keep it from coming back, but it'll be gone."
"Murrue, you've been battling this going on three years now. You're strong, yes, but your body . . . This sudden jump into this sickness, I don't know . . . your body might not be able to handle it . . . as well as either of us hope. You might be confined to a bed for a few more weeks afterward."
Murrue tried hard to swallow. Ms. Addison, she filed a lot of words around it, and tried to make the blow easier to bear, but Murrue heard it loud and clear. Either try to live this out and surely die at some unknown time or go ahead with this cure that will save her but not before hurting her even more. It was an impossible choice.
Murrue's gaze fell into her lap and landed on the purse she had clutching there. That purse, it was her life. It represented what she had worked so hard to get, it was everything she had been through to get to that point. Her eyes shifted to her hand and the pair of silver rings resting there and her heart skipped a beat. Those . . . those shown with what her silly purse could never. They were . . .
"I'm doing it." Murrue's voice was so filled with conviction, the doctor hung her head, knowing nothing could change.
"Okay then," she took a deep breath, reinstating her professional course of action. "The first out of the six sessions will be two weeks from Monday. We need to get all set up. Come back to my office then. After that, it'll be two a week until all six are done. See you then."
Murrue turned to leave, but Ms. Addison stopped her before the doorway.
"Just be careful from now on, okay?" She warned sweetly as she passed Murrue a sheet of paper. Murrue stepped out into the hallway, Mu had gone to the waiting room. Murrue's eyes widened as she looked the information over. The door closed and the doctor winked back at her.
Touching her stomach in the empty hallway, Murrue couldn't believe it.
She was . . .
She was alone. As she woke to the light, she was still alone in the bed. Murrue didn't understand. Mu had been called in late last night—some problem or another—and he had told her not to wait up, that he'd be really late . . . but it was past dawn already.
Murrue reached out for the clock, wanting to see just what time it really was, but her fingers found something soft. Looking over, it was a rose. A single red rose—a little overused idea, but . . .—it rested over a small velveteen case.
Surprised and curious, Murrue reached over and grabbed the gifts. After letting her fingers run over the soft petals, she went to open the case, bubbling at what she'd find. The case flipped open and out fluttered a tiny scrap of paper. The case itself was a jewelry box, but it was empty. Eyes narrowing, Murrue snatched up the paper.
Tsk. Tsk. So greedy! Isn't a rose just enough?
Mu's laughable handwriting grinned up at her. She could just imagine him writing it, snickering and laughing all the way. With a huff, Murrue slid herself out of bed.
Opening the bedroom door, she spotted Mu splayed out lazily in one of the kitchen chairs. His face was hidden behind a newspaper and he was in uniform. Murrue sighed as she walked forward. The paper rustled but didn't move from his view. She broke the silence with her laughing, no nonsense voice.
"If I counted up how many times you've surprised me with roses when I woke up . . . People'd say you must be—"
"Broke?" He asked, you could tell he was being straight-faced. "Yes, you're so expensive to keep, Murrue."
"I was going to say 'crazy'." Mu let out a laugh as the paper finally fell.
"That works too," he smiled, standing up to escort her to a seat beside him. "Come, sit, I've been waiting for you to wake up. I wanted to have breakfast with you before I left." He set her down in the chair then turned right around and started moving busily around the kitchen. Murrue cocked her head.
"Mu?"
"Don't worry, it's just cereal and some other simple things. I wouldn't have you eat my dastardly cooking. Though, I'll have you know that I've been learning—"
"Mu . . . what's the matter?" He spun to face her.
"Nothing is. I mean—"
"Something is," she corrected calmly, taking a sip of his coffee. "When you get worked up over something you either shut down or never stop moving."
It was quiet. Mu just stared back at her as if surprised she'd found out. He mentally hit himself: of course she'd notice. But he couldn't tell her. He had to tell her the next best thing.
"Just . . . excited, I guess," he sheepishly shrugged. "You're going in today for the first of those 'session' things with your doctor . . . And it's only three weeks until your 'condition' is over with.—We can finally go back to the way things were, Murrue!"
Murrue's eyes drifted away, a pang of emotion hitting her. She never told Mu what Ms. Addison had said about the risks. She just told him that she'd be weak for a little while. As far as she was concerned, Mu never needed to know.
