Manfred and children don't mix. This fic emphasizes that. I'm writing a string of oneshots so I can get it all out of my system before I write some longer ones. So here's Brain Stew, song by Green Day. I have this on the SecretKeeper Mix, a CD I'm making, and I THINK my mom's gonna get me International Superhits, which also has the song. Or Insomniac. But I think I asked for IS. So, on our own, here we go...

Brain Stew

"No..." "Yes. YOU, Mr. Big-Time Novelist, brought this upon yourself by not getting a REAL job, and since I can't lose my job, I have to go on this business trip. Which means you watch Sunny." Zelda had a high-up position in the music industry, and was meeting a whole bunch of kids who wanted to audition for a record deal or something like that. If one of the bands or singers struck gold, she'd get payed a SHITLOAD of money. So SHE had to go counsel them, teach them the ropes. Of course...Manfred was unemployed (AN: MWHAHAHA!) and TRYING to write a good horror novel, but he has Constant Writer's Block Syndrome, so unfortuantely, Zelda absolutely HAS to go to every business trip. Normally, one of the other endowed children would watch their 6 month old daughter, Sunny, but EVERYONE was busy. They even called Asa the Alchloholic (on Manfred's last, desperate suggestion) and Zelda was all worried that Asa would eat Sunny or something like that. But, NO, ASA has to go to a PARTY, and get a hangover, and wake up not knowing where the hell he was for a couple minutes. So Manfred was stuck with the poor thing. "Please, Zelda...call someone else...call my father...call the Yewbeams..." "No. I don't want them to take my baby. Asa was enough. Can't you watch her for three days? You've watched her LOADS of times." "Yeah, but not at night..."

"Well, you are."

And that was that.

Manfred had no difficulty on Day 1, except for a particularly nasty poop Sunny took. So it was 9:00 PM, time to go to bed.

"All right, Sunny, bed time."

And it is here, my friends, that it all began...

Three hours later, a sharp cry awoke him. "Oh, shit! What the..." Sunny was crying in her crib. "Sunny...go back to sleep, all right, sweetie...aww...you want a baba?" "MOMMY! MOMMY MOMMY MOMMY!" "Jesus Christ, kid..."

I'm having trouble trying to sleep
I'm counting sheep but running out
As time ticks by
And still I try
No rest for crosstops in my mind

On my own... here we go

Finally, Sunny slept after an hour. For 15 minutes. "DADDY! DADDY! DADDY DADDY DADDY! I WAN MAMA!" "FUCK! FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK!" His eyes were bloodshot. He was TIRED as HELL. "Fuck? Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck..." Sunny was laughing and cursing..." "Oh...cow..." He said, careful not to curse again. "Water, I need water." But he couldn't leave, for every time he took a STEP out of the room, Sunny would start to bawl. So Manfred took Sunny into his room, so he could at least lie down. But of course, Sunny wouldn't allow that, either.

My eyes feel like they're gonna bleed
Dried up and bulging out my skull
My mouth is dry
My face is numb
fucked up and spun out in my room

On my own... here we go

He looked desperately at the clock. 3:30 AM already. Heh, heh. The clock was just about as mocking as his gaze on the students at Bloor's in his old head boy/teaching assistant days five years ago. It came back to haunt him, married with a child. That's what it was. A huge mock on mock. Twisted, it was, really. Satan has possessed my child and my digtal clock. I'm sorry, God. But WHAT THE HELL DID SUNNY DO?

My mind is set on overdrive
The clock is laughing in my face
A crooked spine
My sense's dulled
Passed the point of delerium

On my own... here we go

"OK, kid. Warming up your stupid milk..." He stood, leaning on the microwave, crying. "Dammit...please go to sleep, kid...child...sweetie..." And finally, she dropped off, crashing into a DEEP sleep. Manfred gave a cry of triumph. He jumped on the bed and SLEPT.

2 minutes later, he heard a LOUD BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP! "JESUS FUCKING CHRIST!" Then the phone rang. He limped over to the phone. "Hello?" He groaned. "Hey, sweetheart oh husband of mine! WE'RE RICH! ONE OF THE BRATS I WAS TEACHING JUST GOT SIGNED TO REPRISE RECORDS! I"M COMING HOME TONIGHT!" Manfred didn't say a word. He smiled, dropped the phone, and fainted.

My eyes feel like they're gonna bleed
Dried up and bulging out my skull
My mouth is dry
My face is numb
fucked up and spun out in my room

On my own... here we go...

Heh, heh. That baby REALLY takes after her mother...for the most part...ceptin' for when she starts cussin' her dad out, THAT'S when you know that she's his daughter.