(Sunday Nov. 27, 2005) Got 171 reviews... Probably won't get up to 250, will I. Not like I had even set a goal for this story. Had I? I don't know. I'm indifferent right about now... I haven't written anything in over a week, ever since I finished writing this story. It's probably a bad sign for my health. I'll slowly rot away because my mind has ideas in it, instead of having them filtered and deposited on the computer screen and in notebooks for storage.
Enjoy the chapter.
CHAPTER KUU
In the Presence of Celebrities
Nobody knew how, but Shadow and Eclipse had been overpowered. To make a very embarrassing display of the two girls' supposed "weakness," Yuri had ordered them to be strung up by their ankles in the white prison where the bishounen were being kept.
And so, there they were. Shadow and Eclipse were hanging by their ankles against one of the walls, arms crossed across their chests and held that way by ropes. They were frowning, eyes narrowed and brows furrowed as they puzzled over their recent mistakes.
After the events in the royal crimson room, the bishounen had been taken to a temporary holding area while Shadow and Eclipse had been left behind with the fanatics. The events in that room are unknown to everybody but the ones who had taken part, but they had gone something like this:
Yuri pulled something similar to a walkie-talkie off her belt, said something, and Shadow and Eclipse were abruptly in a room full of weird-ass ugly old creature things. Now, these were some seriously weird-ass things, and needless to say, some were very foul-smelling, troll-looking, hairy, scaly, dirty, skanky, vile creatures.
Being females who highly value their hygeine when it happens to be put at the mercy of STD-carryin' freaks like these, the two were mortified, paralyzed with fear and disgust. And when the wall of slimey disease-ridden weirdos moved towards them, they could do nothing but scream.
They shortly found themselves tied up in a cocoon of ropes, totally immobile. They were moved to the white room, and the bishounen appeared shortly after. Karasu's arms were bandaged, but otherwise there was no change in their conditions. Not that you expected any.
Of course, the bishounen were all rather startled to see the leather-clad hanyou girls hanging upside down from the wall. What had happened didn't make a whole lot of difference, but they asked anyways. And got a melodramatic story about heroism and shit that was obviously a lie, because if they'd tried anywhere near as hard as they said, they wouldn't be in their position now. Yusuke pointed this out, and added kindly, "You did something stupid, didn't you?"
"Jeez, what makes you think that?" Koga snapped before they could answer.
"Useless girls," Inuyasha added. It was probably the first time he and Koga had agreed on anything since they'd met.
"They're not entirely useless," Yuki pointed out. Everyone looked at him as he casually leaned against the wall.
"How do you figure?" Inuyasha asked skeptically.
"At least now we know where the wall is," he stated with a smirk.
"You jerk!" Eclipse cried. "And here I thought you were all nice and sexy!"
"Eclipse, get real," Shadow sighed. "All the sexiest guys are always jerks to some degree. Look at Hiei. And he does have a point. We are serving a purpose."
"You mean other than being wall-markers?"
"Yes. We're hanging here upside down in plain view of everyone, so they can all feel better about having gorgeous girls such as us in their midst, instead of forgetting about us half the time when we were clear across the room, silent as mice and innocent as babies."
"Oh, believe me," Aoshi muttered, "we were never lucky enough to forget about you."
"SHUT UP, YA JACKASS!" Shadow exploded. She started thrashing, looking something like a cocoon about to crack and spew out a beautiful butterfly. However, she didn't crack open, and if she had, nothing beautiful would have been spewed, you can be sure of that one. Abruptly, she stopped and sighed. "Fluff-ffyyy!" she called. Eclipse took up the call.
"Fluff-ffyyy!"
"Fluuuhhh-feeeee!"
If you hadn't noticed, Sesshoumaru had abandoned them, and was currently sitting as far away from them as possible with his back to them.
While the two girls kept up their barrage of "Fluffy," and Fluffy ignored them quite professionally, Yusuke began contemplating their odds of getting out of the room alive, conscious, and of their own power. After some random--totally random--calculations, he reached the conclusion that at this rate, Shadow and Eclipse's likeliness of leaving the room of their own power was down around 5 percent, conscious was perhaps 8 percent, and alive, at this rate... well, considering who they were, he boosted it up from 10 to 50 percent. As for him and the other men getting out of the room alive... Karasu's likeliness was below the girls', as was Inuyasha's. Everyone else's, at this moment, couldn't be entirely decided, considering how they still had no clue where they were, how they got there, or how to get back.
