A/N: Sorry for the hiatus. Ack, you have no idea how hard it was for me to post this chapter. I was seriously debating the idea of removing this fic. I think my writing style has improved through working on it, but the plot is weak and riddled with holes. But I've come too far and I'm too close to the finish line now. Disillusionment will be finished, I can promise you that.
Disillusionment
Chapter 16-Oversights
soumanyon
Shuichi sprinted down the little used stairwell of NG. His single-tracked mind ordered him to get home to Yuki as soon as possible to tell him about everything and to explain everything, no matter how hard it would be. While he did dread finally spilling the truth, there was a sense of freedom from simply making the decision.
A little exhilarated by his running and the deep breaths he was finally able to figuratively take, Shuichi had a sense of déjà vu. But the other time when he got home, the evening had ended sadly. He knew that this time would be different.
As he grabbed the corner of the railing to steady himself through a breakneck turn, he crashed into a familiar chest.
"Hiro!" the pink-haired boy smiled happily as he held onto his best friend, "guess what?"
The guitarist, whose previous expression Shuichi had missed in his happy ramblings, smiled down at Shuichi, inviting him to share whatever bit of interesting news he had now. Shuichi, of course, snatched up the chance; Hiro hadn't even rolled his eyes this time! In his eagerness, it was understandable that he missed the strain in the smile.
"I'm going to tell him!" Shuichi declared proudly.
Hiro blinked, caught off guard by the surprisingly serious announcement. He couldn't believe that his friend had reached such an important and correct decision on his own. It'd taken him until only a few hours previous to come to that conclusion. Unsure whether there were some other people behind this, Hiro kept his tone light as he inquired,
"Why?"
Jumping anxiously from foot to foot as if Yuki couldn't wait a few more minutes after being kept in the dark for a week, Shuichi shrugged impatiently, "I don't know." Then, after thinking about it a few more seconds, "I guess it just feels right."
His grin widening from the thoughtful little frown, Shuichi pushed past Hiro, waving a hasty good bye before running out of the stairwell, through the shiny marble lobby of NG and out into the streets of Tokyo crowded with noontime traffic.
Dashing out of the glass plated NG building, Shuichi was reminded of the last time he'd done so. That hadn't exactly ended well.
But this time he was sure that it would all be okay. He'd decided to be completely honest with Yuki and nothing could go wrong once Yuki knew the entire story. Of course, his lover might be worried…but Shuichi dismissed that. Yuki never seemed to be bothered by anything pertaining to him.
But that wasn't to say he didn't care. Unlike most, Shuichi could see past the exterior and knew that Yuki loved him. Actually, it'd probably be a relief to tell Yuki. He could get it off his chest but not have the person he was confiding in treat him any differently.
Hiro was a great friend, but he worried too much. With Yuki, he'd only have to go through the rough spilling out of the truth once and he could count on the novelist not bringing up the topic again.
As Shuichi jogged easily down the street, he caught sight of an blond clad in an expensive business suit. He knew only two blonds that would dress that way under the noon sun of Tokyo and this was too tall to be one of them.
"Yuki!" Shuichi couldn't believe his luck. Yuki hardly ever went out for fear of recognition and general laziness. And usually he only went out nights, as if he were a nocturnal creature which is really, if you think about it, not too far a stretch.
"Yuki!"
The man in question finally stopped, looking around behind dark sunglasses with his forehead creased in annoyance. Before he had a chance to spot his lover, he was tackled from behind, almost losing his balance as he pitched forward under the weight of a baka on his back.
"Idiot. What are you doing here? Don't you have work?" he growled, throwing Shuichi off of him and brushing his sleeve disdainfully.
"Nope!" Shuichi shook his head, "I get to spend the rest of the day with Yuki!" he cocked his head curiously to one side, "What are you doing?"
The novelist held up a small plastic bag which had been unnoticed until then, "Ran out of cigarettes." He muttered, turning away from Shuichi before he could catch the disappointed look. Shrugging, Shuichi skipped to catch up with Yuki as the man began to head back to their apartment. He clung to Yuki's arm, uncaring of who saw. It was rare treat to be able to go out with Yuki.
