Hello everybody! Hey! Guess what! I STILL don't own Pokemon! I know! I was so shocked when I realized that this morning!
I make up words, so if you happen to come across any you don't recognize, they are not misspellings or mistakes. They're merely my own words that I made to best describe a certain feeling or situation I've created. We authors can do that! Isn't it great?
Here's a neat note to anyone who doesn't watch Pokemon in Japanese: there are several things that Pikachu says that are actual words in Japanese. I don't want to waste a ton of space, but here's a little bit translated to English (I'm sure many of you know several of these: Pi yes Chu no Pikaaachu? Daijoubu (are you okay?) Pika!Okite! or Kite! Wake up! (or) Listen to me! PiiKaa!I won't, I don't want to! Pikaaabut I'm worried (or) what about you? PikapiSatoshi PikachupiKasumi PikakapiTakeshi PipipiTogepi PikapikaZenigame (Squirtle) Pikakapikafushigidane (Bulbasaur) Pikapi ka…Satoshi wa (Ash is… an unfinished statement of worry or fear that anime characters use so often)
Just some stuff I've noticed from watching and listening to the tones and inflections Pikachu makes (I speak Japanese fluently, and I'm pretty sure these are right, but I'm also sure these sounds mean other things, too).
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PAINFUL SECRETS
Chapter 4 --- To Take It Past The Limit
Misty stayed awake all night, holding Ash in her arms. Brock had taken Togepi downstairs with him for the night. It had stormed all through the night, which hadn't helped matters at all. During the night he'd started to have nightmares again and whimper in his sleep, but as soon as she saw any sign of it happening, she'd run her fingers gently up and down his exposed ribs, knowing he was unbelievably ticklish there. With his arms above his head, limp on the floor yet wrapped around her waist, it left him totally defenseless against her mercilessly sensuous attacks. He would always smile twitch away from her hand a little and make tiny giggling and hiccupping noises in his sleep until she stopped, then he would sink back into her lap, his dreams changing to something different and peaceful. The little boy was so cute when he did it that Misty had to smile, too. It happened twice.
When dawn arrived, Misty sort of half lifted, half scooted Ash's little body onto his bed. When he woke up, she knew he probably wouldn't remember anything that had happened the night before and he would be really embarrassed to find himself hugging her in his sleep. She supposed it was better that way. She didn't want him to feel uncomfortable around her.
After covering him up, Misty stood and stretched. Her knees were cramped and sore from having a child on them all night. She wasn't much bigger than he was, after all. Luckily he didn't weigh much. She asked Pikachu if he was hungry. He shook his head slowly, not looking away from his trainer.
Misty wasn't really hungry, either, and she almost felt like she'd be betraying the sleeping boy by leaving him when he was so delicate, anyway. 'I may be over-dramaticising it, but I'm so worried. He's never been like this. He's never been this open to letting me touch him so much before.' She sighed to collect herself and looked at the window. The gloomy, cold weather with it's raining sky reflected the mood in the house. 'It's like… he wants my help, but he's afraid. Why… why can't he…?'
She looked at the little Pokemon beside her and wiped her eyes, "Pikachu, you'd tell me, right? If you knew anything?"
Pikachu looked up at her with sad eyes, "Pikachupi…Pikapi ka…" he trailed off, Misty knew, not knowing exactly how to respond to her. He looked as sad and worried as she felt. "Oh, Pikachu… what are we gonna do?"
She had started to reach out for the object of her concern again when Brock came quietly tip-toeing in. "Hey misty. Did he hold up okay last night?" He was whispering, so as to not wake Ash.
She turned back to him and whispered, "He had another nightmare. His fever didn't help it any. He was thrashing and crying. When Pikachu and I got him to wake he was delirious, terrified that someone was after him… or after us, I wasn't sure. I got him back to sleep after a little while, but that was mostly because of his sheer exhaustion." She dropped her head at this point and let the tears flow.
"I don't know what to do Brock. He can't do this to himself anymore! He's sicker than he's ever been. And the thing is I know he's counting on me to be there. Don't ask me how I know this, I just do. He sent me the signals last night. I know he wants to tell me, but he won't. I mean, he's always been shy about opening up, but that was fear of embarrassment. Brock, he's really scared of something serious this time, and he's taking it all on alone. I wish…"
She stopped short, was silent for a moment, and then whispered, "I wish I had never yelled at him before and called him all those names. Maybe then he would trust me enough to tell me without being afraid that I won't be there for him the way he needs me to be."