"FUH-LUH-FEEE! HEL-LO!"
Tsume exploded. "Would you SHUT UP!"
They shut up.
"Just leave him alone!" the wolf continued. "God knows you're pissing off everyone, not just me."
"You really are," Hiro added helpfully. Shadow looked angry.
"Oh, thanks, mister high-and-mighty friend of Mr. Sexy! Like I care if I annoy you! Who are you, anyways? Some high-school punk nobody!"
"I'm not in high school," he said. "And--"
"Well neither am I, but that doesn't make you important! I'm not listening to another word you say! La la la la!" She started swinging from side to side, singing loudly. Hiro plugged his ears for a minute, then realized he recognized the song.
"Hey! If you're gonna bitch at me, you can't sing Bad Luck's music!"
"I can sing whatever the hell I want to! What're you gonna do to stop me?" She continued swinging and singing, "Spicy Marmalade hajiketa mama de kon yori no CHANSU o tsukame Vanish into the night jidai wa maru de ui himeta kao de madowaseru!"
"Oh, shut up!" Yuki snapped. Shadow froze and silenced.
"Why should I, you sexy jackass? You don't like my beautiful singing voice?"
He snorted and looked away. Hiro was frowning, arms crossed. She looked at him suspiciously.
"Am I missing something?"
"Yes. Like, your brain?"
She squinted at him. "Are you trying to tell me something?"
He rolled his eyes. "Hiroshi Nakano, plays guitar for the band Bad Luck. Ring a bell?"
"...Isn't your name Hiroshi Nakano?"
He nodded. She tilted her head. "Per chance, would you happen to play guitar, Hiroshi Nakano?" He nodded again. "Is Shuichi Shindou an acquiantance of yours?"
"'Best friend' would be a more fitting term."
"Wait, so you're THAT Hiroshi Nakano!"
"Yes, I'm that Hiroshi Nakano. You really are clueless."
"OMIGOD!" She thrashed around. "Omigod, Eclipse, we're in the presence of a celebrity!"
"Huh?" Her eyes blinked open. "Was I asleep?"
"WE'RE IN THE PRESENCE OF A CELEBRITY!" the other girl screamed, sending Eclipse flying nearly horizontal along the wall. She swung back and smashed into Shadow. Shadow screamed, suddenly having another epiphany when her eyes fell on Yuki.
"YUKI! EIRI YUKI!" He cringed and looked at her. "You're that Eiri Yuki, just like Hiro is that Hiro Nakano!"
He stared blankly.
"YAY CELEBRITIES!"
"Do you have any idea what's going on?" Kenshin asked Sanosuke. The younger man shook his head.
"Not in the least. I think they're the only ones who do."
"They are cele-brities, they are cele-brities," Shadow was singing happily. She stopped abruptly. "Why didn't you tell us!"
"I told you I was an author," Yuki pointed out. "You didn't catch on."
"Which I should have!" she said triumphantly, "Because I've read all your books!"
"Great. A drooling fan."
"Oh, don't worry. No amount of money or fame would get me in bed with you."
"Get real," Yusuke muttered. "If you weren't with Hiei--"
"If I weren't with Hiei, I'd fuck Mr. Sexy in a heartbeat if he wanted me to. But I am with Hiei, and I like him a heck of a lot more than this jerk."
"Thanks," Yuki muttered.
"You're welcome."
Youko was dozing on the couch while Hiei played video games. One of his legs was hanging off the couch, and Kokuei was lying on the place where that leg would have been had it been on the couch instead of off, as well as halfway on top of Youko. Her head was pillowed on his abs--not the softest surface around, but warm, and that was nice.
The TV volume was all the way down, and one of Shadow's CD's was playing. Hiei had no idea what it was, but it was fast paced, and went along well with the car racing game he happened to be playing right now on her Gamecube.
