Title: Harry Potter and the Ancient God King
Author: Nopporn Wongrassamee aka The Evil Author
Summary: The new DADA teacher is something else. Harry and the gang want to know what.
Disclaimer: The characters and settings belong to whoever owns them. I'm just too lazy to look up who they are.
Part 15 – First Contact
"Mom, Dad," Professor Burkle said as she got up from her seat. "Excuse me a moment. I need to have a private word with my… friend."
"Nice to see you too, Ill…" Eve began.
"Come on, Eve," Professor Burkle interrupted, grabbing the other woman by the upper arm. "Let's chat." She dragged Eve toward the exit.
Everyone stared after them, all wondering what was going on. Harry broke the silence.
"'Scuse me," Harry said as he stood up, "bathroom."
As he left, Harry heard Hermione say, "So, Mr. Burkle, what's Wizarding America like?"
Popping out of the Three Broomsticks, Harry spotted Professor Burkle and Eve disappear around a corner. Harry followed. As he approached, he overheard them talking.
"…bring them here for?" Professor Burkle was saying. She was using what Harry thought of as her real voice.
"I was told you'd be less likely to try an tear my head off if I did," Eve replied. Her voice was unchanged. "Not that you could now."
"Ah, you speak of your new master," Professor Burkle said disdainfully. "I thought you had a familiar stench around you."
"I'd be careful if I were you," Eve growled, "He wants you and Angel alive, but I think he'll let beating you to a pulp slide."
"You may find that more difficult than you imagine now," Professor Burkle replied, clearly unimpressed.
"Ladies, ladies, can't we all get along?" a decidedly male voice interrupted. "No wait, on second thought, go ahead. I love a good cat fight."
"Aw, you say the sweetest things, Lindsay," Eve cooed.
"That is not Lindsay MacDonald," Professor Burkle pointed out.
"Yes, I know," Eve said coldly. "And who's fault is that?"
"Why are you here?" Professor Burkle asked. "You hardly needed to use such theatrics to contact me."
"You know me," the fake Lindsay said. "I just can't resist an opportunity to chaos and destruction. Of course, that's not gonna happen now… unless you two get it on?"
"Lindsay, I'm straight," Eve whined. She sounded remarkably like Pansy Parkinsion.
"Not what I meant, babe," Lindsay replied. "But, whoa, what an image!"
Harry suddenly realized what was being implied and felt a sudden urge for a cold shower.
"What is your purpose here?" If anything, Professor Burkle sounded even colder and less human than usual.
"You sure you want this in front of an audience?" Lindsay asked.
"It is only Harry," Professor Burkle sniffed.
Harry winced. He used to be good at sneaking around.
Seeing no point in hiding anymore, Harry stepped into view of everyone. He stayed out of arm's reach of everyone, keeping them all in sight. Professor Burkle ignored Harry, preferring to glare down the other two. The false Lindsay was a handsome man wearing casual Muggle clothing with several red splotches on his shirt that looked like… blood?
"Suit yourself," Lindsay said, shrugging. "We're here to pass on a little information about our buddies, Wolfram and Hart. Seems you guys really ticked them off last spring."
"We know this," Professor Burkle said. "Such was our intention."
"Well what you may not know is that your little coup d'etat has put Angel in charge of all of Wolfram and Hart's Earth-side operations," Lindsay continued. "And as long as Angel lives, they can't replace him."
"And since Angel will not follow the orders of the Wolf, Ram, and Hart," Professor Burkle said thoughtfully, "they must kill him before they can replace him. Thus, the Wolf's, Ram's, and Hart's continuing attacks are based on more than just petty vengeance."
"Oh, it gets better," Lindsay continued. "Wolfram and Hart have a heavy investment in Earth. You might even say they've staked their lives on this rock. Hey really need to get it back."
"That is gratifying to know," Professor Burkle said. "Why are you telling me this?"
"Old time's sake?"
"Of all of us," Professor Burkle said, "you are the least to be touched by sentimentality."
"Okay, okay," Lindsay said. "Wolfram and Hart deprived me of something I really wanted a couple of years ago. Now I get to help return the favor."
"Revenge," Professor Burkle observed.
"Another thing," Lindsay continued. "Since you and your pals destroyed Wolfram and Hart's army, they've had to resort to hiring mercenaries."
"The Illithids," Professor Burkle said.
"Among others," Lindsay said.
In the distance, Harry heard a lot of people start screaming.
"In fact, there are some now," Lindsay added.