Heroes For Hire – Best viewed in a drunken stupor
Episode 8: Return of the Aparoids
Hello, loyal fans. Are you ready to view an episode of epic proportions? No? Then read on! I really don't have much to say right now, and I'd just like to notify you of a SPECIAL OFFER!
Donate $500 or more to The Author and receive a FREE DVD containing the painstakingly animated Flash movie series based around this story! (Ha, stupid fools… they'll never realize that I don't have Flash at all!)
(Oh, dear. I hope they don't read the text in brackets…)
Yes, that's right, there is no flash movie. But you can vehemently wish there was, or make one and pay me royalties. With royalties, I can finally afford a 486! That's 100 higher than what I have! Please? I'll write the scripts…
I really want a 486… my computer sucks.
Oh, and about three people have asked me what possessed me to add characters from "God of War" to this story. Kratos is not the bloke from God of War. Kratos AURION is from the game Tales of Symphonia.Google the name in image search. See? Kickarse.Anywho, now that google image search has assured you beyond all doubt that I have not included God of War anywhere within the confines of this story, let us begin.
Disclaimer: I disclaim the disclaiming that is disclaimed in the undisputedly disclaimed disclaimer that has been disclaimed of all disclaiming here in the disclaimer. Decipher THAT, Lawyers!
Episode 8: Return of the Aparoids
"So, Fox, what are we going to do today?" asked Krystal, settling into one of the chairs on the bridge.
"Unless there's a conveniently timed message from General Pepper, we're going to sit here and have a witty dialogue."
"Conveniently, this message has been programmed to detect when the timing is exactly right. Fox, you and your team are going to receive medals for your services during the Sauria incident and the Aparoid invasion." said a hologram of Pepper which had just popped up.
"Brilliant. Will money be involved?" asked Fox.
"You could probably pawn the medals for a few bucks." said HoloPepper.
"We'll be there in an hour." said Fox, and the hologram winked out. Krystal grinned. "What are you smiling at?"
"You know, with our luck, there'll probably be a galactic conspiracy going on when we get there."
"Foreshadowing isn't funny. Now go and tell everyone to be ready for a gigantically lavish ceremony."
Great Fox slowed into orbit around Corneria and broadcast a message to the Cornerian command center. On board Great Fox, in the mess hall, Kratos was busy showing off his new suit.
"Why is it purple?" asked Krystal, raising an eyebrow.
"Why is anything I wear purple?"
"Because you're gay?"
"Ye- no! It's because it goes well with my hair."
"Your hair's red, and I still think you look daft in a purple suit."
"D-daddy used to say that about me…" said Kratos, tears starting to form in his eyes. " Daddy didn't love me!" he sobbed, running out of the room. Krystal smiled, and turned to come face to face with Fox.
"What's up?" he said, sitting down at her table.
"Oh, nothing. I've made Kratos cry again. He has father issues."
"I noticed. Anyway, I'm going on down to Cornerian Command to talk with General Pepper about what's going to happen tonight. He's sending up a few men and his top lieutenant to supervise the decorations. This is going to be televised!"
"That's nice. Well, you be off then. We can handle things up here for now. I'll meet the lieutenant and his men in the hangar?"
"Transmission room. These men are too important to have to get off their arses and fly a ship."
"Great, a whole bunch of important slackers. Something tells me I'm going to be doing a lot of decorating."
With a shimmer of blue light, the top lieutenant appeared in the transmission bay. Physically, he was the same height as Fox, though rather obviously not a fox. Four guards stood around him, outwardly unarmed, but probably holding the easily concealed diplomatic blasters up their sleeves. Krystal made a mental note to tell Falco not to do anything stupid around them. Peppy stepped forward.
"Hello, lieutenant. I am Peppy Hare, longest current serving member of Sta-"
The lieutenant cut him off. "Where is Mr. McCloud?"
"He's gone down to Corneria to talk with the General." Peppy replied with the slightest hint of annoyance at being interrupted.
"Then could you please provide me with refreshments for my men, and a place for us to rest? I need to talk to McCloud personally."
"I'm sure one of us could provide the same service that Fox could." Peppy said. "Our second in command could probably help you."
"Er… Peppy? Who exactly is second in command?" whispered Krystal.
"I don't know, I've never really thought much about the subject. There's me, I've been around longest…"
"Yes, but you're completely senile."
"Indeed. There's Slippy…"
"He's an idiot, and totally incompetent to boot."
"How about Falco?"
"He's even worse. He's immature, and he left and then came back and reapplied, so technically he's the newest."
"Well, then there isn't a second in command, there's no one left."
Krystal looked at him meaningfully.
"Oh, I see. You want to play captain. Then go ahead, but if you crash the ship it's your problem."
"Oh, go and play Go Fish or something."
