AN: Hello again. Sorry for the continued delay between chapters, but I've been extremely busy. Honestly! Since the beginning of school there have been days where I've been there from 6:30 until 10:00pm. I assure you I still have every intention of finishing this, I just can't promise when. Don't expect this to be updated next weekend, though maybe the week after.
Disclaimer: Lyrics belong to David Usher, Characters and World belong to J.K.R.
Also, thanks to everyone who reviewed that last chapter, and happy birthday to Agar.
So he dies and I'm
the joke
A playdoh mask a million miles to go
A suped up cock tease with a little twist
When sex got ugly I'd insist
Hear you'll empty all I've got
Fucking's over but I can't stop cumming
Still born dead or never born at all
When jesus was my girl
She told me
When jesus was my girl
It's impossible for me
Harder even if I turn it over
I'm not as pretty as I thought I'd be
Another symptom of my damn desease
Hear you've taken all I got
Fucking's over but I just keep cumming
Still born dead and never born at all
When jesus was my girl
She told me
When jesus was my girl
When jesus was my girl
She told me
When jesus was my girl
I'm not as pretty as I thought I'd be
Another sympton of my damn disease
I'm not as pretty as I thought I'd be
Another sympton of my damn disease
I'm not as pretty as I thought I'd be
Another sympton of my damn disease
I'm not as pretty as I thought I'd be
Another sympton of my damn disease
When jesus was my girl
She told me
When jesus was my girl
When jesus was my girl
She told me
When jesus was my girl
I'm not as pretty as I thought I'd be
Another sympton of my damn disease
I'm not as pretty as I thought I'd be
Another sympton of my damn disease
I'm not as pretty as I thought I'd be
Another sympton of my damn disease
I'm not as pretty as I thought I'd be
Another sympton of my damn disease
I'm not as pretty as I thought I'd be
Another sympton of my damn disease
I'm not as pretty as I thought I'd be
Another sympton of my damn disease
Chapter 16
"Albus! I demand that you give me permission to follow this professor next time he disappears. You may not care, but you're jeopardizing the safety of your students!"
"What a ridiculous notion, my boy. No, absolutely not. Biscuit? Tea? Lemon Drop?"
"No! Albus! Listen to me! That man is a spy, or he is at least working for the Neo Death Eaters. He must be placed under close watch."
"And where, child, did you obtain this knowledge?"
"It's not knowledge Albus, it's intuition! That… kid, applies for this job, tells us nothing about himself, and disappears all the time."
"It's innocent until proven guilty, my boy."
"If he's innocent, then why is he hiding so much…? If you would tell us who he is, where he came from, what his hiding, none of us would be so concerned."
"None of us, Severus?"
"Albus!"
"Absolutely not. I will not betray my professors' confidence."
~*~*~*~
My life at Hogwarts during the week took on a predictable pattern. I'd wake up, have a shower, eat breakfast on my own, teach classes, have lunch in my class room and correct papers, teach more classes, grade more papers with my four student helpers for an hour, plan the next lessons, practice with my instruments, read, and finally, go to bed.
There was one night, the week after I patched things up with my Godfather, that I went back to my apartment to call Kestor to arrange a get together for the weekend, and I also had the duelling club, but other than that, my days were very repetitive.
There was always the weekend to look forward to, however. I had decided to make weekly visits to Sirius' house on Sunday evenings, to catch up, socialize, and, lucky for me, work on modifying my CD player, so that I could play music for the contest, if I ever found out what it was.
What I really looked forward to that week was my first visit with my friends in Muggle London since summer.
~*~*~*~
"Hey! Look who finally decided to show up!"
I entered my old flat with my friends waiting for me, somewhat ready and expecting a band practice. It didn't dawn on them that I was going to disappoint them, because they didn't notice that I hadn't brought my drum kit with me, and I was too tired to comment on it. It was nearly ten that night and I hadn't slept well the night before. In addition, it didn't help that Muggle busses were in no way the best way to travel. I'd used one instead of apparating because I didn't think my friends would understand if I suddenly appeared in front of them in a blinding poof of illogic.
"Hey guys," I replied wearily, setting down my carry bad. I was finding it easy to get around on the one crutch now, but I was hopeful that the cast would come off soon.
"Wow, Ethan," Jordan, the former drummer, began, "Has anyone told you recently that you look like shit?" That was his idea of a greeting. He was blunt, and always honest. "If we'd known the reason for you never returning our phone calls was this serious we could have come rescue you."
I was about to protest that things were wonderful, but Kestor spoke first. "His physical state has nothing to do with that. He just hasn't been getting enough sleep. The real reason out friend has been so preoccupied is because he has a new love interest."
