Full of crap House, by yellownotepaper

Disclaimer: You know you make me wanna SHOUT put my hands up and SHOUT I don't own this SHOUT so don't SHOUT at me

Chapter Three

Danny and Jesse glared angrily at each other for a moment, fiery red hatred burning deep within their souls. Then, they promptly forgot about all former misgivings, and threw themselves at each other. This did not result in a hug, or a passionate kiss, but a sore, bloody pile on the floor. It had slipped Jesse's mind that he was holding a giant agen agen kanten green seaweed container, which was sadly very sharp, and had impaled Danny and himself at the point of impact. Danny decided he didn't care if he was bleeding to death, and lunged at Jesses once more. This time, Jesse remembered to throw aside the jagged seaweed bottle and they kissed lustily while spewing blood everywhere. All in all, it was a very passionate moment and, had anyone been there to document it, would have been remembered in the history books forever.

"It will be nice to die beside you, Danny." Jesse said, shifting his bloody mass of a head to gaze into his brother-in-law/lover's one un-massacred eye.

"You've always had a knack for saying just the right thing, Jesse. I love you."

"It's a good thing Joey loves that chick."

"What chick?"

"My wife… uh… whatsername…"

"Becky?"

"Yeah, that bitch!"

"So Becky was having an affair… with JOEY?" Danny gargled in his own blood. "No way man, that was totally unpredictable!"

"Yeah, just because they made out about five times in our presence doesn't mean anything," Jesse said wearily.

"I had absolutely NO idea." Danny enthused, blood pouring out from various wounds. He tried to go for the "gangsta" act and began to attempt to break dance on the floor, ruining the white carpet and succeeding at tearing his right arm off.

"Oopsies," said Danny, who shrugged indifferently. "Oh well, I never liked having TWO arms anyways. So much hassle."

Jesse nodded his agreement and tore off his own right arm.

"You look sexy with one arm," Danny purred, waggling his eyebrows and beginning to do hip-thrusts. As he gave one particularly powerful hip thrust, a long, fleshy object flew off into the distance. "Aww man, now I'm barren!" he moaned, embarrassed.

"YES! NOW I GET TO REALLY BE THE MAN! W00T!" Jesse yelled loudly, his arms punching the air in triumph.

This sudden chicken-like outburst alerted Michelle. She dropped her detective notebook and tumbled down the stairs, condom still firmly attached to her nose.

"Uncle Jesse, why is there blood all over the floor? And didn't you have TWO arms?" she pouted, crossing her arms and frowning, paying no attention to her father lying in a pool of his own blood.

"Kids these days, I tell you, such imaginations." Jesse spluttered as a quart of fresh blood cascaded down his face.

"Jesse?"

"Yes Danny," said Jesse as he fell on his side and clutched his stomach.

"I had an accident," he said, his face red. Then he began to cry.

"Danny," began Jesse slowly. "HOW exactly did you manage that!"

"I have absolutely no idea," Danny chirped, all mournful disposition leaving him in a sudden burst of energy.

"HA! SCRAMBLE THE FAIRIES! SCRAMBLE, I SAY!" Michelle Nose-hat Tanner screamed/sang at the top of her lungs unexpectedly.

"Not now, Michelle." Jesse and Danny muttered exhaustedly in unison.

"But I LIKE to scramble the fairies!" The little girl wearing a condom cried.

and now for something completely different dancing llamas

While Stephanie was so rudely sniffing crack at the movie theater with the 21 year old guy from her gym class, (He was held back … a lot.) DJ was over at her beloved Steve's house, trying to find the right words to explain how she felt.

"Steve, I really want to tell you something," DJ stared into his dull brown eyes. He drooled and grunted in response. "Oh, Steve, you know I LOVE it when you do that! Stop it!" DJ giggled and playfully slapped his arm. In retaliation, Steve accidentally punched her in the nose.

"Don't slap me you big-ass daddy!" Stevey yelled diplomatically.

"Ohb Sbeve," DJ gasped, her speech altered by the broken bone sticking through the roof of her mouth. "Abywabes, I wanted to tbell you tbat I ab reaby to take our brelationbip to dah nebst lebble."

Steve looked at her in surprise. "Oh honey-baby-gorgeous-bitchy-thingamambooberdaddyo, I'm not sure…."

"Stebe?" DJ said, and I would insert an adverb here but you could barely understand what she was saying so yeah.

"Im not sure I'm ready!" Steve protested.

"Oh Stebe," said DJ, caressing his face. "Ebery tibe I see your face I bfeel da need to just reach out and pop bhose bootivul zbits ov yours."

back at the Tanners' house

"Boop-piddy-poop-poop!" Michelle howled. And yes, we mean like the wolf.

ok, back to the ghetto llama'z yo

SAY THE FOLLOWING IN A GANGSTA/SOUTHERN ACCENT

The ghetto llamas danced all night long man. And you can bet your socks there were some broken heart and broken bones. Ya'll best be getting that little pink…..EXPLODING!

A:N/

Laur: Hiya peoples, we got a bit carried away with all the meaningless crap in this chappie because we were so ecstatic that we got out of school like 4 hours early! W00tle! Wee

Erin: yeah man they partied allllllllll nite. And thanks to all the reviewers, even if they were flames they made us spit out our pumpkin juice all over the bathroom walls in the rain! While tapdancing. Yes, that's it. Oh and also, agen agen kanten green is a type of Japanese seaweed that we saw at asianfoodgrocer, and the whole thing about scrambling the faeries is from fairly odd parents, which rocks man!lol

APWW06: Thank you, we like to think of it that way. That's why we named this fanfic FULL OF CRAP HOUSE, as in if you actually LIKE the show, don't READ IT! -

Neoadictee: thank you, we like to think that they do

Serena: We try, we try. .

Trmbngrl: Thank you for your praise! We know we rock lol j/k -.-

MonsterChild: Oh we will smiles broadly

Lagunabeach: I never liked Vicky anyways, shes stupid and pointless and Danny is stupid as well so im rambling glad you liked it! lol

SladeRaven4eva: yeah lol we're glad!

Jessalae: bows thank you, thank you. -

Kim: go censored a can beeyotch. -

Casey: The reason that it is M rated is because there is possibly EXTREMELY M rated content in the near future, and there are sex-related jokes hidden in here. If you and your sister are too dense to get them, its not my problem. But thank you for the luck!

MSfan05: nice spelling, dude. But thanx lol

Cold Toenails: love your sn lol, thanks for the suggestion lol but we don't wanna get thrown off of fanfiction D I'm glad you like it

Katherine212: It's not dumb! It's total genius jeez lol!

Hazel Mercy: …..thanks?

ShelMel: we will, don't worry! It cracks us up as much as it does you, if not more because of all the brainstorming we do to make up the crappy humor!

"Steeny": You suk learn to speel nastee az beeyotch! Lol jk stiney bffs 4ever ish type thingie wad…OF GUM