Due to several (and by several I mean a lot) of confused reviews I'm putting in a notice that the beginning of this chapter is a FLASHBACK. I didn't realize it was that hard to see… I've done it before. AN: I only have three things to say before the chapter
1) I'm so very sorry about this. I know it really sucks.
2) In response to an insistent reviewer, I'm male.
3) My excuse is that I have my last exam on Monday, I'm flying home on Tuesday, I'm getting married on Sunday, and I'm also going to the Caribbean. I promised I'd get the up before all that happened.
On the bright side, it's the longest chapter yet. Nearly twice as long as normal.
Much I marvelled this ungainly fowl to hear discourse so plainly,Though its answer little meaning - little relevancy bore;
For we cannot help agreeing that no living human being
Ever yet was blessed with seeing bird above his chamber door -
Bird or beast above the sculptured bust above his chamber door,
With such name as Nevermore.' Chapter XIX Nevermore
"Ah, Harry, dear boy, I certainly hope you had a pleasant summer. I heard from Remus that your aunt and uncle were much more accommodating this time around." There was a twinkle in the Headmaster's eyes that showed he knew everything that had happened during the incident between Sirius and his uncle. While Harry couldn't stay with his godfather because Pettigrew was still at large, it didn't mean that the animagus couldn't approach the whale of a man demanding his godson be treated respectfully.
Harry nodded once, though he wasn't actually paying attention to a word Dumbledore spoke. His attention was entirely focused on Fawkes, who was perched on his elegant gold stand. The phoenix was in his prime, red and yellow feathers gleaming, but the bird was crying. Tears of healing, the boy thought to himself. If only they would heal all of the problems I'm having right now.
"Yes, Professor. Now that I'm of age, they allowed me more freedom to do as I please. I even had the chance to get my apparation licence before coming back to school." It was true, of course, but it definitely wasn't the whole story. While his aunt and uncle no longer tried to get him to do their housework for them, they certainly didn't treat him any better. Instead of physical and verbal abuse, it was a barrage of mental maltreatment. He might as well have been in isolation. There was only so much letters convey, and by the time he'd arrived at Hogwarts he was about ready to snap.
Again, Albus was smiling. "That's excellent, child. I'm pleased to hear that you've progressed so much since last year."
The comment didn't even make sense to Harry's ears, but he was able to get the gist of it; simple response that had been thought up long before the question was even asked. It was nothing more than a pleasantry.
"I hope that with all of this going on you've still had time to keep up with your studies, my dear boy. Your seventh year is by far the most important, and with all of your added responsibilities… we wouldn't want you to fall behind. I'm worried that being both Head Boy and Quidditch Capitan might be a little much."
Harry shrugged at the old man's comment. "As long as nothing untoward happens before the end of the year, I should be fine, sir. Without detentions every night, I have a lot more free time. If I use that for my studies it shouldn't be a problem."
"Oh, I'm certain it won't be a problem dear boy, because I've arranged for you to have tutors during your free time. Professor McGonagall is willing to tutor you in both Charms and Transfiguration, while Professor Snape has graciously agreed to teach you in a variety of forms of Defence as well as a new branch of magic, Occulmancy and Legimancy."
It wasn't the shock of learning he had to take extra classes that had Harry reacting, it was what he had to take. "Legimancy, sir? Don't you think that's uncalled for? I don't think the parents would be too pleased to know their saviour can read the minds of their children at whim," came the sarcastic reply.
"Now Harry, Legimancy is only to improve your understanding of Occulmancy, and how better to use it. I trust your discretion, and I know that you won't use it against your peers… or professors for that matter." The Headmaster's eyes were twinkling again at this comment. "It's crucial that you not only understand Occulmancy, but that you're able to perform it to the best of your ability. Now that Voldemort is aware of the bond you two share, it won't be long before he's able to sense what you're seeing. The fact that he can send you false visions is disconcerting enough on its own…"
Dumbledore trailed off, letting Harry draw his own conclusions. The blame for the ambush the Ministry's Aurours has unwittingly fallen into could almost squarely be lay on his shoulders. His visions had been compromised, to the point of nearly making him delusional. It was difficult for him to tell reality from Voldemorts mechanisms. Damn the meddling bastard for reminding me of that! Harry cursed to himself. "Your point his duly noted, though if you don't mind me asking, Headmaster. Are these privileges being extended to the rest of the seventh year students?"
Albus shook his head. "Harry, as I'm sure you've noticed, you aren't the same as other students. Regardless of how you wish to live your life, you don't have the option of trying to act normal. You've been marked as the only being able to defeat Tom Riddle…"
"And the Dark Lord will mark him as his equal," Harry intoned, interrupting the Headmaster. "I've memorized the prophecy, sir, but I shouldn't have to point out that I'm not the only person capable of destroying a Death Eater. I'm not the only one who's mind Voldemort can invade, and I'm certainly not the only one who needs to know how to defend myself."