"What!" I blurted out. The idea seemed preposterous. Unless I'd suddenly developed an interest in minors or women old enough to be my mother, there was no one at Hogwarts for me to be interested in. Granted, I though, despite his idiosyncrasies, that Severus was one sexy bastard, but he loathed me, or at least who I was now.
"Come on, Ethan, tell us all about it."
I suddenly felt a wave of pity wash over me for Jordan. In our band, Aliston, who played keyboard, Sam, who played guitar, and Kestor, our singer and back up guitarist, were all interested in blokes. Hanging around with two gay men and two women must have been taxing for him, but he managed to be very patient about it.
My pity didn't last very long as I was nagged by my friends. I made a mental note to seek revenge against Kestor for his lies.
"There isn't anything to tell."
"I'm sure there isn't," Sam replied patronizingly.
"Well, though it breaks my heart to do so," Kestor began nobly and melodramatically, "I support ou to the fullest when you decide to tell us who this lucky mystery guy is. Just remember, if he breaks your heart, I'll crush his…"
"Kestor!" Aliston interrupted before he could finish. She had taken it upon herself to clean up out images to make us more appear more 'sellable' to record labels. She was determined to rid Kestor of his foul language, among other things, if it was the last thing she did.
"Well, now that that's over with, why don't we start playing," Jordan stated, ever the practical one.
"Actually," I decided to confess. "I don't have any of my stuff here. I came more to socialize and find out what we're doing about the contest."
"About that…" Jordan began, before Sam cut him off. "We got the invitation to come play…"
"But we turned it down," Aliston finished.
I looked at them incredulously, but I probably would have believed them if it hadn't been for the slight smirk and the expectant look on Kestor's face. He was the worst person to keep a secret, and the last person you'd ever want on your side when it came to practical jokes. He once organized a surprise birthday party for me at my favourite restaurant and then spoiled it by discussing the reservation plans in front of me. He could have pulled if off, except he proceeded to berate himself in from of me instead of covering it up.
"You guys are kidding."
"Of course we are," Jordan replied, and the rest of the group burst into laughter. "We could have been there even if you hadn't decided to come."
More laughter there, and I gave them a mock frown. "Gee, thanks guys. You sure know how to make me feel important."
"Don't mention it."
Kestor took this chance to jump in. "I know how to make you feel more important."
"How?"
"A couple of rounds at the pub while we decide on which songs we should play!"
There were four cheers to the affirmative, and off we went.
We didn't really do anything productive there, unless you count Kestor, Sam and Jordan entering into a beer-drinking contest. For a woman, Sam could certainly drink a lot, and we all chalked it up to her being Canadian. The contest didn't have a winner, but it did leave Aliston and I responsible for carrying home the three staggering drunks.
The actual decision making process didn't take place until late Saturday afternoon and account of the five of us having to recover from hangovers. We ended up picking eight songs that we'd at least practiced before because we would have less time to practice before the concert. We did choose one new song for the uncharted category, simply because Kestor insisted on it.
Our final selections ended up being, Tom Petty's Last Dance With Mary Jane, Smashing Pumpkins' Zero, Goldfinger's 99 Red Balloons, Statix-x's Cold, Pearl Jam's Jeremy, and (at Kestor's insistance) Violent Fem's Blister In The Sun. The three songs for the audience choice category were, Cold Play's The Scientist, Oasis' Supersonic, and the Red Hot Chilli Peppers' Don't Forget Me.
Now knowing what were would be playing, I was able to visit Sirius with a new sense of determination, and something to play on the CD player to figure out if it worked.
~*~*~*~
The weeks leading up to the Christmas Holiday proved to be rather uneventful. Fortunately my classes quieted down a little with no more questions, if not comments, about my sexuality. I even managed to obtain a Bogart for my second and third year classes, re-enacting the lesson Remus had given us. The children certainly had some interesting fears, and interesting ways of making them ridiculous. I must admit, however, that none quite as spectacular as Snape dressed in Neville's aunt's hat.
McGonagall was not too impressed when she heard that one of the Hufflepuff students was terrified of her and had given her Albus' white beard. Remus and Sirius howled with laughter when I'd told them the following Sunday.
Aside from the Bogart, however, the rest of the practicals we had were done either with illusions or controlled configurations. It seemed that Charlie wasn't nearly as fond of odd and interesting creatures as Hagrid, so my supply of possible subjects was somewhat limited.
There was one good thing about having Charlie as a professor. With his multitude of connections, he was able to arrange for a few dragonlings to be brought to Hogwarts for a week. I had talked to him, and I would be able to use those in a few of my lessons.
