Author's Note/Disclaimer: This story is dedicated to my darling Ashlyn, who inspired me to write this re-write of the end of the episode. It's not going to be very long, just one or two parts really. Also, unfortunately, I don't own anything regarding the show otherwise I would've saved us all from BL at the end of the episode. Mark and the WB own everything.
How it Should Be
Should you be with Lucas instead of Brooke?
She doesn't know where the thought came from. It seemed to spring up out of nowhere and just grab her. Other than all the stuff about Ellie, it's that comment that stuck with her the most. Not the ones about Jake just using her to get in her pants, none of that. Was it because she spent a summer with Lucas, completely platonic and she's started wondering about what could've happen if the two of them had just put aside their differences. If he'd never gotten with Brooke to begin with.
Finally, after sitting and just thinking about everything "bitchy Peyton" had said to her, she woke up and went in search of Ellie's bracelet again. How was she supposed to find it if she doesn't remember where she put it to begin with. She's on the verge of a breakdown, and the only thing she can think to do is reach out and pick up the phone. The one person who's been there with her through all of this, who no matter what knows how she feels about this situation and who might just be able to help her solve more than just one question that's come up in her mind.
"Hey, Luke," when he answers her heart flutters and she tucks her hair behind her ear, sitting on her bed and staring at one of her drawings from back when she was confused and angry and falling hard for Lucas Scott, "I need your help."
Lucas Scott stood at his door looking at Brooke. His heart breaks a little for her, standing there as she throws a box of letters she wrote to him over the summer into his arms. He wants to brush away the tears on her cheek and tell her that it's all right, but anger consumes him every time the thought enters her mind. No matter how hard he tries not to, every time he looks at her, he sees the fact that she slept with Chris Keller, and not in the literal sense of the word.
"Brooke…" he cuts her off mid-sentence, but she keeps speaking. Everyone keeps telling him to forgive her, that she just made a mistake. One he knows that not too long ago he made too, sleeping with Nikki. He had been in love with Peyton then, not Brooke whom he had so easily managed to turn his back on the minute he found himself opening up to Peyton again. The second he looked upon her and felt himself overwhelmed with love.
As Brooke runs off, Lucas can do nothing. Why should he forgive her for something she had been so adamant to hate him for? Why should he go after her when she had broken his heart? Was his heart even broken though? He closes the door and looks at the sad look on Peyton Sawyer's face as she watches him carefully from the edge of his bed where she sits.
"Brooke means well," Peyton puts in, "She loves you Luke."
"Funny way of telling me," he grumbles, walking back over to her, "Sleeping with Chris Keller just screams "I love you Lucas"."
"She's afraid, after what happened last time…" Suddenly, Lucas notices a look in Peyton's eyes, as if she herself has been transported back to that time. Looking at her, being so close to her for the first time in months has stirred up feelings inside of him that he'd long ago shut down.
"I don't love her Peyton," at this, Peyton's eyes flicker to meet his, "I've been trying to love her. I had almost convinced myself that I did. I just…"
"You can't do that to her Luke," her voice broke as she tried to say that, and Luke regarded her carefully, wondering what exactly was going on through her mind, "She's been hurt so much, and she really does love you. I…"
"I want to show you something," Lucas stood up and motioned for Peyton to follow. Suddenly, he remembered what he was talking to Nathan about just last year before he found Brooke and Felix kissing, he remembered what he had felt and how worried he had been about losing the most important person in his life, Peyton Elizabeth Sawyer. Sure, he had called Jake rather than admit his feelings to her, but the fact of the matter was he had thought Jake would be better for Peyton than he was. He thought that would make her happy.
They were on the roof of café where Peyton remembered not too long ago there had been a miniature golf course created by Lucas and Haley. It had been a neat place, all decorated and screamed that the two of them had been inseparable and the closest of friends. Looking around, there was nothing but bare roof and now it made the place seem so lonely and lost. It was exactly how she felt at that exact moment.
She stood there, regarding Lucas carefully. For some reason, the ghost of her guilty conscious seemed to have stirred more than just guilt for Ellie, but guilt about what she had let happen to her and Lucas. Guilt about forgetting just how much she had loved him and how she had tried to replace him. Tried to replace her whole family with Jake and Jenny. It hadn't been fair to either of them, then again, she didn't even know if Lucas still had any feelings for her anyway. For all she could tell, he had perhaps forgotten all about what had been between them.
