Chapter Fifteen: Forgive me

"Sorry… is all that you can say.
Years gone by and still.
Words don't come easily.
Like sorry, like sorry.
Forgive me… Is all that you can say.
Years gone by and still.
Words don't come easily.
Like forgive me, forgive me."

Tracy Chapman, "Baby can I hold you"

Yavin IV, Sith Temple Remains. Né's Cell

She was back in the dark, alone with her thoughts. It was maybe the worst torture she ever had to endure. What had she done? What had she done? After all these weeks, after everything she had withstood, the dark side had prevailed in the end. She had failed.

And she had taken down the others with her. She had been sharing Adana's dreams again and it was very clear. The girl was having nightmares about what she had felt when Né had succumbed to the dark side and had been hurting Atris. She had tried to reach Adana, to tell her that she was sorry, that she needed her and the others to forgive her but the girl had shut her out somehow.

Né couldn't even blame her for it as it was exactly what she would have told Adana to do if she was her teacher. But she had been so furious and scared. Furious at herself for not seeing through Atris' plan and her inability to keep the others safe. She had left them to protect them from herself and from whatever Atris had been plotting, but all she managed to do was helping Atris to lure them into her trap. She had been the bait and she had acted exactly like it.

And she was scared of what would happen if the others came to Yavin IV. They would think that they had to fight Atris, but she would lure them all to the dark side. It would be so easy. Atris had almost broken her and it was only a matter of the time the others would go down as well. Their defenses weren't nearly as good as they needed to be. All of them were still bonded to her and their powers weren't developed enough to block the bond at least a little.

First there was Visas who already had been in the grip of the dark side. Yes, she had withstood temptation at least two times and she was more powerful than any of them, but she was also absolutely loyal to Né. And it will be the loyalty that will break her in the end. Such irony, really., Né thought bitterly.

And then there were Mical, Mira and Bao-Dur. All of them were only newly awakened. She had only had time to teach them rudiment powers such as a little levitation here and a little persuasion there or how to wield a light saber. But they would need more than that to withstand Atris and her companions.

Adana was next. The girl was a natural, sure, she had managed to use her powers completely instinctively, but there was also so much impatience and anger in her. It would be so easy for Atris to break her. Once Adana knew that Atris had been the one responsible for her mother's death there would be no holding back. She would react exactly like her when Atris had been taunting her.

The last was Atton. Atton who had already once been breaking Jedi for a living. Atton who would follow her about everywhere. Atton who would give his live for her. Atton… Atton who would be turned into Jaq again. If it was what Atris demanded of him to let Né stay alive, he would heed her order. It made her physically sick just thinking about how Atris would pervert his love for her for her own insane goals. And how she had only made it all possible. It was her fault, all her damn fault. If she had followed the Code just for once, if she only hadn't given into passion and desire just for once he would have never been bounded to her like this. He would maybe even be indifferent to her.

Forgive me, Atton. Forgive me, Adana. Forgive me, Visas. Forgive me, Mira… Mical… Bao-Dur… even Mandalore. And of course forgive me, T3. There was no way he'd still be the good old T3. Atris would have had his memory wiped and most probably destroyed completely. He had fulfilled his role and she didn't need him anymore. If she ever made it out of this prison, T3 would be gone, most probably forever because of her. All because of her.

If she'd still have any tears left, she'd been crying like crazy by now. But as it was, her eyes stayed dry and in her head there was only one desire: Forgive me.

Hyper Space, en route to Yavin IV, Ebon Hawk, Cargo Hold Ebon Hawk

"You did good today, Adana." The girl's bright orange aura flared up a little at Visas' praise.

"I… thank you." Embarrassment was clearly audible in Adana's voice.

"There is nothing to be embarrassed about. You deserved the encouragement. Now you can go and visit Atton in the cockpit if you like." Watching the girl dash out of the cargo hold, Visas allowed herself a smile. At first she had had her reservations about the child. To her, Adana had appeared much too brash and emotionally unstable to make a good padawan but she had proven to be a patient and eager learner if you just knew how to handle her.

Still smiling, Visas took on clearing the cargo hold of the items they had used to train Adana's focus at levitation. But she wasn't alone for long. Only after a couple of minutes Bao-Dur was standing in the cargo hold's doorway, calm as ever. Or well, almost as calm as ever. "I brought you something."

Abandoning the cargo cylinders she had been moving, Visas walked up to Bao-Dur to see what it was. "Please show it to me."

The Iridonian opened the box he had been carrying with him. In it was a small globe with what looked like lenses on it. Bao-Dur pushed a button on top of it and the globe hovered out of the box. Not without pride in his voice he said: "The remote you requested."