"Now, eat up," he started again. "Matt and Evi are already over at Kara's, so don't worry. I swear when she's gone, we'll be up in arms over what to do when we need somebody to watch—"
"How easy you forget," Murrue chided, "that she moves right after I'm all better, so by then I'll be home all the time."
"Ah, yes . . ." Mu remembered, smiling at his wife's response. Mu glanced at his watch, quickly swallowing down his new cup of hot coffee seeing as Murrue stole his. After fixing his hair in the reflective glass of the window, he spun around to her. "Look, Murrue, I've got to go. Your doctor's going to come and pick you up, since I'm gone then, but I'm picking you up from there, okay?" Murrue slowly nodded as he pressed a hard kiss to her cheek before racing out the door. As he flew out, Murrue picked up a small piece of paper that had fallen from him and onto the floor.
'Work—10 am, cannot be late!' it read. Murrue looked at the clock herself and couldn't hold back her laugh. It was Eleven.
---
Mu pulled up to the doctor's office right on time in their car. He'd been kept late—another problem—so he had to rush over and was still in uniform. (They never seemed to run out of problems that they needed his help on.) When he got there, the familiar form of Ms. Addison was waiting for him. At first Mu's heart skipped a beat but then she smiled and he could breathe easy. Nothing was wrong.
"Hello Mr. LaFlaga. You're right on time." He couldn't help a grin.
"Yes . . . well . . ." As he'd learned to do when it came to Ms. Addison, even though he'd only spoken to her a few times, was to let her go on and only speak if she asked it of you. That time was no different.
"If you're wondering about Murrue—which you most probably are—you don't have to worry. Everything went perfectly, just as planned. Of course, she's told you it will keep her weak for a while. It sucks the strength right out of people. I'm surprised how long she went without passing out." Mu stiffened behind the doctor, but the woman didn't notice and kept going. "See, usually on the first day of this treatment after the first appliance of the procedure once it's over with people usually fall asleep right away. No, not Murrue. She waited a full fifteen minutes before giving into sleep. You've got a strong wife here, Mr. LaFlaga," she finished, pointing over to Murrue peacefully curled up on the couch of Ms. Addison's office.
"Rest assured she won't be this exhausted any of the other times though she will want to get a lot of sleep anyway. And I advise you don't wake her up from this particular sleep. Her body really needs it."
All Mu did was nod. Ms. Addison smiled as he carefully and comfortably folded her into his arms.
"Thanks. I'll take it from here." He went to leave, the doctor opening the door for him.
"Oh, yeah. The baby's fine too," she told him. "So you don't worry."
"Thanks."
Mu carried Murrue's sleeping body down to their car. She didn't wake as he strapped her in. She didn't wake up as he took her out and she didn't wake at Evi and Matt's badgering questions.
But she did smile when Mu slipped her under the covers of their bed and planted a soft kiss to her forehead.
---
"Where's Evi?" Mu asked quietly, glancing over the counter at Murrue sitting there. The lost look on her face wasn't any better than his.
"In our room . . . crying, no doubt."
"I wish we could help her."
"How do we suggest we do that?"
". . . I don't know."
It was truly a miserable day. The sun hadn't shone brightly in the sky for the past few days and it was obvious everybody was sick and tired of the rain. Evi, tired of being with Matthew left him to color by himself in the nursery. Tyler had gone on a trip somewhere so she couldn't play with him.—And he was going to be leaving soon—he and his family was going to be moving to that other place. She could wait for that moment—she could wait forever.
But this boring, gray day just wouldn't end. Evi found solace in her cat—the multi-browned feline—in what she wanted to do. Playing with it, it seemed the cat somehow got outside and somehow ran beyond the yard. Evi watched in horror in the rain as the cat ran out of sight.
When the girl came inside, she was soaked. As Mu and Murrue struggled to change her from her dripping clothes, she relayed the whole thing to them, quickly moving to tears.
It hurt to watch.—It stung when she forced them away.
"But something tells me she's already realized that that cat may not be coming back," Mu revealed quietly.
"Let's just hope it will," Murrue voiced, finger nervously curled up into her hair. Mu watched her fidgeting with intrest.
