Misadventures in Geriatrics

Disclaimer: I don't own anyone involved with King Arthur or any of the legends or myths. I don't own any of the characters. Only the ones from my own warped mind. I am merely playing with our heros for a while and will put them back, if only slightly used. I am writing this for my own amusement and that of others. I am making no money. So please don't sue me.

A/N: This is so highly AU that it isn't even funny. And before any of you say "Wait! You can't do that." Oh yes I can. Besides, I was encouraged to write this. And I intend to have a good bit of fun along the way.

And for any of you HIPPA fiends out there, these are purely fictional events. I am in no way divulging personal information about anybody. They may be based on my past experiences, but no real names have been mentioned.

Chapter 1: Meeting Kahlen

Sarah James pressed the doorbell to the Columbia County Nursing Home. CCNH for short. It was the county's state run facility and one of the few that boasted deficiency free surveys. This main building didn't hold that many resident, only 102, but it was a big sprawling place.

This, being her 4th year of Geriatric Studies, Sarah had jumped at the chance to spend the time here. It would give her a chance to get research for her thesis. She had dreamed for years of being a social worker for the elderly. She had seen and spoken to so many men and women, families, physicians and nurses, but she had never actually had a chance to be up front and personal with the every day care of these residents.

It both excited and scared her.

She pressed the bell again, as she hadn't gotten an answer the first time. Checking her watch, she realized that she was early. By about fifteen minutes. She wasn't supposed to be here until 5am. Sitting down on the nearby bench, she pulled out the file folder she had been given a week before. She could spend the next few minutes reviewing the file on the Geriatric Nursing Assistant and her charges she would be following for the next 24 hours.

She was supposed to meet a woman by the name of Kahlen Tuch. She had been working as a GNA/CMA for fifteen years, nine of them in this facility alone. Kahlen had been referred to Sarah because of her experience.

She would be spending the next 24 hours directly with this woman.

Sarah had her nose buried in the folder when the door opened, causing her to startle and nearly drop the file full of papers.

"I'm sorry to scare you."

Sarah stood up, tucking the file into her messenger bag. "That's okay. I realized I was early so I decided to do some reading." She held out her hand to the older woman. "I'm Sarah."

The woman stretched out her hand, taking Sarah's in hers. "Well, Sarah, I'm Jolene. The nurse in charge. Can I help you with something?"

"I'm here to see Kahlen Tuch."

Jolene nodded. "That's right. It's today." She held the glass door open, standing aside. "Come on in and we'll get you situated."

The moment Sarah stepped into the home, the first thing she noticed was the smell. It wasn't a horrid smell, not disgusting or anything. But it was different. She couldn't quite place it.

Jolene chuckled a bit as she noticed the face that Sarah had made. "It's the smell. It gets all the newcomers right off." She patted the younger girl on the shoulder. "You'll get used to it."

She wasn't so sure about that.

Sarah looked around as she followed Jolene. After coming in through the double glass doors, there was a large Nursing Station to the right. Behind it was all sorts of binders that Sarah assumed were charts. Two doors were directly behind the long desk. One door that was closed and another that was open to reveal a small kitchen. Complete with a fridge, microwave and coffee pot.

Which was good, Sarah hadn't had any coffee yet as she had been to excited and to nervous to get herself any.

Directly ahead of her, Sarah noticed a smaller hall, lined with doors. 'These would be their rooms, I think.' She thought as she followed the nurse.

To Sarah's left, there was an impossibly long hall. Much like the first. She couldn't get that good a look as the lights were dimmed. She asked Jolene about the darkness.

"They are dimmed mostly at night. You wouldn't like to sleep with bright lights, would you?" She asked smiling.

Sarah couldn't help but smile back. Jolene seemed like a nice enough woman. "No. I wouldn't." She looked around again. "So where am I going to be?"

"I'll take you over to Kahlen's unit. Unfortunately, it's at the opposite end of the building."

Silently, Sarah followed Jolene through the building's ground floor. She looked about her as the nurse pointed out several places, like the main dining room and the chapel which were near each other. As they rounded another darkened corner, the two entered what looked like a large lobby.

"That's where administration is housed. We don't usually go there much." The pointed to two other doors, the one on the left is the general store and the other is the ice cream shop." She stopped at bit at a couch that stood in the very center of the tiled floor. "Staff is more than welcome to shop at either. All monies go to the residents."

Nodding at Jolene, Sarah noticed a shining from above. Up above in the tall ceiling, Sarah saw a brilliantly clear skylight. She noticed that the stars were still out brightly and wondered how soon the sun would be coming up.

"Sure is pretty here."

"That it is. That it is. We are well funded by both private and government funds." She motioned for the younger girl to follow her some more.

Again, Jolene pointed out several places. Describing some of the amnenities this place had. Some of which Sarah couldn't fathom in a nursing home. So far it wasn't like any she had ever seen. This one had an in ground pool, a jacuzzi, a massage room and a small workout room. All of which the staff as well as the residents were allowed to enjoy.