Visas gazed at the hovering globe and took a long, examining look. Then she walked into the middle of the cargo hold and motioned Bao-Dur to come with her. Hesitating a little, the Iridonian followed her. "Put away the box. Then take out your light saber."

His gaze at her was confused. "Visas?"

She knew it would come. Actually he knew what she wanted from him, but thought himself not good enough to fulfill her request. "Just do as you were told. You will not be harmed, I promise."

Her voice was like velvet but underneath it lay steel. He chose to obey her, even if he rather wouldn't. Having set down the box and put out the light saber he looked at her expectantly. "What now?"

"Close your eyes. Find your focus. Ignite your light saber.", she commanded. He did as told and when she was satisfied, a wink of her hand switched on the hovering remote. The first low energy laser beam was fired to Bao-Dur and he moved to parry it. Missing it only by microts, it hit him right in the arm. He hissed, but other than that there was no indication that the shot troubled him. Visas allowed herself a smile that could almost be called smug.

"Concentrate on your Force sight.", was the only thing she said and when the next beam came flying towards the Iridonian, his light saber moved fast and accurate enough to block the shot. With every shot he parried, Visas decreased the time between each shot.

Bao-Dur was surprisingly fast and had incredible reflexes. It was a pleasure watching the flurry that his aura now was, move. Neeneá had been right. He was underestimating himself. Suddenly Visas found herself wishing she had the time and energy to give the Iridonian the special training he deserved. Maybe… maybe when this is all over, I could ask Neeneá to make Bao-Dur my padawan., she thought, but dismissed the thought quickly. Now was just not the time to daydream.

When Bao-Dur was showing signs of being hit more than being able to parry, she switched off the remote and told him to reopen his eyes. He was panting heavily. Nodding at him, she said: "Excellent."

He wiped of the sweat on his forehead. "The remote… or me?"

She smiled. "Both." It earned her a grin and a simple "Thank you."

Cockpit

"So, did you two talk?" Mira avoided looking Atton who was sitting in the pilot's chair as usual. That was a sure sign something wasn't quite right, that much he knew.

"Yeah, we did." Okay, something was definitely wrong. Mira and monosyllabic? Didn't mix. Just didn't mix.

"And?"

"And what?" Did he really have to pull every single word out of her?

"Well… you know what. Everything gonna be okay? Or do I need to unpack the more… convincing arguments for him?" She snorted.

"No, thanks. 'Sides… I'm the problem, not him.", Mira shrugged, but the non-chalant tone of her voice couldn't just quite cover up the underlying insecurity.

"Nonsense. If he doesn't want you, he's a schutta that needs someone to open his eyes." Atton tried to let it sound half-ironically but he knew he didn't quite manage.

"No, really, Atton, it's me. I really think… there's something in him. Something, that could become more. And that something's in my, too, but I just… I've got the feeling…"

Before she could end the sentence, suddenly a voice from the doorway called: "I'm done, get out of my seat, you red schutta!" He couldn't quite hide a smile at Adana's demanding attitude, but Mira turned around in her seat and glared at the girl.

"I'll show you who's the schutta here, Refugee Sector gizka!" Instead of saying anything, the girl used her standard answer when she didn't know something better: she stuck out her tongue.

And then, something came to her after all: "Ha, you'd never do anything against me as long as Atton's here."

Before Atton could do anything to intervene, Mira leaped at Adana, growling "Yeah, well, watch me." Because Mira had used her Force speed, Adana couldn't do anything to escape Mira's assault. Suddenly the older woman was over her, mercilessly tickling her. Bright and girlish laughter filled the cockpit. Being to busy with keeping himself back from laughing, Atton could only watch the girls battle on the ground. In the end Adana instinctively used a Force push in the right moment and she was free again.

Glaring at Mira again, she said: "I'll get you back for that, Red.", and turned to run to the 'fresher to fix her completely messed-up hair.

Smirking, Mira only answered: "Sure thing, gizka."

"Thank you.", Atton's quiet voice sounded from behind her.

She almost jumped, but could keep herself enough under control to slowly turn around instead. "Huh? For what?"

He smiled a little lop-sidedly. "For making her laugh again."

She shrugged. Trying to sound non-chalantly, she said: "Yeah, well, turned out she reminds me of another Refugee Sector gizka I once knew." He chose not to deepen the questioning why Mira obviously started liking Adana after all because her answer was one of those telling him she didn't want to further talk about it.

So he picked another topic instead. "Uh, about you and pretty boy…" But before he could finish the sentence or she could interrupt him, suddenly the alarm claxons sounded and the orange globe of Yavin was starting to fill the view port. He racked his hair, saying: "Well, I guess that means playtime's finally over."

A/N: Uh, well, that was a short one. But I'm already working on the next one which is gonna be a kind of prelude to the show down. Just have a little more patience, dear readers ;)