"How long's she gonna cry like that I wonder?"
"I don't know . . ."
"It just doesn't seem like Evi, don't you think?" Mu couldn't resist a smile. "She's always trying not to cry even though she knows it's okay."
"She takes after you, Mu," she revealed, glancing up, eyes to meet his. All e could do was smile back.
"And you, Murrue."
The phone's ring broke them out of their smiling silence. Behind that silence, they had only heard Evi's muffled sniffs and sobs and at times Matthew's slurred speech. After a few rings, Mu sighed and pushed himself up. "I'll get it . . ." With that he left the room.
Murrue waited. The phone had stopped its ringing and there was almost complete silence in the large and open house. Even the rain outside, it seemed, had stopped falling just to make it quiet.
Soon enough, Mu walked back into the kitchen, fingers running through his hair. "Well, this day keeps getting better and better," Mu sarcastically sighed as he waltzed his way to beside Murrue. His voice quieted so that maybe Evi couldn't hear it across the room and behind a door. ". . . According to one of our nosy neighbors . . . Seems like Evi's cat isn't ever going to come back, if you know what I mean . . ." Murrue covered her mouth, eyes slowly accommodating to the true sadness of the situation.
"I see."
Mu plopped himself down into a close-by chair, palming his face.
"Yeah, the absolute worst timing, isn't it? It might not have shown but she loved that cat. Sure, she never found a name for it, but it slept by her side every night . . .and all this has to happen right when Tyler's going away." Mu's face hardened. "It'll be like everyone's abandoned her."
"But she's got us and Matthew."
"Like that's going to change," he challenged. "We're something for her to fall back upon. And Matthew follows her around everywhere and repeats everything she says. That's bound to get old real quick . . . You know what? I think we should—"
"No."
"'No'?" He laughed. "You haven't even heard my plan."
"You forget how scarily I know you," Murrue replied. "Your 'plan' is for us to get another cat or maybe a dog, right?"
"Well, actu—"
"No," she repeated herself. Mu switched to whining.
"But, Murrue—"
"No, Mu." Murrue sighed, the air filing out of her. "You certainly tested my limits with that cat before and I only said yes because I had no choice. So, naturally, now I'm telling you 'no' before you get the chance."
"It's not that natural," he muttered back.
They were caught off-guard by Evi's soft crying suddenly getting louder. Mu's eyes fixed on the door and he moved towards it only to be forcibly held back by Murrue.
"No, Mu.—I'm sorry but you have to stay here." He glared back into her eyes. Murrue tried to shake off the chilling feeling his response gave—it had been so long since he'd looked at her in that way.
"But I can't just watch her—"
"You have to!" She told him. "Right now you have to. You can't just say one word and have everything magically fix itself.—The real world isn't like that."
"The 'real world'? She's five!" He couldn't believe her logic.
"Yeah, and you're how old?" She shot back, stopping him in his tracks.
"What?"
"This isn't just about her.—You fail to see that," her calm voice was stretched to it's limits.
"What does that mean?" He attacked. Murrue couldn't hold it anymore. She yelled it to his face.
"Grow-up, Mu!"
He swallowed his retort. Her angry shot had struck him hard and deep. His stunned self stood before her—unable to do a thing but stand at attention. All that he could process was what she was yelling at him:
"On the topic of our children's lack of pets, if it was up to me, I would be the first one to drive down and get something for her, but that's impossible. If we were to give her a cat, she'd hate it. Why? Because it's a replacement. A loving girl her age can't handle the replacement of a memory like that. And a dog . . . they're too young, Mu." The energy had run out of her voice.—Her eyes shifted downwards as Mu found his voice.
"But Matt's—" Mu caught himself. Murrue's arm had shifted protectively around her middle. He quickly knelt down before her and placed a quick kiss to her stomach.
A sharp cry from Evi came louder to the parent's ears. Murrue was sure Mu would get up and rush to the girl, but he didn't.
Instead, his head fell softly into her warm stomach before his entire body sagged and he melted closer to the floor. Murrue, alarmed, knelt down beside him—somehow she realized it wasn't about Evi's cat anymore. She cupped his face in one thin hand, but he didn't look at her.