"Yes captain."
"And get rid of the sarcasm."
"Yes'm." said Peppy, hurriedly running from the room.
"I'm second in command, lieutenant." Krystal said, with a hint of pride. "I can take you to the guest rooms if you need somewhere to rest, and in the meantime you can tell me why you needed from Fox."
"That will be satisfactory." the Lieutenant said, following Krystal down the hall to the lift.
The Barney Cruiser drifted through space, its crew hungry, the ship itself out of fuel.
"Why don't we eat some soup?" said Fara, Fox McCloud's former girlfriend turned evil.
"I'm strongly against cannibalism, and anyway I'm the only one there is." Canulon said. Canulon was a sentient can of "Grandma Joe's Discount Soup" (With 33 More Carcinogen than other leading brands!) who had a grudge against the Star Fox team.
"Yes, and that's why we're going to eat you." Barney the Evil Purple Dinosaur said. "We've been out of food for a week, I can't take it anymore!"
Suddenly, failed evil overlord Andross rushed into the room. "I a ship outside our window!"
"Is it a derelict Cerinian ship filled with the souls of the dead?" asked Barney, defacto leader of the group.
"Er… no…"
"Are giant trees involved in any way?"
"No."
"Splendid. Shall we raid them?"
"That we shall." Fara said, grabbing a blaster rifle.
Five minutes later, Krystal was showing the lieutenant and his four guards around his room.
"The bathroom's over that way, and the beds are over in that corner." Krystal said, pointing over to her left. "Will that be all?"
"No, not all. I have something to ask you."
"Yes?"
"We need you, Krystal." the Lieutenant said, stepping forward towards her. "The time has come."
As Krystal was puzzling over this, there was a flash of steel, and one of the guards buried a knife into the back of the guard in front of him. She leapt into action, running towards the traitor, but the lieutenant caught her arm and hurled her into a wall on the other side of the room.
How could anyone throw that hard? she thought as she tried, painfully,to pull herself off the ground. As the Lieutenant turned and snapped a guard's neck, while the guard who had had the knife finished off the last remaining one and passed the Lieutenant a hypospray, along with a small canister containing…
"That can't be…" whispered Krystal as she saw what was being loaded into the hypo. A small Aparoid parasite? Krystal staggered to her feet and hit the intercom button on the wall. "Emergency in the guest quarters! Two casualties! There's an apa-" she was cut off as she was pulled violently from the wall by the guard. She hit him in the face with a decorative vase from the table, and he didn't even flinch, instead hurling her down onto a table as the Lieutenant advanced on her with the hypospray.
Meanwhile, in a wonderful break from the suspense of the situation, we will go and see what became of the Legion of Doom. They were crouched behind a stack of crates in the storage bay.
"How was I supposed to know what 'Quarantine' meant?" asked Andross angrily. "It's not like 'Danger, Go Back, You're Going To Die Horribly If You Enter This Room' is a very clear message!"
"Ah yes, and the words 'T-Virus Warning – Zombies Within' wasn't clear enough for you?" retorted Fara as she checked the battery on her rifle. It was almost empty. Not good.
"There's no reason we should bicker. We've got the fuel cells, haven't we?" said Barney.
"Yes, and we're stuck halfway across a zombie infested starship bound for Corneria that will likely be the subject of a future story!" yelled Fara angrily.
"Brains?" said a zombie inquisitively coming around the crate stack.
"Oh, dear. Shall we run for our lives?" asked Barney to the group.
"Indeed." Canulon concurred.
"Brains."
They ran. Fast. Screaming like little girls. Unfortunately, as they opened a cargo bay door, they were met with a veritable army.
"BRAINS!"
"Oh, well we're screwed then. Anyone for tennis?"
Kratos heard the thump as a Krystal shaped dent appeared in the wall of his room. Wiping the tears from his eyes with a tissue, he went across the hall to see what was wrong.
He knew something was wrong immediately. For one, Krystal was unconscious on a table, about to be injected with something by the Lieutenant. Then there were the three guards bleeding into the carpet. And then there was the last guard who was currently rushing towards him.
Kratos sidestepped and then ducked the punch that the guard threw at him, then came back with a kick to the back of the guard's head. The usual yell of pain, and general unconsciousness and death that generally followed such a kick were noticeably absent. Then the guard hit him.
Hello, floor. Meet Kratos. Isn't he a nice guy? Well, I guess he impacted you rather hard.
The guard hoisted Kratos from the floor and began to choke him, when a stun bolt hit him from behind. He dropped Kratos and whirled to see Slippy. Slippy fired again, and again, and again, and again, but the guard didn't fall. From his vantage point on the floor, however, Kratos could see a knife, now sticking rather conspicuously out of one of the dead guards. He grabbed it and came up behind the live 'evil' guard.
