--------------------HAVING A BLAST--------------------
Charlie gazed at all the treetops, but for the life of him he could not tell what a ruddy mango looked like.
"Arzt?" he called. "ARZT!"
"What do YOU want, Charlie?" boomed Arzt.
Charlie jumped. "You're a science teacher, right?"
"Was, before I died. You rock stars have no respect to ghosts."
Charlie tapped his foot impatiently. "Uh-huh. Well, what does a mango look like?"
"A mango? Sorry, Charlie, I don't know."
Charlie exploded with rage. "WHERE'S MY AGENT?"
Charlie's agent came running onto the set. "What's wrong, Charlie?"
"I DON'T KNOW WHAT A BLOODY MANGO LOOKS LIKE!" Charlie cried.
"Well... here, here's a prop mango. Just makes sure Claire doesn't bite into it."
Charlie said, "Thanks, Agent."
WHILE OUT IN THE JUNGLE STILL...
They were almost at the hatch and all four castaways were ready to kill at least one of the others- Kate hated Jack for being a pest, Jack hated Hurley for insulting his medical training, Hurley hated Locke for calling him "Hugo", and Locke hated Kate because he thought she wanted to kill him.
"So I says to the mayor," said Jack to Kate for the nintieth time. " 'Mayor', I says!"
Kate turned around and smashed her lips up against Jack's. She then attempted to stick her tongue down his throat.
When she finished, Jack said, "What was that for?"
Kate shrugged. "I don't know. It works in the movies."
Hurley resumed whistling "Tiptoe Through The Tulips" and said nothing. Locke sighed.
"Okay," said Locke. "We're here."
Everyone looked around. The hatch was exactly where it had been.
"I'm going down there." said Jack, puffing out his chest. "because I'm the doctor."
"No, Jack. I think you should stay up here. I'm going down." said Locke.
"No, I'm going down there because Jack never lets me do anything worthwhile and he says it's because he's the leader and everyone expects him to do the dangerous stuff but it's really because he's in love with me and he doesn't want me to get hurt otherwise he'll cry, and doctors never cry." said Kate simply. Everyone looked at her.
To Jack she said, "I read your diary. And I've never had such nice compliments on my butt, thanks."
Jack said, "You're welcome." and puffed out his chest importantly. "We doctors see a lot of butts, but none as nice as yours, Kate."
Kate smiled.
Locke turned to Hurley. "How about you? You want to risk your life too?"
Hurley said, "Dude. I can't fit in the hole."
"We'll draw straws." said Locke, his answer to all.
Kate looked at Jack.
"Only if HE promises not to cheat again."
Jack stuck out his tongue. Kate made a face.
"I've got a better idea!" said Hurley.
"What's that?" said Jack.
"TRIBAL COUNCIL!" Hurley yelled, jumping up and down and clapping his hands.
"Okay, it's time to vote."
Jack whispered to Kate, "What's wrong with him?"
Hurley gave Jack a look of disbelief. "Dude. You never watched Survivor before?"
Jack shook his head and puffed out his chest. "We doctors don't have much time to watch reality TV. We are too busy saving lives." he glanced to his left to make sure Kate was looking at him. Locke rolled his eyes.
Hurley just said, "Yeah, yeah. Whatever. It's time to vote."
So they voted. Once they finished Hurley picked up the vote-holder thing and said;
"Once the votes are read, the decision is final. The person voted to go into the hatch will be asked to leave the tribal council area immediantly." Hurley looked around. "I'll read the votes.
"First vote," he said, opening the piece of paper. "Kate."
Kate stood up and punched the air like a champion. "YEAH! Score one for the home team!"
"Sit down and stop acting like you won," said Hurley. Kate's cheeks reddened and she sat down.
"Second vote," said Hurley. "John Locke.
"Third vote," Hurley said, opening the paper. "Jack."
Jack puffed out his chest importantly.
"And the last vote," said Hurlely. "John Locke."
Jack and Kate looked furious. "Him? HIM!"
Hurley glared at them. "Sit down!" he yelled.
Jack and Kate sat down, frozen.
"Bring me your torch." said Hurley. "It's time for you to go."
"What torch?" said Locke.
Hurley sighed impatiently. "Just... pretend." Under his breath, he mumbled, "Leave it to the hit-man to try and ruin the moment."
"Oh. Okay." said Locke. He brought his pretend torch up to Hurley and Hurley extinguished it.
"Your tribe has spoken." said Hurley. Locke climbed down in the hatch.
WHILE BACK AT THE BEACH...
Shannon rolled over on her beach towel. She was bored. There was nothing for a girl to do on this island unless you had a baby like Claire or were adventureous like Kate.
Just then, Sayid walkd by.
"SAYID!" she yelled.
He turned. "What is it?"
She stood up. "I'm bored. Do you have any more of that French nut's papers for me to translate?"
"No, but we've found some in Latin. Can you read Latin?"
Shannon shook her head sadly. "Nope, sorry."
Sayid began to walk away.
"HEY!" Shannon yelled.
Sayid turned. "What now?" he grumbled.
Shannon pointed at his shoulder, horrified. "You've got some... Arzt... on you."
"Oh," said Sayid, blushing slightly and brushing the Arzt away. "Right. Thanks." He turned to walk away again.
"SAYID!" Shannon called. She got up and fell into step beside him. "Why was there Arzt on you?" she demanded.
"Well, uh..." Sayid stuttered, wringing his hands.
"You think he's prettier than me, don't you?" said Shannon dramatically. Sayid continued stuttering. Shannon turned and said with even more drama, "Fine. Just go be with Arzt. I'LL just stay here and tan some more. REALLY, I DON'T MIND!" She left.
WHILE OUT ON THE RAFT...
"Hey, guys?" said Jin.
Sawyer and Michael glared at him. They had been gossiping cheerfully and sitting on a piece of charred raft.
"What do YOU want?" said Sawyer nastily.
"Um, do either one of you have any idea of how to get back to the island?"
Michael and Sawyer thought.
"'I've got it!" said Sawyer. "I'll use the glow from my incredibly sexy body to reflect the sun, then a boat will see it and come rescue us." he crossed his arms in a "Ha" sort of fashion.
"Well, I've got an even BETTER idea!" said Michael excitedly. Jin and Sawyer looked at him. Michael remaing silent.
"Well?" said Sawyer.
"What is it?" said Jin.
Michael shrugged. "I don't have an idea. I just wanted to be on camera for a little while."
Jin and Sawyer glared.
"Okay," Michael mumbled. Then he screwed up his face and sobbed, "W-A-ALT!"
Sawyer rolled his eyes. "Damn Walt, that's all he ever talks about." Jin nodded in agreement.