Chapter Seven: So hollow, Baby

"Goodbye my lover.
Goodbye my friend.
You have been the one.
You have been the one for me.
I'm so hollow, baby, I'm so hollow."

James Blunt, "Goodbye my lover"

Dantooine, Khoonda Plains

"How are they doing?", Atton asked gesturing towards the settlers and salvagers who were working on building up new shelters. Né had been helping them five hours straight, coordinating the work, levitating objects, healing small wounds that accompanied the building efforts. Only when Mira had mentioned that she looked "like something a kath hound had dragged in", she had taken a time out. Which was why she was now sitting on a rock nearby and chewing on a ration bar.

She didn't answer him for a moment, waiting till he sat down beside her. "Okay, I think.", she said between two bites from the ration bar. He looked at her. She gave him her profile, with her forehead slightly wrinkled in a frown. The sky above them was gray and heavy with rain, and a strong wind was blowing across the planet's surface. It constantly ruffled her short blond hair, and she was constantly moving her fingers to smooth it down or sweep it out if her face. Just watching her made him want to kiss her senseless right there and then.

But instead he casually asked: "You okay?" She just nodded, still not looking at him. Something was bothering her, that much he could tell. After the little pillow fight episode the night before and the progress they were making on the whole power generator thing and everything he had expected her to be a little more cheerful.

But he had learned that sometimes he needed to wait for her to come to him and tell him what was bothering her. So he tore his gaze away and turned to watch the building efforts instead. In this moment, Mira's laugh drifted over to them, and she was throwing something at Mical. Absentmindedly he wondered when exactly those two had started to get so friendly. Just when he was about to utter the thought aloud, Né beat him to it, saying: "It's me who she wants."

He turned back to her, a little flabbergasted. "Huh? Who?"

She was still not looking at him, even turning a little away from him. "Atris."

Somehow he knew what was coming next. And so he took his time with answering. Then he said: "So… what're we gonna do about it?"

Now she did look at him, and he was surprised to see a hint of guilt and shame reflect in her eyes. "Atton… there won't be a 'we'. Not this time."

"I see."

And that was it. She had expected him to throw a temper-tantrum, just like last time, but nothing came. He just wouldn't look at her again. It bothered her more than a heated reply would have. "Then… then you agree with me, right?"

"The hell I do." His voice was level, and the sentence sounded casual, but she could hear traces of a rage that was kept at bay in the undertones.

"You… you have to understand." He looked at her again, and the sheer amount of conflicting emotions she could see in his eyes made her cringe inwardly. Anger, hurt, desperation, even understanding… it was all in there. And he was radiating it off as well. She wondered briefly if this was his usual throwing up walls of emotions so she wouldn't be able to "mess with his head", but dismissed the thought.

"Maybe. But since when did I do the things I was supposed to do?" Anger and impatience were creeping into his level voice.

"Atton, please. This is different than last time. Running away then was more about running away from myself than finding Revan, but this time…"

"Wasn't it more about running away from me?" Bitterness was added into the mix of negative emotions she was getting from him.

"No. It wasn't. But that's just not the point now. The point is…"

"The point is that you're running again. From me. From us. And right into a trap. Dammit, Né, this whole thing practically screams "trap". And you have to run right into it. Again. Just like into that meeting with Visquis. And the duel with Kreia. And Korriban, four days ago. Are you just playing dense or are you really this stupid…"

That was too much. She jumped up, raising her voice. "No one calls me "stupid", mister! I've only followed my instincts, and I've been right about it. And I'm following my instincts now!"

Now letting the carefully build up barriers tumble down he jumped up as well, shouting at her. "No! You're acting on some savior-complex. Dammit, woman, we are your friends! We won't let her get you. And what exactly had you planned anyway? Don't tell me it's one of these half-baked things you usually come up with."

By now they had attracted quite an audience, but they were already too worked up to care. "More than one of these "half-baked things" have saved your sorry ass. And don't talk to me about "savior-complexes". You just can't stand a woman who can take care of herself. Always need a little damsel in distress to save to keep up that inflated ego of yours."

She was yelling by now, and he wasn't letting her put him in second place. "My inflated ego? Who thought she could take on two fully grown Sith Lords on her own? And who thinks she can take on another one now? You'll never make it."

"I could take care of myself very well, and will take care of myself now just the same." She punctuated every word with her index finger darting towards him.

"You call almost letting yourself be crushed by a mass shadow generator on a dead planet taking care of yourself? You must be more delusional than even Kreia."

Her eyes grew large, and he could see the shock and hurt at his last statement clearly in her eyes. As the full impact of what he just said hit him he felt sick to the bone. But before he could say anything she had turned to flee the whole scene. Shock had routed him firmly to his spot, but suddenly Mira gave him a violent shove brushing past him and chasing after Né.