Brock seized her shoulders and shook them, "Misty, don't you start that! This is not your fault. None of this is your fault. This is so hard for Ash. Can't you see? This isn't a question of trust! Ash is independent. He doesn't like to lay his problems on others if he can help it. That's just how he is." Brock fell quiet for a reflective moment before continuing, "The problem is that he's stubborn. So stubborn that he doesn't know when to quit or give in. He won't come to us on his own; he has too much pride for that. We need to go to him. We'll have a talk with him as soon as he's awake and feeling a bit better. Until then, try not to worry. He's emotionally exhausted. He can't do this anymore and I think he'll be easiest to talk to tonight."
Misty made herself stop crying and relax. She did feel a bit better after Brock's words had sunk in, "You're right, maybe. I had thought, 'even Ash can't keep this up forever, and he's going to want to come to us, soon', but maybe… maybe this time… he doesn't know how." Misty grew quiet and looked at Ash's sleeping face. After a moment, she seemed to reach a decision. "Tonight, then. We'll talk to him tonight."
Brock saw her calming down and said, "Why don't you go take a shower. You'll feel better afterward. I'll watch Ash. And you should eat something, too. I don't think Ash could take it if you got sick right now as well. He'd just worry about you on top of everything else, and he doesn't need that. He needs you to be well for him, okay? And so do I. I can't take care of him or talk to him the way you can."
Misty forced a smile, thanked Brock, and, feeling a little relieved, went and got into a cold shower. She was exhausted, but wanted to stay awake to be there in case Ash did wake up and start talking.
She had liked the feeling of Ash holding her for protection from his unknown enemy. She felt good knowing that once, just once, she had been the one protecting him and not vice-versa.
She was going to Professor Oak's today. He had often asked her it he could keep Togepi over night, even if just once, to observe. She'd always said no, but he would get a surprise today.
Misty wanted Togepi out of the house until Ash was better. Things were already bad, but they could get worse, and she needed a baby-sitter. Possibly even for a few days. Professor Oak would be thrilled, she was sure, and Misty would be able to put all of her attention on Ash, who needed her now more then even he knew.
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Ash was having good dreams at the moment. Every time he began to think about his father, he would feel something comforting and good flow through him and his dreams would change to something nice, like Misty.
After a while he woke to find the room lit up by the morning, if that's what you chose to call it. The sky was still black with clouds. Apparently the storm wasn't going anywhere for a long time, but at least it wasn't raining at the moment. He turned and saw Brock at his desk, reading "1,000 Things Every Pokemon Breeder Should Know".
At first Ash wondered why he was there and not cooking breakfast as he so loved to do, but then he remembered passing out and being carried upstairs by his friends. And he remembered his nightmare.
He realized that he couldn't remember anything else from that night except the dream, and prayed silently that he hadn't done anything to show he was having one, or said anything while he was asleep. He didn't think he'd ever talked in his sleep before, but one couldn't be too sure…
Ash felt like a walking death sentence. If he said the wrong thing, he knew what would happen, and he had to be careful.
"Pikapi!" Pikachu's voice suddenly rang out and he leapt onto Ash's chest and hugged himself as close and tightly to his trainer as his tiny arms would allow. "Pika pika pikpikachu pikachupi pikakachu pikachu, pikapi!"
Aside from his own and Misty's names, Ash didn't understand one word that his Pokémon had just said, but he decided to take a guess and reached up one arm and laid his hand on Pikachu's back, holding the tiny creature close to let him know he was alright, and that he had missed him, too. He wondered briefly what Misty had to do with anything.
Brock had heard Pikachu and looked up to see Ash hugging him. He closed his book and wheeled the chair around, "Hey, Ash. Feeling any better?"
"Yeah," the boy said quietly as he tried to sit up using both hands to support himself as Pikachu slid down his tummy and into his lap with a small plop.
As soon as he was up, Ash immediately felt very dizzy and fell back onto the pillow with his eyes closed. It took him a minute to reorganize his thoughts, and when he opened his eyes, Brock was crouching next to him, looking worried. Pikachu was back on his chest hugging him as if he'd never moved.
"I did that on purpose." Ash said forcing a little smile to show he was still with them.
"Sure, Ash." Brock answered sarcastically, rolling his eyes and forcing a smile himself. "You just tried to sit up too fast. Take it easy today. You still have a fever. Misty stayed awake taking care of you all night."
Ash slightly reddened at this. "She did?"
"Yeah." Came the reply. "I just came in here a few minutes ago, literally. She went to get in the shower and after that I'm hoping she'll eat and take a nap. She looked exhausted."
Ash felt more guilty with each word Brock said.
