Yo! Welcome to part three of…Attack of the Brainless! Here you'll see terrific action, horrifying monsters, and death defying stunts that will challenge your suspension of disbelief. Oh yes, and counter-terrorists, explosives, and a confused beleaguered man! OH MY! And now for the legal stuff:

Disclaimer: I do not own any of the following properties: Kingdom Hearts and all Disney and Square Soft properties, or the game Counter-Strike. I do, however, own the original characters in this story. I also do not own Woody Allen.

Chapter 5: Attack of the Brainless Pt. 3

Sioris awoke, once again in the hospital. Jenna and Melvin weren't there this time. It was cold. Sioris had awful bruises and lacerations all over his body. It hurt to move even an inch.

Sioris tried to shake off the pain by focusing on standing and walking, one foot first and then the other. Standing up wasn't so hard. It seemed as though he was doing just fine. He was about to take a step forward when the ground began to shake violently, throwing Sioris down on his knees, then the lights went out.

"Whoa!" He said on his way down. "And earthquake?"

An alarm sounded and a voice came over the intercom.

"Hello everyone, just informing you about tomorrow's lunch menu," said the man over the intercom. "Tomorrow we'll be having liver and onions. That is all."

Aww man! Sioris thought, I HATE liver and onions!

"Oh yeah, and one more thing: WE'RE UNDER ATTACK! This is not a drill! Terrorists have bombed the east wing. Please evacuate immediately! I repeat: This is not a drill!"

"Holy shit, I gotta get out of here!" Sioris quickly picked himself off the floor and dashed out of his room towards the emergency exit.

Along the way he found a nifty little machine gun conveniently placed outside his room.

He didn't make it far before running into the terrorists, however.

"You must be the terrorists!" Sioris exclaimed.

"And you must be the counter-terrorist!" said one of the terrorists.

Sioris quickly dodged their bullets using a cheat code and using another cheat code producing an RPG and launched it at the terrorists. It hit one square in the nuts then dropped harmlessly to the floor. (RPG as in Role Playing Game.)

"Oh-Me tender vittles…" cried the man hit by the RPG. "I'm gonna…gonna kill you!"

"I'm screwed!" Sioris ran for his life down the corridor, but it wasn't long before the terrorists caught up.

"We got you now!"

But just before they could fire, Sioris used an invincibility cheat rendering him totally unaffected by the enemy's shots. He then proceeded to dish out his own brand of pain with his gun, killing one of the terrorists.

"Hey!" said the remaining terrorist, "I'm reporting you! You cheated!"

SIORIS IS BANNED FROM THE SERVER

"Damn!" Sioris looked around the corridor leading to the destroyed east wing. Black as the night sky it was, you could hear the muffled cries of those seriously injured or trapped beneath the rubble. Not a pretty sight to say the least. Melvin was standing there, amidst the smoke and ruble and the blood curdling cries of the dying and helpless.

"Melvin!" Sioris called. He did not answer. "Melvin!" He called again, running to his friend's side.

"This…this is it…" Melvin mumbled. "I wonder, what else is out there…what other worlds are out there that I'll never get to see."

"Don't talk like that!" Sioris commanded, "We'll get out of this, and Jenna too!"

"Jenna was in this wing when it happened!"

It was too much for Sioris. She was gone, just like that. He dropped to the floor. Tears began to well up in his eyes. If he held it in any longer, he probably would explode. He slammed his fist hard on what was once gray tile. He let out a cry; a scream; a howl for the loss of the one he secretly loved, and to whom he never said those three words: "I love you."

"This is all really corny, you know."

Shut up, Sioris, you're supposed to be mourning.

Silence, there was still sounds of panic and agony all around, but Sioris didn't hear a word of it. He was lost in his own thoughts. He looked up at Melvin. Melvin, his goofy disposition belying a strong will and an unchallengeable intellect, and mind constantly questioning the world around him.

"But now…we will be able to follow her where she has gone, to the world beyond; to death." Melvin said in all seriousness. "And who knows, maybe there are other worlds in the afterlife. There's nothing holding us back. I'm not afraid of the darkness!"

Sioris stood up and wiped his eyes. He was amazed at his friend's words.

"What are you saying?" Asked Sioris, bewildered. "I'm sure Jenna wouldn't-"

"Look out!" Screamed a man. They were dropping another bomb. Sioris had nearly half a second to be shocked as the explosive made its deadly decent. But then it stopped, in mid explosion; not even touching the ground. It just froze. In fact every thing was freeze-framed. The panicking people, the bomb itself, even those half caught in the bomb's mid-explosion. As well as Melvin, whose silhouette was barely visible behind the veil of fire that consumed him.

"Melvin!" Sioris called. But it was in vain, for he could not hear him in his state of suspended animation; his last split second as a living, thinking thing in any palpable form. Besides, he was doomed anyway. There was nothing Sioris could do.

"What does 'palpable' mean?"

It means- Oh never mind that! Get back to your anguish!

