Standard disclaimer applies -
'I know this is cliched and that these two words can never take away the pain that I have inflicted on you, or everything that I have put you through, but I know no other way of expressing myself, so here – I'm sorry.
'For everything.
'For being an oaf. For being a ignorant idiot who is and has always been utterly compliant to your needs, though this inept head I feel ashamed to call mine has prevented me from showing that to you. For saying one thing, but truly meaning another. For not telling you to read between the lines.
'I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry a million times over, and knowing that it is impossible has not stopped me from wishing that I could take it all back, so I could be beside you to wipe the tears from your eyes.'
Chapter 7: Change of Plans
It was amazing how one person could dominate your thoughts so completely Rei mused as he gazed blurrily at the rising sun. Once more, he had woken up specifically to enjoy the serenity of nature, this time in the woods instead of the mountain side. However, whether it was here or there, one thing remained constant – the mesmerising glow of the sun as it cast light across the face of the earth.
Life moved fast. Seconds were but a mere snap of the fingers. And that soon turned into a minute. Only 60 of those made up an hour. And only 24 hours transformed into a day, and seven days was one week. 52 weeks, one miserable year. This only served as concrete evidence as to how fast time flew past. So, naturally, there was no reason why he should be missing Kai, really.
No reason at all.
Rei grimaced, flinging a hand over to shade his eyes. Right. Who the hell was he kidding?
It was scary how your entire life could drawn into a book, or retold as a story in a single night. It was frightening how fast time flashed by in a mindless blur, so fast you did not manage to catch your breath properly, or hold on to your memories long enough to reminisce. Everyone moved like they were working for more than what they knew awaited them at the end of the day. No one seemed to be able to spare the time to enjoy life was it was anymore.
Which was why Rei enjoyed being with nature. Things were peaceful. Peaceful and tranquil and sometimes, even if it was just for a moment, time seemed to pause. The scene with its scent of fresh pine wafting through like a light breeze, and indescribable backdrop etched into his mind, and then – bam! The moment was over. Life went on it's bustling way. But for one moment there, it would be pure bliss.
In his opinion, those rare moments in time were worth living for. And by far one of the most amazing occurrences of nature was when iridescent bands of dreamy lights arced over the sky, setting it aglow, colours that could not be reproduced any where else.
Heaven.
With Mariah's and Lee's incessant pleadings (and threats), he had finally conceded to at least think about the whole issue, or 'the situation you're in due to tactlessly and lack of consideration' as Lee put it gently. He only agreed to think about it to get them off his back, was what he told himself.
'Yeah, right.' The sardonic part of him commented, sneering.
But so what, he thought, shurgging it off. It was just thinking. It could not hurt. Right?
Wrong.
He was so, so wrong. It was the most painful thing - to have to go through everything again. It sent a pang of guilt and regret straight through him, piercing his heart, catching his breath and strangling him. It was so painful.
And yet, it was the most wonderful thing he had experienced.
Thinking about Kai made everything rush back to him. The memories came so fast, so easily, that he knew all this while, the only reason stopping his mind from getting a chance to relive these moments was his steel willed resolution to have nothing more to do with Kai ever again. Rei left his eyes flutter close, the ends of his mouth turning upwards.
-
Rei had gotten up at six in the morning. Yawning and stretching, he turned, almost automatically, shifting his gaze to the right, and halted abruptly in mid stretch. Kai was still in his bed. Kai was still sleep. This did not happen often. What happened to his built in biological alarm clock, as Tyson had teasingly dubbed it?
He leaned over a little closer to Kai to get a good look at his face, which was half buried in his covers. Apparently, he misjudged the distance because, the next thing he knew, he had tumbled rather ungracefully out of bed and onto the floor, swathed in his blankets.
A rosy blush spread across his cheeks rapidly. If anyone knew about that, he would never live it down. His reputation as a graceful neko-jin would fly right out of the window. Untangling himself, he glanced around sheepishly. He heaped his blankets back on his bed and inched closer to Kai, kneeling down when he was right beside his bed.
He peered closely at Kai's face, the half not hidden by his blankets or hair. Kai looked, well, peaceful. He was lying chest down on the bed, head turned sideways towards Rei. His fringe, now that it was not spurned into perfection by its snoozing owner, flopped messily over Kai's face in disarray.