Brock continued, "well, if you're feeling a bit better, I'm going downstairs to cook breakfast. Do you want anything to eat?"
"I'm not really hungry right now. How about you, Pikachu?"
"Chu." It answered sleepily.
Brock smiled, told Ash to rest up a bit before trying to move again, and walked out, leaving the door open a crack so that if Ash needed anything, he could just call them.
As soon as Brock was gone, Ash kicked off the blanket. He felt so hot, he could feel his fever burning through him, though it was not as bad as it had been during the night, he was sure.
He realized that he was in clean clothes now. They were a pair of green basketball shorts that he rarely wore, he had probably been too hot for them to put long pants on him, and a clean black t-shirt.
Misty or Brock must have changed him the night before. The cool air felt good on his skin and he figured the window must be open, for there was the lightest of breezes floating through the room.
'It's my fault for getting them so worried, and for causing them so much trouble.' He thought to himself. 'Misty must hate me. But that's still better than the alternative. If I ever told them the truth, they'd all be in danger. And they'd never look at me like a friend again. They'd feel sorry for me or treat me like I'm some strange neglected "thing". Misty would probably just leave cause she'd never want to be seen with a "thing" like me anyway.
'It makes me wonder why she's stayed around so long, as it is. But I'm so glad she has. I love having her there by me. Coaching me, supporting me, helping me, arguing with me, pointing out when I get us lost, blaming me for everything… Ok, so it's not a perfect relationship, but I kinda like it anyway. I want it to be more, but I'm so scared of ruining what we have now by asking. And if I told her about what happened to me, well, she'll leave me, and I seriously don't think I could deal with that right now, or ever.'
He began to absentmindedly stroke Pikachu, who still hadn't moved from his position, high on Ash's chest. The sun was well up now. These thoughts hadn't been flying through his head. They formed in his mind slowly. Ash looked up at the clock. It was already ten o'clock. His thoughts continued.
'Still… I don't know if I can see my dad again the day after tomorrow without someone knowing. It's just like being alone. I mean, look at look at yourself, Ash! You're already so scared that you've made yourself a sick, weak, nervous wreck, and your dad isn't even here yet! I don't want to be afraid anymore. I don't want to be alone anymore. I hate it. I need to tell somebody. I can't do this anymore.'
At this point Ash's body tensed up. 'NO! This always happens! I always break in the end and run crying to Misty and Brock so they can make me feel better. But they can't do anything about it this time, so I'm going to stick it out by myself. For once in my life, I'm not going to break down. No matter what it does to me and how worried people get, and how much it hurts and is hard, I'm going to stay on for the whole ride this time.'
With his mind made up, Ash felt more determined than ever to keep it that way. If thinking about the problem was making it so harder to deal with, he would just ignore it as long as he could, and worry about more important things until the time came.
He looked fondly at Pikachu, who was still cuddled close to him and hadn't moved, and smiled a real smile for the first time in three days. He had a responsibility to his Pokémon. They came first, not him, and as long as he remembered that, It wouldn't be that hard to forget about his dad for a while, right?
As Ash continued to watch his most precious Pokémon, he suddenly realized that Pikachu had fallen asleep. Riding on the gentle up and down motion of Ash's chest as he breathed had probably put him out. Ash was kind of glad about that, considering that Pikachu had probably stayed awake all night with Misty.
He still couldn't believe she had done that, but right now he had to put it all in the back of his mind. 'Maybe one of these days, when this is all over, I'll ask her why she did that for me.' He thought to himself.
Pikachu shivered. Ash took the bottom of his shirt and folded it up like a blanket over Pikachu's body, leaving his own soft skin from his chest to his pants exposed.
He felt more vulnerable like this. Toward what he didn't know. Maybe it was because he was sick, and he always felt more helpless when he was sick, cause he couldn't really fight or defend himself against anything, and it severely lowered his abilities as a trainer in a battle.
He watched Pikachu sleep and listened to his cute, quiet little Pikachu snores until he himself began to get droopy eyed again. He closed his eyes and his breathing matched Pikachu's as he started to think about his next badge.
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He was almost gone when he faintly heard the door slide open. He didn't want to open his eyes. He figured whoever it was would leave when they saw him sleeping. They didn't. Instead he felt whoever it was sit down next to him. He heard her laugh a little and knew it was Misty. He figured he probably looked really dumb with his shirt over Pikachu like that.
Then he felt something cool gently touching his naked skin. Her hand.
Now that he wasn't covered by anything, even the lightest touch anywhere on or around his tummy and ribs tickled like crazy. But it felt so good at the same time.
