Daemen Reisho: Hya! Thanks for dropping by to read chapter four of this epic retelling!

Sephiroth: You mean rip-off!

Daemen Reisho: Be quiet, peon!

Sephiroth: I am no peon! I am The Great Sephiroth! You cannot even hold a candle to me!

Daemen Reisho: Oh, really?

Sephiroth: Yes, really!

Daemen Reisho: You sure you can withstand my mighty powers?

Sephiroth: Hit me with your best shot!

Daemen Reisho: Don't tell me I didn't warn you…

Suddenly, Sephiroth's oh-so-cool black cape disappears and a tank top and short-shorts appear in its place.

Sephiroth: What? What is thi- MACHO MACHO MAN! I want to be a macho man!...Please! I surrender! I surrend- MACHO MACHO MAN! I want to be a macho man!

Daemen Reisho: BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Don't you see? I'm the author of this fanfiction and you're just a character in it who just happens to be owned by someone else…Which reminds me…

Disclaimer: Aside from all original characters, none of the various properties in this fanfic are owned by me and belong to their respective copyright holders.

Chapter 4: Attack of the Brainless Part 2

"I mean, other worlds can't be as bad as the government tries to make us believe," Melvin said, eyes closed.

"You crazy, man!" Sioris detested.

"Yeah," Jenna began, "No other country in the world gives us this much false feelings of actual freedom! It's a living hellhole out in all the other countries!"

"That's just the thing!" Melvin said, confounding Jenna, "How do we know unless we actually go?"

"Well…" Sioris began, but faltered.

"We'll soon have to pay for our government's mistakes. This world holds nothing more for us. So let's go…" Melvin trailed off, now in deep silence.

"You thinking those suicidal thoughts again?" Asked Sioris, "Do I have to go through you're house and hide all the knives like last time?"

"And why do you keep referring to our country as a 'world'?" Jenna asked.

"Arrhg…you're missing the point!"

"I know what you mean, but still…" Sioris said, "Do you know how much money it would cost to go to other worlds-erm…countries?"

"Besides, even if you did reach another world, what would you do there?" Jenna asked.

"I don't know," said Melvin, "But to get to another world, I'll go out and build a raft with the skill of Tom Hanks and set sail in hope of randomly finding land somewhere out there."

"…"

"…well, that was random…" Sioris said.

"…"

"…"

Suddenly, Jenna blurted out, "Can I be Wilson?"

"?"

"What the…fuck?"

Moments later…

Sioris, now feeling well enough to walk, wanders around in the New York City alleyways after dark. Bad idea.

"Stupid Jenna…" Sioris mumbled, "Sending me out to collect empty glass bottles to trade in for cash. Does she really think that that will pay for our tickets out of here? I'd rather pay my medical bills with it."

Flashback!

"Okay, Sioris, in order to pay for our trip we'll need some cash. That's why I want you to go collect bottles for me. I need four green bottles, a discarded liquor bottle, and four soda bottles. Bring everything back here. Just ask if you need help!"

"You do realize that glass bottles will get us about a nickel a piece, don't you? And why so I have to find a specific number and type of bottles? It's a bit ludicrous, don't you think?"

"Because in RPG's they always have some kind of ridiculous and mundane 'go-fetch' quest."

"Oh…So where can I find a liquor bottle since I'm too young to go near a liquor store?"

"I don't know, go figure it out!"

"But you said if I needed-"

"I know what I said, just go!"

End Flashback.

Sioris had easily found some soda bottles. He couldn't find but two green ones, however, so he found two other bottles and painted them green. He had found a liquor bottle quite easily as well, though it wasn't discarded. He wrestled it from a hobo and poured out the liquor before pocketing it in his seemingly bottomless baggy, red shorts.

Along the way home, he ran into a cute, brunette wearing a yellow dress skipping rope in the alley.

"Umm, little girl," Sioris began, "It isn't safe to be playing in the alley after dark."

The little girl stopped skipping rope and turned to Sioris. "What's it to ya, bub?"

"Well, I was just-"

"HYYYYAAAA!" The little girl jumped up and smacked Sioris square in the nose with her jump rope handle.

'YAAAARRG!" Sioris screamed, "What the- are you crazy? I think you broke my nose!"

"DIE! DIE! DIE!" Screamed the little girl, running after him as he flees, Sioris clutching his bleeding nose.

