EXTINCT LIKE THE NICODEMUS
So she was worried about him. So she was terrified the entire time Clark related the story to her. So she wanted to rush to his place and check up on him. So she wanted to kill Pete for threatening Lex. So she wanted to choke pretty girl for coming on to him.
She would not do any of those because she had no right to. He made that abundantly clear last time they talked.
She could really hate him if she tried.
She still loved him though. So she would not even try.
Chloe sat in the Talon curled up on the red couch, a mug of coffee balanced on top of a drawn knee while she browsed through the document open in her laptop. Her eyes couldn't help but wander to the counter where she had heard, from customer's whispers, that Lana had sidled up to Lex, breathing into his ear, touching him where her hands should never be. She saw the crack on the wall paint where she supposed the cup Lana threw at him hit. And so she wanted to strangle Lana Lang again.
She forced herself to edit Clark's shirt piece on the agricultural heritage of Smallville as though it were not the most obvious thing in Kansas State.
Chloe knew she should probably ask Lana how she was doing now. She already visited Mr. Kent at home and he seemed fine, back to normal shoveling whatever it was he shoveled in his barn (hopefully not muck; it did not smell like muck). But Lana had come on to two guys she really really cared about during her brief jaunt to boldness and Chloe did not appreciate it. At first she entertained the thought that maybe she could put aside her feelings for that stupid obdurate bald man if she pictured him and Lana kissing with whipped cream all over their mouths. A bit of whipped cream, after all, was part of the rumors. But the image just really made her skin crawl and injected her with the urge to get on top of Lex (after pushing Lana off of him, of course) and licking that whipped cream off his lips herself.
She was so totally screwed now. Lex did not want her. Lex did not want her. She should repeat that like a mantra. Maybe she'll start believing it soon. Lex did not want her.
"I've been wanting you."
Her head snapped up from the screensaver. She saw the one person she had been avoiding. But she positioned herself in her favorite spot in the Talon where he often saw her. How hard could she have been trying to avoid him? "Wha-What?" she gasped.
Lex gave her a small smile. "May I?"
Chloe nodded, at first dumbly. And then she said, "You may." You may sit. You may want me. Please want me.
He took a seat in the soft chair in front of her. Chloe closed the laptop and looked at him. He glanced around, making a show of looking for someone. She forced herself to say, "Clark will come soon," because it was an unspoken agreement to make their acquaintance seem to be all about Clark Kent.
"I was saying that I've been wanting to talk to you."
"Oh." Chloe moistened her lips and lifted the mug to her mouth. She swallowed enough to wet her suddenly dry throat. "You have?"
"You know we should."
"We should do a lot of things, Lex." The words came out before she could monitor them and clean them up. She followed them up with, "But we're not going to. Which of those things we should do are you talking about at this instance?"
His eyebrow arched at her rather snarky bitterness. She was usually snarky without all the acid lacing her comments. "Our last conversation ended too abruptly. I wanted to make sure we understood each other."
Chloe looked around to make sure no one would hear their conversation. She sighed. "I understand you just fine, Lex. You were right. I was wrong. You know my track record with guys. I run to the ones who don't really want me and run away from the ones who really do."
"I don't want you hurt because of your involvement with me."
"Yet here you are, seeking me out. Can't give up my company for long, can you, Lex?" She gave him a lopsided grin with that comment. "Or do you think it's safe to be my friend and just a no-no to be more than that?"
He shook his head and took the mug from her hands. He sipped the warm drink and placed the coffee down. "We used to be better than this. Why have we suddenly turned into. this?" he finished lamely, knowing no words that would not insult them both.
"It's my fault, Lex," she admitted. "We were already good together. I ruined it by telling you what I did." He did not comment. "It's kind of depressing. Now I have a peek at how my relationship with Clark would suffer if he finds out how I feel about him."
He regarded her quietly for a few moment before assuring her, "It won't, Chloe."