Now that that was taken care of, Slippy opened fire on the lieutenant, just before he would have injected Krystal. The bolt caused him to stumble, but it was still not enough to knock him out. Slippy increased the setting and fired again.
And again.
And again.
And again.
And again.
Until finally, the lieutenant fell to the floor, unconscious.
"How are we still alive?" asked Barney as they flew away in the Barney Cruiser.
"They grabbed Andross, looked at him for a bit and then left us alone." Fara said, plugging her rifle into the recharge unit. "I wonder why?"
"I guess we'll never know." Barney said, oblivious to the obvious and overused joke that the Author had placed in the story. "Where should we go now?"
"How about McSolars? I'm hungry." Fara complained.
"Good idea. Solar City, here we come!" said Barney, jamming the old cruiser into gear and rocketing off.
Kratos helped Krystal off the floor and she dusted herself off. Turning to the unconscious lieutenant, she began to drag him towards the door.
"What are you doing?" asked Kratos.
"I'm dragging him down to medical for an examination. There's something wrong with him."
"What do you mean?"
"He tried to inject an aparoid life form into me, he's got the strength of twenty, I'd say there's something wrong with him."
"Maybe he has an aparoid fetish."
"Do you even listen to yourself?"
"I think you already know the answer to that."
"Oh, and the purple suit? Definitely gay."
"Dammit, Krystal, I'm not gay! If anyone's gay around here it's Falco and Fox!"
"Please. Only a completely deranged weirdo could ever think up something like that." Krystal said. "That means you, La-"
"The Fourth Wall's fine where it is. Shall we be off to medical?" Kratos said, quickly cutting her off before the series lost a frequent reviewer.
"Oh, fine." Krystal said. "Honestly, Fox/Falco? Everyone knows it's all Slippy/Pe-"
The scene ended, thankfully, before Krystal could get started.
Slippy and Kratos looked on as Krystal scanned the unconscious body of the Lieutenant. The scanner beeped, and she focused it on the area where it had beeped.
"There's something here, guys." Krystal said. "Back of the neck…"
She flipped him over.
"What's the little green glowy thing?" asked Slippy.
"It's the sad attempt of the special effects department to make a cool looking aparoid parasite. I think there's something seriously wrong. Kratos, the guard you stabbed, does he have one?"
A quick check later, Kratos came back with an ominous result.
"Yes. Does this mean…"
"I think so… they must be all over Cornerian command!"
"Well, there's no one down there who's really important, so we sho- oh shit. Fox."
"Oh, no. We need to warn him. I'll go down there."
"Krystal, there's no reason to risk yourself. His communicator works fine. We'll just contact him." Slippy sugested, walking over to the intercom.
Fox was in the decorative courtyard of Cornerian Command when his wrist communicator beeped. He hit the switch.
"This is Fox McClo-"
"Oh, thank god. Are you alone?" Krystal's voice came in through the commlink.
"Er…" he took a quick look around. " Yes."
"You're in terrible danger. There are Aparoids controlling the actions of some of the higher-ups and security officers in the Cornerian government."
"Is this a joke?" said Fox skeptically. " We kinda… y'know… killed them all."
"Apparently we didn't do it properly. There was most definitely one on the General's lieutenant, and at least one of his personal guards."
"I'll go talk to the General immediately."
"All right, I'll handle the situation up here. And… Fox?"
"Yes?"
"Be… be careful."
"I will." He said, cutting the link.
Barney and his team walked casually into McSolar's.
"Hi." said the attendant working the counter. "Can I help you?"
"Yeah, we'd like… er… I'll have a Big Mac, my friends here will have two number fives and a… what was it you wanted, Fara?"
"A quarter pounder with cheese, but no mustard."
"A qu… what was the last bit?" said the attendant, traces of fear beginning to appear in his face.
"No mustard?"
"W- we can't do tha- oh god! Oh god! OH GOD!" he screamed, throwing himself onto the counter and hitting the "robbery" button on his way down.
Rapid response S.W.A.T. teams smashed their way through the glass windows and pointed auto-blasters at the Legion of Doom. Fara reached into her back pocket for her pistol, and Barney stepped forward.
"Sirs, there's no problem here. All we did was ask for a burger without mustard."
The captain turned to his team. "My god… he asked for…"
"Isn't that a capital offence?"
"Indeed it is." Captain S.W.A.T. said. He turned back to the Legion of Doom. "You will accompany me to the police station, where you will die horribly."
"Wonderful incentive. But I think you'd rather be the one dying horribly."
"No, I re-" were the S.W.A.T. captain's last words as a blaster bolt hit him in the face. Well, I guess 'burble' could be considered a last word, but it really isn't as coherent.
