Chapter Fourteen: So beseelt von Rausch und Rage
"Sag mir, was hast du getan.
Schütte aus dein Herz und glaube.
Sag was ist dir widerfahrn, dass es solch Ausmaß annahm.
Sag was hast du dir gedacht, so beseelt von Rausch und Rage.
Stelltest du dich dieser Schlacht, abgestürzt in einer Nacht."
Tom Albrecht, "Wir sind eins" (translation at the end of the chapter)
Yavin IV, Sith Temple Remains
As soon as he registered the Moon Shadow's ramp going down, T3 knew something was wrong. Very wrong. The beings that had taken his Master away were walking up the ramp. T3 tried to use an old trick of his, shutting down everything that could betray that he was active to make them believe he was anything but. He was, in fact, playing dead.
But it wasn't of any use, as they obviously had brought different scanners this time. They detected that he was still active, and faster than he could power up his electric lightning tool they had put a restraining bolt on him. A protesting screech escaped the little droid's vocoder which earned him a shock through the restraining bolt. Resigning himself to his fate, he rolled down the ramp behind the white-haired beings, just as they had commanded him.
When she heard the mournful warble of her little astromech behind her, Né felt her mood being uplifted considerably, even if she was again bound to the cane and kneeling before Atris. She had missed the little droid and feared that Atris had deactivated him or even given him a memory wipe.
"A, yes, your inconceivable and entirely inappropriate love for droids. Even back in the Enclave you had this annoying notion on you. And what is even more incomprehensible is that those machines follow you as blindly as all those living beings that you bring to you through the Force. For instance, take this one behind you…"
"Atris, please, is there even a point in your ramblings? Because, if not, do you really want to waste your and my time with this?" Né could feel the indignation welling up in Atris. Just wait till your companions find you, Ice Queen. Let's see how indignant you are then, she thought with a kind of grim satisfaction.
"You're neither in the place nor in the right to interrupt me, traitor. But you were always lacking patience, even in the Enclave. As I was saying, this one behind you… is a droid exceptionally dedicated to you, even judging by the standard of other droids that followed you. It managed to send out a signal to your ship to tell them where you are. Unfortunately for you it acted exactly as I had planned it. See, I wanted your friends to come here."
She didn't like what she was hearing. Not a bit. But she would be damned if she didn't at least try to bluff. "So? They are of no use to you. All too weak."
"Oh no, on the contrary, my dear. They are all very strong, all in their own way. Take… the Disciple, for example. I have known him, back in the Enclave. A very skilled healer, and stronger than he thinks. Or the huntress. Very spirited, very brave – a great fighter, be it with projectile weapons or the light saber. Oh, and the technician. Yes, very talented, and always underestimating himself. Very loyal, that one. Then of course there's Mandalore. Did you know? He once accompanied Revan, of all people. The irony in that is refreshing, don't you think?"
With every one Atris enumerated, Né felt herself growing tenser. She had an inkling where this would end, and she did her best to suppress the thought. She was still miserably failing. "You can shove your irony where it's dark."
Atris shook her head. "Such coarse language, tsss. And I wasn't even done yet. Because… I didn't even mention the best parts of your motley crue yet. First, there is Visas Marr. A remarkable woman, is she not? So wise, so loyal, so powerful. Admit it, she's more of a Jedi than you'll ever be." Interesting. I never thought we would share the same opinion. But I really don't want to boost your already inflated ego and tell you that, you little bitch.
"And more of a Jedi than you ever were, Atris." She felt herself snatched up the air by her throat by an invisible hand. Hanging in that position, she could see Atris directly in the eye for the first time since she had arrived on Yavin IV.
"Don't you tempt me again. I may still need you alive, but I know many ways to inflict unbearable pain and still keep you alive." With that she released Né of her grip and she fell to the floor with an ungraceful thud.