Misty was the only one who could touch him like that and make him feel this way, though she didn't know it. She was probably checking his fever. She usually didn't touch there for something like that, though.
She knew how sensitive he was. It was probably because his middle was closer to her than his forehead. The feeling was gone after a second, though. She pet Pikachu a couple times and then stated doing something.
Ash opened his eyes to see her pouring some medicine into a little measuring cap. She must have though he was sleeping, because when she looked back at him she looked surprised.
"Oh, you're awake!" She said with a smile. "Good, you can take this then. I was just going to leave it next to you for you to take when you woke up." She handed him a medicine cup with some cold and flu liquid stuff.
"Yeah, I'm awake." He said. He took the medication in one swallow and she took the cup back and set it down.
It was a few minutes before anyone spoke. Still exhausted, Ash was already half asleep when he said groggily, "Hey Misty? Thanks for taking care of me last night. I don't know what happened, but Brock said you stayed up all night with me. So I just wanted you to know…"
"It's ok, Ash. You were sick. Things happen. Are you feeling better today, though?" She asked him. "You kicked off your blanket…"
"It's ok, I'm just a little hot." He felt her put her cool hand on his cheek. It felt so good. He closed his eyes and let out a soft sigh, almost a moan. He realized what he had done immediately and began to cough to hide it. She looked worried and took her hand away. He was both relieved and disappointed.
"A little hot?" She asked sarcastically, then smiled again. "At least you aren't as bad as you were last night. You're also a convenient warm sleeping bag for Pikachu."
"Ha Ha." Said Ash with the same sarcasm she had displayed just moments before.
She paused, gave him an evil smile, and took two fingers and slid them quickly yet gently down his soft, unprotected tummy and into the belly button. She watched him gasp, then giggle and squirm under the tickle assault. Then she got up and turned to leave before he could catch his breath and start yelling at her.
She had only done this a few times before, when he was arguing with her or when she just wanted him to shut up, or when they were playing around. It always worked because Ash had way too many ticklish places to defend them all at once.
He was practically defenseless against it and it was torture to him. Mostly because he knew as well as she did that she could have him rolling on the ground in laughter if she wanted to, and though she hadn't yet, it left him at her mercy. So he had always listened to her then.
This time, however, she had done it just to see him laugh. Ash was always so happy and playful, but she hadn't heard him laugh in days and she needed to.
He needed to.
Ash had his shirt back down and his arms wrapped around his middle defensively, when he saw her start walking out of the room. "Where are you going?" he asked her, forgetting everything else. He had expected her to stay at least a little longer than two minutes.
"Back downstairs. You need to rest up and get better, and you can't do it if you're all riled up."
"Whose fault is that!" He asked slightly annoyed. But she was gone. It wasn't fair. He had wanted her to stay around. But it was fair. It was more than fair that she came to visit him at all, after staying up with him all night long. She had looked really tired, like Brock said.
Ash looked at the clock. It was already past noon, but he realized that he was still on the verge of the sleep he had almost been in before she came, despite the small 'upset' that had made Pikachu stand up, spin around once, and lay back down, looking annoyed.
He covered his Pokémon with his shirt again as rain started pelting the window outside and thunder rumbled. Then he relaxed and fell asleep, dreaming at first about Misty. However, all memories of her faded as the dream quickly changed and turned into the inside of a closet he that was trapped in, again.
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Misty came out of Ash's room laughing at the boy's reaction to the attack she had launched. He acted like such a baby sometimes! But she was so glad to see him laughing and playing around with her, even if it was only for a second. Any longer than that and it would have been overdone because she had never held out on him for longer than that. He couldn't take it. Just five seconds and he had been out of breath and struggling to hold back tears of laughter.
He was just so sensitive! It wasn't always a good thing, though. Ash didn't take certain types of pain well at all. When he stubbed his toe or someone threw a pen at him, he would complain loudly about it for a week! Whereas, if Ash got really hurt through physical contact by certain objects, he would keep it a secret, like it was dangerous to tell or something weird like that. It seemed to have a strange affect on him.
Misty remembered the first time such a thing happened. Ash had tripped and fallen into a large boulder and hit his knee. He had sat in shock for a few minutes, then got up and tried to act as though nothing had happened. He wouldn't tell people he was hurt, but he was limping for five days. She thought he was faking it, cause if it had been real he would be making a huge deal out of it like every other injury.
She had finally gotten upset and yelled at him for trying to bring attention to himself.
He had looked like he was going to cry. Figuring he was upset that she'd found him out, she walked over, rolled up his pant leg none to gently, and gasped when she saw his whole knee was bruised, bloody, and infected, swollen to twice it's size and even slightly twisted.