Frankly, Rei thought it looked cute. As if to taunt him even more, Kai looked satisfied and at peace with the world, a visage that was so unbecoming of Kai, their team leader, so out of place with his icy and unmoved exhibit, so unKai-like that made it that much more memorable.
Time seemed to stop as the image of Kai sleeping so peacefully, with that sated expression on his normally stoic countenance impressed itself into his brain, revolving around and around, the only entity there, dictating his mind absolutely.
He began to panic. This wasn't supposed to happen. The only thing that should be able to arrest his attention like this was sunsets! Sunrises and the rushing sound of waterfall and breathtaking views of, of lit up horizons and…. Nature, anything beautiful like nature, not Kai!
He had to do something before Kai woke up and caught him staring at him in this manner – what would he do? Knowing Kai, probably kick him out of the room and made him keep a save 10 metres forever after.
But it for now, it did not appear as if Kai was about to awaken any minute. Before he knew what he was doing, Rei had reached out his right hand to brush a lock of ash-toned hair away from his eye, his forefinger brushing lightly against Kai's forehead in the process. Without warning, Kai's hand clammed around his wrist in a tight grip, and one bleary crimson eye eased open to stare at him. Groaning tiredly, Kai released his tenacious hold on Rei, pushing himself up from the bed into a sitting position. After gazing unseeingly at Rei for a minute, Kai yawned loudly and rubbed the fatigue out of his eyes.
"What were you doing?" Kai intoned.
Rei gave a nervous laugh. "I was going to push your hair back because it looked so-" cute, irresistible, endearing, "-irritating."
Kai continued to stare at him, almost incredulously, for a few more tense minutes. Rei bit his lip and tried to ease the crease in his brows, trying to make his nervousness not that obvious. His efforts went completely down the drain.
Then suddenly, unexpectedly, Kai burst out into laughter that ricocheted around the confines of the room. Rei narrowed his eyes till they were but mere slits, ego deeply wounded, and growled as menacingly as he could at the laughing Kai, who was finding enjoyment at his expense, damn it!
"What's so funny Kai?" He hoped that it came out menacing, but had a horrible feeling that it sounded whiny. Rei had to stop himself from flinching.
Kai's laughter ebbed away into one of his infamous smirks.
"You looked so terrified, like I was going tear you apart from limb to limb. Honestly Rei, you have an over active imagination."
Rei, in a fit of hurt pride at his imagination being insulted, snatched his pillow from his bed and flung it as hard as he could towards Kai's laughing face. Everything rolled to halt, actions ceased, and the room dropped into a terrifyingly dead silence. Rei gazed on in detached horror as the pillow smacked dead centre in Kai's face in a mute 'thump', before proceeding to slide off his face, dropping meekly onto Kai's lap, it's purpose served.
He swallowed with difficulty, offering a tentative laugh that ended off too high a note for it to be natural. He was going to die. He just knew it. It was written all over Kai's face. He was going to die a painful and slow slow death that involved his innards being exposed to air. No one, absolutely no one, threw a pillow at a Hiwatari, and lived to tell the tale. God, why was his so thickheaded? Kai made no response, save getting up from his bed and advancing towards Rei in slow, sure movements that, honestly, freaked Rei out. Rei tried to inch away from Kai to get past him and escape through the door, without Kai catching onto him.
"REI KON! Get your lazy ass out of bed!" Tyson's loud reverberating voice sliced right through the morning air and wrought tension effortlessly.
Rei literally jumped at the chance to get out of the same room as Kai.
Moving so fast that he became a blur, he rambled, "Right. Breakfast. Gotta go!"
Before Kai could grasp anything, Rei was out of the door like a speeding bullet, well on his way to continued survival.
Upon reaching downstairs, he smiled at the guys.
However, they're attention was held completely by Tyson, who seemed to be reciting something or another. And they seemed to be laughing too hard to respond anyway.
When Tyson spotted Rei, his eyes lit up. Gesturing wildly with his hands, he began to explain.
"Yo Rei, listen to this. You know how Kai always says 'Hn' right? Yeah, well. I have written a book on the hidden meanings and explanations behind the word. Alas! The mystery is uncovered! Secrets revealed! It is adroitly entitled 'The words behind the 'Hn'.'"