Quite abruptly and without warning, Koenma appeared in the middle of the living room. Hiei made a startled noise, wrecked the car, shouted an obscenity, and the song playing currently on the stereo let out a loud shouting growl unexpectedly. Youko woke up instantly, accidentally kicking Kokuei when he swung his other leg off the couch, having forgotten she was there. She yelped and jumped up, stepping on the fox's stomach as she leapt off the couch. He groaned in pain.
"Move, Koenma! Can't you see I'm doing something!" Hiei snapped.
"Koenma?" Youko said, finally getting a moment to take in his surroundings. "Oh. Koenma. What do you want?"
"I figured you might want to know that we've located the center of all the time distortions."
"The center?" Youko queried as Hiei wrecked his car again.
"Yes. The place, or rather time, where all the distortions originated."
"Yes?" Hiei prompted. "Spit it out."
"May, 2015."
"2015? That's only ten years. So what are we gonna do?" Youko asked.
"It took you almost a week to search ten years?" Hiei snapped. "Could you have done it any slower?"
"Yes, Hiei. I could have," Koenma said curtly. Hiei seemed to be playing the role of 'teenage brat,' because he had started another race instantly after asking, and didn't respond to Koenma, giving all his attention to the cars. This annoyed Koenma. He turned towards the Gamecube and held one finger above it, searching for the power switch.
"Turn it off and I'll fry your brains up like hamburgers and feed them to the weasels." His eyes didn't even leave the television once. Koenma edged towards Youko.
"Um... What's up with Hiei? I figured he'd be happy."
"Hiei's..." Youko shrugged. "Hiei's being a brat."
"Oh, shove it, fox!" He set down his video game controller, shut off the TV and console, turned down the stereo, and looked at Koenma expectantly. "Well?"
"Well? Well. Oh, well, it will take us a few days to rig up a time portal--"
"A few days! A few more freakin' days! For all we know, they're all dead. Did you bother checking that? Can you?"
"Calm down, Hiei," Youko said.
"We could do it faster, perhaps, if I had a few more assistants in Reikai..."
Hiei sighed. "Us, right?"
"It wouldn't hurt you."
"What would 'assistant' entail?"
Koenma shrugged. "Run errands, stamp papers, do whatever needs done."
"Run errands." Hiei sighed. He felt something nudge his leg and glanced down at Kokuei. "What about my dog?"
"Your dog? Your dog? I thought it was Shadow's!"
"She is technically nobody's, because she comes and goes as she pleases."
"Then what's the problem? Leave her outside."
"Bastard," Kokuei muttered.
"She likes the house."
"Then leave her inside!"
"She can't open doors."
"So?"
"So what do you think she's gonna do, use the toilet? Open the fridge and get out her own dog food and open the can all by herself?"
"What about Kuwabara!"
"She hates Kuwabara."
Koenma sighed. "Fine! You can have a few breaks to take care of your stupid dog."
"Thank you." He stood up, petting Kokuei's head. "So, when do we start?"
Koenma just blinked stupidly.
Shadow's head turned from side to side abruptly, jerky-like, like a squirrel. She was still hanging upside down, all the blood having long since rushed to her head. Luckily, she didn't have a brain, or it would have drowned in blood by now, and she would be dead.
"I smell the sweet scent of freedom..."
"Whe...?" Eclipse asked. She looked a little worse off than Shadow, for reasons unknown. Her eyes were halfway closed with the bottom lid, and they were bloodshot. She had a nosebleed, reasons unknown, and how it was making its way out of her nose is beyond me, but it was finding a way. Gravity defying blood, I suppose. Really, she kind of looked stoned.
"I said, I feel like getting our asses out of here," she said. She started swinging from side to side. "A little help!"
Everyone had lost interest in them rather quickly, and were now occupied otherwise. Yuki had found a pen in his pocket, and had been pleasantly surprised to find that it wrote on the smooth floor without smearing too badly. He and Saitou, for lack of anything better to do, were playing some sort of board game that they'd drawn on the floor. The playing pieces were a couple guitar picks they'd stolen from Hiro, who was sitting nearby watching, Kiba at his side with his chin propped on the heel of his hand. None of them really had any idea what was going on, how the game was played, or even what it was called. But they had nothing better to do.
