Everyone in the room looked at her. She had turned pasty white and was trembling. John reached touched her shoulder, "are you all right?"
At his touch Willow jumped up, dropping the ring as if it were on fire, and just stared at it lying on the floor. She started to shake violently just staring at the ring.
"Will?" John asked softly.
"Willow? What's the matter?" Natalie chimed in.
Willow just stared at the ring slowly backing up till she hit the wall. When she reached the wall she slid down it till she was sitting on the floor, still staring at the ring.
Oh god she thought this can't be happening. She had thought that part of her life was over. As she stared at the ring, everything that she had went through during that time in her life came rushing up to the surface of her mind, the fear, the pain, the rage, but most of all the guilt. She had caused this.
Bo walked over to her effectively blocking her view of the ring, took both of her shoulders in his hands, and gave her a little shake. "Willow!" He said loudly and was rewarded when she looked at him.
John watched the emotions run across her face. Terror, anguish, pain, rage, and guilt all swept her face until her face closed up and he couldn't tell what she was feeling.
"Don't touch me!" Willow said to Bo in a cold voice that John had never heard her use before. She stood up, still shaking. "The music box! Show me the music box." Willow choked out. Confused John took one out from behind Bo's desk. She reached out a hand as if to touch it then jerked it back to her side. She looked back to John and said very softly, "this was never about you."
"What? What are you talking about?" John asked as he put the music box back, worried about Willow. He had never seen that look in her eyes before. She looked like she might break.
Her expression changed to one of such profound guilt and sorrow, that John flinched.
Willow was mumbling under her breath, "I'm sorry Darren, so sorry, god I'm so sorry, I'm sorry. All my fault, so sorry."
"Willow, your not making any sense." Bo said backing away from her slightly.
"It's not about you." She said again. "It was never about you. Caitlyn, you getting shot, Natalie's attack all the other people that were killed. It wasn't about you. It was never about you." Willow said again.
Natalie looked on in silence. She knew there was nothing she could do. Willow had to say what ever she had to say in her own time.
Willow went silent, lost in a past so painful that she couldn't contain the emotions that engulfed her. She was shaking with the force of them all.
"The killer didn't go after Caitlyn because you taunted him. He didn't go after Natalie because he wanted to send you a message. All those women he killed weren't about you." Willow said in a low voice, still talking to John.
"How do you know that?" Bo asked beginning to feel very uncomfortable.
He didn't understand what was going on but he knew it had just gotten much, much worse.
"Because it was about me!" Willow yelled. "Because it was about me," she said again in a more controlled voice. Too controlled John thought. He could see that she was battling some inner force to keep her emotions in check.
John went to touch her arm, hoping to calm her down and she jumped back. "No!" She said again, reaching for the door handle, "Don't touch me. It's my fault, everything that has happened, all people that have died. It's my fault. I caused all this. People died because of me, because of what I did. John was shot and Caitlyn died because of me. You were strangled, Natalie, because of me."
"Why do you think it's about you?" Natalie asked, speaking for everyone in the room. Natalie motioned for John and Bo to back away from Willow. Hoping she would stay and not run out like it looked she was planing to do.
Willow looked at Natalie for a moment then straight into John's eyes, her eyes were as hard and as cold as ice, and said, "because the last time I saw that ring was when my boyfriend was proposing to me, right before someone shot me in the back and slit Darren's throat, 6 and a half years ago." With that she yanked open the door, she ran out of the room, out of the station, jumped in her car, and took off.
John, Natalie, and Bo looked at each other in shock. "Oh my god," Natalie said. John just looked at Natalie and nodded. He didn't know what the hell had just happened but he knew he had to find Willow.
"We need to find her," John said.
Bo nodded, he didn't know what was going on but he could recognize that look in her eyes, it was a look of cold fury. Wherever Willow was going they needed to find her before she did something she would regret.
It was several hours later and they still couldn't find Willow. She wasn't answering her cell phone and she hadn't gone home or to the office. John had called Rex to see if he had seen or heard from Willow. He hadn't but said he would ask around to see if anyone else knew where she might have gone. John hadn't told Rex exactly what was going on, frankly he didn't know himself, but he did tell him that Willow was very upset and apparently had some personal connection to the killer. John paced his office waiting to hear back from someone, anyone who might have seen where Willow went.
He kept going over what she had said in his head as he tried to make sense of it all. Natalie and Bo tried to look up any information on a GSW victim and stabbing but since they didn't know what town or even state that it happened in they didn't have any luck. John knew even if they had known where it happened they still couldn't find out any information because Willow was underage at the time. When they couldn't find anything Natalie began calling everyone who had any contact at all with Willow to find out if they had seen her.
He needed to find Willow, he knew exactly how she was feeling right now because he had been there. He still didn't understand how any of this was her fault. Willow would have to tell them, if they could find her.
Still deep in thought, John was startled when his phone rang. Not bothering to look at the ID he answered it.
"Willow?"
"No not Willow, or should I say Lily." Said a man's voice on the other end.
"Who is this, how did you get this number?" John demanded. He also wondered why he kept referring to Willow as Lily. Everyone knew that she had already changed it legally to Willow McBain.
"I see you got my message. Did you like your present? I trust you showed it to our little sister," the man said, with an evil chuckle.
"You! I'll kill you. You bastard! Why are you doing this? What do you want?" John yelled into the phone.
"Why?" Snarled the voice, "Ask Willow why! She might even tell you, but I doubt she will get the chance."
"I'll find you, you son of a bitch. And when I do you will be sorry you were even born." John snarled right back at him.
The voice on the other end laughed. "You will never catch me, Johnny boy. I'm too smart for the likes of you." He said hanging up, still laughing.
John, enraged, dropped the phone on the floor and smashed it with his foot. He stormed into Bo's office and said, "He just contacted me."
"Who?" Bo asked.
"The killer!" John said as Bo sat straight up in his chair giving John his full attention. "He wanted to know if I liked my present and if I showed Willow. When I asked him why he was doing this he told me to ask Willow."
Bo looked very worried, "How did he get your number? Do you think he will call again?"
"I don't know how he got my number but he can't call again. I smashed my phone." John said a little sheepishly. "I do know we need to find Willow before he does. He is extremely angry at her. Whenever he said her name he snarled it. I don't think he wants to kill her right away, he wants to suffer first!" He said urgently.
"We have everyone looking for her. We will find her, John" Bo said, hoping that was the case. Both John and Natalie were almost frantic with worry about her. That bombshell she dropped on them all earlier really shook them up. Rex was also extremely upset, he had called numerous times to find out if they had heard anything. Bo had actually thought he would come down to the station but Rex had said he needed to go to the office and track her down from there.
"I found her!" Rex said, bursting in with out knocking.
"Where is she?" Natalie asked, coming in the room as well.
"She is at a cemetery in upstate New York!" Rex said a piece of paper with the address on it. Rex turned to leave then looked at Natalie and John, "You guys coming?"
Both Natalie and John nodded and followed Rex out. As they were walking to John's car John pulled Rex aside and said, " Rex.. I really am sorry about the other day. I shouldn't have attacked you like that. I'm still learning how to handle having a sister. I overreacted and I'm sorry. I can tell you really care about Willow and I will try to stay out of it from now on."
"Wow, bet that was hard to say." Rex said with a slight smile.
"You have no idea," said John as they got into the car, "now lets go find her before that psycho does."