At this Tyson spread his arms apart slowly through the air, in an exaggeration of faux exquisiteness. He hurried on.
"It goes like this: Hn may be simple word. Hn may be a noise. Hn may mean nothing. Hn may mean something. In all my years, I have come to the gruelling conclusion that Hn, though not a word, is the most complex representation of an expression in the form of communication that we live through day by day. This holds true for, if not you, then at least me.
"You see, I happen to be unfortunate in the sense that I am in the company of one cold, stoic, detached, unfeeling bastard who was practically carved out of ice, and whom I swear was the iceberg which wrecked the Titanic in his previous life! Behold, the long lost language of the so called great Hiwatari -"
Tyson had been spinning around and around to face each of them, his voice rising, getting noticeably agitated with each word spoken. When all of a sudden, he halted dead in his antics, mouth dropping open.
"Kai?" he squeaked out weakly.
Everyone whirled around to face Kai immediately, the laughter dying in their throats.
"How much did you hear?" Tyson whispered.
"Enough."
A whirling entity spun wildly out of Kai's sudden thrust of hand, hitting Tyson square in the forehead, sending him to the ground in a flurry of limbs. The wildly spinning beyblade returned to Kai. Tyson wisely chose to stay on the floor and groan in pain to himself.
"The words behind the Hn huh?"
Kai barked out a bitter laugh which ended as abruptly as it had begun.
"You'll start training with 200 rounds around the house."
He stalked out of the house. Rei grinned to himself, listening to Max and Chief trying to console the despondent Tyson, who was declaring with convinced certainty that his life was over.
If Kai thought that the amused silver of laughter issued softly from his lips had slipped past Rei's notice, he was wrong. Kai did have a sense of humour.
Rei thought of the spinning Dranzer and the laps that Tyson would be running. Perhaps though, the humour was just a little twisted.
Still, it was humour.
-
The grin refused to leave Rei's face. That memory was priceless.
Now that he thought about it, if Kai wasn't such an asshole at the wrong moments, they might, just might, be together.
Or maybe they just didn't stand a chance, because Kai didn't like him, at least not in that way. He winced. That would be tough to digest, if it were true. Which it might.
He bit his bottom lip hard enough to draw blood. This was the reason why he opposed to thinking about the entire thing.
The doubt and uncertainty and the sheer terrorizing feeling of hanging precariously on the edge, not knowing which way he'd fall. Onto the safety of solid ground just a metre down, or sure death from miles way up, smacking onto concrete ground, breaking every bone in his body, feeling the rush of his last breath knocked violently out of his lungs.
He shuddered.
Kai has it easy for him, he thought sourly. He just had to leave the letter, didn't he? Life was so unfair. He frowned, though many would claim they swore it was unmistakably a pout.
But there was this once…it had to mean something, right?
Right?
-
It had been during his hospital stay, after the gruelling match with Bryan.
When the Bladebreakers came to visit, all of them had been crowding around his bedside, faces alight with barely concealed exuberance, the words spilling out from their mouths non-stop. All of them, save for Kai.
It had hurt. Rei wasn't going to kid himself anymore. Why wouldn't Kai at least act nice and warm and caring this time? I mean, he was lying helplessly on a hospital bed! What did it take to make this guy worry anyway?
When all the Bladebreakers had finally left the room, Tyson, Max and Chief cheerily waving goodbye, Rei heaved a deep sigh and slumped back down on his bed. They sure were overly energetic.
After staring blankly at the pristine white ceiling for a full minute, Rei slowly got himself into a sitting position, careful not to break any bone or worsen his injuries. They hurt enough as it was.
But he had to get out of the room, or he was certain he would go crazy. Clambering out of the bed, he placed his two feet as gingerly as humanely possible onto the ground, before adding weight to it. Once he was satisfied that he could withstand the pain, he stood up. Using the bedrail as a guide, he managed to get from the bed to the door.
As he was about to turn the handle, one hand still on the end of the bed railing, he paused. He was sure that he had heard noises from the other side.
Cautiously, not wanting to make too much sound to alert others, he pressed one ear against the door, straining to catch the conversation. It wasn't that he was acting paranoid or anything. It was just that if there were doctors or nurses out there, he would be reprimanded for wandering around while he was still unwell, and that would result in being heavily guarded, which would drive him insane.