When they finally stepped into the cool, dark apartment, Shuichi hummed and kicked off his shoes in pleasure. It was an unusually hot autumn day and he was glad to be out from under the sun. Likewise, Yuki slipped off his sunglasses and his shoes, tossing his wallet and keys on the small table next to the door.
"Yuki, let's play." Shuichi pleaded, tugging said man's sleeve pitifully even as Yuki walked to his study, brat in tow. "Yuuuuuki, your deadline isn't for weeks!" Shuichi whined, now kneeling on the floor next to his lover's work chair and still latched onto his sleeve.
"Idiot, it's next week." Yuki grumbled, cracking open one of the new packs of cigarettes. He pulled his sleeve away from Shuichi grasp to light up with a contented smirk. Shuichi pouted prettily but the laptop was turned on and he was tossed out of the room.
Sitting behind the closed door, he grumbled before pushing himself up. He was heading to the kitchen to grab a snack when he saw the small red light on the answering machine blinking. Curious, he hit the play button.
"You have 3 messages." The answering machine said. Shuichi pressed play again to play the first one.
"Eiri-san, it's me. I'm calling…I wanted to talk to you about Shindou-san." Shuichi was even more curious now. Tohma's voice was strangely hesitant and he was never hesitant with his hatred for Shuichi. He continued listening, but first turned down the sound until it was barely audible. If Tohma was calling to say mean things about him, Shuichi would make sure Yuki never heard them.
"When we went to the hospital after the accident when his manager's gun went off…they took a chest x-ray of Shindou-san. I thought that since he's never quite responsible with things like doctor visits, that…it wouldn't hurt. He's my singer, after all." Tohma's voice had started to speed up but then he paused, pulling back from the tangent. When he spoke again, his words were soft and careful again, "Eiri, they found something." There was a long pause, "Eiri, if you're there, please pick up, I don't want you to be alone after hearing this." Another pause, "I'm coming over, don't do anything drastic, please. Wait for me." There was a click as the message finished.
Shuichi, who had been in disbelief during the entire message now sank slowly to the ground. Did…did Yuki know? He checked the time on the message in a panic. Only a few minutes ago, while Yuki was out buying cigarettes.
Shuichi now ironically thanked the very things that had given him all his problems. He didn't want Yuki to find out from anyone but him, and especially not from Tohma.
But…what had Tohma meant at the end, when he told Yuki not to "do anything drastic?" Shuichi hadn't even considered that sort of reaction to him delivering the news but it made it all the more difficult. Now he had to worry if Yuki might do something stupid after the initial shock.
He made up his mind, he would have to pick the right time to tell Yuki and certainly not now. It would only ruin the rest of the time he had left with his lover. And he wouldn't let Tohma tell him either.
Shuichi bit his lip in turmoil. What he knew he had to do wasn't the most honest thing in the world…but he wouldn't let Yuki know the truth if it would only hurt him. Ignorance is bliss.
Before going to firmly lock the door of the apartment, Shuichi pressed the delete button on the answering machine. "Delete all?" It asked, and Shuichi affirmed. "Messages deleted" the answering machine said as Shuichi breathed a sigh of relief.
He then headed over to Yuki's study and pushed the door open. His lover was sitting in front of laptop, tapping the keyboard uselessly. He was obviously stuck and wouldn't get any more work done until later.
Stiffening his resolve, Shuichi slipped onto Yuki's lap, sitting so they were face to face with Shuichi's legs dangling off the armrests on either side of his lover.
"What is it, brat?" Yuki growled, trying to look past him at his laptop.
"Yuuuuuuki!" Shuichi whined, nuzzling at Yuki's pale neck. He kissed and lapped it at playfully while Yuki tried to maintain his annoyed demeanor. Shuichi's hands began to unbutton the collar of Yuki's shirt, slowly working his way down as he kissed his way up the side of Yuki's neck, across his jaw line, and began working on his oversensitive ear.
Yuki's hands which had been resting uselessly on his desk before were now tangled in Shuichi's soft pink hair as he pulled the boy's face to his in a long, steamy kiss.
When the doorbell rang while Yuki had Shuichi pinned half-naked under him on his desk, it was ignored. When they heard Tohma's voice calling through the door, they ignored him. Finally, either when he'd lost patience or heard their sounds of love-making from the hallway, Tohma left the two in peace.
