KI/Akikami/…whatever: a new one shot to celebrate the HOLIDAYS! And I say holidays so that I do not make anyone feel discriminated. Because I CARE…okay, stopped caring.
Daichi and Hilary and so will Hiro-maybe Brooklyn.
This is set-somewhere. When Rei is unaware of the wonders of Christmas. And I do not mean to offend anyone-just in case. And the title really has no point. Oh well.
WARNINGS: There will be eggnog-induced madness. Oh yeah and (gasp) the American dubbed names. I never really cared enough to figure out the Japanese ones. You have been warned.
DISCLAIMER: One day I asked the mystical magic eight ball, "Do I own Beyblade?"
And, guess what? The eight ball said, "No flippin' WAY!"
Eggnog
One-shot
"Oh my god, you don't know what CHRISTMAS is?"
'Yes, Tyson, I'm pretty sure everyone knows already,' Rei thought, but kept the sarcastic comment to himself.
Tyson continued to stare at the neko-jin as if he had grown another head.
"Tyson quit it. Rei lived in a rural Chinese village. It's a bit obvious he doesn't know what Christmas is," Kenny sighed, eyes not even leaving his laptop. Or at least, Rei THOUGHT they didn't. He never remembered actually seeing Kenny's eyes. It was a bit disturbing when he thought about it.
"You poor, deprived child!" Tyson wailed, oblivious that Kenny had even said anything. "How could you live without Christmas?"
Rei shook his head, wincing at the high-pitched wails Tyson issued. "What's so special about Christmas anyway?"
"It's only the best day of the entire year! It's the only day where people give you presents and have to be nice to you because it's the holidays and you get to eat a lot and get Christmas tree and watch crappy Disney Christmas specials and-"
"Actually," Kenny interjected, a bit irritated," it's the day that God's only son, Jesus, was born from the Virgin Mary. And unless you want some Jewish and/or other non-Christian person to be offended and smack you, it's a non-denominational holiday shrub."
Tyson just stared. "Uh-whatever, Chief."
He dragged the confused Rei out of the living room (and earshot) and snickering said, "Kenny's being stupid that's not what Christmas is. Everybody knows that you can't have a kid if you're a virgin."
He walked away muttering about Kenny's cluelessness.
Right, Tyson. You just keep believing that.
"This is pointless."
For once, Rei agreed with Kai's pessimism. The entirety of the Bladebreakers (G Revolution…whatever) plus Hilary and Hiro, who had come for the holidays, were standing in the freezing cold to buy a CHRISTMAS TREE. Or a non-denominational holiday shrub.
"You can not bring down my holiday spirit with your bad attitude today, Kai!" Tyson exclaimed, pumping a fist into the air.
"You mean tonight," Kenny corrected, adjusting his glasses-on his head. Rei was beginning to think that he didn't even have eyes.
"Whatever."
"Now, let's go find the perfect Christmas tree!" Daichi screamed and in sped off into a group of tall, prickling trees.
Rei did not like the look of those pine needles.
"Come on. Max!" Tyson screamed right into said blonde's ear and the two were also gone along the same path as Daichi.
Hilary sighed and her and Hiro followed. Kenny plopped onto the ground and opened up his laptop.
"Come on, Rei, you need to be a part of the Christmas tree-picking process!" Tyson yelled from the depths of the Christmas-y deathtrap.
"Uh-okay."
(ONE HOUR LATER)
"I think I'll call him Mr. Tree."
"You're naming a tree?"
"Alright, Tyson!"
Rei was beginning to hate Christmas. By the time they had all managed to pick a tree, pay for it, load it in the car, and get it home, Rei had developed a severe phobia for Christmas trees. Not only were they large and full of painful needles, but they also seemed to house a large variety of woodland creatures.
Rei discovered THAT fun-filled fact when a beady-eyed squirrel burst from a nearby tree and attacked him. He had the festering bite on his hand to prove it.
(FLASHBACK)
-Squirrel jumps out of tree and lands on Rei's head-
Tyson: Oh my god! There's a squirrel on your head!
Rei: NO FRIGGIN' DUH! GET IT OFF!
Max/Daichi/Hilary/Hiro: Oh my god! There's a squirrel on your head!
Rei: ARGHHHH!
(END FLASHBACK)
Ah, what a pleasant memory.
"Hey, Rei."
Huffing angrily, Rei turned to see-Kai?
"Uh-yeah?"
"I was just wondering-"
There was a significant pause as the two just sort of stared at each other in awkward silence. Then-
"Why is your hand purple?"
Rei stood there a moment. His left eye twitched. "I. Hate. This BLOODY holiday!"
Hilary abruptly popped up. "REI! How dare you say a British cuss word!"
Yelling infrustration, Rei stomped out of the room. A few moments later the two heard a pained and slightly girlish scream from the squirrel-induced wound.
And now they were having a Christmas Eve party. The fun just never ended did it?
It was small, consisting of the Bladebreakers, the White Tigers, and the Demolition Boys (plus Hiro). Rei had a half a mind to just jump out the window and end it right then.
He never got the chance.
"Dude, Rei really needs to lighten up," Tyson sighed from the other side of the room, gulping eggnog.
"Maybe Rei just isn't really into Christmas," Max said, well, more like giggled. Even though Hiro had made sure to hide away any and all alcoholic beverages, the eggnog was still making the two extremely hyper.
"Nobody doesn't like Christmas!" Tyson retorted. "Well, except for Kai, but he's just a heartless butthole!"
"Yay! Kai's a butthole!" Max exclaimed and giggled again.
"Max, you fool, stay on topic!" Tyson wacked the blonde over the head with his till half-full cup of eggnog and sloshed the contents over his head.
