Disclaimer: I don't own, nor do I want to own, Harry Potter. J.K. Rowling owns them. I've no intention of making any profit off of this, it's merely used to satisfy my desire to write and possibly to amuse you, the reader, though you can pay me if you want. Song lyrics from The Chemicals Between Us belong to Bush.
Warning: This will be R and will contain *SLASH* You don't like it, don't read.
Summary: Harry returned to Hogwarts after six years of self-exile into the Muggle World and the defeat of Voldemort.
AN: Stupid school. Have to stay at school until 8pm for three nights a week after the march break. Therefore, I can't make promises about updates, but I will try and get at least one or two a week. Thanks for the reviews. Here's to answer a few that won't be answered any time soon in the story:
Tiff: The band is an independent group, meaning they don't have the notoriety of any band signed to a major record label, but as far as indie groups go, yes, they are somewhat famous, meaning they play at the better clubs, and have a loyal following among indie fans, and will probably end up being signed to some obscure indie label.
Katrina: What ever gave you that idea? Pretty much everything Harry remembers at the moment about that fight was mentioned in the first chapter.
Kristine Thorn: I've got great plans for Severus' effort to discover Harry's identity. *Laughs evilly*
Lee Lee Potter: Sorry to disappoint you, but Severus won't stay nice for much longer. It just doesn't seem in his nature.
Lord R: While re-reading is most likely is a good idea, if I try to pay too much attention to what I write after it's written, I'm going to end up hating it and scraping it…
TigerBlak: … Anyone want to beta-read?
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Chapter III
Changing Faces; Changing NamesI want you to remember
A love so full it could send us all ways
I want you to surrender
All my feelings rose today
And I want you to remain
The power of children can amaze
I'll try not to complain
I know that's a pisser baby
The chemicals between us
The walls that lie between us
Lying in this bed
The chemicals displaced
There is no lonlier place
Than lying in this bed
I want you to remember
Everything you said
Every driven word
Like a hammer, hell, to my head
The chemicals between us
There is no lonlier place
Then lying in this bed
The chemicals displaced
There is no lonlier place
Than lying in this bed
The chemicals between us
Lying in this bed
We're of the hollow men
We are the naked ones
We never meant you harm
Never meant you wrong
I'd like to thank
All of my lovers, lovers, lovers
The chemicals between us
The army of achievers
Lying in this bed
The chemicals displaced
There is no lonlier face
Than lying in this bed
The chemicals between us
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I made my way to Dumbledore's Office, and miraculously, I managed not to get lost. After six years away, I still remembered my way around. That wasn't to say there weren't a few quickly righted wrong turns, but I'm male, so don't mock me too much. I like to pride myself, somewhat, on my navigational skills.
As I walked the halls, there was one thing that irked me. The Headmaster hadn't introduced me to the students or the rest of the faculty for that matter. Surely there were staff meetings before the beginning of the semester, and yet I had not been informed. The man had requested (at point blank) that I take the position, but he had not seen fit to invite me to know the workings of the staff and school.
I wanted to feel slighted or affronted, but for some reason, I couldn't bring myself to anger. Despite all of my resentment towards Albus that had accumulated over the past years with the way he used people, the man did know what he was doing. He had a reason for everything, and managed to make things come out best, or close to.
Ignoring my discomfort at the situation, I decided I would ask the man about his motives.
When I reached his office, the Gargoyle statue had been left open, so I took it as invitation to enter…
It was my mistake, and I was in no way prepared for what I heard: two voices arguing, one deep and fatherly, while managing not to be patronizing, the other deeper and snappish, or rather Snapish.
"I cannot see why you hired that man Albus. Nor do I see why you fired the last professor," came Severus' voice. "There was nothing wrong with her. She may not have been informed on her subject as well as could have been hoped, but she taught her students what they were required to know, and didn't injure them or put them or the school in danger! You had no right!"
My first reaction was surprise at Severus' outburst. I'd only seen him like this once before, and for much better reason. It simply wasn't right.
My second reaction was to turn away and wait for Severus to descend the staircase.