He'd then had to suffer a lecture from her for not telling anyone, but he didn't seem to get it. He had just looked straight into her eyes and said, "You couldn't understand". He wouldn't say more than that, however, no matter how hard she tried to get him to explain. He was really the one who didn't understand, and she didn't know why he tried to hide his injuries.
Then he had put up a fight about going to see a doctor. It was as if he thought they'd see something that wasn't supposed to be there. He kept talking about scars. Misty and Brock had never seen any scars on him, so they didn't know what he was talking about. Neither did the doctor, when they got him in the office to see him. Ash had been terrified about it, though.
After they left the doctor, he never mentioned them again, and if anyone else mentioned scars in general, he'd go all quiet. It irritated her and confused her, so she had ignored it until now, but…
Since he had gone quiet a few times because of injuries, as well as battles and Gary, she had at first thought that may be the case, but last night she had checked him over very closely for anything, and he didn't seem to be hurt anywhere. All the same, she didn't want to chance getting rough or upsetting him when he was like this.
She walked downstairs, rinsed the medicine cup out, and put it away with the bottle. According to the bottle, Ash would need another dose in four hours.
She felt tired all of a sudden, and went over to the couch. Brock wasn't sleeping, so she could use it. He'd told her to anyway.
She considered going upstairs, but Ash had still been kind of hot and she didn't want to go back and get him all excited and started on a conversation which would probably start (and end) with him bolting up, yelling "I can't wait to get my next badge!" Which would make his fever rise, and he'd pass out on the spot.
A rather funny visual, she had to admit, but not something she wanted to have actually happen to him.
She watched TV for a few minutes, but the only thing on all the stations was the breaking news story of the girl's body that had been found by Viridian City. They still had no suspects and were looking anywhere for help and the cops were warning people to be careful. There had been a city wide curfew put on both Vermillion and Viridian. No one could be out after a certain time, and had to buddy up during the day.
'It must be a really serious problem to take such drastic measures,' Misty thought, 'They must expect him to attack again or something. He probably won't even stay near there anymore. If they're looking for him that far he'll probably find some excuse to leave and go some place else.'
She curled up on the couch, fell asleep, and stayed that way until about three, when she got up to help Delia in her garden during one of the brief periods of time when the rain actually stopped.
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Ash woke around four o'clock covered in sweat and out of breath. Another nightmare. He sat up slowly, lowered his head to his chest and started sobbing.
"Pikapi? Pikachu?" Ash looked over at Pikachu's worried face.
"Oh, Pikachu!" He gently picked up his pokemon and held him close. No one else was in the room, and Ash needed to let out some of the pain. He hugged Pikachu and it hugged him back, and he just cried.
There was no real description for it other than that. He cried like what he was. He cried like an eleven year old who was suffering through unimaginable emotional pain. Pikachu was actually glad he was crying. He was finally opening up some. Ash didn't have to say anything to open up to Pikachu. He didn't have to explain why, as long as he opened up some. When Ash cried, Pikachu didn't have to know what was wrong with him to know how to take care of him. All he had to do was be there, and that much he could do without the facts.
After a while, Ash gradually stopped and looked at Pikachu, who looked back up at him.
"Hey, buddy." He whispered. "Sorry about that."
"Chu, chu." Pikachu answered quietly, shaking his head to say 'don't worry about it.'
Ash smiled and gave Pikachu an extra hug. "Thanks, Pikachu." Then he put him down, dried his face and said in a normal voice "I'm feeling better now. Want to go downstairs?"
"Pi!" Said Pikachu, trying to sound happy for his trainer, though inside it was worried again. Ash was closing up. He had cried, true, and let out some of his emotion, and now he was pretending it never happened. Like nothing was wrong.
He was acting like a bottle. He had stored up his emotion until the bottle overflowed, then he poured some of it out by crying to Pikachu, then put the cork back in and hid all his pain away again until the next time it became too much and he'd need to spill his tears. Ash wasn't good at doing this, however, he was way too young and small. It was hurting him so much… and everyone knew it.
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Ash went into the bathroom and washed his face. Though it was late, he had changed into his regular clothes. When he looked half way decent in his opinion, he headed down the steps with Pikachu on his hat.
Misty was in the kitchen now. It had started raining an hour ago and everyone had come inside. It was four thirty and Ash was over due for his medicine. She poured some for him and was about to take it upstairs when he walked into the kitchen. Misty took one look at his face and saw that he'd been crying. Probably for a long time.