"Where were we? Ah, yes, your crew. Well, Visas Marr is a very interesting part of it, but there's one part even more interesting. And still so young. Oh, now, did you really think I wouldn't find out about the little girl you brought with you from Nar Shaddah? I do have my ways, you know. And this little one… she's a gem, isn't she? Stronger maybe even than Bastila Shan or Revan, and certainly stronger than you. Even strong enough to hide from me. And her bond to you… so tight. She will be so very valuable. But who could be even more valuable is… Atton Rand. Or should I say Jaq?"
The naming of Visas and Adana had felt like someone was kicking her full force in the solar plexus, but hearing Atris say Atton's name with so much venom and still want felt like being stabbed a thousand times. It was too much for her. "You keep your filthy hands off my people, Jedi bitch."
It was as if something inside her broke. From one second to another, she felt a wave of dark energy surging through her, being bend and shaped like a knife by her now raw and wild hate towards Atris. When it hit home, Atris screeched, but was back on her feet in a second. It didn't help her. By now Né had sought enough strength from the dark energy surrounding her that she had been able to break up her chains. She threw away the cane, and now it was her holding Atris a feet above the ground in a Force choke. A strong wind of pure energy swept through the hall and blazed through her hair. Her once green eyes had turned into pitch black.
But before she could squeeze Atris' windpipe a final time, the door flew open, and the three Sith ghosts came striding in. With their united strength, they threw Né down and bound her hands with chains of pure Force. The one that once had been Master Vrook came to stand before her and said: "You have attacked our mistress. Be happy that she still needs you. Otherwise you would have died just now."
Né's eyes now had returned to their original color, and the cackling dark energy which had surrounded her body had dissipated again, but the hate was still there. "You're even weaker than I thought when Ragnos paid me this little visit. She's lying there, weak, defeated, and you still obey her? How pathetic."
Not-Vrook bowed down to her, and when he was face to face with her, he said: "It is not time, yet. We have waited more than thousand years, we can wait a few days longer. And when we are ready… you will regret evercalling one of us pathetic a thousand times over."
When she was about to retort something, Atris spoke up again. Her voice was not controlled and arrogant like before, but sounding more like that of a lunatic than everything else. "You will pay for this. I will take them all and break them and you will be my tool. You and your ridiculous little lover. He once turned Jedi for Revan, he will now turn them for me, even more efficiently than ever. And now, take her away. She makes me sick."
Before they finally dragged her away, Né threw Atris a last cold look and a sneer, saying "Right back at you, Atris."
Hyper Space, en route to Yavin IV, Ebon Hawk, med bay Ebon Hawk
"You wanted to talk to me?" Mira was casually leaning against the door frame, having her arms crossed. Mical looked up from the med packs he had been putting together. He smiled at her.
"Yeah. I went after you after Atton's little outbreak, but you were using the 'fresher. But… uh… you're here now." He wiped his hands on his tunic a little nervously, getting it smeared all over with chemicals.
She looked away, smiling a little embarrassed. "Yeah, I'm here now."
For a moment neither of them said anything, but then they spoke up in the same moment.
"Look, I…"
"About earlier…"
Another embarrassed smile from both of them, then Mical gestured towards her. "Ladies first, please."
She cleared her throat. "Uh, yeah, thank you. Uh, well… about earlier… well… you said you needed to meditate…"
"And… and I did. I… um… I think I should apologize to you."
She raised an eyebrow. "Apologize?"
He nodded, fiddling with a kolto pack. "Uh, yes. For… behaving like I did when we were talking in the main hold. And all those other times. I shouldn't… have treated you like this…"
Mira hold up a hand. "Oh, no, that was okay, really. Actually it's me that needs to apologize. I… uh… I had not right to say those things to you. I'm really… uh…sorry that I did."
Mical took a step nearer, saying very quietly: "But they were true. Every one of them."
