Title: Something's Broken
Series: Winter Tidings
Author: Jmaria
Rating: PG-13
Disclaimer: Joss and JK own all - I own nothing.
FfA pairing: # Illyria/Hagrid
Summary: How do you explain something unknown to you?
A/N: Although I have finished reading HBP, this story does not reflect it and is based solely on the events happening up through OotP, not HBP.

Something's Broken

"I believe I am broken."

They were odd words to hear anyone say, but coming from the blue skinned young woman who sat stiffly at his fireplace they were even odder to Rubeus Hagrid. He looked up at her and smiled.

"Broken? You? Nah, hardly reckon they could break you. Them there demons were puny sized compared to - well, to me fer on." The half-giant said grinning, as he lit his pipe to his lips.

"I do not speak of the half-breeds. They are by design inferior." Illyria bent her head low, her blue eyes intent on the flame. "I feel . . . disjointed, more so now than before. More than I did at the loss of my army."

Hagrid thought he would hear another name than her army. He watched her from the corner of his eye. She looked a little like Tonks in a way, and one would probably mistake her for being a punked out friend - if not close relative - of the young Metamorphmagus. Tonks had taken a liking to the young woman beside him, finding her wicked looking, and had for a day or two, even adopted the long blue-streaked hair that Illyria had over her infamous bubblegum pink hair.

Illyria was not the same woman she had been two weeks ago, much less the same woman she had been nearly a year ago for that matter. She had been Winifred Burkle, or so her companions had said, and Illyria had literally infected the young scientist and destroyed her soul in the process of regaining a mortal body. Of course, Hagrid had just recently learned of this. He rubbed his jaw tenderly, remembering how she had arrived.

It had been raining something fierce, and she'd had three companions. One was a young man of not more than twenty-two, who reminded him faintly of one of his students, and who also was mortally wounded with less than fifteen minutes to live if his wounds were not treated immediately. Her other two companions were vampires, both males, and apparently both who had met Albus Dumbledore in their pasts. The blonde had been reported to have said, "Poof, it's bloody Obi-Wan Kenobi! Little bugger, . . ." before hitting the floor in a full body-bind, thrown by Minerva McGonagall. The young Muggle man had been rushed into Poppy's care, and the two vampires, while considered tame, were escorted to the dungeons. As if Malfoy wouldn't go harping onto the board of governors that dangerous vampires were being held so close to the students. Hagrid paused on that strain of thought, Lucius was in prison, so Draco had no one with any influence to go running to anymore. He smiled a bit at that thought. With her companions in relatively safe keeping, the demon king (as she called herself) strode out of the castle and headed towards the forest to find the firs thing to fight, saying she wished to do more damage.

And went looking for the biggest non-human thing to fight. To which Hagrid thanked his lucky stars that she found him and not Grawp. He'd mistaken her for Tonks at first, from a distance. Who else but the young Auror would have had hair like that? Her face was liberally streaked with tears and rain, and the fight had lasted all of fifteen minutes before exhaustion seemed to overcome her. Hagrid had walked away with a black eye, sore jaw, and a few bruised ribs. He'd scooped her up off the ground, as sore as he was and took her inside his hut, using a bit of unicorn hair he had lying about to bandage her wounds that she hadn't let anyone look at. She looked so fragile then, and she now wore a thin mask that reminded him that she was that fragile even if she didn't think so.

"What on ye feels broken, then? Yer hands? Yer arms, legs? What?" he said in a gruff voice. He didn't look her in the eyes, hoping that she'd say something, when she didn't, he went on. "Cor, if it's worse than that you better head straight up to Poppy. Ye know I can't fix that sort of stuff. Ain't a healer, now am I?"

Illyria watched him with a stony look. She didn't want to say what felt broken, tough. She wanted his help, she was gonna have to ask - although had it been any other creature, he certainly wouldn't have given them any choice at all. But when she was spoke, he was a little surprised.

"I feel broken here." Illyria pointed a hand to her breast, and Hagrid felt himself blush a little. "The shell's heart - my heart is weak and mortal still, I believe. It is making me broken and weak."

Hagrid didn't say anything, knowing full well that her shell's love had been killed in the battle that had so wounded her companions and herself. And as far as they knew, even though she often called Spike her amusing pet, Wesley had been her only real connection to this world and her allegiance to his friends and grief at his death were only two of the reasons she had remained at their sides finding a safe haven for them to recover.

"Heartsickness, tends to be deadly in a few cases, maybe your shell's heart was infected." he shrugged, "Cor, could also be that you lost one of your own, and nearly lost a second."

"Wesley is gone, Charles remains weakened." she acknowledged that fact at least. "Does this sickness kill often?"
"Not that often. But from the way some act, you'd think it did." He blushed a little, remembering how he himself had acted when he'd had to let go of Aragog, Norbert, and Buckbeak, and a little even over Madame Maxime. "And yer not really broken. Bein' heartsick don't kill yeh. It helps to make you a bit stronger coming out than you were goin' in." Hagrid couldn't help thinking of Harry and of what the teen had gone through in his life.

Illyria didn't say anything for a long time, and he half wondered if she would. She stared blankly at the fire, and he barely heard the words she spoke.

"Is there anything in this life but grief?" she murmured quietly. She looked at him expectantly. "In the end he preferred the lie to the truth. Before that he wanted only the stark truth."

She blurred a bit, no longer blue tinged, but in her stead sat a pretty little woman with curling brown hair in a skirt and loose blouse. She looked at him and smiled sadly.

"Wesley, my love, saw me when he died. Not Illyria." The smile faltered. "I told him we'd be together, but how can we when I don't have a soul to join his? I am broken."

In half an instant, she was Illyria again. He half swore her eyes dared him to say otherwise.

"Never did care for them that pretended to be what they weren't. Doubt I'd like your Fred half as much I like you." Hagrid sighed. "And as to yer first question, is that yes, there's love. That's better than grief, it gets ye through the hardest of times. But there's friendship, warm Firewhiskey, broods of different animals to show people, appreciate the beauty in what you see. And there's family ye never knew ye had, finding them."

"It is not in finding one woman or man who gives you love?" she asked quietly.

"Sometimes, but not always. I've never found the one fer me, and I don't live a life shrouded in bloody grief."

Illyria didn't speak again, but merely slept in the chair beside his fire. Hagrid sighed heavily, staring down at the woman. He half expected her to say she was still broken. When she continued to sleep, Hagrid pulled his big heavy blanket over her and brushed a blue tinged bit of hair from her face. He imagined she looked a bit more peaceful than she had earlier, and placed a tiny kiss on her forehead. Then he shrugged on his heaviest coat, popped open his umbrella and headed out the door. Dumbledore had wanted him to go fetch the souled vampire Angel's son and deliver an letter to the Council.

Illyria's eyes snapped open the second she was sure she was alone with the creature he called Fang to protect her. Her hand went slowly to her forehead. She spoke to the silence, in a voice that sounded a bit too much like her shell's for her taste.

"I still feel a little bit broken."