A while later, Shuichi dragged himself out from under Yuki where they had collapsed on his desk. The blond muttered something in his exhausted sleep. Collecting his clothes which had been scattered around the room, Shuichi ran his hands through Yuki's blond hair, tucking it fondly behind one of the novelist's ears. Yuki mumbled, swatting away Shuichi hand in his sleep.
Shuichi's grin slowly faded into a contented smile as he bent down to press a soft kiss on his lover's cheek before he left the room, closing the door silently behind him.
He went to the bathroom to clean up, tossing his clothes in the laundry basket. Staring in the mirror, he blushed at the sated, grinning idiot look on his face that Hiro often teased him for.
Maybe it was leaving the room that had been warmed from their body heat or maybe it was the fresh cigarette smoke that had lingered in Yuki's breath that he could taste when he kissed him but something triggered the cough that lasted for minutes. Shuichi could hardly catch his breath as the cough tore through his body and he squeezed his eyes closed in pain. Tears stubbornly leaked through anyway
The coughing that came from deep inside his chest left Shuichi drained and pale. A sticky sweat had already beaded on his face and neck.
He groaned, and stumbled his way over to the shower and tub where he leaned down to turn the water on. The sound of the stream of water hitting the ceramic was soothing as it blocked out the sound of yet another round of coughs from his own ears. But the moisture and heat that were quickly filling the small bathroom strengthened Shuichi enough that he could get up and take his shower, although the action of lifting his arms above his head to lather and rinse his hair quickly tired him.
It wasn't long until he was done, dried and clothed again in their empty bedroom, as Yuki was still asleep on his desk. Their love-making had been wonderful, as usual, but Shuichi couldn't help but regret it. His reason for initiating the sex had been less than honest; it was the only way he could think to distract Yuki from the doorbell.
He wasn't sure if Yuki had heard… Often the blond was focused enough that he didn't care about the outside world. An embarrassing round in one of the NG practice rooms had proven that. But if even Shuichi had heard the buzzer in his dazed state, Yuki must have.
Which was why he needed to head back to NG to convince Tohma that leaving Yuki in the dark was the best option. He supposed that Tohma had wrestled the issue with himself long before and didn't have much hope of convincing the blond otherwise but he'd try, at least.
He'd just tell Tohma that he planned on telling Yuki and beg him to leave it alone.
Again, Shuichi bit his lip indecisively. The whole thing was a mess, the lies were growing and they were such a burden. He wondered how Yuki could handle holding so many secrets in his life, it seemed like a crushing weight to Shuichi.
X.x; -dies- 35 frickin reviews for one chapter? Wow, Gravi fandom is exceedingly generous, to give a crappy writer like me that many reviews. Thank you! I'm definitely not complaining. Keep it up!
REVIEWS:
clari chan: it was an experiment, I'm glad it's well recieved! hehe, Shuichi will er... "tell" Yuki. XD you'll see.
lemur130: Hiro needs to apologize, the jerk! They should make up. Now. XD
Aacire: lol, thank you! that's what I was reaching for. hehe, cliffies are me.
embyr81788: thank you!
Mischa Kitsune: really? lol, llamas are cool. just look at the spelling! llamas. llamas, llamas, llamas!
CassiToTheStars: lol, much as I love yaoi, yuri's not for me. hehe, sadder's a word, sure! I always use "funner" although it sadly gets edited out. the bird, hehe, that was a metaphor? lol, I just love Seki Tomokazu's Gravi song, "Bird" hehe, addictive?
Sutzina Zion: well, cancer's a curious thing. It's partly due to Yuki's smoking, that's a trigger. But it's also genetic in some cases. It's a mystery. I don't know much about it myself, scientifically. lol, I'm definitely no expert but it doesn't matter. The forerunner in this fic isn't the cancer, it's the relationships.
Shirubaa Kitsune: Yuki would be...I could totally see him pulling a Romeo and following his lovely lady in death. xDDD
Kadzuki Fuchoin: ouch, lol, I'd only agree to being shot by K's magnum if Shuichi and/or Yuki was there when I woke up. XD or if I die, I'll kill of Shu first so he can wait for me! muahahaha! lol, thanks, I keep trying out new writing styles, but don't know how well that stuck after not updating for so long. eep. don't kill me!