"No, you're not, child, but having other's interfere with your training could seriously hinder you. You need to be taught to harness your unique gifts. I'm not being deceitful when I tell you the sooner you're ready to face the Dark Lord the sooner the people will be safe once more. I doubt your fellow students would begrudge you these classes if it meant the would no longer have to look over their shoulders in fear every time they step outside."
Knowing that Dumbledore was appealing to his not so secret saviour complex, Harry sighed in defeat. He simply couldn't stand by and watch as innocent bystanders were killed. He would do anything to prevent that, even if it meant sacrificing himself. Dumbledore knew that, and was using it to his advantage. He lost every desire to argue over it. "Very well, sir."
"I've taken the liberty of writing up a schedule for your classes, and if you look you'll see they won't interfere with your other responsibilities." The headmaster was practically glowing as Harry caved in. He passed the young man a piece of parchment across the desk.
Harry read it and frowned when he realized his first lesson would be with McGonagall the morning before the rest of the students arrived at Hogwarts for the start of term. He folded the parchment and placed it in his pocket. "This will be adequate, I suppose. Thank you Headmaster. Now, if you don't mind, I'll be heading back to my room to get my things put away."
The Headmaster smiled again. "By all means. Don't let me keep you. And if there's anything you wish to talk to me about, my door is always open."
Harry smiled tightly in return and headed out the door and down the stone staircase. Damn manipulative bastard.
Harry left too quickly to see Albus' smile disappear, nor did he see the old man turn to Fawkes with a sad look on his face. "He's going to hate me when this is through."
-------
"That's just rotten luck, mate," Ron declared around a mouthful of food. "You're hardly going to have enough time to eat with all of this stuff you're doing. Head Boy, Quidditch Captain, private lessons, and look at this course load! Since when were you taking Ancient Runes, and you're still in Divinations?"
Ron's eyes narrowed and Harry shrugged helplessly. Hermione had by that time taken the time table from her boyfriend.
"Dumbledore didn't happen to give you a time-turner, did he? Because I don't want to be left out of the loop like I was that other time…"
Harry shook his head, somewhat bitterly. While Ron no longer envied Harry's fame, an occurrence that didn't happen until their fifth year, he still seemed to think it was some great adventure. He didn't understand that people were dying. Not just random statistics or faceless bodies. People were getting hurt.
"I think I'm going to have to resign from the Quidditch team," he said bluntly, bracing himself for Ron's reaction.
"What! You can't do that! Gryffindore team needs you! Can't you drop one of your classes or something, or just tell Dumbledore…"
For the first time, Hermione actually snapped at the red-head. "Ron, you idiot! Of course he can't drop his classes! If you could for one minute think about someone other than yourself you'd realize Harry's doing what he thinks is right. Drop his courses… You have got the get your priorities straight."
Hermione got up from the table and stormed out of the Great Hall before the end of the meal. Harry looked once to his best friend, feeling genuinely numb, and got up to follow her.
He'd really hoped that his last year could have been different from what it was turning out to be.
------
"Thank Merlin! It must be a miracle," came the deep voice from the office as Harry stepped into the potions classroom after dinner on the fourth evening back from school. Snape came out of the office, a perpetual sneer on his face. "Do tell me, Potter. To what do I owe this pleasant surprise?"
Harry glared at his professor, his temper boiling, but he managed to keep his voice even. "You know as well as I do Dumbledore ordered me to take lessons from you."
"Yes, smart boy, but you're actually on time. Surely there must have been divine intervention."
Setting his bag down against the wall, Harry turned a weary gaze to his most hated professor. "Despite what you may think, sir, I'm not my father."
"What an astute observation. Do you expect points?"
Harry ignored the barb, and continued speaking. "Nor am I like my father's friends. I understand why you dislike my godfather, and Remus, sir, but I am not them." He stressed each syllable at the end of his statement. "We have no choice about working together. Dumbledore saw to that. But if we're going to have to work together we're going to have to respect one another. So please. Stop with the insults."
Severus looked at his student in mild shock. He could have expected some kind of outburst, but Potter's suggestion was surprisingly logical. "Very well. I suppose I can give you the benefit of the doubt for now. But I warn you, Mr. Potter. If you put one foot out of line, you will have earned whatever treatment you deserve."
Harry nodded at his professors words, and couldn't help but smile.
-----
"Hey Harry," Ron's voice came up the stairway as he was coming down. "Do you have time for a game of chess?"
The dark haired boy shook his head. "Sorry, I have a lesson with McGonagall, and then we have the Prefects meeting after dinner. Maybe later."