"You're going to have to hold me back," he muttered quietly, face looking down towards the floor. Slowly his eyes moved up to hers.
When their eyes met, Murrue felt a jolt run through her. There was something in his emotion-filled eyes that stirred within her, something familiar, but she couldn't place it—yet she knew it had never been that strong before. Mu didn't pull his eyes away.
"Daddy!" She was crying for him by name now. Murrue watched in almost horror as instead of jumping up, all he did was squeeze his eyes shut and turn his head away.
Murrue pulled herself away, getting to her feet. Mu kept his place on the floor. With another cry for Dad, Murrue realized the strangled note in her daughter's hidden voice. Just like with their conversation, Evi's cries weren't just about her cat anymore.
Murrue quickly made her way over to their closed bedroom door.
"Evi, 'Daddy' isn't—" The little girl easily spotted her farther slumped weakly on the kitchen floor.
"Daddy!" She ran to him, the reason for her tears silently falling was lost to her. "You okay?"
"Yeah!" He grinned for her. Mu's eyes flicked betweenher and her mother. ". . . Just hurt my hand when I fell." He laughed it off, playing to the fact that his hand hurt.
"Daddy should be more careful." Matthew said quietly from beside Evi—he'd popped out from behind her.
"Yeah, I should be, huh?" Mu laughed, flattening down Matt's dark hair with his hand. Evi's eyes widened, but he missed it. It was too familiar for her.—That little girl understood.
---
The pair of them readied for sleep. The quiet tension was unnerving. She was the first to speak.
"What is it you aren't telling me?" He couldn't contain his smile.
"What is it you aren't telling me, Murrue?" It quickly morphed to his signature roguish grin at her unbridled surprise.
"It's okay," he softly assured her. ". . . I don't need to know." Mu's blue eyes glittered the reflections of the light coming from outside's night. Murrue stood behind him. He softly laughed, turning his gaze towards hers. "We're really screwed up, aren't we?" Murrue couldn't help but nod. She couldn't help but smile at the thought either.
"And people say we're perfect for each other . . ."
"'Cause we are!" Mu spun fully around to face her, the suddenness starling her. Murrue clutched her heart as a reflex.
Mu's laughter grew. "We are, Murrue." She cocked her head, as his hands latched onto her arms, slowly moving her away from the window and closer to their nice, welcoming bed.
"Now, come on, Murrue, you need your rest," he told her, caring overflowing in his voice. "We're not over that hill of ours yet." To her complete stunned surprise, Mu gave her a soft kiss as his hands left her. "Be right back."
Then he was gone from their bedroom.—Off to say his goodnights to the kids probably, Murrue realized. Sliding herself into bed, Murrue realized another thing. Mu had done it again, ending a potentially heated argument at a time most fitting for him in a way that makes all the steam from before lose focus.
She laughed.
---
Ms. Addison circled her office like a hawk. She was so immersed in the papers she held before her.
"How have you been the first week, Murrue?—those first two sessions?" She asked, professionally interested. "Getting used to it?" Murrue smiled back.
"I've been a little dizzy, but that's normal." Ms. Addison's green eyes fearfully narrowed as she spoke blow her breath: "No . . . no, it's not . . ."
"Hm?" Murrue cocked her head hearing something come from her doctor's mouth.
"Anything other than feeling 'dizzy' or weak, Murrue?"
"No," Murrue blinked. "No, nothing big like what you're concerned about." With a resentful sigh, the Doctor sat herself down.
"Murrue, I think we should stop this." Her harsh voice echoed blankly in the woman's ears. She didn't understand. "I don't want to jeopardize things by going on with this third session . . . You know the risks—" Murrue's nervous grip on her skirt tightened.
"Things are already being jeopardized," she announced with her usually gone but not forgotten stern tone. "Go on with the procedure, Doctor. This is my choice—let me make it."
---
The pain was inhuman, the merciless throbbing never letting up as it pulsed throughout the body. She curled her legs closer, she could feel the wetness of her twisting face between shaking fingers. The dampness of her body caught the thin gown and held it closer to her skin, almost melding them as one. It hurt to breathe. It hurt to think. It hurt to move. It hurt to be.
