Disclaimer: As always, I just own Xan.
Author's Note: Thank you very much for the reviews and I would like to say that Mary is the best person ever! I really appreciate all the feedback. As I was writing the beginning of this chapter, I was listening to Death Cab for Cutie's "Your Bruise" if you are into songs going along with fics, check it out but I just had to put it in here.
Chapter Fourteen: Human Super-Glue
At least hogsmeade was open for students today. Though that is an extremely petty conciliation. I am sure you are wondering about the time in between when I found Malcolm Baddock's dead body and now as I am walking with the rest of my house to the Great Hall.
Well from what they tell me, I was found about 2am by my roommates. That is about an hour after I got there. Oh and I use the word 'found' because apparently, I had crawled into the bathtub with Malcolm's body. I was cuddled next to him, my dress soaked with blood and the curls in my hair were stuck together. They said my face was pressed up against his, cheek to cheek. I am glad that I was Morgan Moon who pulled me out of that situation. I wouldn't have liked Pansy telling the whole world or Daphne (because she is squeamish).
Morgan had run off to get help and I had waited in the bathroom, bloodsoaked, stroking his cold hand. When all the teachers finally arrived, they demanded I go to the hospital wing but I couldn't walk straight or barely even get to my feet. Professor Snape had to carry me to the hospital wing.
After I had gotten cleaned up, Madame Promphery had wanted me to spend the night but I somehow got back to the slytherin dorms. Up in my dorm, where Malcolm had been found, I remember I staggered in and nine pairs of eyes had turned to me. Scattered about the room, dressed up, pale and smoking.Daphne and Pansy were leaning on one another, their makeup smeared from crying. Moon had blood on her robes for she had been the one who fished me out of the tub. Crabbe and Goyle's faces were scrunched up in a somber way so their eyes weren't visible. Theo and Avery looked as though as they had been excavated from the tomb. They had undoubtably been drinking heavily but now they seemed very sober. Blaise had his head between his knees and was grabbing at his hair in between taking gulps of firewhiskey. Draco motioned for me to sit down next to him. He had dark circles under his eyes and his lip was bloody from knowing on it. His fingers trembled as he offered me a cigarette.
We stayed like that until morning. Slytherin prefects came to get everyone from the dorms (after the news had been spread) and as a house, we walked to the Great Hall.
It was indeed strange to walk to the Great Hall with my entire house, from seventh years to first years without discrimination. The Slytherin Four were walking towards the front of the pack, behind Snape and the seventh years that had been close to Malcolm. I think every girl in our house shed a tear for it couldn't be denied that Malcolm had been one of the most attractive people. Ever.
We filed into the Great Hall, all the other houses were already there and standing. Dumbledore came up to the staff table and gazed at all of us before he spoke. I felt his eyes rest specifically on me, not that I am really accusing him of anything. I would look at me too, I after all was the one who climbed into a tub full of blood with a corpse.
"Today," he began, "is sad day. One that I hoped would never come again so quickly." Yeah, Diggory. I never thought of comparing Malcolm and Diggory but I suppose it is possible, especially now. "Our very own Malcolm Baddock, a seventh year from slytherin house, has left us before his time. He was a friend to many and shall be remembered as a smiling face. We shall never know exactly why he chose to take his own life but what we do know is that he had an impact on all of us in one way or another. Now I would like to open up the floor, for individuals who would like to speak on his behalf."
The hall was completely silent for a minute until Blaise broke away from me and walked up to the front of the Great Hall. This was most unexpected for this wasn't anything like Blaise. I guess death . . . meaningful death does something to everyone.
"Um," he began looking down and grabbing his hair nervously. "I was Malcolm Baddock's roommate and I am sure half of you really didn't know Malcolm Baddock aside from the fact that he was just another slytherin. Well um," Blaise bit his lip, hard, to keep his face from quivering. "He has to be one of the most amazing people I have ever known. He really knew how to treat a lady for one. But Malcolm didn't ever discriminate against people because of their house. His own sister was a hufflepuff and he never . . . he never let anyone say anything bad about hufflepuff in his presence. Not unless they wanted a broken jaw." He broke into a weak smile. "Life's hard, but I would like to think something else drove him to . . . you know . . ." Blaise got out of the spotlight faster than gryffindors out of potions.