"What is this?" he cried out, "I anyone here with me!"

"Don't cry." Came a voice seemingly from nowhere.

"Who's there!" Sioris spun around to face this mysterious boyish voice, "Where'd you come from?"

He was dark skinned, possibly Arabic. His he wore a lavish violet robe with many intricate designs, the hood pulled over his face so one could only make out his nose and mouth. He couldn't be older than twelve, Sioris thought.

"Don't cry," He said again, his monotone voice contrasting beautifully to his child's voice, "It begins."

"Wait a minute!" Sioris said, "Aren't you from Final Fantasy X?"

"Umm…yes."

"But if you're here, then what's happening in Final Fantasy X?"

In Zanarkand…

Sin has made its attack on the glorious machina city. There is mass chaos and panic everywhere. And in the midst of it all is one incredibly stupid young hero named Tidus holding some sort of large key in his hand, The Keyblade.

Tidus swings the keyblade. "Cool!"

Back to our hero…

"Oh…my…god…" Said Sioris, "Please no…"

"C'mon! We have to right this wrong." said the boy.

With that, they both vanished, leaving the scene of their meeting to its fate. In one violent explosion, it became nothing but rubble.

Meanwhile, in Washington D.C.,

"Mr. President, Sir," said the Secretary of Defense, "We have confirmation."

"Huh? Confirmation of what?" Asked the President angry that someone would divert his attention away from his gameboy and Nintendo's latest installment (read: rehash) of its ever popular Pok'emon franchise. And he was just on the verge of capturing the ever elusive Slowpoke, the bastard!

"Uhh…the Al Queda training facility you told us to bomb."

"Oh, right! Good job!" He congratulated. He then returned to his game. But hen a question probably more important than any concerning Al Queda came to mind, "How does Pikachu evolve? Get U.S intelligence on that immediately!"

"I would sir, but they've just stumbled on to something."

"What is it now?'

"It seems that Al Queda operatives had bombed a U.S medical facility."

"What? In what country?"

"O-Ours sir…" The President's chief advisor was dumfounded to say the least, but quickly regained his composure, "It seems it happened around the time we bombed their facility…please don't tell me…"

"Tell you what?"

"Sir…where was this 'Al Queda training facility'?"

"In the Middle-East, duh."

"Did you take a look at that report before you ordered this facility to be bombed."

"Yeah…"

"Could you look at it again?"

"Sure. I don't see why though," The president shuffled through mountains of papers on his desk which he never intended to look through, "Ah here it is! Well silly me! Here it says 'in Memphis' and that's where I told'em to bomb, Egypt. No worries!"

"Sir, it says here that the bombing happened in Memphis, Tennessee."

"I don't see what you're getting at."

"WE BOMBED A HOSPITAL BY MISTAKE!"

"In what country?"

"Gaaahhh! That's it, I quit! Fuck this!" The chief advisor then ripped his clothes off, yelled "FREEDOM!" and jumped from the oval office window. "I'm okay…" A secret service agent then shoots him dead. "Uhhg."

"Well now what should I do?" asked the president, "Do you have anything to say, Woody Allen?"

"Oh no not me, gosh." said Woody Allen. "I wouldn't have any idea."

A secret service agent then put a gun to his back and growled.

"BUT since you asked so nicely…why don't you just put the blame on Al Queda?"

"That's perfect!" said the president. "Get started on my speech!"

"Yes sir!" said Woody Allen.

"And while we're at it," said the beleaguered man, "Lets raise the terror alert level!"

"But sir, it's already at red." said the secret service man.

"Nonsense we'll just make up a new color! Oh, Director of Homeland Security?"

"What?" answered the Director of Homeland Security waking up grumpy from his nap in the Lay-z-boy recliner.

"Could you create another color for the terror alert level?"

The Director of Homeland Security growled.

"Please?"

"Tch…fine." He grumbled as he pulled out a packet of post-it-notes, "Man, you guys make me do everything!" colored one a rich magenta with a crayon, stuck it to the terror alert meter (just above red), and turned the dial over to it. He then went back to his chair, "Man, let me rest for a while, sheesh. You make me do everything." With that he went back to sleep.

"Oh, Woody," screamed one of the president's daughters, "You've saved my father's reputation! How can we ever repay you?"

"We'll…" Said Allen taking out his camera, "can you arch you're back sorta…"

"Allen!" yelled the president, "I told you to write a speech!"

"Yes sir."

"And no Nietzsche references!"

"Sheesh…why did I get myself mixed up with this stuff? Politics…" He put a piece of paper into the typewriter and began to type.

"My fellow Americans:

"Al Queda is the disease but we are the cure. Through the power of will we will ascend…"

"I said no Nietzsche references!"

"Sheesh…"

End of Chapter!

Sorry it took so long. I've been busy. In the next chapter, Sioris fights to get the keyblade he was supposed to receive. But Tidus' power of stupidity may be more than he can handle. It's a crossover chapter of epic proportions when Kingdom Hearts meets Final Fantasy X!