AN: First of all, I want to thank everyone who took the time to review the last chapter, and I want to apologize for how long it took me to get this one up. While life is stable, planning for weddings really should be left up to women, and what with classes and midterms, I haven't had a lot of time to myself. I write whenever I can.
But as for thanking everyone personally who reviewed, I have the feeling it might take longer than it did to write this chapter. I checked my e-mail the day after I posted the last chapter, and I had about fifty reviews. The number of reviews I got astounded me. In all honesty I'm surprised you didn't all forget about me.
As ungrateful as this is going to sound, however, I have a complaint to make. There were several reviews complaining about how slow I was updating. One was downright insulting, stating that even if I was on my death bed I should keep writing. I feel I should mention that during the last year I've been in and out of the hospital a couple of times, mixed in with severe depression, so the comment hit a little close to home. I'm sure the comment was meant to be a joke, but next time could you be a little more careful with what you say?
Bah! I'm sorry for being a such a kill joy. Just enjoy the chapter. Also note, it hasn't been beta'd, so it could be bad.
Chapter XVIII
Giving In
Maybe I don't really want to know
How your garden grows
I just want to fly
Lately did you ever feel the pain
In the morning rain
As it soaks it to the bone
Maybe I just want to fly
I want to live I don't want to die
Maybe I just want to breath
Maybe I just don't believe
Maybe you're the same as me
We see things they'll never see
You and I are gonna live forever
Maybe I don't really want to know
How your garden grows
I just want to fly
Lately did you ever feel the pain
In the morning rain
As it soaks it to the bone
Maybe I will never be
All the things that I want to be
But now is not the time to cry
Now's the time to find out why
I think you're the same as me
We see things they'll never see
You and I are gonna live forever
We're gonna live forever
Gonna live forever
Live forever
Forever
I honestly couldn't tell you what shocked me more that evening. Seeing Hogwart's resident git in a Muggle club, consuming Muggle alcohol, listening to Muggle music, or the fact that I kissed said git. And not only did I kiss said git, but said git returned said kiss.
My head was spinning, and my band-mates were looking at me as though I'd lost my mind. It's understandable, in some weird, twisted sense… at least the fact that my friends kept giving me curious looks, because I sure as hell couldn't justify my actions. In my six years with them, with the exception of Kestor, I'd never been in a relationship. Merlin! Aside from Kestor they'd never seen me in any sort of sexual situation. It had been a joke at one point that I was asexual. That's just the way things were: love or nothing. Fitting for a man who at one point could have had any person he desired.
Almost.
I'm not sure why I kissed him. Maybe it was something about the way he was staring at me as we played. There was a look of confusion, mixed with the smallest hint of betrayal and, dare I say, lust. A frightening thought, I know. In any case, I was under the impression he was as surprised to see me in a place like this as I was him, though for different reasons I'm sure.
When I confronted him in the washroom, I hadn't planned on what I was going to say. I just wanted to yell at him for intruding on my private life, for ruining my evening, for stalking me… for something. But when he stared at me, his dark eyes boring into me, as if daring me to do something about it… I don't know. I did the only thing I could think of; straight out of a cheap trashy romance novel.
The worst part is, I couldn't simply let Snape leave. I had to talk to him; I had to get things settled. Maybe if we had a nice long… conversation everything would make sense again, and my life at school would be calm again. I could teach in peace, practice my music, and at the end of the year I would be free to return to my quite Muggle life.
My head was still spinning as I made my way back to the stage. I think I might have been half stumbling, because Kestor came to meet me and pulled me towards my drums. "Damn it, Ethan, when I joked around about your new love interest I didn't think it was serious. Snogging in the washroom? Even we didn't do that."
"It's not what you think," I tried to explain., but Kestor cut me off before I had the chance. "So you're telling me he's just a random fan who wanted to show you how much he appreciated our music?"
"No…" I ground out, the conversation not doing anything for my nerves. "It's complicated. He's someone I work with…"
"I hate to be the one to mention this to you love, but he's old enough to be your father, and even if you didn't take that into account, most businesses have a policy involving inter-office relationships."
"I'm not dating anyone, Kestor, how many times do I have tell you!"
"So you just happen to have developed an interest in indecent public displays of affection for men who are twice your age!"
I had to do a double take after he said that. It wasn't that he'd caught me kissing a guy who honestly was twice my age, though he certainly didn't look it. It was the fact that the person I happened to have kissed wasn't him. I nearly laughed in his face. "You're jealous!"
I know Kestor would have denied the accusation, would have cursed me up and down for even thinking something along those lines, and would have then ignored me for the rest of the evening, but Alestor interrupted us, claiming it was time for our second last song. She must have noted the tension between the two of us, because her voice became hard. "There are industry scouts out there right now, and you two had bloody better get over what ever you're arguing about. We're not messing this set up."
