There was a gentle buzz of harmless chat and applause, as the last act cleared off the oaken stage.
In a Louisianan pub, it was karaoke night and everyone from far and wide had been invited, from Gloria Gaynor to J Lo; From Greenday, to the Backstreet Boys.
The bartender, a stoutly man, with little hair on his swollen head, more on his upper lip, gave a smile, masked by his prominent moustache.
"Next up, we have Lord Voldemort, with 'I Will Survive'"
The artist in question stood up. Ms. Gaynor was looking remarkable for her age, in a satin white gown.
"That's my song!" she wailed.
A tall, thin man, with a white face, and snake-like features, his twig-like body wrapped in thick robes and cloaks, stepped onto the stage. It became very cold in the room…
"Back off sister. I'm singing it." The man said. "Avada Kedevra!" he bellowed, murdering Gloria.
"That was Gloria Gaynor!" said a muscular member of Greenday.
"R.I.P." Voldemort said lazily, and there was another flash of light, leaving Greenday, and one very surprised racoon, which had snuck in to seek food and warmth, dead.
The light's dimmed, and the music began to play. Voldemort threw off his cloaks, to reveal a white sleeveless shirt, and Calvin Klein jeans. He winked at J Lo, as his back dancers came on; Draco, Crabbe and Goyle.
The three teenagers began a crazy dance, between a tango and a waltz, arms flying wildly through the air.
Voldemort pressed his lips against the microphone, as he began:
"Now I hear,
This prophecy
Had to track down this little boy
And mark as my enemy.
I spent so many days
Terrorizing muggles till they died
So why did one measly boy
Manage to bring it all down?"
Voldemort threw the microphone stand to the floor, and held the microphone in his hand, doing moves which would make J Lo jealous and Evanesance envious.
"But I didn't die there
I was barely alive
But I knew I had to kill this lad
To fulfil the prophecy
I would get back my body
I would become immortal
I'd be strong
And I'd learn how to kill Potter now!"
With a well aimed kick, a startled moggy was sent flying by Lord Voldemort, crashing into the kitchen.
"So go on, now, go
Make fun of me.
You won't be laughing
When you're hanging from a tree
Did you think I'd crumble
Did you think I'd lay down and die
Oh no, not I
I will survive
Oh as long as I know how to kill
I know I will stay alive
I've got all my life to live
I've got all my enemies to kill
and I'll survive
I will survive (hey-hey)"
Draco was hoisted into the air by his cronies, and spun several times, before the three copied Lord Voldemort's freakish dance moves, which were equal to those which uncool Dad's do at parties or other important events in their children's lives.
It took all the strength I had
not to fall apart
had to find a little spell
Which would save my life
and I spent oh so many nights
just feeling sorry for myself
I used to cry
But now I hold my head up high
and you see me
somebody new
I'm Lord Voldy, you see
And I'm gonna kill thee
Harry Potter beware
If he values his life
I'll kick his little butt
And then make Hermione my wife!
This part of the song gave Voldemort a few strange looks, as an old pensioner tried to escape. Voldemort cast a none-verbal Death spell, and the old woman crumpled, as if she'd been hit by a train,
"So go on, now, go
Make fun of me.
You won't be laughing
When you're hanging from a tree
Did you think I'd crumble
Did you think I'd lay down and die
Oh no, not I
I will survive
Oh as long as I know how to kill
I know I will stay alive
I've got all my life to live
I've got all my enemies to kill
and I'll survive
I will survive!"
There was silence in the audience, everyone exchanged glances. The backup dancers were bright red, and dehydrated, ran for the bar.
"Obliviate" Voldemort cried, but to no avail. He was now pointing the microphone, instead of his wand, at the audience. His wand, however, was being used by Draco to make the barmaid fall for him. "For goodness sake." Voldemort cried.
"Look into my eyes, the eyes, not around the eyes, look into my eyes. You're under!" He snapped his fingers, and at this, the audience sat up instantly. "You just saw an excellent show, and will applaud until your hands fall off. 3, 2, 1, you're back in the room."
Everyone began to scream, and cheer wildly. Voldemort bowed. "Thank you, thank you. Now, good night. Avada Kedavra."
Everyone died instantly, besides Draco, Crabbe, Goyle, and Voldemort.
As the wizards left the bar, back in their robes, Voldemort bent down and whispered to Draco; "I've never told anyone, but I'm only good at killing spells. I suck at any other magic."