My third reaction was to stay and hear Albus defend himself. Seems the cunning old man had orchestrated a lot more than I had thought.
I've been told by many people to think my actions through, and seeing as how I didn't have much time to make a decision, I stuck with the reaction that had taken the most thought.
Albus' voice was calm and unruffled. I could picture him in there, stroking Fawkes' head as he spoke, the embodiment of tranquility. "I did not fire Lazeana, my dear boy. I merely suggested that her talents may have been best suited to teaching elsewhere." I could then see him sitting up proudly in his seat as he said, "Besides, she had a deep interest in aiding underprivileged wizards in Africa. I merely gave her the small push she needed to achieve her dream."
"Shove," muttered Severus under his breath.
The older wizard continued as though he hadn't heard the other's comment. "I believe, my son, that you are being far too paranoid about the whole issue. You are jumping quickly to conclusions."
"I am not being paranoid, Albus." The name was said venomously. "I've felt it coming. And I warned you about it last year. I only wish you would heed my warnings."
"You are not a spy anymore, Severus."
"Bollocks! I know what I see!" the dark haired man protested angrily.
I heard him move to leave so I slid silently back down the stairs, but I heard the Headmaster's last comment. "In spite of your misgivings, I assure you, I would trust Ethan James with my life, and have do so before. You would do well to remember that."
There was an edge of steel to Albus' voice that I'd seldom heard. It would have left me quivering had I been in Severus' position, but knowing the other man, he probably would have just glared at the Headmaster before storming away, black robes billowing behind him.
It seemed hard to imagine the man without the robes billowing behind him like a cape. It seemed a trademark, much like the scowl, glare and deep black eyes.
I stood at the entrance of Dumbledore's office as Snape walked out (it didn't seem right calling him Severus anymore, seeing as how he thought I was going to bring about the downfall of Hogwarts or something equally as scandalous). He, of course, glared at me when he saw me.
"The Headmaster would like you to go up now," he said viciously before walking away, not waiting for my reply.
I suddenly felt incredibly nervous as I went up those stairs a second time. I remembered when I went to Hogwarts I was always nervous. I'd only ever come to Dumbledore's office when I'd broken, or been accused of breaking, one of the school rules, and was expecting expulsion. The fact that it had never come didn't dampen the fear, but rather increased it because I felt I was extremely lucky to have escaped each and every incident.
I had that kind of feeling right now, as well.
"Ethan," Albus called, shocking me into motion. "Please come in."
I entered the office, and it was exactly as I remembered.
I'd been right, too. Fawkes was sitting on his lap.
"Sit, please," he said, motioning to the chair, and I complied. He continued speaking. "I'm incredibly sorry that you had to hear my conversation with Severus, but I assure you his opinions are unfounded."
I stared at him incredulously. He knew I'd been spying on him, listening to his private conversations, and yet he didn't get angry. Instead he apologized! He didn't seem disturbed in the slightest. Had he been anyone other that Dumbledore, I would have questioned his sanity, but it was Dumbledore, and that was just the way his mind worked.
"I'm sorry for intruding," I replied instead of questioning him. "I had no right to listen into your private conversations."
"Nonsense!" the white-haired wizard exclaimed. "We were speaking of you, and, in fact, that was the very mater I wished to speak to you about."
"Sir?" I was confused. Completely and utterly confused. This was not what I'd been expecting.
"People are still tense, even after Voldemort's defeat. They will not readily accept strangers into their midst. Seeing as how no one knows you to be a Hogwarts student, they will not willingly trust you as of yet."
I tried to comment, but he didn't give me the chance.
"I'm sure you're wondering why you were not introduced to the staff, and why you were not invited to the staff meetings." Right on the mark as usual, Albus. "It is because of the general mistrust. Most of the positions have been filled by people well known to each other. I felt it would be best for you to absent until you are acquainted with your peers."
"How very wise of you," I mumbled. "Now, if that is all?"
Turning to leave, I stopped when Albus called me.