Kestor sent a glare my way before heading up onto the stage. I followed quickly behind and sat at my drum set, ready to start. Of course, our second last song just had to be the 'out-there' entry. While it was an amusing song, I can't say Violent Femmes' Blister in the Sun was my favourite. Kestor absolutely adored it. It probably had something to do with the lyrics, "Big hands; I know you're the one." Not hard to imagine what they were singing about. Other than the interesting lyrics, there wasn't much to the song.
A quick nod from Kestor, and Jordan began a simple little melody on his guitar, followed by my drumming, and then he repeated it again. We continued this for a short while, before Sam joined in with the base guitar and Kestor began to sing.
"When I'm out walking I strut my stuff,
"Yeah I'm so strung out.
"I'm high as a kite, I just might
"Stop to check you out."
Because we had Alestor in our playing keyboard we had to find a way to include her. She did her thing in the chorus. We simply added on an equally screwed up harmonizing part to the melody, which went nicely with the equally messed up lyrics.
"Let me go on,
"Like I blister in the sun
"Let me go on.
"Big hands I know you're the one."
Alestor abruptly cut off when the next verse started. It added quite the nice effect.
"Body and beats; I stain my sheets,
"I don't even know why.
"My girlfriend, she's at the end.
"She is starting to cry.
"Let me go on,
"Like I blister in the sun
"Let me go on.
"Big hands I know you're the one."
The pause between chorus and last a while longer this time, and when we repeated the first verus, and when Kestor did start singing again, after a loud, high note from Alestor, only Sam and I kept playing, and Kestor's voice was barely more than a whisper, and so seemingly full of emotion that it was almost cracking.
"When I'm out walking I strut my stuff,
"Yeah I'm so strung out.
"I'm high as a kite, I just might
"Stop to check you out.
"Body and beats; I stain my sheets,
"I don't even know why.
"My girlfriend, she's at the end.
"She is starting to cry.
"When I'm out walking I strut my stuff,
"Yeah I'm so strung out.
"I'm high as a kite, I just might
"Stop to check you out."
His voice was so quiet by the end that when we started the chorus, several people in the audience visibly jumped. It was much louder than before, and this time both Sam and Jordan, on either side of Kestor, forced to lean slightly backwards, had their faces in the microphone with Kestor belting out the absurd lyrics surprisingly on key.
"Let me go on,
"Like I blister in the sun
"Let me go on.
"Big hands I know you're the one."
We ended the song abruptly, in keeping with the rest of it, and it took the audience a while to realize we'd actually finished it. Applause was scattered at first, and though others quickly joined in, I was fairly sure than it wasn't a hit. Yes, it fit the criteria of 'out-there' but it wasn't really good, either. I shared a knowing look with Alestor, but then, seeing how much fun the other three had had on stage, and the looks on their faces when they got off, I realized it didn't really matter. They'd had fun, and their faces were positively glowing with it. That was what mattered.
"Hey Kestor," I called, trying to get his attention. He turned to face me, his eyes narrowed. "I'm sorry about what I said. Can we talk about it once we're finished?"
My friend's face softened. "Sure thing. When we get home after this. You're staying at my place tonight?"
I nodded and grinned. "Sure thing. It's not like I have anywhere else to go."
Kestor grinned back, taking my comment as the teasing it was meant to be, before heading over to the bar to pick up the audience choice votes. He got back and announced to the rest of us that we'd be playing was Coldplay's The Scientist.
I sighed in relief. While I didn't care about which song we played out of Coldplay or the Red Hot Chilli Peppers, I didn't want to have to play Oasis' Supersonic. It could have made a good entry for the category we'd just played.
As we waited for the other two bands to finish their sets, we psyched ourselves up, jumping up and down, and slapping each other on the back. It wasn't until I got up on stage that I was reminded of the task I had after waiting for me after our final set. There was Snape, still sitting at his back table staring at me intently.
It was almost a miracle I made it through that final song without dropping my drumsticks.
I was off the stage and at the back of the club almost as soon as the song was over. Years of physical training in stealth made it easy to get to Snape's table without being noticed. Or without being noticed by anyone but the man in question. He'd been the one to train me after all, though the way he'd been acting at the school nearly made him unrecognizable.
When I slipped into the booth beside him, I was much more composed. I was able to ask him in a level voice, "What are you doing here?"
This time around, it seemed Snape was inclined to answer. "You were suspected of being a spy by much of the staff, and your absence during the Neo Death Eater attack in November doesn't do much for your case. I suggested putting you under surveillance, and the Headmaster agreed."
Still managing to keep my temper in check, I pointed asked, "And when you saw that I wasn't doing anything more than keeping in touch with my Muggle friends you decided to…?"
