AN: Sorry for the delay in updating. Classes have been hectic. The wedding was excellent, however, as was the honeymoon, and I sincerely thank everyone who sent well wishes. I would also like to thank the idiot who left a review after the first chapter that was rather obscene. I'm quite sure it stemmed from the mentions of slash in the summary, but it was enjoyable to read anyway. One of those reviews with which you use to toast marshmallows.

Chapter XX

Open Mouth; Insert Foot

I was a very timid man when I approached the door to Kestor's apartment. I was a very surprised man when it wasn't Kestor who opened it, but rather that woman whose skirt he was hiding behind. I couldn't even remember her name. I was a very frightened man when I saw the look on her face. She wasn't very happy with me, which only led me to believe Kestor knew who I'd gone home with. I hung my head in shame and she let me enter, her entire demeanour disapproving.

It didn't surprise me to see Kestor already up and dressed, sitting at the kitchen table drinking tea. If my guess was correct it would probably be Dejeerling. He was always an early riser, and that was always his favourite. Something you remembered after living with someone for so long.

He looked at me, his face showing very little surprise. "So, are you here with your tail between your legs, or do you have an excuse for leaving me there, looking like a complete idiot?"

I made to answer him, not thinking I'd done anything that wrong, but he cut me off. "You didn't even bother to get someone to tell me you'd gone. I waited an hour for you before Jordan mentioned he hadn't seen you around for a while. He thought you'd gone home."

I suppose I could have tried to justify my actions in saying that I'd asked Alestor to pass along my plans, but I still couldn't justify my leaving. I could just imagine how that might go. "Hey Kestor, I'm just going to teleport myself back to my apartment so that I can get it on with that man I was snogging in the washroom. Yes, the one who's old enough to be my father."

Needless to say I decided instead to remain silent. I saw Julie, at least that's what I thought her name was, in the corner of the room, a place she seemed to enjoy occupying, but didn't focus any more attention on her. True, this was between Kestor and I, but she wouldn't do anything about it.

Kestor smirked at me, a sure fire way to know he was pissed. It was one of the most bitter smiles imaginable. "So, at least tell me, was he good in bed?"

I choked at his comment, which was remarkable, because there wasn't anything for me to choke on. "Kestor, I can't tell you how sorry I am for leaving you there, but I don't think my sex life is any of your business."

"Well, you know I normally wouldn't ask, sweetheart, but he left a pretty big mark on your neck, so I assume you wouldn't mind people asking you questions about it."

My hand flew up to my neck, rubbing the spot I hadn't known existed. Between the strange dream that kept me tossing and turning all night and Snape, or rather Severus now, being gone in the morning, I hadn't really taken much care with my appearance. I was more intent on settling loose ends and making sure I hadn't screwed up my friendship with Kestor…

Obviously I hadn't had my priorities straight.

"In all honesty, darling," I replied equally bitterly, "It isn't any of your business whom I share my bed with. I think you'll agree that you lost that privilege when I found you bent over the couch with Carson behind you. The couch I paid for, mind you."

It was a low blow, and I knew it. Hell, I'd used it to my advantage more than once. Spend a year with someone and you'll know very well which buttons to push to set him or her off. The fact that I'd lived with Kestor for nearly six years only made the task that much easier. To top it off, the Slytherin part of me wouldn't allow me to feel guilty.

Kestor sputtered for a moment, desperate for a witty retort. I'm sure the moment I referred to came to mind easily for him. Kestor had always found sex to be more important that I had. He claimed that sex provided a spiritual bonding with between two people. You had sex with someone to prove you loved them. I was always of the opinion that you had sex with someone because you already knew you loved them, and that they felt the same.

Ironic how Kestor jumped into bed with someone else as soon as things started getting tough in our relationship, and how I slept with someone I knew full well despised me.

Kestor finally managed to stammer out a painful, "Ethan, that's not fair…" and I started to feel sorry for my words. He'd admitted to cheating on me to get back at me for ignoring him, and I'd accepted his apology, thus leading to the anti-climactic downfall of our short relationship.

I hung my head again. "I'm sorry, I shouldn't have brought that up. I did come to apologies for last night and try to put things right, but you had to push me…"

"I just don't understand how you could break things off with me so easily and then take up again with a man you've known for less than four months."

I could have mentioned something trite about soul mates, or the two of us not being compatible, but I decided to hit home. "You know there's things about my past I won't tell anyone?"

Kestor nodded, not sure where I was going.

"That man you saw me with, the one I work with, the one who's 'Twice my age.'" I paused here for effect. "He knows all of it; every last detail. There are people who know me better than you. I wish to God there wasn't, but there are, and they know things about me that you'd never be able to understand. I hate to have to tell this to you, but you need to accept it. I've tried enough to realize I can't be with someone who doesn't understand that aspect of my life, and I can't get close enough to anyone now to tell them."

It took a while for the words to sink in, but when they did, it was Kestor's turn to hang his head. "So this is it then? You leave now, go back to your perfect little world, and we never see you again?"

I was shocked by his words. It wasn't the reaction I'd been hoping for. "No! I didn't mean it that way. I had no intention of ever going back to my old life…"

I trailed off knowing I wasn't making the best of sense, and Kestor took the opportunity to cut in. "Then what way do you mean it? Because I don't think I can ever be friends with someone who doesn't trust me enough to let me in after six bloody years!"

Kestor got up and headed to his bedroom. It was at this time I noticed Julie again, and I was beginning to regret having the argument in front of her. She'd lost her disapproving look, but only to have it replaced by one of complete shock and disappointment.