It was at this point that Barney picked up Andross, who was holding Canulon, and made his exit through the broken window. Fara followed, covering them with her pistol. The Barney Cruiser was already running when they came on board. No one questioned this as they made their escape, until Andross spoke up.
"None of us were on board, so who started this thing up before we came back?"
Unfortunately, the question was answered for him in a single word, spoken from behind him.
"Brains?"
General Pepper was sitting behind his desk when Fox entered the room.
"Hello, Fox. What are you doing back? Did you forget something?"
"No, General. I came to warn you that we're all supposedly in terrible danger."
"Really? How?" said Pepper, sitting down at his desk.
"Krystal found a problem with your top lieutenant. He was being controlled by aparoids."
Pepper gasped in alarm. "You don't mean…"
"Yes. They're not all dead, general."
"Oh, no."
"And we have reason to believe that aparoids may also be controlling the actions of others in the Cornerian government."
"I will look into it immediately. You may have just saved us again, Fox. That might mean another medal for you."
"Thank you, General. I'll leave now, then."
"Because of the danger, we won't do the whole ceremony tonight, but there will be a celebratory banquet tonight. Be there around 7:00, okay?"
"Yes, General. I'll be here around seven."
"Excellent."
Slippy had called in five minutes ago to say that the lieutenant had woken up and was trying to get out of his restraints. Krystal was down there in a few minutes to question him.
"WHO DOES NUMBER TWO WORK FOR?" yelled Kratos into the lieutenant's face.
"Damn you to hell!"
"Er… why did you beat the shit out of Krystal?"
"Go fondle donkeys, purple boy!"
"Why did you beat the shit out of Krystal?"
"I'll see you burn in hell before I tell you anything!"
"Why did you beat the shit out of Krystal?"
"Because I was ordered to by the queen!"
"That was easy. Why did you tell me so fast?"
"I can't stand to be asked the same question three times. It's an Aparoid thing."
"Why did the queen order you to beat up Krystal?"
"I spit in your general direction!"
"Why did the queen order you to beat up Krystal?
"You smell of donkey piss and fish eggs!"
Kratos sighed. "WhydidthequeenorderyoutobeatupKrystal?"
"Damn! Three times. She ordered me to beat up Krystal because we need to capture a telepath."
"Why do you need a telepath?"
"Go and suck on a turtle!"
"You're really running out of good insults, aren't you?"
"Damn you to hell!"
"Oh, now you're reusing them. That's just pathetic."
"Oh, go fond-"
Just then, Krystal entered.
"How's the interrogation going?"
"I'm running out of patience, he's running out of insults, and the Author's running out of good Austin Powers references."
"Doesn't sound good. Shall I take over?"
"Sure, if you want to…"
"Get the spiky whip!"
"ACK!" yelled the lieutenant. "I'll talk!"
"Excellent. Now then. Tell me everything. Do you know the Muffin Man?"
"The Muffin Man?"
"THE MUFFIN MAN!"
"Do I know the Muffin Man… who lives in the land of references to movies with Mike Myers in?"
"Cut the sarcasm. Now, why did you need a telepath?" asked Kratos.
"Because… when you destroyed us last year you killed the queen who held us all together telepathically. As she died, she cut off her last batch of eggs from the hive mind, leaving them with instructions to find and gain control over a telepath who could bring us together once more to take over Corneria. We've worked together ever since, taking over key government elements on Corneria, waiting for the only telepath we could clearly remember. Krystal."
"Oh… so you needed a telepath so you could rebuild your universal empire?"
"Pretty much, yeah. We have a queen of sorts right now, but her telepathic powers are weak. Uncoordinated. She serves only to hold our group together and keep us alive through the link until we can get a true telepath."
"Did you need a telepath who could sing "Only You" in at least ei-" Krystal started.
"Enough with the Mike Myers movie references!"
"Mike Myers… was he in Halloween?" Kratos asked Krystal.
"No, that was Michael Myers. There's a difference."
"Really? I thought they were both mass murderers."
"Ugh… you really don't listen to yourself, do you?"
"Brains?"
They'd put their undead stowaway in the airlock, and the depressurization sequence was about to begin. It was left alone there, quietly wondering why it had not been given any of the food it had so nicely requested.
"I CAN'T DO IT!" yelled Andross, turning off the sequence as the light turned green.
"What the hell are you doing? We need to kill it!" yelled Fara, annoyed because she'd been looking forward to more zombie killing.
"But look! He's so cute! Can we keep him, Fara? Please?"
"But… he's a killing machine!"
"Pleeeeeeeeze?"
"Fine. If he kills you it's not my fault." Fara said. "But a zombie is a big responsibility, Andross. You need to feed him and clean his litter box and make sure he doesn't eat the mailman."
"I can do it! You'll never even know he's there!"
"Fine. I'll go get him."