Her eyes opened as she openly gasped for air. She woke up and she was sweating.
As her stricken amber eyes searched around the room for nothing, she slowly found the will to breathe. Her chest started to let up in its hurt. Reaching over, she carefully shook the man beside her.
"Mu . . . ! Mu . . . !" He stirred, rolling over, eyes closed.
"What . . . is it . . . Murrue . . . ?" He nuzzled closer into the pillow. ". . . is it . . . M- . . ." She looked over at her sleeping husband, a smile creeping to her face.
A silent tear fell as she hugged her shivering body closer.
Murrue didn't sleep the rest of the dark night.
---
"I'm surprised how energetic you are today, Murrue," Mu laughed as he walked out from the entryway to the kitchen. Murrue was moving around the kitchen so fast, her hands were full all the time.
"I have to get this stuff going because it takes a while to cook," she stiffly replied, hands working on stirring a thick brown mix in its large bowl.
"Well, what are you making?"
"Right here's cookies I'm making to pass time. Over there's a dessert that tastes so much better if you refrigerate it for twelve hours before serving and in the oven's the main course that needs to be cooked slowly—and I mean slowly," Murrue sighed thinking onto what lie before her that day.
"So, that dessert . . . what exactly—"
"I can't tell you." She grinned; he frowned. ". . . But I will tell you it's one of your favorites."
"Yes! Thank you!" Mu clapped his hands together excitedly like a little child would. After Murrue's soft laughter died down, Mu's face softened as well. "But, in all seriousness now . . . You were even up before I was," he continued, artfully making his way closer without her noticing or looking up. "A surprise, I'll say.—Since this sickness of yours started I've gotten up everyday before you." He surprised her as he slowly wrapped his arms around her from behind. She hadn't expected it. He whispered into her ear. ". . . It really wears you out, eh?"
Murrue's hands lightly let go of the tools they were grasping so tightly and willingly let Mu's captivating hold take her away. In truth she was just so tired. She hadn't slept a wink since waking up that way the night before. But . . . even though she was so tired, she couldn't help but be 'energetic.'
Somehow, in her silence, Mu picked just the right words and whispered them caringly in her ear.
"But you've got to remember to keep it easy . . . You've been half-awake since theses 'session'-things started.—You may be all 'bright' now, but you'll pay for it later—so make sure you get some rest, okay?" His hold on her tightened, if only slightly. "I just don't want anything to happen to you."
She smiled and leaned into him.
"Don't worry, Mu."
"That's my girl," he grinned, turning back into his laughing happy-go-lucky self. Murrue was about to retort on his exact choice of words, but he interrupted her first, changing the subject entirely.
"Huh? You've put out an extra set of plates, Murrue . . ." Mu cocked his head looking at the stack of dishware. Murrue looked up and counted the plates in her head.
"No . . . I haven't."
"Yes . . . you have," he subtly mocked, resetting his hands that were wrapped about her waist. Mu lazily rested his chin on her shoulder—even if he had to duck to do it. "There's you, me, Evi, Matt, Tyler, Donnie and Kara. That's seven and you've got eight."
"You forgot that Kara's bringing over her boyfriend." Mu jumped off Murrue in an instant to look her in the face.
"She's got a what?"
"What is it, Mu?" Murrue asked, cold. "—Jealous?"
"No!" Murrue blushed at the pink that burst into his face at the question. Mu covered his face with his thick hand as his voice dark and grittily recalled something he didn't want to. ". . . I thought we'd gotten over this, Murrue . . ."
"We'll never get over that, I'm afraid," she sighed, almost matter-of fact. "Oh," she sighed, deflating—it was way too early. "Just be happy for her, Mu . . . They say the first year is always the worst—and it's been two for her. At least she's moving on from Daniel." Mu's eyes narrowed as he followed Murrue's walking out the kitchen and out onto the adjoining stone balcony.
". . . 'Moving . . . on' . . . ?" He blinked. Somehow he couldn't see it . . . or want to see it.
He quickly followed her out. It was a beautiful day. A slight breeze made it cold, but other than that, it was nice. The two of them looked down upon their lush back-lawn. It was bordered by thick bushed and shrubs while dotted with trees. It was calming, it had such serene qualities to it, but the best time to look out off the balcony was in spring for everything bloomed.