The voices were not getting any louder, but the tones were increasingly terse, and it was blatant that they were arguing. It was almost like – they wanted to get their point across, but they did not want anyone else to overhear it.
And, if he was not mistaken, he could hear Kai's…and, and Bryan?
What the hell was Bryan doing here? And why was he arguing with Kai? Frowning, Rei leaned forward.
"Get lost." Kai was saying.
"I want to visit Rei." Rei's mouth dropped open. Bryan wanted to visit him? What was going on?
"Get the hell away Bryan. Rei doesn't want to see you."
"That's for him to decide, isn't it? Who are you to talk for him?"
There was an abrupt pause in the conversation. And then –
"I'm his team captain. And I'm telling you to stay the hell away from him."
There was a snort, presumably from Bryan.
"Team captain huh? I bet you wish it was more."
Rei's eyes widened. What did that mean?
"Fuck off Bryan. Or I'm calling security."
Another pause.
"I'll go. And not because of your threats or security. I'm going because I respect Rei's wishes."
"Fuck off."
There was the sound of fading footsteps, and then another pair nearing his room. Rei's eyes widened almost imperceptibly. He barely had time to shuffle hastily out of the way before the door to the room swung wide open, banging off the wall and smacking onto Kai's waiting palm.
When Kai saw Rei, the crease in his brows deepened, and the corners of his mouth tilted downwards.
Before Rei could gather his senses about him, much less retaliation or protest, his arm was slung around Kai's shoulders, and his waist was held tightly in a firm grip that was almost possessive.
He was completely helpless in stopping the light dusting of pink that spread rapidly across his cheeks like wild fire. They were so close if he reached up, he could snuggle into Kai's cheek.
But the muttering that issued from Kai cut right through all that.
"What were you thinking Rei, being out of bed. This is a hospital. If you need anything, they'd get it for you. What in the world were you thinking?" Kai was glaring fiercely at him, but Rei caught the underlying tone of anxiety that laced his words. He nearly smiled.
"I wanted to stretch my legs."
Kai rested him on the bed and swung his legs to the end of the bed before snorting in half exasperation, half incredulousness.
"Stretch your legs? Rei, you're injured. I don't believe you."
Rei grinned nervously, not wanting to incur Kai's wrath any further.
"What do you want?"
Rei's expression turned to one of surprise.
"I'll get it for you." Kai grunted, not meeting his eyes.
"Nothing, really. I just…nothing."
Kai grunted once more.
"You want to stretch your legs right? I'm sorry, but that is out of the question. You need to rest to recover."
Kai pulled a chair close to Rei's bedside and seated himself firmly onto it. His glaring never ceased, pinning Rei to the bed. Rei nearly groaned in exasperation. Kai was going to blow his life sitting by his side and making sure that he did not get out of bed? Really, the over protectiveness was cute, but it was over the top.
Finding no other option, Rei wriggled under the covers to achieve a snugger position. Well, what he feared would happen finally did. He got himself a bodyguard. Admittedly, Kai was the best bodyguard one could have. Because besides the ensured safety, he was pleasant to the eye. Allowing himself a small but pleased grin, Rei let out a contended sigh and snuggled into his pillow, curling into a tight ball.
'They should provide bolsters…' was his last coherent thought.
As his eye lids drooped and sleep became a convivial abyss of darkness, he felt a finger gently, so gently, trailing lightly over the side of his face, down from his temple to his cheek. And then he heard, faintly, as if from a great distance, "Sleep well Rei."
-
It had to be Kai, right? Or was it just something that his mind conjured up to poke fun at him?
Now that he had spend hour upon hour thinking about the past memories that he had, he realised that all that anger he had bottled inside, incurable wrath that he thought was completely directed at Kai, was divided towards himself too. The anger at not being more tolerable, and not telling Kai sooner, and not giving Kai some leeway. His foolhardiness and idiotic stubbornness. He winced every time he remembered the slap, and the events that led up to it.
It took two to tango.
God, he was such an asshole. Why hadn't he seen it before? But it was too late now, huh? Even if Kai liked him, he would never want him now. How could he like anyone who ran away and didn't even bother to contact him? He exhaled loudly to himself.