It was beautifully decorated. Much like it would be in someone's home.

Jolene explained why. "We are basically a retirement community. Though this is the main building, with skilled as well as assisted living, we have various apartments and cottages throughout the grounds. This is their home. We try to give them everything they would have out there."

"It's so big. Don't you ever get lost?"

Jolene let out a muffled laugh. "Of course I did, my dear." She pointed down yet another long hallway. "Kahlen's unit is down there. She's in one of the assisted living wings."

0o0o0o

Sarah walked down the darkened hall toward the brightest part where she assumed she would find the GNA. It looked so different that the first hallway she had seen.

It was still darkened, but the floors were carpeted and the doors were wide and wooden. It still had that smell to it, but like Jolene had said, she would get used to it. Along the walls, next to the doors, we tiny name plates that Sarah had to assume were the names of the residents inside.

Ahead, she saw another person, as it was amazingly quiet and empty. 'It would have to be at this hour.' She thought. The woman stood watching her, drinking a hot cup of coffee. She knew it was hot because of the steam she could see rising from the tall mug.

Moving forward, she pushed aside the nervousness that she was feeling aside. Wishing she could have a cup of coffee of her own.

"Morning. I'm Kahlen." The tall woman said as she placed the coffee mug on the high counter of the nursing station. She looked very much like the nurse, Jolene. Her top was brighly colored with flowers and butterflies and she was wearing bright yellow slacks. On her feet were what looked like white running shoes.

But it wasn't her cloths that prompted Sarah to like her immediately. It was her face. It was soft and gentle. It didn't look threatening at all.

And she was smiling.

Kahlen Tuch wasn't what Sarah had pictured in her mind at all when it came to doing this kind of work. For one thing, she wasn't all that big. Unlike the nurse, Jolene. She wasn't short, but tall. And thin.

Kahlen didn't look like someone who could life and pull on all these old people without getting hurt.

She had incredible dark hair. Almost black. And it was pulled away from her face in a low ponytail.

"To keep it from getting pulled." She had explained when Sarah asked.

Kahlen gave Sarah a quick tour of her wing. "We have 10 beds here. Right now, I have three empty beds. They are all able to do things for themselves at varying degrees."

This wing, Sarah found out, was much like the big hall she had first seen. It had it's own small dining room, showering suite, and a smaller nursing station. An exact copy of the one she had seen earlier. Complete with the charts, kitchen and medication room.

Kahlen stopped at the nursing desk, moving behind it. "Hold on. I have to get you some clothes." She bent down and pulled out one of the deeper drawers. As she straightened up, she hand in her hands a pair of blue hospital scrubs.

Sarah looked down at what she was wearing. A pair of khaki pants, white tennis shoes and a conservative pullover shirt.

"What's wrong with what I am wearing?"

Kahlen smiled again, handing Sarah the clothes and taking her bag from her. "Because it will help differentiate you from a visitor."

"Excuse me?"

"They get used to seeing the workers in uniform. And if they see someone in street clothes, it gives them the idea that they can leave with said person."

Sarah's mouth made a small O. She didn't quite know what the other woman was talking about, but she was sure she was going to find out.

"Come on, I'll show you where you can change."

Kahlen led the way down a short hall. It seemed as though her unit was split in two. Almost like a V shape. With the nurse's desk at the tip.

As they walked down the hall, Kahlen turned on various hall lights, and at one point, she stopped by one room. Not entering, she only poked her head in and turned on the room's overhead light. Leaning back out of the room, the aide kept going.

"Who's in this room?" Sarah pointed to the heavy wooden door that was almost completely closed. Music could be heard coming from behind the door. It sounded classical.

Kahlen's eyes flicked to the name plate that was mounted at eye level, then away just as quickly. Her face had a hint of sadness to it that Sarah wasn't so sure she caught. "Arthur." But, she didn't stop, she kept going. "We'll go see him later."

Stopping in front of what looked like a bathing suite, Kahlen waited for Sarah to change into the scrubs.

Sarah hurried in her changing, she didn't want to case Kahlen to fall behind in her duties. From what she had heard from others, it was a busy job. It wasn't often that these girls got to sit down.

As she emerged from changing, Kahlen handed her a cup of coffee, which Sarah gratefully took.

"Thank you. This is wonderful."

"It's lifeblood. And there is always a pot brewing in the kitchen." She took a pull from her own mug. "Are you ready?"

Sarah straightened. "No. But lead on." She pointed with her cup.

Kahlen let out a laugh. It sounded like a happy one. And Sarah wondered if this woman liked her job as much as she seemed to.

"Don't worry. It will be a day that you won't soon forget. I've got quite a few characters."

A/N: So there you have it. A beginning to a different kind of story. I will take any suggestions you have on what our men do. How you think they would be. How you think they would act. This is meant to be a lighter piece. One to have fun and be creative with.