Shadow's eyes darted around the room. Seeing everything upside down kind of made her sick. Not to mention, her legs were kind of numb, and her head ached. "Yusuke...?"
He glanced up.
"Could you please unchain me?"
"I don't wanna get in trouble." That's what he'd said last time. She glared. Her next victim was Inuyasha.
"Inuyasha?"
"Nope. You like my brother way too much for me to help you."
"Come on! I know he's not gonna help me! I hate him, will you help me now?"
"Nope."
"Oh, for the love of..." Karasu sighed. A link on the chains holding both girls up exploded, and they landed heavily on their heads. Shadow winced, her whole body tingling as the blood decided to right its course and find its way to her feet. Eclipse's eyes were rolled back in her head and the blood flow from her nose had increased.
"Now, to get--" She'd barely budged, and blackness flooded her brain.
At the sudden stillness and silence from the girls, Karasu got up and walked closer. "They're out cold."
"Good!" Aoshi snapped.
"Maybe they'll die," Yuki suggested in a monotone.
"That's not very nice, that it isn't!" Kenshin reprimanded, getting up and walking towards the girls. He knelt by them and checked their heartrates.
"Don't expect much," Karasu advised. "I don't think they have hearts."
"Of course they have hearts," Kenshin said. He put his fingers on Shadow's neck and paused. His eyes widened. "Her heart isn't beating!"
"She's dead!" Yuki asked, his voice sounding hopeful.
"You're such a jerk," Hiro snapped, getting up.
"Yes, everyone gather 'round the halfwits," Aoshi muttered. "I personally hope they don't wake up."
"You guys have no compassion," Kiba said quietly. But he didn't get up to check on the girls, and neither did Tsume. Sesshoumaru didn't even glance over his shoulder in their direction. Instead, he lay down with his head pillowed on his arm, and closed his eyes, facing the wall.
"I guess he doesn't care after all," Roy pointed out to Ed, gesturing towards the inuyoukai.
"Apparently not."
"Or maybe he just knows they're not in any serious danger," Karasu pointed out, getting up and walking in the general direction of the demon lord.
"Maybe they aren't in danger, but if you go botherin' him, you will be," Yusuke warned. "For Shadow's sake, and Sesshoumaru's, just leave him alone!"
"I'm not gonna touch him," the crow promised. "I won't touch him."
"Well I ain't comin' to your rescue if you do," the teen grouched. "Just so you know."
"I would never expect you to, Yusuke." He set off across the room.
Meanwhile, Shadow's heart had started beating, Eclipse's nosebleed had stopped, and Saitou had beaten Yuki at whatever game they'd been playing. His reward was one of the novelist's precious few remaining cigarettes.
The black-haired demon completed his journey across the room and sat down near Sesshoumaru, leaning back on the wall casually and casting a subtle glance at the lord for any reaction. He didn't even get a sigh, or a frown.
The 'gawking at the half-dead unconscious forms of Shadow and Eclipse' fad passed quickly, and by 'lights out' that night, everyone was scattered about the room, welcoming the darkness so they could sleep in peace.
However, late, late that night, so late in fact that it was really very, very early in the morning, a bright flash lit the room. Ker-FLASH! And Shadow and Eclipse's unconscious forms were ZAPPED from the room.
Whether it was that the two girls were unconscious or just asleep was neither obvious nor easily determined. So the fanatics didn't bother. Not like they cared. It's easier to dispose of them when they're quiet and still anyways. Waking them up to determine whether they were in a semi-coma or just in their death-deep sleeps would be a stupid move worthy only of somebody as all-mightily retarded as Shadow herself. And gosh durn it, we all know those fanatics are just downright freakin' geniuses, right?
"Get them over here," a voice whispered.
"Carry them--be gentle, don't let them wake up! We've got to get rid of them while they're asleep."
"I'll push the button. Just get them over the opening."