The next person that went up to speak was even more surprising. It was Marietta Edgecomb, the ravenclaw that Malcolm had slept with a few weeks ago. Had he seen her since? Anyway she said some stuff about how he had been the one who changed her opinion on slytherin house (probably just trying to be politically correct). I wasn't really listening.
After her, a couple of Malcolm's seventh year friends, another few girls, and a friend of Eleanor's went up to speak. Eleanor herself was crying into another girl's shoulder. I felt like I too wanted to climb into a bathtub and slit my wrists. Two people I didn't know I cared about had killed themselves within the same 6 hours and I had no idea why. I prayed that Malcolm hadn't done it solely for the incident at the lake.
After Dumbledore had a said a final word and dismissed us, Draco kind of pushed me forward unintentionally and hissed in my ear, "Get me out of here."
When we got into the corridor, Blaise and Theo were already there, it was a bit crowded. We were about to go outside, when someone shouted, "Malfoy!"
We all stopped as though we were a unit. Eleanor Baddock comes storming up to us with big red poofy eyes and doesn't stop until she is right up in front of Malfoy. Like a flash, she drew back her fist and hit him as hard as she could. I was surprised when Draco stumbled. Then it was like a cannon had shot off. The hufflepuff fourth year started kicking and beating the shit out of him with all she had.
Some of her friends shouted her name and ran over along with professor Sprout and McGonagall. When they finally pulled her off of him, Draco had a nice shiner developing on his cheek. Did he not fight back at all?
"Miss Marlow," McGonagall said to me while we helped the blond to his feet. "I suggest you take Mr. Malfoy out of here."
Of course, the little prince himself ran off somewhere claiming he wanted to be alone. Theo and Avery decided to head down to Hogsmeade, leaving Blaise and I. That was, until Hermione unexpectedly approached.
"Granger," I said unenthusiastically.
"You spoke very well, Blaise," she said first looking at my male companion then to me. "I am sorry for your loss."
"Even though you didn't even know Malcolm," I said, taking a drag of my recently lighted cigarette.
"No," she said calmly. "I meant your other loss."
I looked at her sharply and then it hit me how she knew. I took a quick drag of my cigarette. "Don't tell me it has hit the papers already."
"Front page."
"Do I look good?"
"You and Malfoy look fantastic," the bite in her voice was obvious but it also seemed as though she felt bad about the timing.
"Well," I said, "I'll leave you and Zabini to do whatever it is you two do." Neither protested and I walked down the cooridoor.
I wandered the cooridors for a while. I dodged Dumbledore and several other teachers. The last thing I wanted anyone to do was bring up my father. I felt worse about Malcolm. Well, actually I couldn't decide and I didn't really want to. I went out to the lake to avoid Harry when I spotted him in the hall.
As I meandered around the lake, I couldn't believe my eyes when I saw Draco sitting alone, reading. He didn't look like the Draco I was familiar with. This Draco appeared attractive. What terrible timing . . . and to think I like to pride myself on that.
"Oi Draco," I called. His head shot up and I walked over. "May I join you or do you still feel like being alone."
"I am not a pansy," he said quickly. "Sit down," he grumbled.
"What's wrong with you?" I asked, twisting my lips in concern.
"Nothing," he said convincingly, though I didn't believe him; not after I saw what he was reading.
"Is that Malcolm's journal?" I asked tentatively. He grunted something in reply that I assume was a yes. I gave him a long look but he avoided my eyes. "This has really gotten to you hasn't it?"
"You're a bloody hypocrite, Marlow," he snapped.
"The last time you talked to him, you did call him a 'faggity fairy' and broke his nose. Why did you do that anyway?" My tone was much to calm and it caused Draco to kind of . . . well snap.
"Shut up, Marlow! Shut up!"
I couldn't keep the surprise off my face. "Relax Draco," I said trying to calm him down. I would never get him to talk this way. "We're on the same side, remember? Why don't you tell me what's going on."
"My dad owled me and told me that Malcolm Baddock's father had gotten fired from the ministry for trying to get some of the elite to accept that the Dark Lord was dead and move on. He told me to relay the information to the Baddock kids. Then it just seemed appropriate to hassle him about being with those stupid hufflepuffs and I guess . .." he paused. "Thing got out of control."