"Yeah, it won't. Coz with him, it's a crush."
He looked so troubled that she fought the urge to advise him to just go. "You don't understand me."
"By all means, Lex, explain."
"There are things about me that you don't know."
"I can't think of-"
His hand shot out and closed over hers, effectively shutting her up. "Let me finish?" She nodded. He pulled him hand away before anyone else could see it. He rested back in his chair again. "I've been with a lot of women, Chloe. They come and go and they take what they want. But I never lose out because I take from them too. When I'm in a relationship, it's a fight for survival. I don't love."
"Yes, you do," she whispered. "You loved your mom. You loved Pa-"
"I love you," he cut her off. "And ever since I did it's been safe. You were my little sister that I can tease and talk to while I was away. You were my link to home just because the only person related to me can't be."
She turned her eyes away from his serious regard. At that point, she was sure meeting his gaze would shatter her. This was the kind of love that they agreed on. And she just ruined it.
"And when you moved away it was fine. My life was crazy. I was involved with things I wouldn't even want you to know about. It was better that Gabe took you to Smallville because I still had someone out there who cared about me, who saw me as the guy I used to be. When I called you, I felt like the Lex you believed in, Chloe, not the Lex I'd become."
His words were quiet, and they brought tears to her eyes. She was amazed that they could share intimacy like this in the middle of a half-full restaurant without anyone suspecting that something was going on.
"I could count on that girl in Smallville whom I could call if I wanted. If I felt really low, I'd pick up the phone and listen to you tell me stories about faceless people and still be entertained because you never treated me differently. You loved me, and I was so hard to love. That was something permanent in my life. And in my life, Chloe, you know that nothing ever seems unchanging. There was a time when I really felt I would die before I reached twenty."
She felt the horrible burden of guilt weighing her heart down. Chloe hated it with a passion. Why did she have to feel this way? She felt like she betrayed him.
"And then I fuck up big time and dad sends me to cow town. The only bright spot was the thought that I'd see this blonde little girl who would tell me stories about her girlfriends and maybe I can take out for ice cream sometime."
She frowned at him, never having heard before how he expected to find her after years apart.
"I come to Smallville prepared to buy Shirley Temple some Barbies. For all those Calculus and Trig exams I aced, I forgot simple Arithmetic."
She grinned tearfully.
"Imagine my shock when I found a goddess."
A bubble of laughter escaped her lips. She shook her head and wiped at her tears. "I'm sorry I ruined it, Lex. I didn't mean to fall in love with you."
"I fell in love long before you did, Chloe. And I fell harder, because I never told you. I would never have told you if it weren't for what happened last week."
For people admitting something so real, Chloe applauded their ability to stay in their seats and outwardly appear to be chatting. "Why not?"
"Because I don't want to lose you. It's either you fall into the curse or you find out and decide to stay away on your own."
"That's not possible," she denied.
"Think realistically, Chloe," he told her. "Think of everyone you know and care about. And then imagine us walking up to them, hand in hand. It's the twenty-two year old devil and the fifteen-year-old high school student. I know you're not a fairy tale type of girl. So be true to yourself and picture that."
She never took her eyes off him as she pictured everything, from Clark, to Pete, to her dad, to everyone else. Several silent minutes later, she smiled sadly, "Are we going to pretend now?"
He shook his head again and corrected her, "Still."
"I wish we could kiss. I mean, we're effectively breaking up, right? I think we became a couple for a whole five minutes there," she whispered.
"We'll kiss. Someday. But right now we have to put this aside. And I just know if we kiss, the plan would go down the drain."
"You're right." She grinned at him. "I think if we do I'll bite your lip so I'll never have to let you go."
He grinned back, and how could a grin be so sad? "So we're not in love, Chloe. Effective now, that is."
"Yup," she agreed. "My feelings for you are officially dead."
And when Clark arrived and sat beside her, they held their gaze and wondered just who they were kidding.