Shadow and Eclipse, sleeping like rocks, were placed over a big trap door type of deal on the floor of a small room. The fanatics scattered like cockroaches when you turn on a light, and the next thing anyone knew, the door opened under the two hanyous. They fell. I managed to document all of Shadow's thoughts as she fell, being as she's in my brain and all. They went something like this:
Zzzzzz... Huh? Uh... Falling. They say if you're falling a dream and you hit the bottom, you're dead when you wake up. That would really suck if I died. That's okay, Sesshoumaru would revive me... Wow, this dream seems pretty real... Something stinks... It's kind of hot in here... Wait... I'm awake. OH SHIT!
At this point, her arms and legs flew out to the sides, and she did a complete split. Her boots slammed into what sounded like aluminum. Her hands braced against smooth, warm metal. And Eclipse landed on top of her, sending her sliding down the metal chute about a foot.
"Shit, fatso! Get off me, bleedin'-nose-faced moron!"
Eclipse hummed and yawned, nuzzling against Shadow. "Cushy fat..."
"GET OFF ME!" The fire hanyou looked over her shoulder and saw flames. "Oh, that's terribly bad." She looked up the chute and saw about six female faces dimly about twenty feet up, peering down at her. "YOU SKANKY FAGGOTS!"
"Just give up, you whore! Let yourself fall! Nobody can survive an incinerator!"
"Incinerator?" she muttered to herself, then raised her voice, "INCINERATORS ARE FIRE, AREN'T THEY?"
"YES, STUPID! THEY BURN OUR GARBAGE!"
"WELL THEN WHY DID YOU THROW ME IN HERE?"
"BECAUSE YOU ARE GARBAGE!"
"INCIDENTALLY, DID YOU EVER READ THE FANFICS?"
"WHAT?"
"THE FANFICS WHICH CREATED ME!"
"NO! I TOLD YOU WE DON'T HAVE TIME TO WASTE ON--"
"WELL THEN YOU'RE A BUNCH OF STUPID SHITS! IF YOU'RE GONNA TRY TO KILL ME, AT LEAST DO IT RIGHT!" She ventured moving one arm and grabbed Eclipse's head, pulling her ear closer to her lips and whispering, "Eclipse, cheesecake."
"WHERE?" The girl sat up, head turning sharply from side to side to side, then up and down and side to side again, before she finally registered that she was sitting on Shadow's stomach, and Shadow was braced in a rectangular chute that was hot as Hell and stank like rotten meat.
"Sleep well?" Shadow asked bitterly.
"Yes, fairly... um... what's going on?"
"They're trying to kill us. My stomach isn't made to hold a hundred and some pounds of useless material up. Either do something useful or get off me."
"But... I can't get off you... There's fire down there and fanatics up there..."
"Then DO SOMETHING USEFUL!"
"Like WHAT?"
"I don't know! You're the one who can pull the water out of nowhere! Extinguish the fire!"
"Why can't you?"
"I'M KIND OF OCCUPIED!"
"Physically, but not mentally..."
"You know how strenuous it is to hold up my weight, and your weight, in a chute so wide I have to nearly do a split to get my legs on either side of and am lucky to be able to reach a third side above my head with my hands to brace myself from doing a split upside down and falling head first into that inferno?"
"Not a clue."
"WELL I CAN'T DO ANYTHING BUT THIS! SO DO SOMETHING!"
Meanwhile, back in the dark room with the guys who were tired from a miserable day of truth or dare, angry voices were echoing through the pipes in the walls that led to the garbage disposal.
Kiba was lying on the floor in his wolfy form. His ears twitched and he shook his head as if to get rid of an annoying pest buzzing about.
"HEELLLLLPPP!" was a muffled scream in the walls.
"THAT'S NOT USEFUL!" another female voice retorted angrily.
Inuyasha's ears twitched and he growled. All the demons seemed to be awake and feeling angry.
"Why must they be so goddamned loud?" Koga grumbled.
"Because they're stupid," Inuyasha retorted irritably.
"WELL WHAT DO YOU CALL USEFUL?" Eclipse's voice screamed.
"I DON'T KNOW! NOT SCREAMING FOR HELP! I BET SESSHOUMARU'S STILL FAST ASLEEP!"
Everyone looked towards the last known position of the demon lord. As if knowing this, he answered the unspoken question.
"Not hardly."