It seemed he had outrun the crazy little girl. But found himself face to face with a Jamaican man.

"Hey, what's happening, mon?" He asked, in that islander accent.

"Nothing much," Sioris answered, "Just running from a psychotic, prepubescent killer."

A confused look spread across the Jamaican's face.

"You crazy, ya?"

"I think I may be…"

"Well, see ya!"

"See ya…I guess…" Sioris said reluctantly, and walked off."

Walking along through another alley on his way back to the hospital, Sioris glanced at the graffiti on the walls. He and Jenna had done it. And got arrested for it, too.

Pictures of evil rulers of industrialized worlds ruining people's lives, walking talking animals, and other assortments of political statements and weird drawings of imaginary creatures and lands. But amidst all that was a drawing, done in charcoal by him and Jenna at the age of five, had caught his eye.

It was a simple drawing of each other's heads. The kind a child would do. But it held a special importance to our violet eyed hero.

He knelt down, took out a can of spray paint and gently shook it. Then, sprayed on a picture of him giving Jenna a good smack in the head for making him do this.

"This world has been connected…" said a mysterious voice from behind the shadows…or more like behind the dumpster.

"Who's there?"

"Tied to the global economy…history soon to be repeated."

"What? Who are you? Wait! Are you a cop? O-officer…I-it's not what it looks like, swear!"

"You have so very much to learn. You understand so little."

"What the hell? You calling me stupid? You wanna test that theory?" Sioris clenched his fist.

"A meaningless effort. One, who knows nothing, can understand nothing."

"Are you trying to sell me drugs?"

"…Yes…"

"Go away!"

And with that, he disappeared.

"Weird…"

"Hey you!"

Oh great… Sioris thought, another voice from out of nowhere…

"You feelin' lucky to day?"

"No Tidus, I do not want to play Yu-Gi-Oh cards with you…EVER!"

"Aww…damn!" The brown headed boy said. "Well, there's still one other matter to deal with." Suddenly, the little psychotic killer girl and the Jamaican man jumped out from behind Tidus.

"Hey, mon, nice clothes you got, ya?" said the Jamaican man, readying his ball to throw at Sioris.

"Hey, what's going on? Why are you-…oh." Sioris looked at his clothes. Bright red. Then he glanced at the trio's clothes. They had all changed into blue jumpsuits. "Uh-oh…"

"Let's get him!" Tidus yelled. And they proceeded to pummel him to a pulp.

He was out cold…their might have been people around, but Sioris couldn't tell. All there was, was a deep burning question of why. Why were members of the Crypts fighting with basketballs, jump ropes, and wooden poles? And then, he had another dream:

Dear Donald,

Sorry to leave without saying anything but I had to go get "supplies" for Minnie's well, you know. And you think Daisy's bad on her's. Anyways, along the way I noticed that the stars we're blinking out. So I've left for (location removed) to solve this problem and because Disney says I can only be in this game for about 30 seconds.

Now there's someone with a "key"-the key to our survival. His name is (name removed) I want you find him and stick with him, got it?

P.S. Could you get Minnie's "Supplies" for me? Thanks pal.

Signed: (Name removed)

Minnie Mouse, Daisy Duck, and Goofy were all standing around the table in the royal library as Donald read the note.

"Oh dear, what could this mean?" asked Daisy, pacing back and fourth.

"I have now idea." Said Donald, "Looks like the CIA got to this letter first."

"I guess we'll just have to trust The King." Minnie said. Her blind optimism belies the fact that she's probably about to have a panic attack over this. But she shouldn't, as she should know that Disney would never let Square Soft do anything to harm Mickey.

"Doncha think that uhh…we need to go find Name Removed, Donald?" asked Goofy. Donald slapped his forehead.

"Yeah, uhh…let's go I guess…" Donald said reluctantly.

And so they headed off to find the Key Bearer. Oh, and Jiminy Cricket was there, too. But who cares?

End of Chapter.

I'm sorry to say that there will be an Attack of the Brainless Part 3. I'm sorry to break up these events into multipart chapters that could all be one chapter, but it's the only way I can keep track of it all. (My life's kinda busy right now.) But don't worry, part 3 will be the last Attack of the Brainless chapter and you'll finally know why I named it that. So see you 'till then. Oh, and please read and review. Thanks!