"You're talking as though you are thinking of changing your evil ways," I said, offering him a cigarette.
He accepted and lit up. "I need to know something, Marlow."
"Ask away."
He exhaled and looked at me. "Did he do it because of what I did?"
I was impressed because it seemed Draco actually cared about my answer. I thought for a moment back to what I remember from the night I talked to Malcolm and what I remember from when I found him. I remember looking into his dead cold eyes just before I went to meet Harry. The soul had left the body.
"If I said yes, what would you do?" I blew smoke and looked at him. Draco's expression twisted and I called it as I saw it. "Do you actually feel guilty?"
He tossed the journal at me. "This is enough to make the Dark Lord go on a guilt trip."
I picked up the worn leather journal and read a page towards the end. "So this is what it feels like to be on the outside," I read the hand written words with care. "This is what it feels like to be on the outside looking into Slytherin house. I suppose it is worse because I know about each and every one of them. They can't be happy. Then again, I am not one to talk. But surely, Xan can't be happy being conniving and living a double life. Theo can't be happy avoiding experiencing anything except anger. Blaise can't enjoy meaning nothing to every girl he comes across. Draco can't be happy pretending to enjoy being his father's puppet. I am not happy, pretending I am not madly in love with a hufflepuff prefect. Why don't people ever let themselves be happy?"
I put the journal down and took a long drag. "God you're right. Talk about experiencing self-loathing. But honestly what does he expect us to do? Malcolm knows how it is. You will grow up to be like your father, I will grow up to be like mine. Theo will probably get killed in a duel and Blaise will most likely make a merger with my company and run away, if he ever gets control of his family's business. Maybe he'll do something crazy. Like get married to someone he actually cares about or start training Dragons. I would think –"
"Just shut up, Marlow." I looked over at Draco for the first time in a while. He was curled up with his arms resting on his knees and his face hidden in between. His voice hiccupped slightly as he said with more force, "Just shut the hell up."
I watched him closely. I took many long drags while Draco's chest shuddered every so often.
I felt sad. Because I realized that people are broken in certain ways that can't ever be fixed. This is something people forget to tell you when you are young and it hasn't yet failed to surprise me how the people around me break one by one. I wonder when my turn is going to be . . . or if it's already happened.
I ended up walking around campus with Draco. We didn't talk, just walked. What I did notice however was that there were adults around. Adults who weren't teachers. Their robes weren't black or the same style. It was strange of course but I didn't think much of it. Sure, no other witch or wizard is supposed to be on the Hogwarts campus but why should I really care who is hanging around, as long as they don't affect me.
There seemed to be more people lurking around on Monday and Tuesday. The school was still very solemn but we had classes. I grabbed a copy of the Daily Prophet Wednesday and I am glad to discover I missed the big Sunday headline Granger had mentioned. Instead my name was merely laced with the headline. Ministry of Magic Officially Takes Over C.W.C.
When I saw this headline I internally screamed. I literally tore off to find Draco or Blaise. I was infuriated, I couldn't believe it! When had this happened? When was this even an option? I –"Draco!" I shouted up seeing him coming towards the great hall.
"What is it?" I held up the headline as I walked towards him.
"Bollocks," was Blaise's response.
Draco's face contorted with thought until he replied, "It isn't my problem."
"Hate to break it to you," I said smacking the paper against his chest. "It's your problem because it's my problem."
"Let our father's take care of it."
I shoved the paper into his chest. "Oh yes and just have your future income, the money that is going to keep you living like a little prince be swallowed up by the Order of the Pheonix? I think not. You're joined to my hip, Malfoy, I suggest you take a deeper intrest." God, I sounded like such a fucking bitch.
"Whatever," Draco said pushing past me. "Do whatever the fuck you want."
I stared after him. In my mind, my mouth was hanging open. I was surprised, to put it simply. The prince was either not concerned with his fortune; really hated the concept of business; there was something else on his mind ; or he was indeed a broken boy.