He was smiling now, trying to hide it. It broke her heart that no matter what she did it was as if she wasn't doing anything at all. Just last time she'd seen him, he'd been laughing and playing with her. He'd been the Ash that she loved so much. But now his eyes here puffy and his face was red and it took everything she had in her not to burst into tears.
Brock had noticed Ash's face, too. He looked at Misty right away and saw her on the brink of tears herself. He walked over and stood by her.
"It's all right, Misty. We'll talk to him tonight when his mom leaves for that visit she told us about earlier. Just take him the medicine, and try to smile. He needs it."
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They finished making dinner with lots of friendly conversation amongst all present. As soon as the food was done and Misty and Ash were setting the table to eat, Delia walked over to the kitchen door that led out to the garden and started putting on her shoes.
"You're going out in this weather?" Ash asked her.
"I promised Mrs. Spinnet last week that I'd go over for tea today." She said in her usual cheery voice.
"But it's pouring outside! Can't you just cancel?" He asked her.
"Now, sweetie, I know I've told you it's rude to cancel engagements so suddenly. It's only a bit of water, after all. I'll be fine." She finished putting on her shoes and walked to the door with her coat and umbrella. Mr. Mime was going with her.
"Bye, honey, I'll be back late tonight. Be in bed! Change your underwear and put on your pajamas, ok? I love you, sweetie!" With that, she left.
"That was strange." Said Ash. "She's usually so picky about me going out in bad weather and she never does it herself."
"Maybe she had something important to talk about or something." Commented Brock as he scooped lasagna and salad onto their plates and Misty put them on the table. "Anyway, come and eat." He concluded.
"Ash," said Misty, "Remember to take your medicine. It's next to your plate."
"Thanks, Misty." He swallowed the liquid in the cup quickly and drank it down. It tasted horrible. Then his friends joined him and began eating in silence. Pikachu seemed to be enjoying his dinner. Ash still didn't feel hungry. His mind started to drift to the thought that his dad would be there the day after tomorrow…. About ten minutes went by before Misty commented on his lack of appetite.
"Ash, why aren't you eating?" She asked him casually. "You should. You haven't eaten anything all day and you're usually a bottomless pit!"
"I'm ok." Ash lied.
"You sure?" Asked Brock, suspiciously. "You've been acting really strange lately. It's seemed to affect your appetite more than your fever has, don't you think?"
Ash was rubbing his eyes and yawning as he said, "Y…yeah…. NO!" He caught himself quick and said in a fast, panicky voice, "No, I just don't feel well. Nothing's wrong, though."
Shoot! A strange feeling of doom had settled on him. He could see by his friend's expressions that he'd just given them the slip they'd been waiting for.
"Really?" Said Misty. "Then what's on your mind? You look dazed out."
"Nothing!" he said again, with a note of panic in his voice.
His best friend must have detected this clearly, and apparently she knew a little more then she let on, because she answered, "Good, then you won't mind telling us about your dad."
His father's insults and screams suddenly echoed through his mind, crushing his feelings to dust. All his confidence, self esteem, all he was… It was nothing. He was nothing. His father tore him down lower than he'd ever felt. He could actually feel his heart aching. It hurt him so much inside. And that wasn't even his worst memory about his dad.
He didn't know how to answer her question. He could say he had a headache, and that he didn't want to talk. But she would know he was lying.
On the other hand, if he told her the truth, she could make him feel better. He wanted her to hold him so bad. All he had to do was tell them what she wanted to know, and he wouldn't feel alone anymore.
Then he heard his dad's voice saying in a cold, deadly whisper, "If you ever tell anyone about this I swear that I'll kill you, but not before you see me kill them."
Ash looked back up at Misty and said, "What's there to tell? He's my dad. That's about it." It hurt him to force the words out.
Misty didn't buy it anyway. She looked at him hurt. "Well, then" she said, "I'll be more specific. What did you two like to do together? You're mom said you played sports. What kind of sports?" She sounded to Ash like she was just making conversation. She didn't sound demanding or in his face about it. She was still eating like everything was perfectly normal, and so was Brock.
It made Ash feel unsure. They seemed like they didn't care, but at the same time they were pushing the matter and wouldn't let the subject be changed. Ash decided they were probably just curious, but all the same, he couldn't answer her questions, so what could he do?
"Just sports." He said, then before another unanswerable question could come at him, he got up, saying, "I'm not hungry. I think I'll go for a walk. C'mon, Pikachu."
"Chu" answered the small creature defiantly.
"What?" Ash stopped short. Pikachu was openly disobeying him. this wasn't entirely uncommon, but still….
"Chu" he said again, looking straight into his trainer's eyes for some sign of emotion.
