Title: Harry Potter and the Ancient God King

Author: Nopporn Wongrassamee aka The Evil Author

Summary: The new DADA teacher is something else. Harry and the gang want to know what.

Disclaimer: The characters and settings belong to whoever owns them. I'm just too lazy to look up who they are.

Part 13 – Basilisk Barbecue

Hogsmeade weekend proved to be a much-needed rest for Harry. For a few short hours, he could get away from homework, from spell teaching, from almost everything and just relax. He wasn't sneaking into the village. He wasn't secretly meeting with fugitives from the law. He wasn't even on a date. There was no pressure at all.

That was the theory anyway.

Hogsmeade was like a town under siege even though no one was visibly attacking it yet. Voldemort and his Death Eaters were known to be out there. The incident in Diagon Alley only heightened the anxiety even though no one was sure what had really happened. As such, Aurors were very visibly patrolling the streets. With the students visiting today, their numbers had been increased even more. And just to be safe, teachers had been conscripted to help keep an eye on things.

Upon arriving in Hogsmeade, Harry spotted Professors Firenze and Burkle pass each other in the street.

"Mars has been bright of late," Professor Firenze greeted.

"Mars is always bright," Professor Burkle replied in passing. "He was always a showoff and braggart that way."

Harry briefly toyed with the idea of following Professor Burkle around to see if he could learn more about her. In the end, he decided against it. Harry was here to relax, and that was exactly what he was going to do.

Still, it wasn't easy. He knew he was Voldemort's number one target, and Harry wouldn't put it past the old snake to try another public kidnapping. On the other hand, after the fiasco in Diagon Alley, Harry figured that Voldemort would be more wary of trying another impromptu attack.

Harry knew that he wasn't doing very much relaxing. His mind kept drifting back to stressful topics like Voldemort, Professor Burkle, exams, Professor Burkle, how to get back at Malfoy, Professor Burkle, Quiddich, Professor Burkle… Harry realized what was happening when he started considering the tactical uses of Chocolate Frogs.

"Oi, Harry," Ron said as they entered The Three Broomsticks. "You got Professor Burkle on the brain."

"Tell me something I don't know," Harry groaned.

"Do you… fancy her?" Ron asked.

"What? No!"

"Well, it's just that she's pretty and kinda near our own age…" Ron began, but was interrupted when Hermione smacked him on the back of his head.

"Ron, you're not helping," she said, shooting daggered looks at Ron. Hermione then turned to Harry. "But really Harry, you need to get your mind off her."

"Won't be easy," Harry grumbled. He pointed. "She's here."

Indeed she was. Professor Burkle was seated in a booth talking to Hagrid. Or from what Harry could see, Hagrid was doing all the talking and Professor Burkle was politely listening. Or maybe she was only pretending to listen. It was hard to tell with her.

"Maybe we should go then," Hermione suggested.

"No," Harry disagreed stubbornly. "I am not going to let Professor Burkle drive me away just because she's here."

"But, Harry," Hermione said, "you won't be able to get her mind off her if she's right there."

"I know," Harry replied. "So we'll do what we always do."

"Take the next table and pretend we're not eavesdropping?" Ron asked.

"Exactly," Harry agreed, leading the way.

"…drove the sword into the basilisk's mouth and killed the beast!" Hagrid was saying as the trio took their seats. He didn't seem to notice their arrival. "What do ye think of that, eh?"

"What, the basilisk?" Professor Burkle asked. "I'm thinking it would have made a nice snack."

"Say wha?"

"Oh yeah, I remember basilisks," Professor Burkle said fondly. "Basilisks are a rare treat, very spicy." She sighed. "It seems like forever since I've had one."

"But the basilisk can petrify and even kill with just their very gaze," Hagrid said, obviously not quite believing what he was hearing.

"That's what makes them so spicy," Professor Burkle replied. "Hmm, I wonder what they'd be like with some good ol' Texas barbecue sauce."

"How'd ye get basilisks to eat?" Hagrid asked.

"I had an acquaintance who was obsessed with raising them," Professor Burkle answered. "He had a really hard time too. Basilisks tend to challenge each other by staring each other down and… well, y'know what happens then."

"Huh," Hagrid grunted thoughtfully. "So… any advice on how to raise 'em?"

Harry, Hermione, and Ron shared a horrified look with each other. They were all sharing the same thought. Hagrid trying his hand at basilisk ranching was a disaster waiting to happen.

"Nah," Professor Burkle said, much to their relief. "I was never really interested in that end of things."

"Oh." There was a pause as Hagrid pondered. "So, could I get in contact with yer friend?"

"Not really," Professor Burkle said. "He's not around anymore."

"He's dead?"

"You know what? I'm not sure," Professor Burkle said thoughtfully. "If he is, I know where his sarcophagus would be, but I really don't want to go back there."

"How can ye not know if yer friend is dead or not?" Hagrid asked.

Professor Burkle just shrugged. "I went away for a while," she told Hagrid, "and when I came back, he was… gone." Her words trailed off as something else caught her attention. Professor Burkle's eyes went wide in surprise.

Harry and his friends turned to see what she was staring at. A slightly elderly couple had entered the Three Broomsticks. They stuck out like the average wizard pretending to be a Muggle, only in reverse. The man was wearing a robe patterned after the Hawaiian shirts Harry had only seen on TV. The woman on his arm wore a robe with a desert camouflage pattern that Harry tended to associate with Muggle military uniforms.

"Hooey!" the man said loudly, his voice carrying across the whole room. "So this is Hogsmeade! Never thought we'd ever come here, eh, Trish?"

"You said it, Roger," Trish replied just as loudly. "Why, look! There's Fred! Yoo-hoo! Fred! Over here!"

"Mom? Dad?" Professor Burkle said faintly.