My only other plans for my classes had to do with my somewhat vast knowledge in potions. I was going to do several lessons on poisons, the magical or herbal antidotes, as well a few counter curses and potions. None of this was going to happen until after Christmas, however, so many of my lessons weren't all that interesting.
Luckily, I had several people to talk to during the mealtime. Ron had finally come to believe I wasn't interested in his wide, and so I benefited from his company now, as well as Hermione's. In addition to that, the plants Sprout had lent me were thriving, which prompted several discussions.
I even managed to draw the stubborn Severus into the conversation, consulting him on who the use of potions, or magic, on a growing plant might affect their uses in potions. The older man may have been a paranoid bastard, but at least now he was beginning to respect me a little as a fellow professor. And lucky for him, too, because I was in control of the Duelling Club, and I could use that power to embarrass him in vasious displays of Duelling tactics.
~*~*~*~
"I understand this may not make a whole lot of sense to you at the moment, but there is reason to my madness," I began, standing on the head table in the Great Hall. Chie was sitting patiently beside me, occasionally rubbing his head against my thigh. "We've discussed stance, positioning, the necessity of movement, and proper etiquette, but now we're going to discuss grip."
There were several groans conveying boredom, a sound I'd become almost used to hearing in my classes, but I didn't let it bother me. I'd made it clear from the beginning of the club that you didn't have to pay attention to what I was teaching, but if you screwed up badly enough, you would be kicked out. The club went on for about two hours, the first half usually being new lessons, and the second half, duelling. Students were more than welcome to only come for the second half, but it was at their own risk. Also, if they missed the first half for any reason, they could come to me and I would get them caught up.
"I want everyone here to show me the proper way to grip their wand in a duel."
The students who had chosen to remain did so, and I nodded towards Severus. We moved through the group of students, inspecting their grips. Once finished, I returned to my spot on the table. "I want those of you whom we spoke to to step forward."
Three students obeyed. Two Slytherins, and a Ravenclaw. I saw Severus nod slightly to himself, and wondered silently what note he was making.
"Only these three use a proper grip," I said bluntly. "The rest of you are holding your wands too tightly."
One student protested this. "But if we don't, it could easily be knocked out of our hands, and if we lose out wands, we've lost the duel."
I'd been expecting that point, and had needed someone to bring it up in order to make one of my own. "That's not entirely true. Your opponent needs to have your wand in order for them to be declared the winner."
Severus took over here and spoke to them in his usual condescending voice. "There is a reason why your Charms and Transfiguration's professors teach your to move your wands in order to cast spells. It isn't just for the sheer amusement of it."
"If you hold your want too tightly, you won't be able to move your wrist, and your spells and curses will lose their potency," I finished.
"I'd rather my curses lose
potency than me lose my wand," a girl stated, and the rest of the group began muttering
in agreement.
"That's where the reason
to my madness comes in," I said with a laugh.
"I'm a firm believer in teaching you things the right way the first time
instead of teaching you an easy way that will lead to developing bad habits
later on.
"I promised to teach fourth years and up a little bit of wandless magic. Mainly accio. That spell is invaluable when if comes to duelling. If you can perform that spell with ease, it won't matter if you drop you wand, because you'll be able to get it back faster than they can."
This seemed to go ober well with the students, and there was much talk of their wandless magic lessons, as well as what other spells they might be able to master. I smiled to myself as I went around teaching them the proper grip.
I didn't get any questions about this until a fourth year student came over to mw while the other students practiced their newly learned skills.
"I understand that having a loose grip is a good idea, and how wandless magic can help you get your wand back when you drop it, but wouldn't a firm grip be better if you were hit with expelliarmus?"
I sighed. It was a decent question, but the poor kid obviously didn't know what expelliarmus did. "If your holding your wand too tightly and you're hit with that curse, your opponent is going to get your wand, and you're going to go flying. If you have a loose grip, you won't be hurt as much. If you're hit with expelliarmus, you're going to lose your wand either way."
"If you're hit with your expelliarmus, you shouldn't be duelling in the first place," came the sardonic voice from behind me.
I turned around and glared at the older man as the student ran off. Severus' belittling of students had bugged me while I was at school, and now that I could do something about it, it bugged me even more.
"Do you enjoy debasing your students?" I snapped.
I received a wry smile. "I paid to teach them, giving them false praise would cost extra."
I looked Snape over. Sure, I thought he was sexy as hell, and I knew that he could be nice if he wanted to, but he was still a bastard.