Ash felt shocked and a little hurt. But mostly he wondered what would make Pikachu do this. Misty and Brock were looking at him with the same eyes Pikachu was. It was like a mutiny. Ash suddenly got very nervous and said, "Ok, buddy. You don't have to go…"
"Neither do you, Ash" said Brock. "You can sit right back down and talk to us. This is ridiculous!"
Ash just stood there. This caught him totally off guard and he didn't know weather to run or stay. Thankfully, Misty cut in.
"What Brock means, Ash, is that we're worried about you. You're not yourself at all, keeping secrets when you've always been honest, running away from your problems when you've always faced them. We just want to know what happened to make you change so suddenly. We don't want you to be alone anymore."
These words seemed to strike something in Ash. They didn't want him to be alone. They wanted to be there with him and protect him. He couldn't help but smile a little as tears began to form. He quickly pulled his hat brim down so his face was hidden and they couldn't see. He felt so relieved that they weren't mad at him, and he suddenly had an overwhelming urge to run to Misty and cry and tell her everything. But his father's words echoed to him again, and he stopped himself. His friends were waiting to see what he would do.
Ash didn't really know what to do, but he felt grateful to them for trying to help him, even if he couldn't tell them anything. "Thanks, you guys. That means a lot… but I'm sorry." He turned and walked slowly out of the kitchen with his head down and his eyes full of tears.
Misty was fed up with this. She walked out after him. "I'm sorry, too, Ash." She said, as she pushed him into the open closet under the stairs that he was passing by. "But you can't do this anymore. Last night you were delirious with fever and crying about someone being after you. If you think you're in trouble or something, we can help you, but you have to tell us why first!"
With that, Misty closed the door and turned the lock.
Ash suddenly realized what was what had happened. He was trapped, locked up, and unlike before, this wasn't a dream. It was too real. He instantly forgot all about his friends who were standing on the other side of the door. Time stood still in a moment of absolute terror, and then in the dark, it was easy to see his dad coming at him with something in his hand. It was easy to hear the sound of a belt cracking or his dad's yells and footsteps as he came down the hallway, though it was really silent and still. Ash felt the tears dripping down his face, and his body shaking as he shrunk back against the wall. This wasn't happening. Not again. He couldn't hold back any longer and as the sobs broke violently through, he threw himself into the door, desperate to make it stop.
-----
In the hallway, on the other side of the door, Brock and Pikachu rushed to join Misty as she locked the door closed. Misty looked back at Brock, who nodded to her. It was a shame it had gotten this far, but it had to be done. After all, this was for his own good, right? However, what followed was not exactly how they had pictured Ash would take this.
It was complete silence for a moment… the clock ticked in the hall next to them… no one said a word… the silence was deadly. Misty suddenly wanted to let Ash out and do this any other way then in silence with him held prisoner, when Ash screamed out his sobs and threw himself into the door as he were trying to get away from a man-eating tiger trapped in there with him.
Ash cried, pounded his shoulder into the door over and over, a little harder each time. This made his friends back away. Brock edged up and knocked on the door. Never in all his experience of raising his siblings had something like this happened. He wasn't really sure what to say, but Ash was hurting himself and showed no sign of stopping. "Ash," He yelled, sounding both pissed off and scared. "What's the matter with you! You're acting like a little kid! Grow up and stop this right now!"
Then Misty clapped her hand over Brock's mouth, and looked at the door through frightened tears. Ash was desperately crying out to someone, but it wasn't them.
"I'm so sorry." he sobbed "I'll never do it again, I promise, please don't leave me in here. Please!"
The screams and sobs issued from Ash as the pounding continued. The door began to splinter under the force of the blows Ash was giving it.
"Is anybody out there?" Ash sobbed, still throwing himself at the wood. "Please let me out. I'll be a good boy, I swear! If I did anything I'm sorry! Please don't just leave me! Don't leave me here for him to find me. Please! I'll be a good boy! I'll do anything! Please don't leave me here! Please!"
The door was really starting to creak under each blow when it suddenly stopped. Between screaming, sobbing, choking out words, and throwing himself onto the door, Ash was having a relatively hard time breathing and had started to cough violently while leaning against the door.
Brock had frozen. This wasn't right. Pikachu was hysterical, screaming for someone to let Ash out. Misty was the only one who took action. She pushed Brock out of the way and threw the door open.
Ash fell out on top her. She tumbled to her knees with Ash in her lap. He was covered in tears, and seemed to be having a hard time breathing through his sobs. She looked down at his body. There was blood running in a tiny stream from his shoulder down his arm and dripping from his fingers.
