Buying Time

Eulalie Moire

DISCLAIMER: It all belongs to J.K. Rowling. I make no money and intend no infringement.

AUTHOR'S NOTES: This story is an unofficial response to the 30-minute-fic in-between-wave challenge at the Master and the Wolf Fuh-q-Fest, which may be found at http/chance. Specifically, it answers challenge 13: Sirius discovers that Snape is cheating on Lupin…

ooo-ooo

Sirius waited for Snape on the stairwell of number twelve, Grimmauld Place. When the Potions Master finally returned, it was nearing two o'clock in the morning and Snape looked nearly dead on his feet.

Severus entered, closed the door behind him carefully, so as not to wake Mrs. Black's portrait. He moved to hang up his sodden cloak, shivering just noticeably from the freezing rain falling outside. At the same time, Sirius slunk dog-like down the stairs, came up behind Snape, grabbed his robes. He jerked the Potions Master hard, turning him around and shoving him up against the cold stone.

Sirius thrust his face aggressively into Snape's. "I saw you, you filthy git. I saw you with Lucius Malfoy today. You absolute bastard—"

Though Sirius could see what little color there ever was in Snape's face drain out of it, the other man answered calmly, silkily, "I see it takes more than Dumbledore to keep you on a leash. Careful, Black. If you've a death wish, I'll be more than happy to help you; you needn't put the entire Order in danger."

Sirius hauled back and slapped Snape across the face hard enough to jerk his head painfully and draw a good deal of blood. Sirius said, "I tolerate you because you make Remus happy, but I don't think he'll be too happy when he finds out about this. I expect he'll feel awfully betrayed…"

At this, Snape stiffened. His hands, which had been hanging limp at his sides, flew to Sirius's neck. Snape grasped his throat with one hand, squeezing hard; with the other, he shoved Sirius's hands away. As they struggled, Severus managed to swing them around so that it was now Black who was penned against the wall. When he had gained control, the Potions Master snarled into Sirius's face:

"You. Tell. Him. Nothing."

He stopped here, feeling that he had said enough, but then he saw that there was only dark, virulent anger in Sirius Black's eyes. He understood that nothing less than truth would save him here, that even the truth might not stop Sirius's making mischief. But he had to try.

Snape made the decision to put aside his pride for the sake of his future happiness. He tightened his grip on Black's throat, leaning in closer and speaking in a hiss, almost literally:

"Everything I do, every punishment I take from the Dark Lord, every insult I take from you lot because I act as spy, all of it, I do because I want to have time to fix all the harm you did to me…to Remus and me. I want time to," he cringed here at having to reveal such things to Sirius Black, "love him and to know that he loves me and to just…be…happy." He added scornfully, "Merlin knows, I don't do it so you Gryffindors can continue to propagate your nonsensical values." Then, back on topic and back to the hissing, "So I sleep with Malfoy, yes. More often than you could possibly know about. I call out his name and claim to love him. I do things to him I never have done and never would do for Remus. I do it to maintain my cover, Black, contrary to your arrogant assumptions. I do it for that reason alone and I do it with an ache in me so deep that I come away feeling as though I understand what it must be like in Azkaban. I know that I hurt him; Merlin, I hurt myself just as badly."

He paused for just a moment here to ease his grip on Sirius's throat very slightly; he had noticed the other wizard starting to turn faintly blue. Sirius drew a shuddering gasp of air and Snape took that as a signal to continue. When he did, there was no mistaking the threat in his voice. "I'll tell him myself, Black, if you're so eager that he know. I'll ask him for forgiveness. I imagine he'll grant it. But you do not say a word to him about me or Lucius Malfoy or anything else you may think you know. You've done quite enough already. Do more and I will be sure to grant you your death wish."

Sirius's eyes narrowed at this, but he said nothing. He had seen real pain in Snape's eyes during that rant. It was the first real anything he'd seen in Snape's eyes since…ever. So he kept quiet.

After a moment, Snape took his silence as acquiescence. He gave Sirius neck one last, hard squeeze and then let the man go. His robes swirled bat-like around him as he ascended the stairs to a waiting Remus.