She disappeared from sight.
itchy. want brains. me want brains cause tasty.
girl fox come. she have brains. me itchy.
"BRAINS!"
"Oh, shit… HELP!"
girl fox yell loud so eat her. tasty.
4 itchy tasty.
"Er… Barney? Now, don't be pissed, but now we have two zombies."
"WHAT? What the hell happened?"
"I said I wanted one for a pet, so Fara went in to get him, and she kinda forgot her gun. So now we have two."
"I hate you. I'll be down there in a minute."
Fox was back on board Great Fox, having the day's events explained to him in detail.
"So anyway, Aparoids are controlling key elements on Corneria. We should be fine, but to be safe General Pepper has called off the main ceremony, but we still get dinner. So in an hour, we're going down there for dinner."
"I still think there's a danger involved." Falco said. "Should everyone be armed?"
"We've only got full sized blaster pistols. Hardly appropriate for a celebration." Krystal said.
"What about the palm size blasters we took from the dead guards?" said Peppy, holding one up.
"Good idea." Fox said. "I'll take one, Falco will take one, Krystal will take one, and Kratos will take one. I don't trust Slippy with something dangerous, and Peppy'll try and kill anyone who wins against him at Go Fish."
"Hey, he was cheating, and it only happened once!"
"You shot him seventeen times. Then you shot his friends. Then you went after his ninety year old grandmother with a knife." Fox said.
"It was a conspiracy! They were all in on it!"
"A conspiracy to cheat at Go Fish?"
"I'm not crazy! I'm the only one who's not crazy! I may be surrounded by insanity but I am NOT insane! I'm NOT CRAZY! I'm not crazy... I'm crazy..."
"Anyway, senility and "Frame of Mind" references aside, everyone should get ready for the celebration. I want you all in the hangar in an hour."
Six Arwings landed in the Parking Lot of Cornerian Command, and the team hopped out and began to walk towards the main building, where Pepper would be waiting for them. As they walked, Fox and Krystal chatted.
"So, you looking forward to dinner tonight?" Fox asked Krystal.
"Yeah… I haven't eaten all day. Wonder what they'll be serving?"
"All the delicacies of Lylat, probably. They always go all out at banquets like this."
"Like what?"
"What do you like?"
"I've always liked the green salads that Kratos used to make before Lettucius VI got a shipment of Rodentus III's space gophers by mistake."
"Yes, the price of lettuce skyrocketed after that."
"How about frog's legs?"
Slippy looked up in alarm, and Krystal burst out laughing.
"Oh, the look on your face was priceless."
"That's not funny!" Slippy said, before wandering off to sulk with Peppy.
Before they could continue their conversation, however, they had entered the main building of Cornerian command, and were greeted warmly by General Pepper.
"Hello, Fox. On time as usual, I see. The preparations for dinner were a little… delayed. You can wait in a room we've prepared for you, however. My aide will take you."
The aide stepped forward, and, nodding to the General, took them down the hall into a luxurious room.
"Wow" was the word of the minute, as he showed them around the luxuriously prepared waiting area that had been laid out for them. They sat down, and the aide left.
"Awesome…" Falco said as he looked inside the room. "The bathroom has a gold plated toilet!"
"COOL!" yelled Slippy, running inside and closing the door.
"Well, that's that. I'm really kind of bored, so I'll go talk to General Pepper for a while about the aparoid situation." Fox said, leaving the room. Krystal, Peppy, Kratos and Falco relaxed into the room and began to chat. Several minutes later, five men rushed into the room to point guns at the team.
"Oh dear." Peppy said, putting his hands up. "It seems they don't like us at all."
"Well, what are we going to do?" said Barney angrily. "One of my most dedicated employees is in there with a debilitating hunger for brains!"
"I don't know! What can we do?" asked Andross, desperately trying to think up a plan to direct blame away from himself.
"The research station at Corneria. We can go there. Have them analyzed." Canulon suggested.
"We're wanted criminals! We'd need disguises… Andross, you remember the play we went to last night?"
"Pirates vs. Ninjas? Yes, I remember."
"Do we still have the pirate costumes we stole?"
"Er… yes?"
"Yarr!" shouted Barney as he led the way through the research station's corridors.
"Brains." Fara agreed, being led along on a chain.
"Yarr! We be lookin' for the research director. Be ye knowin of him?" bellowed Barney to a nearby scientist.
"Beltino? Yeah, he's in that room." the scientist replied, pointing down the hall.
"Thank ye!" said Barney, dragging Fara, now drooling and staring at the scientist's head, down the hall.
"Brains!" the zombie Fara complained, as she was dragged into the room.
"Brains I do have!" said Beltino Toad, turning to face a pirate and his strangely gray companion.
