Chapter 3: Attack of the Brainless Part 1

Sioris awoke. He tried to look around, but everything was blurry, his vision having not fully corrected itself. But seconds later the face of a dear friend came into focus.

"Mnnn…"Sioris groaned. "J-Jenna…?"

"'Bout time you finally woke up," said Jenna, standing over Sioris.

He was lying in a hospital bed, strapped to an I.V. He noticed ten or eleven tiny pricks on his wrist. The damn nurse must be nearsighted. He thought. Jenna had been watching over him for hours. Melvin was there, too. He had arrived an hour ago.

"You've been out for hours," said Melvin, sitting on a chair in a corner of the room, "You okay?"

"I…had a dream…" Sioris began. "I…thought I was dead…I was swallowed by darkness…and I couldn't find the light. And you were in it and you too, Melvin."

Silence. Everyone in the room just blinked, including the nurse who was checking the I.V.

"Hey, I got and idea!" Said Melvin, breaking the silence. "Let's watch T.V.!" Melvin flicked on the Television/ demon mind control box / reason why the Western Civilization is crumbling into small bits like what happens when someone steps on piece of original Captain Crunch cereal.

A chemical so dangerous…a few drops could kill you're whole family.

"Huh?" Said Jenna, becoming increasingly interested in what was on the evil light and sound box.

A chemical so deadly…there's nothing you can do once you come in contact with it.

"Oooo sounds interesting!" Melvin said.

And the worst part is…it might be in your homes right now, and you may not even know it.

"Oh my god!" Jenna screamed.

What is this deadly, undetectable chemical and how can you protect yourself and others from it?

"Yes? Tell us!" Commanded Melvin, now going into total spaz mode.

Watch CBS news tonight at 10:00.

"Oh good dear lord!" Sioris slapped his forehead.

"Oh no!" Melvin panicked. "What if I have it right now? What if one of you have it and you give it to me? Oh God, we're all gonna die!" Melvin threw his arms around Jenna's waist in total spaz mode. "WE HAVE TO WATCH THAT REPORT!" He commanded.

"Umm, Melvin?" Jenna asked.

"Yes?"

"You're violating my private space."

"Oh, sorry." Melvin let go of Jenna and collapsed on the floor.

"Relax." Sioris was trying hard to calm his friend down. "They just say that shit to boost the ratings. I bet it's not that bad. Don't worry about it."

"Really, you think so?" Melvin asked, still rather spastic.

"Trust me, you'll be fine."

"Hey, let's watch the nine o' clock news!" Jenna suggested.

"Fox?" Sioris complained. "I have no interest in watching all that right-wing propaganda bull they spew out every night!"

"Oh, don't be so narrow minded." Jenna scolded. "Besides, there's nothing else on. Why don't they have cable on these TVs anymore?"

"Budget cut." Sioris answered.

Jenna had changed the channel to the local Fox station just in time for a segment called "The Point".

Many say that the Bush administration is not doing its job properly, that they have yet to do much for the problems facing Americans. This is, however, not true. As President Bush has stated "I think about it, everyday." So in truth, Bush is just thinking about it right now and I'm sure he'll get back to us.

Furthermore, the Democrats, the left-wing liberal bastard party, have not been helping in the effort. "Their philosophy is that of the stop sign!" as President Bush has stated many times about the Democrat's effort to halt the movement of the Republican Party. And that's the point. Log on to and tell me what you think.

"That would be a good argument...," Sioris said to his companions, "If it weren't for the fact that the Democrats aren't even in power! Dumbasses!"

And now for out top story:

Two homosexual, and vertically challenged, firemen were arrested and escorted out of a local fire station for the rape and attempted murder of a sixteen year old boy. Police tracked them down after a phone call by the boy's teacher. The boy had come in late for class and was badly bruised and soaking wet. His last words "Sort…gay…Firemen…" were the clues that had helped police track them down.

"I ain't never heard of this kid! I'm innocent, INNOCENT!"

When asked how they were able to find these alleged rapists/murderers, the Chief of Police responded "When it comes to the queer guy, we always have an eye."

The trio's eyes were wide open. Not a word was exchanged between them.

"Wha-what…the…fuck…" Were all the words Sioris could muster.

Three hours later…

"What's on now?" Jenna asked.

"Phone sex ad, Girls Gone Wild ad, Televangelist, porno on Showtime, Will and Grace, Televangelists Gone Wild…WTF?" Sioris said, flipping channels.

"Well, maybe we should get going." Jenna said walking out the door with Melvin. "We'll be by in the morning."

"See ya!" Melvin said waving goodbye as he and Jenna left.

Sioris sighed. There was nothing else to do but go to sleep. So he drifted off into deep slumber…there, he had a dream:

It was a bright and sunny day at Disney Castle. The birds were singing, the sun was shining, and Michael Eisner was making millions while his employees went hungry for the third week in a row. Yes, everything was as it should be…or was it? DUN DUN DUN!

It was Donald Duck who first noticed the peril. King Mickey had gone missing! DUN DUN DUN!

"Where in the hell is that coming from?" Asked Donald to himself.

After reading the note The King had left, Donald hurried off to find the head of the royal nights, Goofy uhhh…uhhh…well, I don't know what he is.

Donald finally found Goofy lazily sleeping in the garden.

"Goofy, wake up! We've got a problem!" Demanded Donald.

"Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz" Was the response he was given.

"WAKE THE FUCK UP!" Donald commanded, raising his hand to he sky. A lightning bolt dropped from above and struck Goofy.

"Why greetings, Donald. How are you fairing this sunny day?" Goofy asked.

"Not so good, Goofy. The King has gone missing!" Donald answered. "Wait a minute. WHAT?"

"By King you mean our Liege? Good god, this is a travesty. What without our ruler the whole Monarchy could soon fall. We must make haste!" With that Goofy grabbed Donald by the arm and rushed inside the castle.

"What the-Goofy?"

"Hurry, before the United States tries to 'help' us by imposing their wills upon our government, thinking that it is actually welcome!" But before Goofy had made it into the castle, he ran into a pillar in the garden with a loud SMACK and hit the ground with a thud.

"Uhhh…Goofy? Are you okay?" Asked a concerned Donald.

"Well, good mornin' Donald," Goofy greeted, "whatcha up to this mornin', A-yuk?"

"G-Goofy?"

It seemed Goofy had returned to normal…But then, Sioris woke up.

When Sioris woke up, he looked around the room. He noticed the nurse changing the I.V. "Hey, nurse! NURSE! Yeah, you! Go easy with the morphine this time! I'm having the weirdest hallucinations about talking duck sorcerers and bipedal dogs!"

"Shut up and go back to sleep!" said the nurse.

Suddenly, a knock at the door.

"Hello? Sioris?" It was Jenna's voice.

"Go ahead and come in." said Sioris.

"Visitation is at three. Go away!" commanded the bitchy nurse.

"Damn, what is this, prison?" Sioris asked.

Suddenly and inexplicably, the nurse died of a heart attack.

"The bitch appears to be dead," Sioris observed, "You can come in now."

Melvin and Jenna walked into the hospital room.

"Hi. Feeling any better?" asked Jenna cheerfully.

"Good enough to blow this Popsicle stand." Sioris said. "My bill must already be enormous. And lucky for me, healthcare's been terminated. Thank you Neo Conservative bullshit Movement!" He said sarcastically.

"We...should leave here," Melvin said softly.

"What?" asked Sioris and Jenna simultaneously.

To Be Continued...

DUN DUN DUN!

A/N: Cliffhanger'd! Well, that's chapter three. Thanks to all that have reviewed so far…all two of you. Please read and review. The first then get a hug!