Ron shook his head in disbelief as his friend walked out of the common room. He turned to Hermione with a pained look on his face. "He never has any time for us now, and he's pushing everyone away. What's the point of saving the world if he doesn't let anyone close enough to him to become worth saving?"
-----
"Are you ready now, Harry?" Minerva asked, checking to make sure the boy's eyes were closed. "Just relax, and let your mind go blank. Picture yourself free and evoke the changes we've talked about."
Harry let his professor's voice wash over him as he concentrated on seeking his animagus form. Keeping his mind blank was an easy task, after his lessons on Occulmancy with Snape. He imagined his spirit soaring, much like when he was flying or playing Quidditch. He felt relaxed. He felt free.
He felt excruciating pain. He knew he'd doubled over on his side as his body warred with what form it would take. In all of his talking with McGonagall, he didn't remember hearing anything like this. The transformation was supposed to be painless. It seemed to go on for hours, his body morphing into different sizes, though it was only a few seconds.
Finally, his body assumed a solid form, and he was able to get up off the ground and onto four feet… or rather, paws. Tawny coloured paws. He stumbled a little as he tried to move. He found it really hard to think straight. He was just really hungry now. He did a few circles before catching sight of the woman in the room. She didn't look that good, but she was meat. He took a weak step towards her and growled deeply…
"Harry. That's enough."
Suddenly, he remembered who he was again, and was able to turn back into his human form with very little pain. The first words out of his mouth were, "I'm so sorry, professor…"
"Don't worry about it, Harry. We all get wrapped up in our primal instincts our first change. You'll get over it with time."
"And what about the pain?"
"You felt pain?" Harry nodded. "That's very odd… then again, your transformation was slightly off. It was like you were trying to transform into two things at once…"
"What was my form? I didn't get a chance to look in the mirror. I know I'm some sort of cat."
"You're a jaguar, with the most startling green eyes."
"Does that mean I'm going to have to mark that down as my marking when I register with the Ministry."
"Oh no, child. You're not going to be registering you with the ministry. That's just one more way for Voldemort to track you down. At least this way you have a disguise."
-----
"You're improvement in potions astounds me, Harry. Who knew you could be so adept if you put your mind to it. It's a pity, really…"
Harry turned away from his potion when Snape spoke. "It's amazing what happens when you don't have people throwing extra ingredients into your cauldron. It's almost as miraculous as me being on time, isn't it?"
Severus couldn't help but crack a smile at the boy's statement. After the first few tense weeks they started getting along very well. It could have been that Harry seemed to have matured quite a bit over the summer, or it could have been the fact that the Golden Boy did indeed resign from the Quidditch team to better manage his work load and duties.
After the second month they were able to have conversations with one another, and civil ones at that, and by the end of November, Harry was stopping by to work on his lessons, or brew potions, or to simply just talk when they didn't have a scheduled meeting.
Harry went back to his potion, but immediately set the stirring rod down again. "Professor, do you mind if I ask you a personal question? I'll understand if you don't want to answer, I'm just… curious."
Severus frowned, not sure he liked where the conversation was going. "You're right. I might not answer, but you're going to ask it anyway."
"Why did you become a Death Eater?"
Severus was taken aback by the question. It certainly wasn't what he'd been expecting. "Curiosity killed the cat," he muttered to himself before answering. "There didn't seem to be many other options for a newly graduated student who had yet to gain access to his inheritance. My parents thought it would build character if I had to work for my money a little while before I gained their vast fortune. In addition, the Dark Lord could be very persuasive."
"Call him Voldemort."
Severus' eyes narrowed. "I understand that you and the Headmaster don't fear him, but for someone who served under him once, the idea of calling him that is… slightly more than unnerving."
"I… I'm sorry for asking." Harry went back to brewing his potion silently. Behind him Severus sighed.
"You're wondering if I regret my decision. Do you regret taking part in the Triwizard Tournament?"
Harry opened his mouth to blurt out that of course he hadn't. Cedric had died and Voldemort was resurrected because of it. But if he were to be completely honest with himself, there were certain aspects of the tournament that he'd enjoyed. Harry shook his head, starting to understand his Potions Professor a little better.
"I was a well respected man while I was a member, and I wasn't required to partake in the… festivities. Voldemort required my skills in brewing more than he did in killing. That isn't to say I was spared from witnessing the horrors. That is what I regret. That and working for such a malicious man… That's why I left. I realized the respect I had amongst my peers wasn't worth the price I paid. Or the price other's had to pay for me… I'd like to think I've repaid my debt to society, but…"
"Nothing you can do will give families back their loved ones," Harry finished, thinking of Cedric, of Lindsey, of the nameless people he couldn't save. "It won't change the fact that you were responsible for their deaths…"
Severus shot the Gryffindore boy an indecipherable look. Once again he was seeing the boy in an entirely new light. First he had to come to grips with the fact that Harry wasn't a self-centred brat. Before he could recover from that fact he found out that the brat hadn't been spoiled by his aunt and uncle. Quite the contrary. And now, it turned out that Harry had a hero complex, but not in the traditional sense. The boy simply couldn't come to grips with the fact that he wasn't responsible for everyone.