Who was he kidding? Kai had not bothered to come after him in the first place, even after he was sure that he got the letter, even after he turned around so many times, waiting, hoping, that somehow, Kai would get to him in time.
It was not Kai's fault, really. It was not as if Kai could force himself to return his feelings, could he. It was just that it hurt so much. And like anyone else, Rei was human, and hurt transformed into biting anger. Anger that morphed into hate. Hate, that had the power to consume.
He didn't hate Kai though. The feelings were complicated. Much more complicated that being one emotion simply. He got up, dusting his pants.
He had done what Lee and Mariah and Max and Tyson had asked him to. So what now? He sorted out his thoughts, though he could not put them into words. He knew what he wished for, what he wanted to happen. He just didn't know how to make them happen.
How to find himself part of Kai's life.
He trudged back to the village, deep in thought, trying to salvage the last of the uplifting memories.
"Rei! Rei-ge ge!" He glanced up, only to have a small black mass hurl itself against him, effectively knocking the air out of his lungs.
"Hey Min." One of his students. He ruffled the kid's hair affectionately.
"Lee and Mariah want you." Min informed him, tugging eagerly at the edge of the shirt.
Rei laughed, lifting Min in his hands and placing him on his back, walking towards the house that Mariah and Lee shared.
Min let out an excited giggle, waving to everyone who looked at him. He was on Rei's back! So high, he could practically see half the village.
But Rei had to put him down when he reached the house, what with Mariah clasping his arm and dragging him into the house. When Min let out a whine of protest, Mariah shoved some sweets into his hand as compensation. Min turned tail and fled quickly, before Mariah could change her mind and take some sweets back for herself. After all, who didn't want sweets?
"What's it Mariah?" Rei asked curiously. He had not seen Mariah this excited since Lee married her.
"We thought you should hear this for yourself!" They had reached the interior of the house, and Lee was standing there, waiting patiently for them, a telephone in his hand and a knowing smirk on his face.
Rei shot him a questioning look before taking the proffered phone from Lee.
"Hello?" he asked tentatively.
"REI!"
He had to hold the phone five centimetres away. Tyson. Figures.
"Yeah. Hey, what's up?"
"You're not going to believe this! Mr. Dickenson agreed to sponsor a party that we're throwing! Everyone's going to be there! It's a great big reunion party. You've got to come Rei. You gotta."
"Oh, hey. Everyone?" Rei tried to sound calm and collected and maybe even cheerily teasing. But his head was pounding so hard in his ears that he couldn't think straight.
"Yeah, everyone. Even Mr. Sourpuss. You have to come. Pass the phone to Lee. We got to talk to him. You're coming, right?"
"Um…" He shot a glance at Mariah and Lee.
In that moment of hesitation, Mariah snatched the phone from him and answered swiftly, "He's coming Tyson. Bet on that. We'll make him."
She pushed him towards the door and said, "Go pack. Now. We leave in the morning."
Rei stumbled out of the door in shock. Things were happening too quickly. A party? Back in Japan? Kai was going?
Huh?
And then heavy reality hit him.
What?
"You're going to a party Kai. You need to get your lazy ass out of the house sometime." Tyson pronounced with conviction, folding his arms across his chest, as if daring Kai to defy him.
"No."
"It's a reunion party! Don't you want to meet up with the other bladers?"
"No." But his voice trembled slightly, and he was already wondering. Did 'others' include Rei?
"Rei's going."
Kai tensed. Was he that obvious?
"This is your chance to make things right Kai." Tyson added softly, almost as if whispering.
Kai got up, hands balled into tight fists.
"Silence means consent Kai!" Tyson yelled after his retreating back.
Once inside the silence and privacy of his room, Kai slumped against the door, sliding down to rest on his hunches, head bowed. His mind whirled with confusion and disbelief.
7 years, 3 months, 12 days.
But who was counting?
He rose slowly, heading to his bedside table. Unlocking a drawer, he pulled it open, revealing a box. It was a plain black box, with no embellishments on it. And in the box lay, almost forlornly, a single silk headband folded neatly, the ying and yang symbol that was sown in swirled around each other, black against white, taunting him.
Rei.
-
End Chapter Seven