Author's note: by all means, do sing that song in public. It might get you arrested, mes amies, but it'll sure as hell be fun.

'Twas the night before X-mas
And all through the fleet
Not a creature was stirring
Not even a Smeet.

The conquered were hung
By the cockpit with care
In hopes that the Gift-beasts
Soon would be there.

The smeets were all nestled
So snug in their beds
While visions of battlegrounds
Danced in their heads.

And purple in his kerchief
And red in his hat
Had just settled down
For a long-winded snack.

When out on the bridge
There appeared such a crying
Red sprang from the couch
To see just who was dying.

Away to the bridge
Did red fly like a flash
And ordered the doors
To be sealed with a crash!

The moon on the screen
Gave a bloody red glow
And the luster of midday
To the fleet just below.

When what to red's wondering eyes should appear
But a hole in the walls that filled him with fear.
And then popped a head through the hole's burning rim
Red knew in a moment that it must be Zim.

More rabid than weasels, his onslaught thus came
Red looked knew by his eyes that this was no game

"Burn faster, you bastard!"
Screamed Zim with a fury
And slammed his flamethrower
To the hole in a hurry.
"Just a bit more to go
Then I'll capture my foes
And SMASH THEIR HEADS! SMASH THEIR HEADS!
SMASH THEIR HEADS IN!"

And as wet paper that crumples and tears when it's tugged
The wall bucked inward, and the Irken broke through
And in flew the reject aimed straight at the tallest
But red saw him coming, so he turned tail and flew.

Just then in an ill-time-ed move
Tallest purple strolled up in search of more food
As the Irkens raced by him with red in the lead
Poor purple just stood there, confus-ed indeed

He was dressed in purple from his head to his feet
Hence his weird nickname—and he didn't miss a beat
But sprang into action with the greatest of ease
And distracted poor Zim with a kick in the knees

His eyes—how they did blaze! His grimace, how scary!
Zim's balance unraveled—he wasn't quite merry!
His little sharp mouth was set in a growl
And teeth ground on teeth as he suppressed a howl

Purple reached for Zim's pak, but he was thrown
Back to the ground by—GASP!—one of his own!
He looked around sharply for that little brat
And found he'd been hit in the head with a rat.

Red's confusion had mounted as Zim hit the ground
Why was that little defective there?
But then he grinned as enlightenment hit
He knew just why he was stuck in this shit

He spoke not a word, but went straight to control
And sent a sharp signal to those down below
Then purple, aware of what his colleague had planned
Threw Zim out of the room and struggled to stand

But it was too late, red had started the process
The only way to be rid of this whole mess
And as purple's protests grew much stronger
Red pressed the reset button, and the fic was no longer.

Author's note: geh. What an epic. XX it turned out rather poorly, if I say so meself, but at least it's done. And hopefully it's somewhat humorous. hope you liked it, and do review. Your comments make me feel all warm inside. Happy horrid holidays, and take care, mes amis.

-raven, your friendly Neptunian pyro