Both Mu and Murrue warmly smiled. They each found the other's hand. Down below them, some of the children of the neighborhood had joined together and were playing a game of hide-and-seek. There was Evi and Matt, Donnie and Tyler, and a handful of others. One of the neighbors was sitting out on their patio watching over them all.
Mu's arm found her shoulder and pulled Murrue closer.
"Hey," he brought up, with a playful, inquisitive grin. "Did you know that your birthday's on the last day of this procedure of yours to make you better?"
"Of course I know, Mu," she laughed. "I made the appointment."
"I was just saying," he defended with another grin with a laugh to go with it. "But that's still quite some birthday gift . . . I mean, you've been fighting this sickness for about three years now . . . I just don't know how I'll compete with that."
"You'll do just fine," she assured him planting a quick kiss on his lips to silence his retort. Looking back down over the stone railing, the pair looked on in a sweet, soothing silence. When she felt his weight leave her shoulders, Murrue almost thought nothing of it—until she heard his knowing, roguish laugh.
"Look at 'em over there," Mu spat with an air of laughter to his tone. Murrue glanced over and he had moved from beside her to the far corner of the balcony. Curious, Murrue shifted her way over to where he was standing.
"What? I don't see anything," she softly whined, completely out of character. Mu blinked at her as she nuzzled herself closer as the cold wind blew.
"Look harder," he pointed, "right there."
Murrue had to squint but she finally saw it. A few houses down and across the street. Two people stood together by the sidewalk. They were fairly close—it wasn't hard to guess what they were doing.
"Oh! It's Kara!" Murrue realized, covering her mouth in surprise, smiling as Mu shifted for a closer look. Her long blonde hair was hard to miss even from afar. Mu's face screwed up.
"Oh, get a room, people," he muttered almost distastefully. Murrue spun to face him.
"And who exactly are you talking to, Mu LaFlaga?" She placed her hands on her hips, pulling his teasing ones off. He awkwardly laughed, rubbing that all-too-familiar spot on his neck.
"Heh . . . heh . . ."
---
"Daddy? Daddy?" Mu pulled himself from a satisfying sleep to answer Evi's call. He found himself on the couch. "Daddy, you wanted me to wake you up when it got to be this time. It's this time, Daddy." Sleepily Mu raised a hand and patted down Evi's hair with it. "Thanks." With a laugh and a smile, Evi ran back off into the nursery, shutting the door.
Running his fingers through his hair, Mu groggily shifted his view over. "What time is it . . . ? How long have I been asleep?" He wanted to move his entire body so he didn't have to crane his neck to see the clock, but he couldn't. Murrue was curled up beside him. They had both somehow fallen asleep on the narrow couch.
"Murrue, wake up . . . Come on, Murrue." He softly shook her awake. She pressed against him. The first thing her eyes met was his brightening smile. "Get up, Sleepy-head . . . Kara and her boys are coming over in an hour. We've got to get ready."
"We do . . . ?" She asked, eyes closing as she pressed herself against him, nuzzling closer. ". . . I don't wanna . . . let's cancel . . . do it some other day . . ."
Mu grinned.
"Now, as much as I want that . . . we have to get up." Murrue looked up into his blue eyes, hers playfully hurt. She rolled them as she sighed. Her next words surprised even him.
"Have I told you how much I love you today?"
Mu swallowed, nodding. ". . . Yeah."
"Then let me tell you again," she almost purred in that low, 'playful' tone that made Mu's insides melt even before their lips met. Murrue hung her face over his, Mu having to push some of her thick hair back before she could continue her sweep closer. Murrue shifted for more comfort at the best possible time—or worst when it came to Mu's restraint. His hand cradled her face as the kiss they shared deepened.
It would have gone on longer if not for the infamous hourly chime of the clock. Mu inwardly cursed.
Damn clock.
"Okay, now we really to go," he muttered into her mouth, frustratingly breaking away.
Always right when it's getting good.
The pair regretfully pulled themselves away from the welcoming couch. Murrue was light of her feet, and it wasn't hard to Mu to feel the slight tremble of her hand in his.