So she was worried about him. So she was terrified the entire time Clark related the story to her. So she wanted to rush to his place and check up on him. So she wanted to kill Pete for threatening Lex. So she wanted to choke pretty girl for coming on to him.
She would not do any of those because she had no right to. He made that abundantly clear last time they talked.
She could really hate him if she tried.
She still loved him though. So she would not even try.
Chloe sat in the Talon curled up on the red couch, a mug of coffee balanced on top of a drawn knee while she browsed through the document open in her laptop. Her eyes couldn't help but wander to the counter where she had heard, from customer's whispers, that Lana had sidled up to Lex, breathing into his ear, touching him where her hands should never be. She saw the crack on the wall paint where she supposed the cup Lana threw at him hit. And so she wanted to strangle Lana Lang again.
She forced herself to edit Clark's shirt piece on the agricultural heritage of Smallville as though it were not the most obvious thing in Kansas State.
Chloe knew she should probably ask Lana how she was doing now. She already visited Mr. Kent at home and he seemed fine, back to normal shoveling whatever it was he shoveled in his barn (hopefully not muck; it did not smell like muck). But Lana had come on to two guys she really really cared about during her brief jaunt to boldness and Chloe did not appreciate it. At first she entertained the thought that maybe she could put aside her feelings for that stupid obdurate bald man if she pictured him and Lana kissing with whipped cream all over their mouths. A bit of whipped cream, after all, was part of the rumors. But the image just really made her skin crawl and injected her with the urge to get on top of Lex (after pushing Lana off of him, of course) and licking that whipped cream off his lips herself.
She was so totally screwed now. Lex did not want her. Lex did not want her. She should repeat that like a mantra. Maybe she'll start believing it soon. Lex did not want her.
"I've been wanting you."
Her head snapped up from the screensaver. She saw the one person she had been avoiding. But she positioned herself in her favorite spot in the Talon where he often saw her. How hard could she have been trying to avoid him? "Wha-What?" she gasped.
Lex gave her a small smile. "May I?"
Chloe nodded, at first dumbly. And then she said, "You may." You may sit. You may want me. Please want me.
He took a seat in the soft chair in front of her. Chloe closed the laptop and looked at him. He glanced around, making a show of looking for someone. She forced herself to say, "Clark will come soon," because it was an unspoken agreement to make their acquaintance seem to be all about Clark Kent.
"I was saying that I've been wanting to talk to you."
"Oh." Chloe moistened her lips and lifted the mug to her mouth. She swallowed enough to wet her suddenly dry throat. "You have?"
"You know we should."
"We should do a lot of things, Lex." The words came out before she could monitor them and clean them up. She followed them up with, "But we're not going to. Which of those things we should do are you talking about at this instance?"
His eyebrow arched at her rather snarky bitterness. She was usually snarky without all the acid lacing her comments. "Our last conversation ended too abruptly. I wanted to make sure we understood each other."
Chloe looked around to make sure no one would hear their conversation. She sighed. "I understand you just fine, Lex. You were right. I was wrong. You know my track record with guys. I run to the ones who don't really want me and run away from the ones who really do."
"I don't want you hurt because of your involvement with me."
"Yet here you are, seeking me out. Can't give up my company for long, can you, Lex?" She gave him a lopsided grin with that comment. "Or do you think it's safe to be my friend and just a no-no to be more than that?"
He shook his head and took the mug from her hands. He sipped the warm drink and placed the coffee down. "We used to be better than this. Why have we suddenly turned into. this?" he finished lamely, knowing no words that would not insult them both.
"It's my fault, Lex," she admitted. "We were already good together. I ruined it by telling you what I did." He did not comment. "It's kind of depressing. Now I have a peek at how my relationship with Clark would suffer if he finds out how I feel about him."
He regarded her quietly for a few moment before assuring her, "It won't, Chloe."