"You know what Muggles say about people like you?" I asked, keeping my voice pleasant and cheerful. "They say you need to belittle other to make yourself feel worthy. Do you feel worthy now Snape?" I asked, my voice hard, " Because that kids going to feel like shit for the rest of the night."
It was so hard to remember the real Severus, the one I'd know when I was training for the war, when he was acting like this… or when I was on the receiving end of his glares.
"My job is to prepare them for the real world, not coddle them."
~*~Flashback~*~
"Professor, why do you always treat Neville so badly? The only reason he fails in your class is because he's terrified of you."
"My job is to prepare students for the real world, Harry, not coddle them."
"But if you went a little easier on him, be might be able to learn something."
"I didn't say my job was to make them learn. I still get paid either way."
"That's horrible!"
"Perhaps, though if I were teaching a different class, I may have taken another approach. The art of potion-making is lost to most. They won't retain any more from this then how to brew a burning salve or a painkiller. The least I can do for them is help them learn that the world isn't the happy place the Headmaster paints it to be. What good would if do if everyone thought this war could be settled over a cup of tea and some lemon drops, or if the students were all slaughtered by Voldemort and his followers for being too trusting right after graduation?"
"I guess than makes sense, but what about the house points?"
"That's revenge."
"Against whom?"
"Your mangy Godfather."
~*~End Flashback~*~
I looked once more at Snape. I didn't understand his reasoning anymore. There was no more war, and there were better ways of preparing students for the real world. I turned away from him, muttering, "Asshole."
"The muggles also have a
saying about big words, Professor," Severus replied, leaving me to fill in the
rest.
~*~*~*~
My weeks were thankfully quiet after that. There was the Halloween feast, of course, but nothing as spectacular as a Troll in the washrooms occurred.
My weekends remained productive. I practiced with my band, went drinking, and by the beginning of November, I had myself a magic friendly CD player.
By the end of November, students were looking forward to the Holidays, I was preparing midterm tests for my classes, and Six Feet Cold was nearly ready for the band contest.
There was a small hitch with my plans, however.
I spent the last weekend in November at Hogwarts, grading papers. The weekend after that, I spend Sunday night at Sirius' home, not returning to Hogwarts until just before classes. The third weekend was a Hogsmead weekend, and the threatened attack came.
I wasn't there, being in Muggle London with my band mates instead, so I only know the details. Somehow, the attackers knew where the professors would be, and how best to detain them during the attack. Charlie, along with a dozen students, and one Hogsmead resident had been injured. At the end, the attackers, wearing white masks, had sent the Dark Mark into the sky.
The Daily Prophet called them Neo Death Eaters.
At Hogwarts, many of the Professors thought I was to blame.
~*~*~*~
"Albus, I understand what you're saying, but couldn't you just tell them who I am and clear this all up?"
I was tired of lying to everyone, tired of being shunned, and the Headmaster had just tried to convince me that I should stop leaving Hogwarts to ease the minds of my fellow professors.
I, of course, didn't like that idea.
"Absolutely not," he replied. "Now that we know what we're dealing with, we don't want to spoil the surprise."
"Surprise?" I asked incredulously.
"Yes. Our enemy is a band of Death Eaters, or a group, most likely with a leader styling himself as the new Dark Lord, of Voldemort's heir. Who better to defeat them that The-Boy-Who-Lived. If we tell everyone who you are, we will have lost our secret weapon."
"Knowing ho I am might frighten them away," I retorted.
"No, the best idea would be to stay here."
I threw my hands up into the air in frustration. There Albus went again! He was always right! "I've spent the last six years trying to forget everything. I'm not going to let you manipulated me, Albus. "I'm leaving and you can tell the others whatever you want."
Storming out of the office, I ran into Ron and Hermione. I got a cold reception from the former, and a pitying glance from the latter. I glared at both of them. Ron blamed me, and Hermione still believed in a manipulating bastard.
I threw my hands up into the air again, let out an exasperated sigh, and stormed to my rooms. My storming was a little hindered by the fact that, while I was no longer on crutches, I still limped.
Stupid Headmaster thinking I would put my life on hold for him!
~*~*~*~
"Headmaster?"
"Very well, Severus. If it puts your mind at ease, you may follow Professor James, but I warn you, you'll be disappointed by what you find."
"I strongly doubt it."
AN: Well, there's another chapter. Please review and tell me what you think. I'll love you forever if you do.
Also, I've decided I'll try and write a lemon for the next chapter, but I'm not going to post it on FF.net. If anyone is interested in reading it, you'll probably have to e-mail me, since I don't have a site, or, if someone is kind enough to host it… *hint hint*…