The brown-haired beauty paused and swung herself around to face him. Murrue's eyes appraisingly looked him over and all Mu could do was to stare back.
"Hmm, Mu, for tonight, I don't think you should bother changing. I like you the way you are. Mu looked down upon his severely wrinkled suit, utterly confused. "It'll smooth out in no time," she assured, opening the nursery door.
Matthew sat happily in the middle of the room, blue-grey eyes twinkling beneath his dark hair. He waved.
"Evi . . . Evi's telling me a story." Mu and Murrue smiled. Evi picked herself up from beside her brother.
"It was only a short simple one. I didn't know how long it would be until you finally came in to get us." Murrue smiled at the shocked look that had spread its way across Mu's face. She gently pulled her hand from his and held it out to Evi.
"Evi's dress is upstairs. I'll get her into it while you take care of Matthew. Okay, Mu?" Murrue turned to Mu as her hand encircled her daughters. He nodded, a smile sealing the deal. "Okay, let's go."
Murrue and Evi made their way out of the nursery. As the door closed behind them, Murrue let Evi's hand slip from hers. Evi's russet eyes looked up questioningly.
"I-It's okay," she assured, pulling her hand over her stomach, leaning on the railing a bit. "Go on up the stairs, Evi." Murrue smiled. Lately Evi had gotten into the habit of running up the stairs as fast as she could. It was almost satisfying to watch as a parent.
Evi stopped at the top, raising her arms in playful victory like she did every time. Turning around to face her mother, Evi's breath caught in her throat and she screamed.
---
"DADDY!"
Mu jumped up—that was Evi's voice . . . except it was a scream, filled with fear. The five-year-old burst through the nursery door, panting hard. Her dark russet eyes were wide with scared confusion. Something was wrong. "Daddy!" Evi's cry was softer, but the emotion in it was pushing her to tears. "Mama fell down . . . and-and she won't wake up . . . she wont wake up, Daddy!" His chest constricted and time stood still as he stared at his little girl. In an instant he was out of the room, finding Murrue collapsed on the steps. He ran to pick her up, heart racing. He glanced over—Evi was staring at them from the bottom of the staircase.
"Evi, go to Matthew!" He ordered. The toddler was still in the nursery half-dressed. "Stay with him." She didn't move. "Evi!" The girl blinked out of her trance at his 'angry' order, nodded and ran back into the room slamming the door behind her. "Okay," he breathed to himself trying to calm his shaking hands as he gathered Murrue up from the steps.
She was sweating buckets and her breathing wouldn't slow down. It wasn't unnoticeable how fragile she felt in his arms. Mu fixed his hold on her and she curled in closer to him. She knew.
". . . Mu . . ." She muttered with a soft smile appearing on her parched lips making him smile in response. ". . . your chest . . . is warm . . ."
Mu paused and gave her a soft, gentle kiss on the forehead as he walked towards the bedroom. After laying her down on the large bed and tucking her under the covers, he forced himself away.
"I'm just going to call the Doctor, Murrue, okay? Okay? I'll be right back." He ran from the room, searching for the phone, not able to calm himself down. When he came back, he breathlessly announced the Doctor was on her way. Mu carried in a small bucket of cool water, sloshing some around in his shaken state.
As he neared the bed, her body convulsed in a series of painful coughs.
He grabbed her thin hand and held it tightly, never letting go as she rode the fit off.
He wiped her face and neck clear of sweat with a wet cloth as he did so, trying terrifyingly hard to ignore the thin trickle of blood beginning to slide from the corner of her mouth. Murrue's amber eyes opened slightly, recognizing him there.
"Mu . . ."
"Shh—don't speak, Murrue."
She shook her head slightly.
"Mu . . . I'm . . ."
"No!" He talked back harsher than he meant to. When he spoke again, it was a caring whisper, a shaking whisper. "No, Murrue . . . You're not . . . It's not . . . you can't . . . I . . ." His other hand, the one not still holding tight to her, traveled her face lovingly. She smiled at his soothing touch. Her tears began to fall.
"Mu," she breathed, her own hand coming to his face.
She had to say it. Or else . . .
"It's not your fault . . ." Murrue took another deep breath, slightly coughing. "Take care of . . ." Mu shook his head.