At the moment, he was standing in front the wall, counting the bricks until he finally pulled one out. Stepping forward, curiosity had gotten the better of her, and she peered over his shoulder, trying to get a glimpse at what could possibly be hidden inside of there. It was a simple box, but to Peyton it still looked beautiful, riddled with age and secrets she probably couldn't be able to guess.
"Every year," he began to explain, "Haley and I used to come up here and write our predictions for the school year, and then we would come back and see if any of them had come true."
Peyton nodded, she listened intently, watching him carefully. As of yet, she didn't see what this had to do with Brooke or even what any of it had to do with why he had brought her here to show this to her. Slowly, she watched as he sat down and opened the box. He motioned for her to join him, and she did. Their shoulders brushed against each other, and Peyton felt her heart jump once again. For the first time since Jake had driven off on his motorcycle, Peyton felt herself jolt with electricity.
Shuffling with papers, he finally handed her a packet and then carefully stood up, "Read those. They'll explain what I'm trying to say."
He walked away, to the other side of the roof, leaving her to read the papers herself. With shaking hands, Peyton unfolded the first letter slowly, and looked at it, reading Lucas' neat handwriting carefully.
This year, I will get Peyton Sawyer to notice me
Her heart skipped a beat, head swirling. This was the year before he had joined the basketball team, the year before she had even known that Lucas Scott existed. Of course, she had known, but only by association. Only that he was the bastard brother of Nathan Scott, the star of the team, son of Dan Scott, prodigy. She picked up the next one, this time if was from last year.
This year, I will talk to Peyton Sawyer.
There were other predictions on the sheet, but those words jumped out at her. Putting the letters back in the box, Peyton was sure she'd read enough. Confusion overwhelmed her because for some reason, the last thing she expected was for Lucas Scott to remember how things were, the last thing she expected was that Lucas Scott had loved her for longer than she had known. He'd tried to tell her once, but she hadn't listened then.
"Luke…"
"Last year, I told Nathan that I was afraid that I was losing the girl I loved," he cut her off before another word could be said, "That she was slipping away and I hadn't even taken notice. His advice was to go and tell her how I felt."
"Lucas…"
Again, he cut her off, "But instead, I called Jake. I thought it was the right thing to do, I thought that if I could do one right thing by you, it would be to call him up and tell him how much you needed him. Then, I went to Brooke's. I thought I could love her. It was a way to be close to you, a way to make up for mistakes I'd made with her at the beginning of the year. I can't fool myself anymore. I can't pretend I love Brooke when really…"
"Lucas, you can't," this time she got through, speaking loudly and clearly, "I can't. Brooke loves you and I don't want to hurt her again. Hoes over bros."
"If you don't love me, then fine," he said, shaking his head. Peyton noticed how that his whole body was shaking, his blue eyes were clouded and he looked so much like the Lucas Scott she loved. The Lucas Scott who had planted such loving kisses upon her stomach, the boy who had declared that she was the only one for him.
"I…" she couldn't formulate words because she knew that she could never deny the feelings she felt for Lucas to his face. Not with how close they'd grown over the summer. He would see through her lies, he could call her on her bull shit.
"I love you Peyton, I've tried so hard not to because I thought that would be for the best," he stepped towards her, "That's why I stopped going to see you last year. That's why I called Jake. I thought you'd be better with someone else, someone who wasn't as screwed up as I was back then. Tonight, Brooke reminded me of what happened with the three of us and reminded me of the biggest mistake I've ever made, sleeping with Nikki when I was in love with you."
"I'm not going to do this to Brooke again," Peyton said defiantly.
"I'm not asking you to, I'm not with Brooke," there was such sincerity in his eyes, such pain and longing, "I'm not with anyone, but I'm asking to be with you. All I want is for you to give me another chance at loving you. I swear to you Peyton, I won't screw up this time. I love you, I always have. I could've told Brooke that I loved her tonight, but it would've been a lie. It would've been me trying to cover up for what I was really feeling."
Should you be with Lucas instead of Brooke?
Peyton had her answer then. Looking into Lucas' eyes, she had the answer to that question that was haunting her. Guilt still rumbled within her for being here instead of trying to find Ellie, but she still couldn't leave. Lucas had drawn her to him, her conscious seemed to be clinging onto a lot and this was one thing that she wanted to settle, wanted to know the answer to.