Severus had hated James Potter with every fibre of his being, but Harry Potter was nothing like that man. It left him feeling very disconcerted.
Severus suddenly had the strongest desire to converse the Albus on this matter.
"I think it's time you head back to your common room. I'll see you on Monday, Harry."
The boy left, his potion unfinished, with a look of bewilderment on his face.
-----
"What were you doing out so late, Harry?"
The dark haired boy cringed when he heard Hermione's nagging voice behind him. He turned around to face the girl who had been hidden in one of the tall backed couches. Tired and annoyed with her intrusiveness he replied with a simple, "It's none of your business."
"It is so my business if a student is involved with a professor. It's my duty as a Prefect to report it immediately to the Headmaster."
"I know what your duties are, Hermione, but I don't see how this applies to me, so if you don't mind, I'd like to get some sleep."
"Harry, I've talked to Ron about this, and he agrees with me. I understand that you can't control who you fall in love with, though I'm sure Ron wishes you could, but to…"
"Wait a minute! You and Ron agree on what? And my feelings for who?"
"You've been out all night for the past two weeks, Harry, and both Ron and I know where you've been. You can try to deny it, but the only person you ever spend any time with now is Professor Snape. I don't care what your feelings are, love is love, but you cannot have a relationship with a professor. It violates so many school rules."
Harry was torn between laughing and yelling at the stupid girl, and so he settled on a mixture of both. "In case you haven't noticed, Herm, there's a war going on right now, and as I'm sure you remember, defeating Voldemort rests on my shoulders. The prophecy ring a bell? I know that you don't have to worry yourself about it, wrapped up in your studies like you are, but I don't have that luxury. People are dying, and it's my job to make sure that doesn't happen any more."
Harry turned away from the shocked girl and made his way to his room. He was well aware that the majority of the students from the house had come out to listen, and that the word about the prophecy was out, but he found he couldn't care. Anything to make his friends shut up.
------
It was the night of the Leaving Feast, and having graduated, Harry had opted for staying in his room. For some reason the cheerfulness and festivities clashed with his current mood.
"Harry, hurry up, we have to leave now!"
The raven haired boy looked up from the notes he was reviewing to see Severus stalking into his room.
That's strange, he thought, I didn't think other Head's were allowed into our House.
"Harry, haven't you heard the yelling? Voldemort's attacked the school, and Dumbledore wants all of the students in the Great Hall so that he can port key them out."
Harry's eyes widened. Voldemort was there, at the school, right then. Without waiting for further word from his mentor he ran out of the room. Remembering the castles layout from the Marauder's Map, he took the most direct root to the schools front gate. It was going to be over with one way or another tonight.
------
"So the great Harry Potter, the Boy-Who-Lived, has decided to grace us with his presence this evening. What an unexpected pleasure." Voldemort's snakelike voice cut through the cold air, and Harry had to keep himself from trembling. "What a foolish thing to do… Crucio!"
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I woke up nearly screaming from the vividness of the dream. Just flashes of memory, but everything seemed to be exactly as it had occurred. Every biting insult, every argument, every pain… it was just so, raw.
It took me a while to remember where I was, and it took me even longer to remember what I'd done last night… or rather who I'd done… several times… My face flushed at the memory.
I looked over towards the other side of the bed and wasn't surprised to see it was empty. Severus had always been an early riser, and he certainly wasn't the type to sit around and way for the awkward silence of the typical morning after.
Then again, he didn't seem like the type to partake in a one-night stand.
I stretched before getting out of bed. I wanted to look around and see if the Potions Master had left me a little note or something. There was nothing. Of course, Severus would most likely try to pretend that nothing had happened, going as far as to ignore my very existence.
Well I certainly wasn't going to roll over and except that. I wasn't exactly the type of person to partake in one-night stands either.
I was all set to apparate back to Hogwarts when another thought struck me rather forcefully. I was supposed to have spent last night with Kestor to apologize for accusing him of still liking me… or something along those lines.
It looked like I was going to have two very awkward moments because of the previous night…
AN: Again, I apologize for this chapter, if you made it this far… I'm hoping that you'll be kind enough to leave a review stating what you disliked about this chapter so that I can give a more specific apology in a future chapter.
Also, do me a favour and check out Second Chance. Something I'm writing with Rubberboots. She was so inspired by all of the reviews it's been getting that she's already started on the second chapter.
Press the little go button and review.