"This was only one weekend, and as far as I am concerned, you could still be planning to go to a meeting. The night is still young, after all."
"So what are you going to do?" I asked, nearly snarling. "Are you going to wait here, keeping an eye on me to see if I get called?"
I rolled my sleeves up past my elbows and shoved my unmarked arms in front of his face. Unmarked didn't mean unscarred, however.
"Want to compare scars, Severus," I suggested with a sneer. Surprisingly it wasn't very satisfying when the Potion Master's face blanched. I sighed and sat again, rolling my sleeves down. "I didn't think so."
Once again, Alestor took it upon herself to interrupt a conversation. "Are you coming, Ethan? They're going to announce the winner."
I glanced back at the table, but Severus was gone. He was heading out the door. I turned to Alestor and quickly said, "Tell the other's not to wait up," before started to chase after him.
I caught up to him in an alley, as he was preparing to apparate back to Hogwarts.
"We're not finished this!" I said coldly. I grabbed his arm, and without thinking, I apparated the both of us to my small muggle apartment.
"What are you doing?" he demanded coldly, though there was a faint hint of fear in his voice. I doubt he expected me to be as powerful as I was. It took a lot of energy to apparate two people over any distance. By doing so I'd showed him I was on par with him when it came to strength.
"We need to talk, and I'm not letting you go until you hear me out," I ground out. "I don't want to be teaching at Hogwarts any more than you want me to, but I didn't really have a choice in that department."
"Everyone has a choice, James," Snape replied with his almost trademark glare. "It might not be the easiest one, but it's always there."
"I could choose between running away from the life I made myself, or spend a year teaching. There wasn't really much choice if you ask me…" I stopped to think for a moment. "If I told you I was only going to teach for a year and then leave, would you go any easier on me? We've already established I'm not a Death Eater."
"You've told me you aren't a Death Eater, that isn't exactly proof…" I glared at him, and he relented. "Though I am inclined to believe you. That doesn't change the fact that you could have Headmaster's request. He wouldn't force you to work if it wasn't your choice."
"You'd be surprised as to what the Headmaster would do if he wanted to manipulate you," I muttered under my breath, though I'm sure Snape heard me. "I know your hatred for me didn't stem from the fact that I'm too young to be a teacher. Ron and Hermione Weasley aren't any older than me, and you still treat them with respect. The only other conclusion I can make is that you hate me because I replaced your lover."
"My lover?" Snape asked incredulously.
"The previous Defence teacher. Lazeana, was it? I heard she went to teach in Africa."
"She was in no way my lover," Severus snarled. "She was merely a friend and a decent teacher."
"The why were you so prepared to hate me?"
"Because you remind me of someone I used to know…" Severus' voice was barely more than a whisper.
After his confession I almost couldn't breath. I reminded him of someone… Standing so close to him, I had to know the answer. Who was it I reminded him of? I brought my hand up and cupped to back of his neck, fingers winding in his hair, and drew his lips to mine.
The kiss was nothing like the other earlier this evening. It was slower, calmer; it was still filled with emotion, but this time of a different kind. It wasn't long before Severus took control of the situation, drawing my body to his, and pushing his tongue past my pliant lips.
Caught up in the moment, I led him to the bed, careful not to break contact with him.
I don't think either of us thought past the moment, or past the feelings that were welling up inside us. I know my mind wasn't able to focus on anything past the feeling of his lips on my neck, or his teeth at my nipple. Definitely all coherent thought let when his body rocked against mine.
It was slow, and controlled, but there was a hint of desperation in the entire situation that belied the true feelings within it. Though it lasted for seemingly an eternity, it was over before it had ever begun.
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AN: Alright, please don't hate me for the ending of this chapter. Like I said, I got a lot of reviews for the last chapter claiming that the kiss was very random, and they could have done with out it. It's one of those things where I know why it happened, so I probably didn't do the best job of explaining it. I'm pretty sure this is going to be another one of those cases where the whole scene is random, and you don't like that it's there. Still, bear with me until the next chapter, where everything gets explained. I promise it will make more sense.
I also promise the next chapter will be up sooner than this one. Maybe in two or three weeks. I finish exams in two weeks, and then the following week is the wedding, and then the honey moon, and then back to classes. If I don't get it done by the three week mark, it won't be up for a while, but again, bear with me. I haven't given up.
Now, with that cheerful note, please review, and tell me if you like the story, hate the story, if you got a new puppy, or if you or someone you know got married recently/is getting married. I need all of the moral support I can get. Just try not to nag for an update. Like I said before, I live for reviews, but the truly insulting ones tend to really depress me.
Oh yeah, Oasis' Live forever are the lyrics at the beginning, and in case you missed it, Violent Femme's Blister in the Sun are the other set. Don't own either.
Ciao
Myan
Review!