"Well done, Atton."

He turned around, seeing a clearly angry Mical. "Look…"

"No." The determination and grimness in his voice startled Atton. "No, I won't. And if you've hurt her permanently I promise I will…"

An almost unbearable weariness set in, causing Atton to turn away and say: "Spare me the gruesome details, pretty boy. Go back to play with your toy bricks."

As he started to walk away, he suddenly felt a hand on his shoulder trying to spin him around. He didn't even bother but just grabbed the hand and used the momentum to swing his assailant on the ground. A now enraged Mical stared back at him, the hand on his light saber. It just earned him a cold stare from Atton together with a "Don't even think about it." With that he finally walked away, right into the open plains. And as if on cue, the rain set in.

"Stop! Dammit, girl, will you just slow down!", Mira shouted at the woman running some meters ahead of her. The rain was blinding her, and her shoes were heavy with water. Not to mention that she felt like she was soaked through to her bones. Sighing she used the Force to speed her up, something she absolutely hated to do because she usually failed to maintain the speed for more than a few meters.

But it was enough to catch up with Né. Panting heavily she almost threw herself at the woman. For a moment Mira felt her struggle against her, but then she stood completely still. Mira turned to face her, holding her friend by her shoulders. "He isn't worth it. Not a bit. If he makes you cry, he isn't worth it.", was all she could say, not even being able to tell if Né was crying at all, what with all the rain running down their faces.

"Then I'm not worth it, either." The quiet admission startled Mira, and in that moment her friend looked just so forlorn that she was unable to do anything else than to hug her.

"Holy shit, sure you are. Or else I wouldn't have followed you to hell and back."

At first Né didn't react, but then she suddenly hugged Mira back, muffling into her shoulder. "I was wrong to say all these things about him. All he did was try to make me stay with him. With you. But I can't. I just can't."

"Why? Why d'you have to face that mad Jedi on your own?", Mira asked.

"You are my weakness. Everyone of you. Bringing you with me would endanger you, more than you could ever imagine. I could never allow that."

Somehow it moved Mira greatly that Né was caring that much about her. Hell, it moved her that someone was caring about her at all. She had always been a loner, from early childhood on. Yes, there had been flings, business partners, drinking buddies… but never lovers or friends. And now there was someone who was willing to put her life in the line just so she, Mira, wouldn't be in danger. She didn't know how to express all those emotions that were suddenly flowing through her so she just tightened her hold on her friend and tried to project all she was feeling toward her.

"I'm scared, Mira. So very scared.", Né admitted between sobs, and it scared Mira. She desperately tried to find the right words to comfort her.

"It's okay to be scared. Forget what all those Jedi Masters told you. I bet there was a lot they were scared off. They would just never would let you see it, lest their aura of infallibility should become non-existent."

Né looked up from her shoulder, and a small grinning was sneaking onto her face and she was taking a step out of the embrace. "I guess, you're right." But then she grew somber again. "I will miss you so much. I will miss Bao-Dur and Visas and Mical and even Mandalore."

"And… what about Atton?", Mira tentatively asked.

"I will… I… can't even express… I… But I just have to this. I wish he'd understand."

Mia knew she had now two options: one was to tell Né to forget the jerk and let him wallow in his self-pity forever. The other was to give it one last shot to make him see reason and explain everything to him. She sighed a little. "Look, I still think he acted like a total and utter jerk, but I… don't want you to leave like this. Let me handle this, and I promise you'll get a second chance. In turn you promise me to let us know immediately when you need help. Deal?"

"I… yes. We have a deal. Second chance for me, emergency call for you."

Mira grinned. "And no delays or keeping quiet. You need help, you call."

Né nodded. "I promise."

"Well, then, my friend," Mira put an arm around her friend's shoulders, "let us get our asses into something a little drier than this. 'Cause quite frankly: I look horribly with a red nose and swollen eyes."

Ebon Hawk, Cockpit, 3 hours later

Atton was sitting in the cockpit, staring out of the window where the rain still continued pouring down on the landing pad and the ships. The drops were running down the windows in little streams and rivers, diverging and uniting at random, and the steady beat of the rain was resounding in the ship. Now and then a heavy gust of wind was rushing the raindrops and adding a little force to the pounding.

He was still wearing his wet clothes, and already shivering heavily, even in the comfortable warmth of the cockpit, but he didn't care about it. He knew that he should have changed long ago, and probably perform a Force heal to prevent any traces of a cold spreading threw his system, but he didn't care about that either.