"Yarr! Me matey here seems to be down with some kind of disease! Be ye havin' a cure, Mr. Toad?"
"BRAINS!" yelled Fara, straining against the chain to try and eat Beltino.
"Ah, I see. We may need to keep her for a while for study. Will that be okay?"
"Perfectly. She doesn't come into the next episode at all."
"Brilliant. Shall we go, then?"
So, Barney followed him, dragging Fara all the way, into an extensive laboratory. Beltino strapped Fara into a biobed, and pressed a button. A large drill popped out of the wall.
"Brains?"
"Don't worry. This won't hurt a bit. Until I press this next button."
Beltino pressed the button.
The drill started to whirr.
"Now, this won't hurt her, right?"
"Of course, of course not. Would you mind getting behind this safety glass?"
"Why?"
SPLAT
"That's why."
Fox walked into the elegant dining room on the fifth floor, where he'd been told he could find General Pepper. Sure enough, there he was, staring out the window into the lights of Corneria City.
"Hello, General."
"Ah. Hello, Fox."
"Dinner isn't ready yet, Fox. You should go back and wait in the room."
"I know, General. I wanted to talk to you about the Aparoid situation."
"Ah. It's all under control, and the last loose end is about to be tied tonight."
"Tonight?"
"Yes, Fox. We are quite fast when dealing with problems like these."
"That's good, then."
"Yes, I believe you'll find the transition quite painless."
"Er… what are you talking about?"
"Oh, don't be a fool, Fox! You are the only loose end in our operation, the only one left who knows. Once you are gone, we'll be free to take over Corneria at our leisure. Now, are you going to give up and submit, or am I going to have to break your arms?"
Realization. Cold, horrible realization dawned on Fox. The person whom he'd gone for help from had already been beyond help.
"Getting it now, are we? Just give up and die. It'll be easier for everyone."
"No… NO!" Fox yelled, and turned, throwing open the doors.
Krystal stood in his way.
"It's useless to resist, Fox. There's no escape for you now." she said.
"No! Krystal! What have they done?"
"It's all over, Fox. Your team is now under our control. There's no one left to resist us. Why don't you sit down and we'll have a little talk?" said Pepper, gesturing towards a chair.
"Dammit, Krystal! Fight it! Don't just give up!"
"Spare me having to watch this and just sit down before I have to hurt you." Krystal replied menacingly.
Fox resignedly walked over to the chair.
"Oh, and Fox?" Krystal said, pointing her blaster at his head. "I know you've got one of these, so drop it."
Fox plucked it out of his pocket and threw it down to the floor.
"Excellent. Don't you see how much easier being cooperative is?" Krystal said, picking it up.
"Go to hell."
"Tsk, tsk. Never talk like that to a lady." Pepper chided. "It's not so bad being one of us."
"I'd rather die."
"Bah. You don't understand what true power is. This body was weak. It was only made stronger by us." Pepper said, gesturing to himself. "What does it matter if a few weaklings lose their freedom? The Aparoids will ease everything. There will be no fear. No pain. No death! Can you begin to fathom the promise of eternal life?"
Fox snorted. "You're all pathetic. Every one of you. You believe you're so perfect, but you're not. You need us. You needed her. But I won't let you do this!" Fox dove out of his seat and rolled behind another line of chairs.
"Ha. A pathetic and useless gesture. You know there is no escape. You cannot escape from this room, and even if you did... It is inevitable. We outmatch you. Almost everyone in this building is under our control, and anyone who isn't will be soon. It's useless to resist, Fox. The transition can be easy, or it can be excruciatingly painful. It's your choice." Krystal said, stepping slowly towards him. "You know what? I'll make you a deal. If you can beat me, you're allowed to leave this room and face your fate somewhere else. If I win, you stay here and meet the destiny so many long for. I'll even go easy on you, it makes no difference anyway." She moved into a fighting stance. "Are you ready?"
"I don't want to hurt you… but I will if killing you will set you free." Fox said, putting up his fists. Krystal waited for him to act first. He charged.
She neatly sidestepped him and kicked him in the chest. He fell forward, the wind knocked out of him. She moved to the side as he rolled away to catch his breath, and was ready when he jumped up again.
"It's completely futile, you see. I will win."
"You talk too much." Fox replied, walking casually towards her. When he was in range, she struck. He ducked away from the punch, then dove into her legs under her kick. She fell backwards, hitting the floor, but was on her feet in less than a second. Fox was not so lucky, and she kicked him in the face as he was getting up, and again in the chest. He fell to the floor, nose bleeding badly.
"Do you give up yet? I can do much more damage than a nosebleed."
"I… I give."
"Excellent. Sit down." Pepper said. Fox moved slowly towards the chair, clutching his chest where she had kicked him. "I see no reason why we should prolong this further." He tossed Krystal an Aparoid injector. "Do it."
