I Have Loved...

A companion fic to Justifications.

Dearest Beloved,

If you are reading this, then I have passed on from this world into the next. I do so hope that you are not sad for me, that you know that I must leave you, all of you, to continue on my journey. We all have a path to walk, maybe ours will cross again, maybe they will not. I hope you do not cry over me, I do not deserve it. Everything I have done, after Nicolai's birth and the birth of his son, I could no longer be held in such high esteem. I am truly sorry for the hell that I have put you through.

Especially you, my dear husband, I could not be sorry enough for what I have done. Watching your attempts to redeem yourself strained my heart to the point where I could not bear to watch anymore. I am ashamed for leaving you so abruptly, yet there was really nothing I could do. I had to continue on with my life while you continued on with yours, my life never seemed to invlove your plans. Fate is cruel.

I do love you. It may never have seemed that way after Nicholai died, yet it is true. I did love you so much and when they took you away, oh! O, how my heart did grieve when I saw your face. After not seeing you for so long then suddenly, it was as if the heavens had opened and liberation had set us free all over again.

And to Kai, oh how much like your mother you look! Watching you from a distance, seeing how you've matured from the young boy you once were……you remind me so much of your father. Your parents would so be proud of what you have accomplished, your mother especially. Your first beyblade, yes, that old thing, that used to be hers. She gave it to your grandfather to give to you when you were old enough. He may have seemed a bit hard on you, I understand, but he loves you. Do not take your anger out on him, he only wants what's best for you. None of it was entirely his fault. Love blinds us to only see the good in others.

And as for the rest of you, how I wish I was with you, grieving with you, bearing your sadness. I do so hate to see those I love suffer, just know, I am always with you.

Sophecles once said, "A short saying oft contains much wisdom." Here is my saying to you, "Aerodynamically, the bumblebee shouldn't be able to fly, but the bumblebee doesn't know that so it keeps on flying anyways."

Remember, you can do anything until someone tells you that you can't or shouldn't, it is your choice whether to believe them or not.

All my love,

Marijke Sezja Hiwitari

HEY! I'm BACK AGAIN! AAAAAHHHHHHHHH!

Ummm….thanks ssssoooooooo much for the ONE REVIEW out of FORTY-THREE! Love you too!can't you just feeeeel the sarcasm!

Thanks again to Faux Pas for reviewing, I love you mostest!

NYAH (sticks tongue out at other poopy readers)

-pandabudd