Now, she had it and she couldn't just ignore it. Her and Lucas weren't "just friend" as she had tried to tell herself. They would never be "just friends," with their history it was impossible and with the feelings they were both obviously feeling for each other, it would never be possible. Yes, she should be with Lucas instead of Brooke. That was the only thing that seemed or even felt right and the feeling was surely mutual from what Lucas had just told her.
"I…" swallowing, she took a breath ready to open herself up just a little, "I love you too Lucas, I always have."
With that, she found her whole body pressed up against his. Their lips were locked in such a passionate kiss that made Peyton question whether she was really right about her love for Jake. Whether it had been love at all. Sure, she knew he was some sort of replacement for Lucas, but she had still felt certain that she had loved him in some way.
The kiss ended, their fingers intertwined and Lucas placed a kiss on her forehead, brushing her hair away from her eyes. He looked at her with such love and it warmed Peyton's heart to feel something so strong again. This time, she knew that she wasn't going to allow herself to lose it again and she knew how much Brooke would hate her for it, but right now that didn't matter to her. For once, she was sure she wasn't just living a lie.
Everything before this moment couldn't have been real because she'd been so buried within her lie that she hadn't been feeling anything at all. All the people she'd pushed away, all the trouble she'd been in, everything that had happened was just a big cosmic joke, some higher power punishing them all because they'd forced themselves to forget the one thing that was real.
Laying in Lucas's bed in nothing but her bra, Peyton's whole body trembled as she felt his lips on her stomach. Her eyes fluttered closed and she felt herself reconnect with the Peyton from last year with the long curly hair. The bitter Peyton who had felt so scared about losing her dad, that she'd allowed herself to give into her greatest desire, give into the moment with Lucas and just how much she loved him.
As the old Peyton and new Peyton connected with these tummy kisses that still made her feel so whole and complete, she knew that she had managed to find herself once again because somewhere down the road she'd been lost. Being with Lucas, telling him how she truly felt, it wasn't just about making things right or ending a lie that had gone on for so long. It was about being true to herself and finding the Old Peyton that for some time had been hidden deep within a thick fog.
Running her hands down the Lucas's bare back, she opened her eyes and saw something silver shimmer in the light in the corner of her eye. She sat up slightly, and took a closer look. Lucas in turn, pulled away and watched her carefully as she reached out and picked up Ellie's cancer survivor bracelet. The metal felt cold in the palm of her hands, but relief overwhelmed her as she looked up at Lucas.
"Where did you get this?" she asked, trying hard not to sound as if she was blaming him for anything.
"You left it here, that night after Ellie left," he reminded her, "I meant to give it back to you, but…I got caught up."
Peyton remembered that night, she remembered feeling upset and lost and after her podcast Lucas had called and asked her if she wanted to go over. She had and they had talked for a long time before she had fallen asleep and then ran out the next morning before anyone could find out. Before Lucas could wake up.
"I've been so worried about it," Peyton admitted, "Worried about Ellie."
As Lucas moves to sit next to her on the bed, she can't help but give out a light laugh. The two of them had waited to long for this and yet, here she was talking again. Ruining what was about to happen. She wasn't ruining anything though because she knew that Lucas didn't just want her for sex, he loved her and she knew she could open up to him. Even when they had been just seconds away from sex.
"What are you going to do?" he asked, watching her intensely with his blue eyes.
"I have to go find her," she told him, "I have to see her before she dies. I can't just push another person out of my life."
"I'll come with you, if you want me to," Lucas offered already getting to his feet and grabbing his shirt.
"Now?"
"Why not?" he smirked a little, "We could use a roadtrip."
Peyton laughed, remembering how their last one had almost ended. Nodding her head, she herself began to get dressed, but paused before she did. She looked at Lucas and thought of how they'd gotten here tonight and everything that had happened to make this real. Looking down at the bracelet once again, she knew why she had ended up here tonight. She'd searched everywhere for the bracelet but in the one place where she went for comfort, the one place where her heart had always been, with Lucas.
"I love you."
"I love you too."
They kissed lightly, and Peyton pulled him back down onto the bed. The road trip could wait until morning. After all, she was pretty sure that after the day, and night, they both had, there was no way they would be able to stay awake. Besides, she didn't want to wake Ellie up, did she? She'd been waiting a long time for this moment, and right now, she didn't want to wait anymore.