Disclaimer: We all know Gravi doesn't belong to me. Otherwise what the heck would I be doing writing fics?! I'd be drawing the manga. Or better yet, fixing up the anime, getting the manga storyline in the anime and make it longer, much longer. And hiring better artists. The anime art is okay...not great. There are some parts, like when Yuki picks up the lyrics in the park. I mean, I swear he's cross-eyed there! Isn't he? Just watch it. Yeah. And pause it at that spot. And stare at the screen. Do try not to drool. Too much.

A/N: Enjoy! Faster update, ne?


Disillusionment

Chapter 12-Trials

sunny1388

'I knew it!' Ryuichi slammed a fist on the edge of the porcelain sink and glared down it. Tears mixed with the water he had hastily splashed on his face and ran down his cheeks in rivulets, 'I knew he…he…'

Sakuma Ryuichi had never liked Yuki Eiri much. Even back in the days of Nittle Grasper, when Yuki was just a cocky teenager, Ryuichi had avoided the kid. That was back when Ryuichi had a little tiny crush on one of his bandmates. He knew that, for some reason, Tohma was attracted to 'Eiri-chan'. And naturally, he'd been jealous. How could a little brat compare to the internationally famous Ryuichi?

After Eiri's experience with Kitazawa, he had changed but Tohma still loved the boy. Ryuichi found that he couldn't hate Yuki quite as much, having pitied the boy. For that reason alone, he never confessed his love for Tohma. Now it seemed like a stupid thing, to pity your hated rival.

But that infatuation with Tohma had faded as the years went by. He had never told Tohma that Yuki destroyed Nittle Grasper so many years ago. He had never told Tohma that Yuki was the reason he had quit the band that they'd worked so hard for. And now, it seemed, history would repeat itself. Yuki Eiri was ruining his life again.

"Damnit!" Ryuichi choked out as he slumped forward, using the sink for support.

Just when he had finally gotten over the pain of unreciprocated love, Yuki was there, again, to take it from him. How greedy could one man be? He had the love of Tohma and of Shuichi and returned neither. He constantly took advantage of Tohma, using the man's feelings for him to get whatever he wanted. And to Shuichi, who loved Yuki with all his heart, he was still unbearably cold.

'And now this…'

Slumping even more, Ryuichi closed his eyes painfully. Of course he didn't believe for a second that Shuichi had tried to commit suicide. It was impossible. Shuichi wasn't that type of person. But…even if he hadn't known what he was doing…he still did it. He had hurt himself enough to land in the hospital. And even if he hadn't meant to, the kind of anguish that made him consider that option wasn't something that Shuichi should have had to deal with.

Feeling his anger rise again, Ryuichi suddenly whirled around and punched the door of a stall with enough force that it bounced back and hit his fist again. Taking out his anger on the swinging door, he used it as a punching bag until a small indentation began to form in the wall of the stall from the handle of the door hitting the spot over and over again.

Yuki wasn't good for Shuichi. Just as Tohma had become convinced that Shuichi wasn't good for his beloved Eiri-san, Ryuichi decided that Yuki wasn't good for his Shu-chan. And he wouldn't allow the one-sided relationship to continue any longer. He wouldn't let Shuichi prostrate himself in front of that sadist anymore.

Yuki sighed as Shuichi stirred again. He rose from the freaking uncomfortable stiff wood chair and walked the two steps to Shuichi's bed where the whimpering boy was trying to roll over. Smoothing back Shuichi's bangs from the boy's pale face, he stared down at his lover.

It was the middle of the night and he had once again taken bed-side vigil. Everyone else had been persuaded by Tohma to get rest but he didn't even try to convince Yuki, knowing it was a hopeless argument. The man murmured a quiet and sincere 'take care' as he drifted out the door.

It had been a hectic time for everyone. There had been complications. The cut was on the inside of Shuichi's elbow and apparently it had been difficult to maneuver the cauterizing laser into the angle. Shuichi lost so much blood while the doctors scrambled to get the problem sorted out.