"No, y—"
". . . love you, Mu . . ." His heart skipped a beat as she reached up from the bed to wrap her thin fingers around his shirt collar. She yanked his head down to connect their lips. A sweet salt tang was all he could taste—an almostbloody zest. At first he was surprised by her, but within moments Mu found himself kissing her back, lost in her. Until . . .
She dropped out of the kiss.
His eyes opened and he saw her head rest softly against the pillow, heavenly framed by her hair. Mu moved his head back in shock and that was when the arm that had curled around his neck dropped limply to her side.
Mu couldn't hold it in anymore.
Shaking, he grabbed her lifeless hand, the one he'd held the entire time, and as he felt the cold skin between his hands, he brought his forehead to rest upon it for some semblense of support.
Acid tears soaked the floor.
---
The door opened and Ms. Addison walked in looking ready for work. She didn't notice.
"Evi let me . . . in . . ." The doctor froze in the doorway as she saw it.
Mu sat on the bed, Murrue limply pulled up close in arms, his cheek against hers. Mu glanced up, eyes meeting with the Doctor's. His face was dry, but Mu's eyes looked like they were about well up any moment, but . . . he'd run out of tears.
The Doctor knew.
She left after a grueling one-sided conversation. She had decided to go against policy just once and promised she'd come back in the morning to get Murrue. She knew, that even if she tried, Mu wouldn't have let her go.
But, the real reason Doctor Addison left was from the conversation she had had with Evi by the door. It echoed in her mind and she, herself, felt like tearing up as well.
"It's the Doctor! Hi, Doctor."
"You're answering the door by yourself, Evi?"
"Well, I knew it was you that's why.—Mama's upstairs," she pointed. "But, it's okay now, Daddy's with her. She's always okay with Daddy."
Call her a coward, but the woman did not want to be around when that little girl found out the truth.
---
"I told you you'd have to hold me back . . ."
Mu knelt on the floor, looking down desperately at the photographs gathered in his hands. Their shattered frames lay littered around him, dusting the ground in their deadly shards. He had broken them all and he regretted it all—after it was over.—He even broken the crystal frame they'd gotten for their wedding, but there was a possibility it could be fixed.
He glanced up at the bed and the beauty laying there frozen in her death. She was all tucked up in bed so peacefully, Mu could have sworn she was sleeping. He stood up, pain shooting down his leg again as he made his way to her bed side, sitting beside her.
And he spoke to her, the things he could never say, he just hoped she could hear him.
And a tear fell.
". . . Before, in the war, I fought so many battles . . . and came through so many battles, but I never knew why I tried so hard." Mu's fingers threaded themselves together. "And then, I met you . . . and it was all so clear." He couldn't stop himself, he reached over and brought his fingers lightly down her cheek. ". . . I tried so hard to first win you over, then get you to say 'yes' and then 'I do.' But you were so stubborn!—Man, I've never fought a harder battle." He smiled, blue eyes taking on a softness, staring off into the space before him. "But I was even more stubborn, I guess . . ." He laughed—a full yet hollow laugh. "You kept saying how you wouldn't be able to take it if I died—Everything was based on your fear. I-I had that same fear, didn't I? I was afraid of what would happen if . . . if . . ." His eyes snapped shut, the thought too painful. A tear started to form around his eyes. "But I couldn't—no—I didn't say anything . . . and so you didn't know. All we cared about was your fear about me. Me . . ." He couldn't take it; he lashed out.
"After all that, shouldn't . . . I was the one to die, Murrue—not you. Not you . . .I-It should've been me, Murrue . . . Goddamn it!—It should've been me . . . I-It wasn't yourplace to die—"
A crashing sound interrupted his thoughts and his head shot up from its fixated gaze on the floor.
She was standing in the doorway, russet eyes stricken with blank fear. Evi was standing there, unaware of how she dropped the empty tray she'd brought in—she thought her parents would need it when the food was done cooking in the oven.
She couldn't register what her daddy had just said—But she knew what it meant.
"Evi!" He shouted in surprise, feeling every last thing drain from him. The little girl took a numb step forward, tears unwillingly splashing down her face.
" . . . Mommy's . . . ?"