STAR FOX ADVENTURES - THE BIG RECAP OF THE TV SERIES!

Episodes 5, 6, and 7.

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Once upon a time there was an Author. He liked to play a wonderful little game called "System Shock". However, when he installed DOS on his computer to play it, he forgot what the hell he was doing and screwed up his computer. After playing System Shock, he remembered he still had to rewrite Episodes 5 through 7 for his fanfiction series. Scouring the internet from another computer for a DOS text editor, he finally settled on an easy to use one and transferred it to his newly DOS only computer. And Lo, it worked, and there was much rejoicing. However, it was incompatible with his MS Word files that contained the three episodes needing rewrites. After several tests, it was determined that files written in the editor could easily be transferred to MS Word on another computer, but not vice-versa. In a desperate attempt to come up with a half-arsed plan, he settled on making a big recap.

TRANSLATION: Until my real computer is fixed, you won't be seeing full version of Episodes 5, 6, and 7. You'll have to settle with this instead. And sorry about the way the lines are laid out, the text editor is weird about that, and I don't really have time to fix it right now. Sorry.

Disclaimer: I don't own Star Fox. Yes, you were expecting something witty. No, you're not getting something witty.

Episode 5: The Great Cheeseburger Hunt: Part I

Fox and company are floating about looking for jobs when General Pepper sends them a message. He needs a DOUBLE BACON CHEESEBURGER! dramatic thunderclap Our heroes set out to McKatinas and run into an evil cult of vegetarians who attempt to kill them for the sin of eating meat. However, Fox and Falco are saved from almost certain death by the timely arrival of Peppy, who eats the giant carrot the vegetarians call God. The team's next stop is McAquas, where just as they are about to be rewarded with a DBC, dramatic thunderclap, the McAquas is taken over by militant Fish Men, who want their territory back. Due to general stupidity, the team is condemned to death. As they are escaping the Fish Man craft, they are intercepted by a mercenary who goes by the name of Kratos, (from the game Tales of Symphonia.) The team defeats and captures him, and he is held for questioning, where he reveals he was hired by a mysterious someone named "Number Two". In a monumentous moment of general stupidity, Fox makes Kratos the ship's cook.

Episode 6: The Great Cheeseburger Hunt: Part II

This episode brings the Star Fox team's quest for a burger to a close. Fox decides to go to the last open McDonald's in Lylat... McVenom's! Star Fox must use desperate measures to deploy the team members to the surface of Venom. Fox decides to use the transmission system to transport three members (Fox, Krystal and Kratos for no reason,) in. Fox buys the burger, but is recognized by the attendant who calls the police. A narrow escape brings them to the Royal Palace where they discover that Number Two is indeed Andross and that Number One was a sentient can of Grandma Joe's Discount Soup. (Available at all Grandma Joe's locations!). After the team has escaped, Barney the Evil Purple Dinosaur, Andross the Incompetent Evil Overlord, and Sir Canulon, as the soup has now dubbed himself, band together to form The Legion of Doom, who desire to destroy Star Fox.

Episode 7: Shopping Woes (Ooh, longer than the rest.)

As this episode opens, Star Fox are down on their luck, with their ship having been destroyed in the events during SF Assault. Finally, they decide to get off their arses and buy a new ship, as well as find a house on Corneria so this doesn't happen again. Fox, Krystal, and Kratos go after an apartment rental ad by the mysterious F. Phoenix, while Peppy, Falco and Slippy go for a ship.

Fox and co. discover that F. Pheonix is actually Fara, Fox's long ago girlfriend who he conveniently forgot. She attempts to blow them away with a shotgun, so Fox and friends steal the deed and dive out the window, narrowly missing death by landing in a conveniently placed matress truck. Their mission complete, Fox and friends wander off to find the others. When they get to the dealership, they find it deserted, with the empty Landmaster outside. They then see Fara has followed them, with a plasma cannon, to destroy Krystal and win Fox back. They run in the Landmaster to take the Arwings into space, where they find Barney the Dinosaur at the helm of a Dreadnought Attack Cruiser.

Barney had been planning this for several days. He placed an ad in the paper to lure Star Fox, in need of a ship, to his fake dealership. When Falco, Slippy and Peppy showed up, he took them on a test drive of the Attack Cruiser they were looking at. Falco checked out the recreational facilities, Slippy took a shower, and Peppy stayed on the bridge with the disguised Barney and played Go Fish.

Slippy was in the shower, when Canulon entered in a robot suit that gave him arms and legs, and reenacted the famous "shower scene" from Psycho. Slippy escaped and found Falco, who was watching some questionable material in the Rec Room. Canulon then entered, with Peppy in tow, but his Robot Suit had gone berserk, and was intent on killing everything. Slippy, ala Captain Kirk, talks the robot into killing itself, and they are taken prisoner by Barney. Barney steers the ship into battle.

The Arwings are already under attack, however, by Fara. She is a capable pilot, disabling Kratos and staying on Krystal's tail despite her best efforts at evasion. The Attack Cruiser unleashes a swarm of fighters, who go to work on the team, and Fara fires a bomb after Krystal, who, sure she is going to die, is saved at the last minute by a lucky shot from Fox.

The trio quickly defeat the fighters and retake the cruiser, dub it Great Fox II, and sail off into the sunset. Fara joins the Legion of Doom.

And that's where we are now. Click teh next chapter button for an actual story. It's cool.