That evening, I found myself sitting in Dumbledore's office. I had been summoned after my last class. God I hated this old coot. He was such a fucking – "I am sorry to make you wait, Ms. Marlow," the old man had arrived. "Mr. Malfoy took a little while to find." He had a disgusting twinkle in his eye as I mentally groaned. What was Draco doing here?
The little prince flopped down in the chair next to me and Dumbledore sat down. "I am sure you both have heard of the news regarding the Chamber of Wizarding Commerce."
"And here I thought you were going to offer us your sympathy," I said letting the sarcasm drip off each of my words.
"I am sorry for your loss, Miss Marlow but actually that is what brings us here today." He leaned forward on his desk. "I am here asking you two if you would join the Order of the Pheonix."
"And be one your little minions?" Draco asked, his upper lip curling in disgust.
"You two suddenly have a considerable influence in what is left of Deatheater high society. Miss Marlow your father's company now can –"
"My father's company is not a political statement," I cut him off sharply. "The C.W.C. may be controlled by the Ministry, a fancy extension of the Order but we exist to achieve our business goals."
"Miss Marlow I suggest your reconsider your thinking," Dumbledore said, touching his glasses. Out of the woodwork (so to speak) came about a dozen aurors. So aurors were on our campus. Great. "I am offering you a chance. Voldemort is still a terrible threat. You and Mr. Malfoy have valuable connections that could very well lead to his downfall. We need you."
He stopped speaking and let it soak in. I glanced at the prince who seemed to be in a different room than me. "Why?" he asked a few moments later. "Why the fuck should we care? Whatever we do will have little to no influence on the outcome. Are you really so desperate that you need to children of rich men to be your spies?" Draco stood up in his seat.
"I strongly urge you two to reconsider," Dumbledore said, standing as well, as though his presence would stop us from leaving. "Miss Marlow your father—"
"Professor," I said calmly. "My dead father has little to do with this. Look, we really have no reason to care about what you are saying and you can't make us."
"You're making a great mistake," some auror said as I left.
"Why because our livelihood isn't on the line if the Order fails?" Looking back on it, I don't remember whether it was Draco or I who said that. I suppose you will just have to figure out that one yourself.
I myself had a bone to pick with someone. A certain Harry Potter. I found him practicing with his team and therefore, I waited. While I sat in the stands my anger festered. My slytherin cunning bubbled and boiled. In my eyes Harry Potter was stripped of all attractiveness he possessed and was nothing more than an arsehole who wanted to ruin my life.
"Xandra!" he flew over at the end of practice. "What's going on?"
"Nothing," I said with a false smile. "Are you busy?"
"Nah, let me go get changed." He darted off to the lockerroom. The moment he was no longer facing me, my expression dropped and I glared daggers at him. I am sure someone saw because I wasn't exactly being discrete.
"How are you doing?" Harry asked, coming out onto the pitch with his quidditch gear over his shoulder.
I met him down on the grass. "Actually I could be better," I said looking at the ground as though I was reminiscing internally.
"I am really sorry about Baddock," Harry said as he came closer and wrapped his arms around me.
"I have a really serious question, Harry," I said, putting my hands on his chest. "Can I ask you?"
"You can ask me anything."
"I am under investigation by the Order?" I looked him right in the eyes. He couldn't lie to me. Wonderboy can't lie.
"No."
I was wrong.
I shoved Harry away from me. "Xandra?" he asked in confusion.
"You fucking liar!" I spat.
"What are you talking about?"
"I was just hauled into Dumbeldore's bloody office because they wanted me to give up my connections to Voldemort which I don't fucking have and you stand there and tell me to my face that I am in the clear. You dirty liar."
"Wait you knew before you asked me?" he shouted. "You were bloody testing me!"
"Show me a rule against it—I found what I needed to know," I looked him up and down sharply, degradingly.
"I am not the enemy!" he professed. "Why do you keep acting like I have it in for you?"
"Because you do!"
"It's the other fucking way around! I wanted the order away from you! I told them to look into Malfoy but then your father had to go and kill himself and mess it all up!" he threw his hands up into the air.
I was silent for a moment. I was stupid. I really was. Here I had been thinking the whole time that wonderboy was oblivious to my life outside of what I told him. I was somewhere in between feeling guilty and angry.
"You aren't as daft as I thought you were," I said in a low snarl.