"Yeah, it won't. Coz with him, it's a crush."
He looked so troubled that she fought the urge to advise him to just go. "You don't understand me."
"By all means, Lex, explain."
"There are things about me that you don't know."
"I can't think of-"
His hand shot out and closed over hers, effectively shutting her up. "Let me finish?" She nodded. He pulled him hand away before anyone else could see it. He rested back in his chair again. "I've been with a lot of women, Chloe. They come and go and they take what they want. But I never lose out because I take from them too. When I'm in a relationship, it's a fight for survival. I don't love."
"Yes, you do," she whispered. "You loved your mom. You loved Pa-"
"I love you," he cut her off. "And ever since I did it's been safe. You were my little sister that I can tease and talk to while I was away. You were my link to home just because the only person related to me can't be."
She turned her eyes away from his serious regard. At that point, she was sure meeting his gaze would shatter her. This was the kind of love that they agreed on. And she just ruined it.
"And when you moved away it was fine. My life was crazy. I was involved with things I wouldn't even want you to know about. It was better that Gabe took you to Smallville because I still had someone out there who cared about me, who saw me as the guy I used to be. When I called you, I felt like the Lex you believed in, Chloe, not the Lex I'd become."
His words were quiet, and they brought tears to her eyes. She was amazed that they could share intimacy like this in the middle of a half-full restaurant without anyone suspecting that something was going on.
"I could count on that girl in Smallville whom I could call if I wanted. If I felt really low, I'd pick up the phone and listen to you tell me stories about faceless people and still be entertained because you never treated me differently. You loved me, and I was so hard to love. That was something permanent in my life. And in my life, Chloe, you know that nothing ever seems unchanging. There was a time when I really felt I would die before I reached twenty."
She felt the horrible burden of guilt weighing her heart down. Chloe hated it with a passion. Why did she have to feel this way? She felt like she betrayed him.
"And then I fuck up big time and dad sends me to cow town. The only bright spot was the thought that I'd see this blonde little girl who would tell me stories about her girlfriends and maybe I can take out for ice cream sometime."
She frowned at him, never having heard before how he expected to find her after years apart.
"I come to Smallville prepared to buy Shirley Temple some Barbies. For all those Calculus and Trig exams I aced, I forgot simple Arithmetic."
She grinned tearfully.
"Imagine my shock when I found a goddess."
A bubble of laughter escaped her lips. She shook her head and wiped at her tears. "I'm sorry I ruined it, Lex. I didn't mean to fall in love with you."
"I fell in love long before you did, Chloe. And I fell harder, because I never told you. I would never have told you if it weren't for what happened last week."
For people admitting something so real, Chloe applauded their ability to stay in their seats and outwardly appear to be chatting. "Why not?"
"Because I don't want to lose you. It's either you fall into the curse or you find out and decide to stay away on your own."
"That's not possible," she denied.
"Think realistically, Chloe," he told her. "Think of everyone you know and care about. And then imagine us walking up to them, hand in hand. It's the twenty-two year old devil and the fifteen-year-old high school student. I know you're not a fairy tale type of girl. So be true to yourself and picture that."
She never took her eyes off him as she pictured everything, from Clark, to Pete, to her dad, to everyone else. Several silent minutes later, she smiled sadly, "Are we going to pretend now?"
He shook his head again and corrected her, "Still."
"I wish we could kiss. I mean, we're effectively breaking up, right? I think we became a couple for a whole five minutes there," she whispered.
"We'll kiss. Someday. But right now we have to put this aside. And I just know if we kiss, the plan would go down the drain."
"You're right." She grinned at him. "I think if we do I'll bite your lip so I'll never have to let you go."
He grinned back, and how could a grin be so sad? "So we're not in love, Chloe. Effective now, that is."
"Yup," she agreed. "My feelings for you are officially dead."
And when Clark arrived and sat beside her, they held their gaze and wondered just who they were kidding.