He didn't really care about anything in this moment, as there was only one thought left circling his mind. She was leaving him. Again. Because she didn't consider him worthy enough to fight alongside her. Maybe she didn't even care about if he was worthy or not, and she just didn't want him around her anymore. But then why had she behaved the way like she had the last days? Why had she wanted him to sleep beside her? Why had she flirted with him? Why…

"Time for my watch, flyboy.", suddenly Mira said behind his back, but he was way beyond having a fit because she also had sneaked up to him.

"I didn't realize we even had a watch plan.", he answered and was surprised to hear his teeth chatter. It somewhat dimmed the effect the cold tone otherwise would have had, and so instead of backing away, Mira let herself fall into the co-pilot's seat beside him.

"Well, I made one up. Can't have you sit in here all the time, what with your extensive need of beauty-sleep and everything."

Something in her voice told him she was up to something, and he was in no mood for any of her games. "Just fuck off, will you?"

"Nuh-uh. I'm taking over your watch, if you like it or not. And if I might add, Visas somehow felt that the cargo hold was the right place to meditate today."

Now what the hell was she trying to play at now? "Look, I don't care where Visas has set up camp today, okay? Why should I even bother?"

"Well, you know, that means that… there's only one of us girls left in the dormitory." He wanted to say something, but she held up her hand to forestall any derogate remark. "No, I don't want to hear it, and you are going to listen to me now, mister. I shouldn't even be doing this, but I promised her I wouldn't let her have to leave like this. Now, get over yourself and give her and yourself the chance for a proper goodbye."

He knew he shouldn't give in if he wanted to maintain his manly pride. But he also knew that he had said some horrible things to her, and that a second chance was more than he ever deserved. He looked out at the rain again. Then he said: "Alright. But don't complain about not getting any sleep, missy, because you sure won't get into the dormitory tonight."

She grinned as he stood up. Just before he was out of the cockpit, she told him: "You might consider changing first. And maybe perform some of the healing mumbo-jumbo. Can't have you run around the ship sneezing non-stop, now can we? Oh, and I'll even make sure Mical won't be bothering you. That's a big one you're owning me now, Rand."

He said nothing, just went out the cockpit in search of some dry clothes.

She was sitting on the floor cross-legged, clearly meditating. While changing into something drier, he'd tried to send out mental messages as not to startle her when coming into the dormitory, but she had blocked him. So he could do nothing else than walk right in and gently squeeze her shoulder.

She jumped a little, her face changing from a little confused to suspicious when seeing that it was him who had disturbed her. "I did try to tell you I would be coming, you know.", he just said, and with a wave locked the door behind him shut.

She raised an eyebrow. "What do you want?"

"Well… let's just say a little birdy told me it was better to use a second chance when you get one. Even if you don't deserve it."

"Are you telling me I don't deserve a second chance to talk to you?" While it was true that she desperately wanted a second chance to tell him why she had to leave, she wasn't going to make it easy for him. That much he did deserve.

"No! Force, you're more stubborn than I thought. I was just saying that… uh…"

"You didn't deserve a second chance?"

"Uh, yeah, that's right, I guess." There. He did it again. That cute thing with rubbing his neck and looking down in embarrassment. How could she ever stay strong a little longer if he was looking like this?

She sighed a little. "Will you now listen to my reasons for leaving?"

"Uh, actually I thought…"

"No, Atton. The decision has been made. I talked to the crew, and they don't like it but they understand. But I need you to understand it the most. Let me talk, and actually listen for once, will you? Atton… Kreia has been right about one thing: You are my weakness. All of you. Mira, Visas, Bao-Dur… everyone who's somehow attached to me, and to who I am attached. But most of all you."

"Me?" Until now he wouldn't have believed it, and even now it was quite hard to grasp.

"Yes, you big oaf. You. And Atris knows it. She knows she can get me through you, and that's why you have to stay away from her as far as possible. If you get into her reach… she'd… use you to hurt me, make me weak. You understand that? Being attached to me could get you into serious danger, and that's why I need all of you to stay away from her. I…"

"I'm not letting you go alone."

She sighed again. "Atton, please…"

"No. I understand that she needs to be stopped, and I understand that it's you who has to do it. But I don't think we're so weak that we can't defend ourselves against her. I never thought I'd ever say this but: your friends don't make you weak. They make you strong and I…"

"Not this time. Just not this time. Don't you get it? I'm trying to protect you here. Don't you get that into your thick male skull?" Inwardly she groaned in frustration. This wouldn't lead them anywhere but to the same place they had already been in the afternoon.

"No, I don't get it. Why you have to leave behind the people that make you strong to beat that Ice Queen Jedi is well beyond my reach. But then again, I've never been the brightest one…"

"Dammit, Atton!", she exclaimed, and before he could say anything else, her lips suddenly crashed down on his. There hadn't been any other way to silence him really.