DARK WRYDER: lol, not a happy ending? We'll see...such a hard decision. Ryu/Shu will just be for a bit. The main pairing is definitely YuShu.
Crysania Fay: Yuki doesn't find out yet, but it's soon, I promise. Maybe 1-2 chapters. 3 at the most. Definitely before chapter 20.
Ichigo Inari: hi again! lol, I can't bring myself to reread most of my own fic. ugh, it reeks of first-ficcyness to me. lol, and especially not chapter 9. I don't know where that chapter came from, certainly not me. Hehe, yes, I like the angst...a whole lot! lol, angst for everyone!
Mizuky: er, yeah, that chapter wasn't exactly my favorite. I'm been entertaining the idea of removing it ever since I posted it. lol, yes, review!
Tsugath: lol, we'll see about Suguru and Hiro, depends on my mood, I guess. Ayaka isn't quite out of mind...you're getting ahead of me!
izumi: nope, you'll definitely remember when Yuki finds out! aw, I wouldn't wish it on either of them. poor Shu..
skyofdestiny: lol, Tohma has to be the spoiler! hehe, I love him for that. Thank you! glad you're sticking around!
cjchan: lol, not quite. Yuki gets, er, 'distracted.' xD
chakura: yup, smoking bad, yuki will find out...soon.. promise!
ecentpatrick: lol, cliffies are my favs! My chapters just somehow end that way. It's either cliffies or boring, lol, I'm not capable of more. Cupcakes! Yummy...chocolate? I like chocolate. I also like angst.
haru's doppelganger: hehe, Shu getting molested... only by Yuki! er...unless it's Hiro or Taki. Hehe, I'm open to pairing. I'm glad you think it's realistic! hehe, I was worried aobut that. Yuki will find out through Shu but uh, indirectly.
wendyghost: lol, we'll see if Shu dies. hehe, I used to hate Tohma but now he's intriguing me as a character. I think I'll keep him around to make trouble, hehe
pikapikaryuchan: wow, er...hope you didn't lose too much sleep? I'm glad you like it, though!
kaylariana: Oo your message didn't display.
i love athrun: hehe, new chappie up!
Shadowfox13: Ryu-chan was unfortunately shoved aside in this chapter. All I'll say is that he'll find out same time as Yuki. Sadly, I don't know if Shu will have enough time...we'll see.
Flame-chan: lol, thank you! hehe, wish I could believe it but I guess you're really your own worst critic. lol, I see so many errors and holes when rereading my own fics.
Bluebear: thank you! I'm glad you like it.
Pia Bartolini: as I'm still very inexperienced with writing, I figure it'll just get better. Hopefully. Hehe, things will get more exciting soon, I hope, as the plot speeds up.
halfdemon-gurl15: whoa, huge review! Thank you so much! lol, I'm glad the fic is believable, I wasn't so sure about it myself but that's nice to hear. lol, it's a little overwhelming to see so much gushing for me! Very encouraging, though. hehe, thank you again!
Your fan: hehe, my fan? that's kinda neat. Actually, Tohma isn't telling yet. I've had planned from the beginning a very mean way that Yuki will find out. xD evil me.
DeathIsntTheEnd: hehe, I love angst but I agree that it's depressing. That's why I need my other fics and ficlets to cheer me up.
EmmaDee: many people seem skeptical about Hiro and Suguru, I'm glad you're keeping an open mind. :) I'm glad you're back into Gravi! It's one of my old comforts.
A. Person and a half: hm...not a year and a half, about half a year? -sweatdrop- sorry it took so long, but I'm definitely going to speed up now. I plan on finishing this fic soon. Argh, I love angst yet I can't believe I wrote chapter 9. I haven't gone back and reread it since I wrote it. Poor Shuichi, hopefully he doesn't die but we'll see, won't we? It's so hard to decide, maybe I should just flip a coin.
darkphoenix245: Thank you! ;)
Susan: lol, nope, that'd be a pretty black cloud hanging over my head.
I feel guilty for having so much non-chapter content in the form of reviewer replies... but I can't help it. Even a few lines per reply makes for so much yet I love your reviews and if you take the time to review I should at least take the time to reply, ne? And I love replying. You guys don't mind it, do you? Please speak up if you do...