"He-EY!"
"Focus!"
Max huffed, shaking a few wet strands from his eyes. "Fine."
"Good. I have the perfect plan…" (Does anyone else have a bad feeling about that?)
"Hey Rei, you want some eggnog?"
Rei stared at the plastic cup almost spilling over with white, chalk-scented liquid.
"….Sure?" He awkwardly sipped at the cup while keeping suspicious eyes on the grinning world champion. It TASTED fine, so he downed the rest. "…I think I'll go get some more."
Tyson watched him go with a maniac grin on his face, cackling evilly.
Across the room, Max sloppily hid the empty bottle he'd carelessly dumped into the bowl of eggnog back in the previously hidden wine cabinet.
Unfortunately for both of the hyperactive teens (and the rest of the party) they had forgotten to think about everyone ELSE that would be drinking the eggnog.
(A little while later)
"I think we messed up, Max."
"What was you first clue?"
The two watched with unconcealed horror at the rest of the party, who were all needless to say-very drunk.
"Just how much alcohol did you PUT in there?
"Ummm…"
"Tala, will you marry me?" the normally stoic Bryan slurred, on one knee with a gummy fruit chew ring in his hand.
An equally drunk Tala squealed in a surprisingly girl-like manner and took the ring. "Oh, of COURSE!"
They the proceeded to make-out in a way the made both sober boys want to throw up.
And they were supposed to FEAR them? They'd never be able to look at them the same way again!
"Ew, this is gross," Max said, looking away.
"I'm so-o happy for you!" Hilary gushed off to the side. "I wanna be the maid of honor!"
"Why, of course, dear-whatever your name is!" Tala exclaimed. "I would be insulted if you didn't"
"Oh, goodie!" Hilary squealed and promptly passed out, landing on top of an already unconscious Kenny (he passed out a LONG time ago).
"Oh, I do hope she's awake before the wedding!"
"Who cares about a wedding, let's just get hitched!" Bryan suggested
"Okay!"
Bryan then picked the redhead up and they ran out of the room, singing in a horribly off-key fashion, "Here Comes the Bride".
"Oka-ay…"
Hiro then jumped onto the table, nearly falling over in the process. Then, VERY loudly and VERY stupidly he yelled, "I 'ould like all over you to know I 'ave been dating Brooklyn for six months and other X-rated things with him!"
He started laughing hysterically, spouting out very inappropriate words and fell over.
"Um, Tyson, are you okay?" Max asked tentavely.
Tyson didn't answer. Just stared.
"Ewwwwww…."
"Well, look on the bright side!"
"What bright side?"
"At least we got Rei to lighten up!"
"What do you-oh. Oh-hhh!"
Far off in the corner where Tyson had decided to stick a an overly-priced mistletoe were Rei-and Kai. KAI! Snogging!
"Are they frenching?" Ma asked, but got no answer.
"Oh, my Rei-poo what has become of you!" Mariah wailed off in a corner while Kevin, Gary, and Lee had begun to sing "Jingle Bells" in a variation that sounded as if it had come from a strip club. It might have. We may never know.
"Well, if you can't beat them, join them," Tyson finally concluded and began to guzzle down what was left of the eggnog, not wanting to EVER remember the events of that Christmas Eve night. Max soon followed.
(The Following Morning)
"Oh god, what happened?" Rei asked groggily, sitting up. His head felt like a gremling was pounding the inside of his skull with a sledgehammer. Around him all the members of the previous night's party were either passed out in various places or also waking up
and rubbing their heads.
"AHH!" Max and Tyson abruptly sprang apart from a very-compromising position they had woken up in as Hilary discovered she had passed out on top of Kenny!
Rei sleepily attempted to pull his mysteriously undone hair back when he noticed something ve-ery peculiar.
"Oh my god, why do I have a hickey?"
At the same time Kai was regaining consciousness, mumbling incoherently, "I just had the weirdest dream. Rei was in it. And why in the bloody hell does my head hurt so much?"
"I just had the most HORRIBLE nightmare that Rei and Kai were KISSING!" Mariah wailed shrilly, causing everyone awake to yell, "SHUT UP!" as their heads were already pounding.
"Why do I remember asking to be Tala and Bryan's maid of honor?" Hilary asked no one. Why, we'll never know.
In some far off distant place (AKA-the kitchen), they heard a very awake, very sober Bryan screech, "WHAT THE HELL?"
Followed by, "Why the hell do I have fruit chew on my finger?"
"Nooooo!" Tyson yelled. "I STILL REMEMBER! This is all your fault, Max!"
"My fault! You're the one that wanted to spike the eggnog!"
"You could have talked me out of it!"
Max sat a moment. "You-re-You're right Tyson. It's all my fault!" He began wailing and embracing the startled Tyson. "I'm so-o SORRY!"
"God Max, are you STILL drunk?"
It was then that he noticed all the hung over, angry people glaring at the two.
"Uh-oh…"
"Ty-so-OOOON!"
"AHHH! RUN, MAX!"
"I DON'T WANNA DIE!"
And then, two bedraggled Demolition Boys showed up in the doorway, glaring murderously at the two attempting to get throught the doorway. Believe me, if looks could kill our favorite (or not so favorite) heros would be very VERY dead, my friends.
"You're DEAD!"
"AHHHHH!"
Following that, there were many sounds of pain, agony and the squeeking of rubber duckies.
Vaguely, Papa G wondered, 'What in the doo-wat diddy are those cool cats shakin' down in the crib?'
Needless to say, it was a very merry Christmas/Non-denominational holiday, indeed.
FIN
Aki: So how was it? Hope it made you laugh at least once. Also, sorry if there are any grammar and/or spelling errors, my spell check kind of sucks.