Krystal caught the injector and moved towards Fox's chair.
"Don't worry, Fox. It's completely painless. You'll be one of us soon." Krystal said softly, almost comfortingly.
"Just get it over with."
"As you wish." She moved the injector right up to his neck, thumb poised over the button.
What she did next certainly shocked everyone in the room, including the readers who didn't see a blatant Deus Ex Machina coming a mile off. She dropped the injector, tossed Fox his blaster, and shot General Pepper directly in the chest. He stumbled slightly, but pulled out his own weapon. Krystal shoved Fox out of his chair and ducked as a laser bolt singed the top of her head. Pepper ran towards the door, and Krystal gave chase, dragging a bewildered Fox who couldn't quite register yet that he wasn't dead along with her.
Several shots later, General Pepper was down for the count.
"We need to find the queen!" shouted Krystal. "Oh, wake up damn you, we're in danger!"
"Wha- you tried to kill me!" Fox yelled, desperately struggling to preserve his life.
"I was saving your life!"
"By beating the crap out of me? Some savior you are!"
"How else do you think he would have believed me? I did it because I didn't want you dead! Now shut up and come on! I'll explain everything later!"
Fox really had no choice but to accept orders given him by a pissed off vixen with a gun. He shrugged and followed her down the hall.
Beltino Toad looked down at Fara, strapped to the operating table. Briefly he reflected that in the wrong hands, that sentence could become the topic of quite the dirty fanfic. He shrugged and went for coffee.
table cold. why strapped to table want brains itchy. annoying frog man stab with pointy whirring thing make me go ouch.
want brains now. want brains brains tasty. brains here?
hey look strap are loose i are have wiggle 1 arm out.
i are have wiggle 2 arm out
what button do?
hey me free go get brains now.
door open and me get out hello man in white coat you have brains?
"OH GOD! SOMEONE HELP ME ARGHHH burble"
he do have brains for me eat man in coat so nice to give me all brains
so nice
it is man with little stick and blue on end he are come towards me with stick what he do?
"Right then, let's see how you like this cattle prod!"
zap
ow he hurt me i eat his brains now
zap
ow why you zap me just want brains me tell you maybe you help.
"BRAINS!"
"Right then!"
zap zap zap zap thump
"Oy, Beltino! One of your research subjects escaped again and ate an intern! They're fifty credits each you know!"
Krystal kicked down another door and opened fire on both guards.
"Why are we risking our lives killing this queen again?"
"Because it's keeping a sense of cohesion among the aparoids, plus it's keeping them alive. We need to kill it, otherwise when these people wake up they'll still be Aparoid controlled."
"You there! Stop where you are!" came the voice of General Pepper from behind them.
"Exactly."
General Pepper was back on his feet, albeit with blaster burns in his shirt. He was pointing a blaster rifle at the duo.
"Prepare to die, traitors!" he yelled, and the familiar sound of the rifle charging could be faintly heard. Krystal and Fox dove in two different directions and the shot lanced harmlessly past them. Popping out quickly, Fox fired, hitting Pepper and throwing him backwards, unconscious once more.
"Now that that's taken care of…" said Krystal, standing up again. "Where would you keep an Aparoid Queen?"
"How about the giant room behind us that says "Recreational Biodome" with the large environmental control display rather blatantly set to the conditions found on the Aparoid homeworld?
"No one likes a smartarse, Fox." Krystal said, walking over to the environmental controls. "Well I'll be damned, you're right. Sections two through eight are set exactly to the conditions found on Aparoidus Prime."
"You just made up that name, didn't you?"
"Yes, well, you've been making up names for planets for months now and no one's complained."
"Turtleland is stilla better name than Katina."
"But there aren't any turtles on Katina!"
"That's beside the point. Now, can we just kill the queen already?"
"Let's go, then." Krystal led the way into the Biodome.
The Aparoid Queen's predatorial instincts of old told her someone was coming before they actually arrived. She turned to confront them, and was met with two foxes. An inferior species, to be sure, but one to be reckoned with. It had been a fox that had destroyed the old queen. In fact, going over all data the aparoids had gathered, it was these very foxes, along with their team of other inferior species, who had destroyed the queen. All the more reason to kill them quickly.
"Hello, inferior beings. Have you given up on life so much that you would come to face me?"
"No, we're just here to kill you." Krystal said, pointing her blaster at the queen.
"You know it is futile. Even if you do kill me, we will survive as a whole. The aparoids have endured pathetic things like you since the beginning of time, and who is still here?"
"Oh, cut the crap." said Fox, raising his blaster. "You ready to die?"
"The entire universe will one day belong to glorious aparoids! You are only postponing the inevitable!"