Shadow's arms were starting to tremble from the strain of her awkward position that was expected to hold up twice her weight and keep them both from dying.
"Come on, Eclipse, you're not retarded. Just do something before the fanatics actually manage to kill us," she pleaded. Eclipse looked around. She looked left and right, forward and behind, up and down.
"There," she said, pointing down. "About six feet down there's an opening."
"Oh, excellent. Is it big?"
"It's big enough. I couldn't tell you whether crawling into it would be a good idea or not, but it's probably a better option than burning to death."
"Marvelous. So... how do we get to it?"
"Let me go down and I'll just drag you in. Or something."
Something suddenly hit Eclipse in the head. She yelped and looked up. The fanatics were throwing things down at them!
A half-eaten piece of pizza hurtled through the air and landed on Eclipse's shoulder. She screeched and hit it away. It left a greasy saucey smear on the bared skin of her shoulder. Some orange rinds plummetted through the air and smacked Shadow on the face. With a disgusted cry, she shook her head quickly to rid herself of the food remnants.
"STOP IT, YA SLIMEBALLS!" Shadow screamed. "HOW WOULD YOU LIKE IT IF WE THREW ROTTEN FRUIT AT YOU?"
"Shut up, whore!" Yuri retorted. "I'm sick of you corrupting my lover's mind! Die already!" She hurled an aluminum soda can at Shadow.
"ECLIPSE, GO! BEFORE WE SUFFER FATAL INJURIES FROM GARBAGE BOMBARDMENT!"
The brown-haired girl obeyed, jumping off her friend and catching the end of the feed-in chute. She hung there for a few frightful minutes while she was thoroughly pelted with empty hairspray cans and wadded up papers and crushed soda cans and old bits of food and wrappers and slimey unknown things that had probably been in the fridge for a few months.
"Okay, Shadow!" Eclipse finally said, crawling into the mouth of the chute. From above they heard, "Turn up the incinerator! Turn up the heat! Fast! Hurry!"
"I'm jumping!" Shadow warned, then let go, directing herself towards the place Eclipse had vanished into the wall. She caught the ledge and accepted her friend's assistance in getting into the tunnel. They sat for a minute afterwards, panting, before they came to the abrupt conclusion that they had just pulled themselves into a garbage feed-in chute. It was only about high enough for them to sit in, and the bottom was coated in slime and little bits of food and crumbs and papers and nasty things that nobody with any concern for their hygeine wanted to be near.
"Ohhh, sick!" Eclipse complained. Keep in mind, they're both still in skanky leather outfits, but Eclipse had half her leg exposed to the vile mess, whereas Shadow's entire lower body was covered. Though, she noted mentally, that did not protect her in the least. For all she knew, this shit ate through leather and flesh like acid.
"Okay," Shadow muttered, massaging her arms, "what now?"
"What! What now? I don't know. I got us here, this is all the farther I'm required to act intelligent!" She then proved her point by hitting herself in the head repeatedly while laughing like a maniac.
"Right," Shadow muttered. "Well then." She got on her hands and knees and peered over the edge, down towards the bottom of the shaft they'd just left. Her face was hit full blast with waves of hellish heat. Pulling back instantly, she shuddered. "Well, then. I guess now... we crawl."
"Crawl?" Eclipse asked. "You mean, like babies?"
"WELL WHAT DO YOU PROPOSE WE WALK THROUGH A THREE-FOOT-HIGH TUNNEL?"
"I proposed no such thing. Calm down, lady..."
"Grrr." She shoved Eclipse aside so she slammed into the wall, then started crawling past her. "Oh, this is disgusting. I'm gonna blow chunks."
"Oh, don't do that. Then I'll have to crawl through it."
"Nooo, you could always crawl on the ceiling!"
"How?"
"Oh, shut up and let's just keep going."
"Where to?"
"To whereever the hell this comes out at!"
"I bet it comes out in somebody's garbage can."
Shadow paused and shuddered. "Eww..."
I'm gonna try to update the last three chapter quicker than once a week... I've been posting this story for like, two months already. Something like that... I just was stalling until I finished it, but now that I'm done, I can post faster. I'll try.