When they finally wheeled Shuichi back to his room, it was already late and they were all exhausted with sore backs and necks from the cheap chairs. No one had protested much to getting some rest except for Hiro, but they managed to steer him away.

"Brat…" Yuki breathed as Shuichi slowly settled under his soft touch. His eyes flickered to the plastic cast on Shuichi's elbow. It was to keep him from moving the arm so it could heal. Yuki's eyes traveled down the pale arm to the IV in the back of Shuichi's hand. Earlier, they had been transfusing blood into him. Now the IV contained clear painkillers and a strong soporific. Still, nightmares seemed to be plaguing Shuichi.

When Yuki had the boy settled back down, he hesitated. Was it like Hiro had said? Was it his fault? He knew he wasn't treating Shuichi like he deserved, but he had never thought it caused Shuichi so much pain that he would turn to hurting himself.

Rubbing at his face, Yuki went back to his chair. 'I fuck up everyone's lives.' He had killed Kitazawa, destroyed Nittle Grasper, ruined the lives of so many people close to him. And now he was slowly killing the one person that he truly loved in the world. It was so ironic.

'God Yuki, if you could see me now…' he chuckled bitterly and his eyelids slid down, denying any tears that might have begun forming.

Biting his lip, Suguru slowly approached Hiro. They were in the basement cafeteria of the hospital, taking a break. Mika and Tohma had gone home along with an unnaturally quiet Ryuichi. Sakano had finally had a stress related breakdown and was getting rest in a hospital bed a floor above Shuichi. The doctors were concerned about his high stress life, especially after Shindou Shuichi and wanted to monitor the producer for a while. Sakano-san had an appointment with the hospital psychologist the next day.

No one knew where the American had disappeared off to, but everyone's minds were still too scattered to assign the matter much importance,

"Nakano-san?"

Hiro didn't seem to here the timid voice so Suguru tried again,

"Nakano-san?" This time Hiro started and turned around with wide eyes. 'I guess he really didn't hear me.'

Hiro smiled weakly and gestured to the empty seat next to him,

"I thought we stopped with the '-san's a long time ago." They both chuckled but neither of them were truly distracted by the pathetic attempt at lightening the mood. Making a face at the orange plastic chair that was almost identical to the ones that lined the hallways, Suguru sat down with a grimace. He was so tired and uncomfortable. He'd been staying at the hospital for almost 30 hours. There was some time in between when he'd left to shower, change, eat, and sleep a few hours before heading back, but that was all.

As for Hiro, Suguru knew that the boy had stayed at the hospital whole time. Luckily, a few of the nurses had felt sorry for the best friend and had let him stay in the empty room across the hall from Shuichi's. There, Hiro had taken advantage of the bathroom and the bed before going back to his friend.

"Hiro…" Suguru's eyes flicked nervously to the man, "Are you okay?"

The guitarist snorted as he cradled his head in his arms on the table. His muffled voice sounded strained to Suguru,

"I thought he was already dead."

A shudder went through both boys, but it was much fiercer for Hiro. He couldn't help but see the picture of when he had first opened the bathroom door. It stayed in his head. His next words were even more muffled and hard to make out.

"I thought I was too late…"

Suguru swallowed back a choking sob. It hurt him so much, not just to see Shuichi in such a condition but to see Hiro so wracked with guilt by it. Impulsively, he scraped his chair forward and wrapped his arms around Hiro's slumped form. But the man beneath him noticeably stiffened.

Before Suguru knew what happened, Hiro had pulled roughly away from the younger man and stood up, an unreadable expression in his eyes. The tension between them was unbearable and Suguru's chest clinched at the obvious denial.

"I-I…" he stuttered, but Hiro cut him off, quietly but firmly,

"I'm sorry, I just…can't deal with this right now."

Suguru only nodded, not ready to attempt speaking past the lump building in his throat. He knew he was going to cry. It hurt too much for even embarrassment. He would deal with the embarrassment later. Right now, he just wanted some privacy. To sit and think. Or to not think.