Now they were standing toe to toe, and she found herself looking up to him, right into his grey-blue eyes. As if hypnotized he was lowering his head towards her, but just before he could kiss her, she suddenly broke away, saying: "I… can't. Not… not yet. I also need a little time, Mical."
He was puzzled. How in the world could a woman like Mira – brash, forward, sometimes cynical – be so shy all of a sudden? Was it him? Was he not good enough? Didn't she feel for him what he thought she felt?
He saw into her eyes again and suddenly he understood. The Mira they saw most of the time was just a mask, most probably to protect herself. Behind that was a very vulnerable and insecure young woman.
"Mira, I'm not going to hurt you, I promise."
She took a deep breath and looked away again. "I'm not worried about you hurting me, Mical. I'm worried of me hurting you. I…"
From one moment to another, they both clutched their heads, heavily leaning on the cot beside them. All of a sudden, they felt a dark wave hit them and blind them, if only for a moment. When they could see again, they instantly cried out.
"Atton!"
"Adana!"
Cockpit
Hate. So much hate was flowing through him. It was blinding him, crashing down on him, surging through him… and pumping more strength than he had ever felt before through him. So much power…It was alluring, addicting… Yes, he had felt this kind of power before. In his days as Jaq, when nothing else then killing Jedi, sometimes with his bare hands, could make him feel anything. Ah, how good that felt… No!, a faint voice cried out, and he remembered. He wasn't Jaq anymore. He was Atton, and he was bound to a Jedi, a Jedi that was falling…
hate powerNo!"Atton! Atton, wake up!" Someone was shaking his shoulder, and he felt the now well-known headache come up again. He groaned, but the shaking didn't stop. "Hey, Atton, you okay?" It was Mira.
"Not if you continue shaking me like this.", he managed to croak out, and in an instant she let go of his shoulder.
"I take that as a yes.", was the slightly smug answer.
Slowly his surroundings began to clear up around him, and he realized he was in his dormitory, just finished with dressing, his hair still damp from the 'fresher. His head was still hurting, but at least now he knew what this had been about. The bond. Something had happened with her, and it wasn't good.
"Mira, did you feel anything?"
She looked away, a rare look of distress visible on her profile. "Yeah, me and Mical and most probably Bao-Dur, Visas and Adana…"
His splitting headache was all suddenly forgotten as he got up with remarkable speed. Without saying anything he raced to the cargo bay where he had last known Visas and Adana to be. And yes, both were sitting on the floor. Visas was holding her head, obviously shaken by the recent events, but Adana was an even poorer sight to see.
The child was sobbing uncontrollably, and without thinking he took her in his arms, drawing her as near as he could. "It's okay, Nana. It's over now. No one's going to hurt you. I'm here, we're here. We're gonna protect you. Né's gonna be okay, everything's gonna be okay…", he was rambling on, whispering in her ear and stroking her back to calm her as well as himself.
By now Bao-Dur had joined Mira and Mical in the door frame, but Mira felt as if this was something very private between Atton and Adana. Something told her that it would be better if those two were alone now, and she motioned for the men as well as Visas to come with her. But when Atton noticed Visas leaving, he silently shook his head and told her to stay. She nodded to tell him she complied with his request.
Mira, Bao-Dur and Mical were leaving the three alone, but before Mira finally left the cargo hold, Atton slightly turned around and mouthed a "Thank you." towards her. She just nodded in acknowledgment.
Adana's sobs now were becoming quieter, but she was still clinging to Atton. Careful as not to hurt her, he sat down on the floor of the cargo hold, softly coaxing her to sit down beside him. When she was seated, the sobs had ceased, and she was now awfully quiet. "Nana?" Somewhere around some days ago he had started calling her that, and she hadn't objected. Since then it stuck.
"What?" She was still sniffling a little.
"Better now?" He didn't trust himself with using more than two words now that the full impact of what had just happened was slowly setting in.
"A bit." She was turning away from him, obviously embarrassed about her own break down.