"I'm sorry," was all I could say as I let myself out of the apartment I used to share with my best friend.

Strangely, the only thought that floated through my mind was of how much Kestor reminded me of Sirius by the end of that.

------

It was with great trepidation that I returned to Hogwarts following the winter break. Classes started up again the first Monday after the New Year, and I had little chance to speaking with Severus. In all honesty I was fairly certain he was avoiding me, not that I minded. It gave me a chance to actually think about what I wanted to say instead of just walking into a situation that was bound to backfire like the last time.

I must admit it was a miracle that it didn't backfire with Severus. When I tried to talk to him he seemed to avoid me even more. In the end I used the most tactless way of getting his attention I could think of. Well, second most tactless way. I could have stood up on the staff table in the great hall to exclaim, "Severus: we shagged, it was great. Let's discuss."

I had a healthy liking of my life, so I decided on the next most tactless option. The weekend after classes started I followed the potion's master outside, rolled a decent sized ball of snow, and launched it. My aim was on, and it hit the dark haired man square between the shoulder blades. The students outside all but fell over in fits of laughter.

Fortunately, Severus reaction was equally predictable. He spun around to face me; his face contorted in rage, and snarled out, "Professor James, could I see you in my office, now."

I gladly followed him, listening to him mutter about how childish I was to have done something like that in front of the students.

Once we were in the safety of his office I put up silencing wards and smiled at him. "To be honest, Severus, I was only responding in kind. It was fairly childish of you to leave in the morning without saying goodbye, and it was equally childish of you to avoid me this past week."

He glared at me, knowing full well that I was in the right.

"Now, we're both adults here, so we should be able to discuss this in a mature fashion."

"What's there to discuss, James," he responded emphasizing my last name. He obviously didn't approve of me being so familiar. "We shagged, you seemed to enjoy it well enough. We both got what we wanted, so lets leave well enough alone."

"There is something to discuss, Severus. There was obviously a lot of emotion involved, and don't try to convince me otherwise. There was too much emotion for it to be purely physical."

Severus closed his eyes and took a deep breath. "Eager to repeat, James? I'll admit there was a lot of emotion, but nothing between us. You were simply a means to an end, and I'm certain it was the same for you."

His words stung in a way I couldn't explain, and I certainly wasn't going to drop this. "I find it hard to believe that you are the type of person to take part in a one night stand, Severus, and I'm certainly not.

"Besides," I added cheekily, "If I was just a means to an ends you wouldn't have fallen asleep beside me afterwards, nor would you have held me all night."

Despite my week of careful planning I could confess now that I didn't have the slightest clue as to what I was doing. I couldn't quite figure out how my plan to talk with him like adults had turned into a plan to get him to jump into bed with me. My brain muttered something about wanting to see if the snarky potions professor actually did cry out if you bit his neck in just the right…

No! Bad Harry! That's not why we're here. I was now mentally kicking myself, because if Severus came any closer he would definitely notice exactly how eager to repeat I now was.

"What is it you're aiming for, Mr. James? As an ex-Death Eater," he really stressed this words, "I have very little to offer in terms of… compensation."

His eyes gave me a lazy once over, and a sardonic smile played at his lips. "Then again, you don't seem to be the sort of man who would require very little compensation. I'm sure you're quite capable of taking care of your own needs."

I was positive he had insulted me there, but I couldn't quite figure out how. Still, I wasn't going to let him get away with it. "Would it be too hard to believe I have some needs that even I can satisfy? For instance, Severus, it would look very strange for me to try to have a witty argument with myself. For another, I would be hard-pressed to find another person so knowledgeable in the fine art of potions. Let alone one who might put up with my curiosity."

I noticed Severus' lips quick slightly every so often in a genuine smile, though he desperately tried to hide it.

"Are you trying to imply something her, Mr. James?" He asked, a rare emotion flashing behind the taller man's eyes. So rare, in fact, that I couldn't quite place it.

"If you call me Ethan, I might tell you exactly what I'm implying."

"Very well, Ethan, what are you saying?"

Now that was a very good question. I wasn't quite sure what I'd been implying. I was just trying to keep the conversation going while being witty and entertaining. Then again, I was always quick on my toes. "I think it might be mutually beneficial if we were to expand our relationship outside the bounds of co-workers."

Severus snorted. "I do not… date."

I had to stifle my own undignified laughter at that comment. I don't think I was ever really one to date either. "That's very convenient, because neither do I. I was merely suggesting we could try to be civil to one another in public, and perhaps spend the occasional evening in one another's company."

The corner of Severus' mouth twitched up again. "The occasional evening," he murmured to himself. "I think that would be satisfactory. Should I expect you this evening."

Hiding a pleased grin of my own I nodded. "I might see fit to grace you with my presence."

"Grace, indeed…" I heard the potions master reply as I left the room.

Strangely, it wasn't until I reached my own chambers again that I considered this might not be a good idea. If not simply for the fact that he was indeed the exact same age as my father, than because I would be abusing his trust. I thought long and hard about the consequences of my actions, but I still ended up going back down to Severus' chambers that evening. What did it matter that it was a decidedly bad idea. I was a Gryffindore, and consequences be damned.

AN: I just noticed how close I am to 1000 reviews. This is pretty amazing, because when I started out I didn't expect to get more than 100. I'm going to start a little challenge here. If I get to 1000 reviews by the time I'm ready to post the next chapter, I'll include a nice little lemon chapter. It's only 64 reviews, and I know there's more than that many people reading this. So…

64 REVIEWS LEMON SCENE

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