"If the only reason you've been seeing me is because you think I don't know who you and what you do then you honestly need your head examined."
"What gives you any bloody right you judge me?" I shouted.
"After Malcolm I think you'd be used to people judging you."
Have you ever been so shocked that you couldn't move? That happened to us both at that moment. I couldn't believe he had the guts to say what he just did and apparently neither could Harry. I reached for my wand and he dropped his head. "Please, please let me explain."
"I am not going to delay a hex just so you can say you're sorry."
"No, I actually have an explanation."
I let go of my wand. "Is it long?"
"Kind of. Why?"
I sat down. "Needed to know whether or not I could sit."
Harry sat down next to me and took a deep breath. "I shouldn't be telling you this."
"Don't bloody lead me on."
"Alright," he said turning to face me directly. "But you have to promise me that you will not . . ."
"What?" I asked, wishing he would just continue.
"Let me just tell you already," he said as though he was mentally scolding himself. "So three or four weeks ago, Malcolm Baddock went to Dumbledore when he received a letter asking him to join the Dark Lord. What really sent up the red flag was that it was sent under the seal of the C.W.C. Malcolm went to Dumbledore for help and well, since you are the poster child especially after the indictment of your father . . . the Order knows deatheaters are well-connected and they think you know . . . a lot." He looked down before looking back at me. "Do you?"
I stared at his face for a moment, feeling far away from any sort of answer. Somehow I managed to speak, "Does it really matter?"
"It could."
I stared at him.
"Look Xandra," he said looking away. "I am not asking you to do anything. I am not trying to convert you into the order. I am not trying to do anything except answer your question. I hate liars and I don't want you to think I am one."
I laughed lightly. "If you hate liars then why on earth are you around me?"
"You make me feel needed," he answered.
I was surprised by the swiftness of his answer. "What?"
"You make me feel needed," he repeated. "I figured it out the other night. You didn't come to me because I was the boy-who-lived. You didn't let me hold you because of that. We may have fought about that fact but we solved it for different reasons."
"Are you calling me a needy person?" I said with a slight sneer at the idea.
"We all need something."
"So if I need you, then what are you providing me that I need?"
Harry shrugged. "Someone to care about you, perhaps. Human super-glue."
"Super what? I thought you just said you only cared because you were in it for self-fulfillment."
"You aren't bad looking"
"We aren't getting anywhere."
Harry laughed. "Are you still mad at me?"
"Tell you the truth I don't know who to be angry at so I might as well not let it cloud my judgment."
Wonderboy nodded thoughtfully. "Well in that case," he looked at me and tapped my shoulder. "You're it."
"Excuse me?"
"You're it."
"What's it?"
"It."
"Explain . . ."
"It's a game," Harry said with an overly exaggerated sigh. "You're now it. You don't want to be, so you have to tag me."
I slapped his arm. "You're it."
Harry grinned. "Now you're getting it." He moved to tag me but I slid away. He slid closer so I slid away until he really extended and got me. "You're it."
"Not in your dreams, Potter," I said with a smirk and lunged for him. He evaded me and got to his feet.
"Catch me if you can," he said with a childish sticking out of his tongue.
I chased him around the pitch and when I tagged him, he chased me. Such a childish concept really but to tell you the truth, the physical exercise felt better than anything I had imagined.
I should have been somewhere else. I should have been looking and trying to discover what was going on inside my company. Or I should have been receiving a letter with the dark mark on it. But no, I was with Harry. For once I didn't refer to him as Wonderboy in my head because wonderboy was a gryffindor prince who tried to save the world. That wasn't Harry.
A long time after, I figured out why I ran around the pitch with him so many times that day. I didn't want to be broken in way that could not be fixed. And I didn't know how long Harry would be there, offering to fix me.
Author's Note: Sorry this took some time to get up. I hope you enjoyed it. The plot is getting thicker! I hope you all enjoyed yourselves, I love hearing from you all! Kelvinate asked why I chose the name Xandra for the character. Well in my last story, Tangled Webs of Different Playfields, I was playing with this story's idea and when I when I watched Shakespeare In Love, the name Marlow came up and I just rolled with it. Anyway, see you all in the next chapter!