She pressed her hand and his sleeve against the wound. He was going to have bruises all over the upper part of his body from hurting himself against the door like that.
She ran her fingers up and down his neck like she had last night. He was too hysterical to feel it at first. He was shaking so bad Brock was holding his legs down to keep him still. Moments ago he'd kicked hard against the wall and almost busted a hole through it. The whole house had shuddered under it. Thank goodness Ash was too small to do much damage to anything other than the door, and that had been Misty's fault for locking him behind it in the first place.
Misty was cradling the top half of his body, which he had turned inward, facing her, while Brock was holding down the bottom half. She rocked him forward and backward gently, while running her hands over his back or through his hair or stroking his cheek. This went on for ten minutes. Pikachu had cuddled up next to him and was petting Ash's back.
-----
Ash held his eyes closed the whole time. He was still scared, but he was slowly coming back to reality. That is, if you could call this reality. Someone was holding him and touching him in such a tender way that he thought for sure he was dreaming, or would be soon.
But he also felt someone else holding his legs down as body shook and knew that it had to be real. He couldn't control his shaking or his tears that were pouring. He tired to stop his sobbing but he couldn't. Then, as things became more clear, he began to realize who was with him. He felt Misty's finger on his cheek and calmed. She was there. They were all there, holding him, making it the pain more bearable, helping him regain his composure. As his heart rate slowed, his trembling also calmed, though he couldn't stop crying.
He couldn't do it anymore. He had reached his limit. He couldn't hold in the memories and the secrets and lies and the pain he had felt and the harsh words that were spoken to him, it hurt too much. And look at what it was doing to him and his friends. They were hurting, too.
He felt Misty's tears drop onto his face and mix with his. Pikachu was crying and doing whatever he could to help him without jumping up onto him. Brock had now let his legs go, as Ash wasn't kicking or fighting anymore. He heard Brock's voice say, "I think he's calming down now. Lets move him some place more comfortable."
Ash whimpered quietly between sobs as he felt Misty loosen her arms from around him, then felt Brock's stronger arms pick him up cradle position, one arm under his knees, the other under his shoulders and neck, supporting his head. He felt like a baby, but at that point he didn't care anymore. He needed to be babied. He opened his watering eyes and glanced around the room.
Brock was carrying him slowly into the living room. Misty was next to him, ready in case he slipped. She saw Ash eyes open and said, "Hold still, Ash. It's all over now. Everything's gonna be okay."
He did as he was told. He was already crying and if he moved around to top it off, Brock might drop him, though they all doubted it. Brock had never dropped Ash before. And he'd carried him on several different occasions when he was sleeping thanks to Jigglypuff or hurt by team rocket. As they made it to the couch Misty ran around in front of Brock and sat down at one end of the sofa. She reached up her arms toward him and said, "Come here, Ash."
Ash leaned out toward her slightly and she took his arm and wrapped it around her and then helped support Ash's upper body as Brock laid him down on the couch. They eased him down onto his right side with his head in Misty's lap while the rest of him was sprawled out on the couch with his knees still bent from the cradle position. He was too small to fill the whole couch, even while lying down. Brock grabbed the first aid kit out of the bathroom, pulled over the squashy arm chair close to them, and sat down. Ash had his eyes closed again. You'd never know weather he was awake or asleep, if it weren't for the crying.
"Hi Ash," said Misty, quietly and gently, as if she was welcoming him back home. She was still rocking him slightly, "Do you feel better now? Are you okay?" She wasn't really sure if he really was back with them again, or still slightly delirious.
Ash slowly opened his eyes. His body was totally relaxed and he felt sleep rolling in as he slowly gained control of his breathing enough to stop crying. Left with nothing but the hiccups and a few stray tears, "My shoulder hurts." He said quietly.
"I'm going to take care of that now." said Brock, "Can you take your shirt off?"
Ash half sat up with help and took his shirt off. Then he laid back down like he was before, turned toward Misty a bit more so Brock could reach his left shoulder better. For a few minutes, there was nothing but Brock cleaning and bandaging, with Misty helping him here and there, but mostly holding Ash steady. Brock was telling them that it was sprained and that Ash had to go easy on it for a few days.
They finished and sat back again. Ash lay on his right side, eyes closed, comfortable in Misty's lap again, facing her. 'After all that,' Ash though to himself as she rubbed his back, putting him to sleep. 'After all that, they still treat me like a friend. Maybe… maybe they won't leave after all.'
"Hey guys?" He said as he drifted off. "There's something I have to tell you." But, being too tired to even find where to start, he fell asleep before he could finish what it was.