"Meh. It'll be some future generation's problem." Krystal said, keying the blaster up to maximum setting. "Say your goodbyes."
"My children! Attack!"
"If you're talking about the guards outside, they're on the floor. Unconscious."
"Drat. Well, I'm right screwed then." she said, with a touch of sarcasm that both foxes missed. "Remember, you can only postpone the inevitable!"
"Like I said, someone else's problem." Ready, Fox?
"See you space cowboy."
They fired.
Fox and Krystal stood outside of the Biodome, blasters back in their pockets.
"That was your idea of a one liner? See you space cowboy? That was the coolest thing you could think of to say? I really shouldn't let you near my DVD collection anymore."
"It was a spur of the moment thing, and I just watched the DVD last night. What did you expect?"
"Something better from the system's most famous mercenary? I don't know."
Fox laughed. "I'm not a cool line factory, okay? You say I need to say something, I say the first thing that pops into my head! It's not my fault…"
Krystal laughed along with him, but suddenly stopped. "Fox?"
"Yeah?"
"Back there in the banquet hall… I'm sorry for making you think I'd been… you know. And I'm sorry for beating you up. But I had to do it. I had to make General Pepper believe I was on his side, or he would've shot me the moment I came in the room. I'm so sorry."
"There's nothing to be sorry for, Krystal. You saved my life back there, and I didn't thank you. How can I ever thank you for what you did?"
"Oh, I can think of something." she said, turning towards him and slowly moving closer. "You remember that time you saved my life above Corneria and I said I owed you a kiss?"
"Yeah?"
"Well, now you owe me one. How about we get rid of our debts at the same time?"
"Sounds good to me."
They moved even closer, gazing into each other's eyes. If the music players in the walls were working, they would have been playing sappy music. But at the exact moment their mouths were about to meet, the door at the end of the hall flew open. Fox and Krystal looked around in shock. Kratos stood in the doorway, panting heavily.
"Sorry I'm late, I had to take the stairs. Did I miss all the action up here?"
Fox looked at him. "Er… yes. The queen's kinda dead. You might want to go down and tell Falco he shouldn't be killing anyone anymore."
"Yes, good idea. See you two downstairs!" Kratos yelled, running back out the door, completely and blissfully oblivious as to what he had interrupted.
Fox looked back at Krystal and grinned. "Well, I guess the moment's gone now…"
She smiled back, and they walked off down the hall, holding hands. As they disappeared down the stairwell, General Pepper woke up and pulled himself to his feet.
"Ugh, where am I? One minute I was on the toilet, and the next I'm here! I guess you really shouldn't snort stuff you find on the floor in toilet stalls…" he said, hiking up his pants and stumbling down the hall.
No one was around to hear this, which was probably just as well.
Back on board Great Fox, Fox was lounging in his captain's chair, discussing recent events with his crew.
"Now that the queen is dead, everyone should return to normal, now that the Aparoid parasites are dead. What puzzles me is how no one noticed the change, or even that the Aparoid was there."
"Well, the Aparoids adapted to the situation. They had to be stealthy and act natural to avoid detection, so they did. If we hadn't been jumped by those men in the waiting room, we might never have known that General Pepper was one of them." Krystal said. "They told us we were to be apprehended on direct order of General Pepper. After we fought our way out, we concluded that you were in danger, so I decided that since they had wanted a telepath, they should think they got one. I went upstairs to rescue you while Falco and Kratos secured the first floor."
"Except ROB found something just as you killed the queen." said Slippy. "ROB, why don't you tell them?"
ROB stepped forward and spoke in his usual monotone.
"As the Aparoid Queen perished, a probe was launched from the Cornerian surface towards a jump singularity, and disappeared from sensors. It can be concluded that this pod contained Aparoid eggs useable for the continuation of the species."
"Oh well, it's not like that'll ever come up again." Fox said. "Now, Falco, why don't we go to Solar City for some burgers? I could really go for a quarter pounder right now. Without mustard, of course…"
See you space cowb- I mean Star Fox.
Well, what did you guys think? A little different than usual, I think, but is that good or bad? Should I stick to pure idiocy and humor plots, or have something semi-serious at least once in a while? A lot of people have said I'm no good at writing when the scene has to be dramatic. What do you think?Review, cause I like feedback. Oh, and the Barney side story was more than just comic relief. It's going somewhere in a couple of episodes. Everybody likes zombies, especially when they're somewhat close to Halloween…
And now we have a special message from Kratos.
Kratos: You know, I'm a little miffed about being left out of that climatic scene with the Aparoid queen. Cause y'know, she was calling everybody "inferior beings" and stuff like that, and I have my line.
Author: Which is?
Kratos: Feel the pain of those inferior beings… as you burn in hell. Definitely better than 'See you space cowboy'.
Fox: That line was awesome! Just admit it!