Up to now, Visas had been quiet, but now she spoke up. "What did you feel, Adana?"
Before Adana could say anything, Atton spoke up, sounding a little agitated. "Hey, the girl just had one hell of a dramatic experience, and you're already interrogating her about it?"
"I was not interrogating her, Atton. I was merely asking her what she felt. Knowing your feelings inside out is part of the training that might help us survive this whole ordeal." All of them – including Visas herself – were surprised to hear the slight strain in Visas usually even voice. It occurred to him that Né's actions might have a bigger influence on them than they had thought.
Adana, sensing the tension in the room, said tentatively: "It was… scary. One minute I felt like I hated the whole universe, and then I felt like I could do everything, but then… I felt so guilty… I…"
Visas nodded her head. "I take it you were feeling what Neeneá felt in this particular moment."
The girl nodded, gulping a little. "Yeah, I think so. Atton…" She turned towards him. "What happened?"
There hadn't been much moments in his life when he had felt as helpless as now. How did you explain to a child what you couldn't even properly explain to yourself? The absolute trust in her eyes threw him completely off-balance, and he hated to do this, but he gestured towards Visas. "Honestly? I've no clue. Perhaps Visas can explain it better."
"But you love her." The way she said it, one could think that love solved everything. What a pity it doesn't., he thought, and to his own surprise he was being completely serious, without any sarcasm.
"Yeah, well, but Visas is better with the whole Force stuff. Trust me on this."
Reluctantly the girl turned back to Visas, looking at her expectantly. The Miraluka lowered her head a little. "I cannot say what exactly happened. But judging from what I felt and what you felt, it seems as if she broke at something that was done or said to her. Someone must have hit a weak spot, and it made her crack. It would explain the sudden outbreak, and the fastness with which this was over."
Not completely satisfied with the answer, Adana pressed on. "What's that weak spot?"
Hoping that she didn't catch it, Atton and Visas shared a knowing look. Or rather, Atton threw Visas the knowing look and imagined she was doing the same to him. But Adana wasn't an empath for nothing. "It's not nice having secrets from someone. Especially if that someone's in the same room. Said my mum."
Was that an exasperated sigh he heard from Visas? "Adana… Sometimes it is better not to know everything. You have to see…"
"We are her weaknesses, aren't we?", the girl quietly cut her short.
Visas only nodded.
"Then it's our fault she broke?" The hurt and sadness in Adana's voice pained him, and he drew her towards him and hugged her out of an impulse.
"Oh Force, no, Nana. Never let anyone tell you that. It's not our fault, and it isn't her fault either. It's completely the fault of whoever did this to her. You hear me?" He had her by her shoulders now, looking her right into the eyes.
Taking her time with answering, she finally nodded, unable to say anything. He hugged her again. "Good. Always remember it, right?" Atton could feel her nod against his shoulder.
He took a deep breath and stood up again. "Alright. And now… be a good girl and continue your training. Maybe Visas will tell you how to shield yourself a bit better, huh?" He threw Visas a look that promised her nothing nice if she didn't, and for once Visas let him get through with this.
"Yes, I think this would be in order now. Are you ready for continuing?" Adana turned towards him.
"If Visas doesn't complain about you, I'll show you some pretty neat tricks with the Hawk?" The girl seemed to consider his offer for a moment, then she finally nodded.
"Deal." He smirked.
"Very well. Have fun, you two." With that he made his way to the cockpit to relieve Mandalore of the task the soldier hated.
Translation of the lyrics from above (done by the author):
"Tell me, what have you done.
Pour out your heart and believe.
Tell what has happened to you that it reached this far.
Tell me what were you thinking, so drunk with rage.
Confronting the battle, crashing down in one night. "
Tom Albrecht, "We are one"
A/N: Phew, due to technical difficulties I had to take a lot of time for up-dating but it's done now :) Anyway, need to work now, so not a very long explanation today. Gonna reply to the reviews with that new neat feature :)