For a moment he seemed to be frozen in shock, but then he melted into her, his arms sneaking around her all by themselves, and his legs helping in drawing her nearer. "Bed," she gasped between the kisses, and he was happy to oblige her.

Together they half crawled, half walked over to her bed, using their hand and the Force to get rid of their clothes in the process. He was trailing hungry kisses along her neck as her robe devolved itself from around her, but she still couldn't fully relax. Softly she took his face in her hands and fixated his gaze on her. He blinked, and his eyes weren't too clouded anymore. "Listen to me before we can't think straight anymore. I need you to promise me you will let me go. I promise I'll come back and I'll even call when I need help, but please, let me go."

"You promise? You promise you'll call for help and come back? No dying?"

She nodded. "No dying, neither me nor you. Agreed?"

He nodded, and the hungry look returned to his eyes. Finally she was his, and he wasn't going to waste one second while he still had her.

His breath was stirring the hairs in the back of her neck softly as he held her close to his body. He was sleeping, and she wished she could lye like this forever. It just felt right, like she was a part of him and he a part of her. But she had to go now or she would never be able to go.

Carefully not to disturb him, she lifted the arm he had slung around her waist and got out of the bed. For a moment she stood, admiring the man she had come to love. He was looking peaceful in his sleep, his dark hair tousled and his head cradled in his left arm. She just couldn't withstand the temptation to kiss the small scar on his right brow. The soft contact brought a stirring an a sigh to him, but he stayed asleep, and she got dressed quickly. One last look, and then she grabbed the pack that had been ready and finally exited the room.

It was quiet on the Hawk, with her crew asleep. Silently she walked over to T3 who had gone into sleep mode as well and woke him with a pad on his head. "Hey, you in for another solo trip?" The little droid warbled, and actually sounded a little slurred, but he agreed to come with her nonetheless.

At the exit ramp she suddenly jumped a little. "Dear Force, you really scared me, Visas."

The Miraluka slightly bowed. "Forgive me, Master, that was never my intention."

Né huffed a little. "It's okay. What are you doing here anyway?"

"I… did not want to let you go without saying goodbye. I have… come to appreciate your friendship, and I do not want to lose it."

Né smiled a little sadly. "And you won't. I already promised Mira and Atton and the others that I'll come back, and I promise it to you, too. I just have to do this alone."

"Yes, Master. I do understand your reasons, but… please forgive me my insolence, but I still wish I could accompany you."

"Oh, Visas, that's not insolent. It's normal. We're friends, it's okay that you feel this way, and I'm happy you do. But… could you do me a favor? Stop calling me "Master". I don't deserve that title, and most of all not from you. You are much more Jedi than I'll ever be."

For a moment Visas seemed speechless, then she said: "I… thank you. But I don't…"

"Yes, you do. Don't you dare not taking the praise. Visas… I need you to teach the others. I need you to teach Mira to improve her healing powers and Mical to shield himself better and Bao-Dur to be a little bit more aggressive…. I'm babbling, huh?"

Visas nodded, a little smile creeping on her face. "Yes, a little. But I understand your request. I will… try my best, though I am nowhere as good a teacher as you are."

"No, that's true. Because you are better." Né raised a hand to forestall any protests from Visas. "Visas… I need you to watch out for Atton. I've noticed changes in him. He… needs someone to guide him."

Visas nodded. "I have seen these changes as well. But I doubt that I am the right one to guide him."

"Yes, you are. You have touched the dark side, and you could still pull away. You know how easy it is to be corrupted by it, and you know how to break away from it. Look out for him, please."

Visas nodded solemnly, although a bit reluctantly. "I will. And now you need to go."

Suddenly the Miraluka Jedi felt herself being hugged by the human Jedi. At first she didn't know how to react, but then she remembered how others of the crew had responded when they had been subject to such an action. She hugged back.

"I'll miss you all so terribly, Vi."

"I know. And I… will miss you… Né."

Né tightened her hold for another moment, then let go. Her eyes were glistening with unshed tears, but she pulled herself together and smiled, saying: "Thanks, Vi. For everything." And with that the Miraluka made room for her to leave the Ebon Hawk.

A/N: Uh... I've got the bad feeling that this chapter is a little too long, but I felt that all of this needed to be written down as one, and I really didn't want to break it up, so I just hope you still liked it.

Amme Moto - My one faithful reviewer ;) One day you'll get awarded a big shiny medal, I promise ;) And thanks that you liked the pillow fight scene. I really wanted to lighten up the mood of the story a little, and I'm really happy that obviously at least one person thinks I did quite well :)