"Ethan. I know you suffered greatly for the burdens placed upon you by this world, and I understand how you feel. I understand you desire to leave your past behind, but remember, it is what made you. We used you unfairly, and I regret it deeply, but there as nothing I could do. Will you accept my sincerest apologies?"
I didn't turn around to face him, knowing I wouldn't be able to control myself. I wasn't sure if I wanted to break down and cry on his shoulder or wring his neck.
"You may have a point about the past making me, but it doesn't control my future. Also, I am not that person from six or even seven years ago, so you have no need to apologize to me. You should have apologized to him." My fists were clenched at my sides, and I was sure my knuckles were going white.
If I'd turned around, I would have been able to see Dumbledore hang his head, as if to say, 'I tried.'
"You're wrong, my dear boy. For now your past controls everything."
I ignored the comment, though it struck more cords than I would have thought possible.
"Good night, Professor," I said.
"Good night, Ethan." I cringed inwardly. His voice sounded so tired. He'd tried his best to reconcile with me, but I wasn't ready; wasn't sure when I was going to be ready; wasn't sure if I wanted to be ready.
That and the fact that the weariness could very well have been an act. Dumbledore was good at that.
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I wasn't sure where the house elves had taken my belongings, nor was I sure where my room was, so I made my way to the kitchen, tickled the pear, and went in. The house elves jumped when I entered, some hiding, though I could see their pointed ears which poked above the tables. Several merely stood there, eyes wide, their potato sack clothing hanging from their thin bodies. Then one, brightly dressed one stepped forward and spoke.
"Master James! Sir! Will you be needing anything?"
I smiled down at the familiar face.
"You're Dobby, aren't you?" He seemed so shocked when I said his name. "I was wondering if you could lead me to my trunks. I seem to be unaware of where my rooms are."
He nodded fervently. "Right this way, Master James!"
I followed him as he talked happily about Hogwarts and his collection of socks. I remembered clearly how he'd been freed, accidentally receiving my sock from Lucius Malfoy. He was dressed as brightly now as he ever was, and it made me smile.
We stopped at the door to a room just above the dungeons. Dobby informed me that I could change the password anytime I wanted. I thanked him and asked him to wait outside for me while I enlarged my bags and retrieved two pairs of colourful socks I'd gotten for my birthday as a gag gift.
I presented them to him and his eyes went wide as saucers. He smiled, and forgetting proper behaviour, he hugged me and I returned it.
"You are a great man, Master James. You remind me of Harry Potter. Did you ever hear of him? He was a great man too. Very great."
I shook my head slightly, I'd helped him become free, but I was in no way great.
"If I every see a man as great as him, I'll be sure to send him your regards."
"Really?" Dobby replied excitedly.
"Yes," I replied, smiling wearily.
I moved to go into my room, but Dobby spoke one last time. "If you have need of anything, Master James, anything at all, you tell Dobby, and he'll get it for you."
"Yes Dobby, and thank you."
He disappeared with a pop, and then I entered the room.
I was suddenly so exhausted that I didn't even bother to look around the room before brushing the things off of the double bed, knocking them haphazardly to the floor before crawling underneath the covers. I was asleep within an instant, and I had, for the first time since accepting this job, a pleasant, dreamless sleep.
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AN: Wow… I really hate that chapter, but it's 1:22am right now so I'm going to post it anyway and blame it on lack of sleep. Blame everything on lack of sleep for that matter.
Anyway. Reviews are always welcome. Good or bad. They normally get me updating more often. Tell me if I should keep writing, if I should quit, if you got that theoretical new dog or if you have any suggestions for improvement.
Also, while I know where this is going, I need random plot filler, so tell me if there's anything you want to see. Really would like to know what kind of things you'd like to see.
Another question. What do you think of the songs at the beginning of each chapter? Keep it or chuck it? If you want me to keep it, you can suggest songs to put there. I just like the lyrics to have a little bit of relevance to the chapters, but, yeah, suggest songs please! (remember I'm sleep deprived right now.)
As always, hit the go button in the bottom left and feed the author.