An uncomfortable silence stretched between them and the other people in the cafeteria were beginning to murmur at the two teenagers causing a scene.

"I'm going back to my apartment for a bit," Hiro remembered that Suguru had arrived with some of the others from the studio and now he didn't have a ride. Or, most likely, a place to go, other than his parents' home, but Hiro didn't want to abandon Suguru, no matter how uncomfortable he had made things between them, "Do you want to crash at my place?"

Suguru was shocked at the offer. He thought that Hiro wouldn't want anything to do with him anymore. His first reaction was to refuse, but then again…he didn't want to go home. He wanted to stay with someone that would understand, mostly, what he was going through. The pain, the fear, the guilt. Suguru nodded and whispered a 'thank you'.

Awkwardly, he followed Hiro as the man led them to where he had left his motorcycle. Swearing at the neon colored slip under the windshield wiper, Hiro stuffed it in his pocket and unclipped the spare helmet, handing it to Suguru while he put his own on. He got on the bike and there was another awkward moment as Suguru tried first to figure out how to get on the bike and then how to hold on without clinging to Hiro. He'd never ridden a motorcycle before.

Finally, Hiro showed Suguru what to use for handholds and gave him a one-handed boost up. Then, he tightened Suguru's arms around his waist and kicked away from the curb.

As Suguru hung on, he tried to lean back from Hiro's back as far as possible. Normally, he would have relished being so close to the one he loved, but it was too painful so soon after the rejection. Suguru was slowly losing all hope for anything with Hiro. Sadly, he concluded that his first opinion had been right; that Hiro was indeed straight. And while he was cool enough to still be friends with Suguru, he had, to Suguru's mind, made extremely clear that there would be nothing more than that. Friendship.

Suguru knew he'd be able to deal with that. But it still hurt.

A/n: Chapter 12 is still a lot of setting up and blatant foreshadowing (like the Ryu part. You can't get any more blunt! Ack, I'm giving away too much of the plot.) Anyway, Chapter 13 the story will speed up a little. I hope to add fluff! Geez, angst is so addictive to write. But I want some YuShu fluff and then mix Ryu in a little. ;)

And we just have to see where this Hiro/Suguru thing is going. Poor Suguru, I really like him too! That's why I paired him with Hiro.

REVIEWS:

byakuya: Another chapter! Happy ending, yes, I'm striving for that. I'm so floored that you like the plot and quality, considering I'm not even sure where this plot is heading! Well, read on!

goku-the-saru: Yeah, I like it when Hiro goes all possessive, it's so cute! lol

Ryuichi Sakuma: OMG, Ryuichi Sakuma is reviewing my fic?! lol, hope you liked the part about you! Hehe, just kidding, aw, wouldn't want to make Kuma-chan sad, ne?

Kitty in the Box: Hey! When'd you change your username?? It's much shorter to type now, lol. :D We all have evil moods, poor Yuki. I think this whole fic might've been planned out in one of my evil moods! Hope you liked this chapter

tangerine-asuka: Dark, so far, yes. But it'll head over to some fluff soon. I'm aiming for a little limish/real PG-13 in a couple chapters, but who knows!

Kadzuki Fuchoin: No problem, I love e-mailing. So much fun. Only thing better is IM-ing, hehe. Sou's fine, soumanyon is too long a name to type out, ne? Poor Shu, I really don't want to kill him! Ack. Yes! I LOVE, absolutely ADORE Seki Tomokazu. He has the coolest voice(s), hehe, and he's such a good actor, ne? Hm, I gotta watch/read Initial D, I've heard it's good?

firedraygon97: Now there's four chapters! Yeah, it's getting really dark. I'm hoping to lighten it up some, it's getting angsty even for me!

Empathic Soul: Thank you! I'm so glad you like it

Ikari Shinji-kun: Poor Shuichi and Yuki and Hiro and everyone, ne? I agree! Why must I be so evil to them???

You guys are awesome reviewers! I swear, you can just see my head inflating from all these reviews, eep! Review! :)