AN- Well, everyone, we've made it to the second round! Aren't you all excited? Well, I am, and that's all that is important. So I now bring the most anticipated match ever, Mario vs. Bowser!

Outside Bowser's Castle- Mushroom Kingdom- 9:22 PM

Mario stepped up to the gate of the castle. Without even really paying attention, he took a sharp right and walked toward the "secret" side entrance that he had been using for years. He stepped in, absentmindedly ducking a fireball that shot out at head height.

( I would give a description of Bowser's Castle, but if you don't know what it looks like, you should go play a damn Mario game.) An armored Koopa Troopa jumped out from a small alcove with it's fangs bared. Mario yawned, performing a half assed jump that knocked the lizard out of it's shell. He began playing a game boy with one hand, and with the other, he lazily picked up the discarded shell and threw it without looking. It hit a brick in the wall which looked like any other brick. The brick slid in, and a staircase extended from the ceiling, and a neon sign lit up, flashing "This way to Bowser". He continued playing his gameboy as he walked up the stairs.

At the top, fire erupted from all angles. Bowser stepped out of the shadows, laughing his evil laugh. "Mwa Ha Ha Ha! Mario! Your time has come"

Silence.

Bowser cleared his throat. "Umm... Mario? Your time. It has come."

"Hold on." Mario continued playing his game boy.

Bowser tapped his foot impatiently. After several minutes of Mario muttering "yeah." and "take that, little slut." at his game boy, Bowser reached the end of his patience. He slammed his foot into the floor, sending a shockwave across the room. Without looking up from his game, Mario did a backflip, avoided the tremor, and completed the level at the same time.

Mario saved his game, put the handheld system away, and gave Bowser a glare. "You couldn't wait for me to finish the level? You truly are dastardly"

Bowser laughed as he began to gloat. "I'm impressed you made it past my elite guards, Mari..."

"The same way I always do, man."

Bowser growled at being interrupted and went on. "And I don't know how you made it through the traps of my castle..."

"Um, you do know how high I can jump, right"

Bowser hung his head, his steam finally running out. "Man, it's like this every time!..."

Mario walked over to Bowser and put his arm around the gigantic koopa's shoulder. "It's okay, Bowser. We've been doing this for over 20 years. People tend to get sloppy in their old age." Mario immediately regretted the words the moment they left his lips. Bowser began sobbing loudly into Mario's chest.

"I'mmmm ooooldddddddd!' he cried.

Mario patted Bowser's shell. "There, there... it's ok"

In between sobs, Bowser sputtered"But, I've been doing this for 20 years, and I haven't beaten you once"

Mario continued consoling Bowser, rolling his eyes where he couldn't see. He continued in his caring voice. "Well, maybe you just need a break."

Bowser jumped up, his eyes sparkling. "That's it! I just need to get out"

Mario nodded his approval. Bowser, very shyly, asked"what are you doing now"

Mario shrugged. "I'm free."

"Great! I know this awesome place downtown. Want to hit it up"

Several hours later...

"Man! So I said to the guy, I was like, do you have any idea how hard it is to park this thing? But he still gave me the ticket. It was screwed up"

Mario laughed at Bowser's anecdote, both Nintendo stars thoroughly drunk. Suddenly Bowser got serious. "You know, I was serious about the whole retiring thing."

Mario paused, his drink halfway to his mouth. "Really"

Bowser nodded. "No matter how many times I try, I just can't seem to get you. And every time I try something different. But it never works. I always end up in lava, somehow..."

Mario laughed. "Maybe you should try not having lava everywhere in your castle."

Bowser shook his head, absorbing the information. Mario went on.

"And have you ever thought about maybe not always having some kind of strange pattern? You always, like, stomp around, or drop little guys, or have an axe at the end of the bridge. Maybe if you just, like, get me in an unfurnished room, and like, boxed me or something."

Bowser kept nodding silently.

"I mean, Donkey Kong had the same problem. He was throwing these barrels at me, and one day I was like, dude, why don't you just forget the barrels and just like, come down here and get me? So one day he did. We... um... we stopped talking after that. I hear he settled down with this young dude, and they go on all sorts of adventures..."

Bowser nodded one last time, his head slamming into the bar as he did so. Mario didn't notice and kept on talking throughout the night.

One week later

Princess Peach shook her head. "Why are we here, Mario"

Mario sighed. "I told you. The big guy's retiring. The least we can do is throw him a party."

Luigi scratched his head. "That's the part I keep coming back to. The least we can do? The guy's tried to kill us for over 20 years"

Mario nodded. "Exactly. 20 long years. The poor guy deserves a break."

Toad shook his head. "Did we, like, get him a present, or something"

Mario shook his head. "Now, we aren't going that far. The bastard is a king. Let him get his own crap. Besides, how do you think I paid for this party" Mario held up a Koopa Express credit card, with the name "Koopa, Bowser" engraved on the bottom. "I'm gonna wait for him to get bombed and then slip it back in his wallet."

Luigi nodded. "Look! He's about to give his speech"

Bowser got up to the podium. It was obvious that he had already been drinking, as he wobbled up the step. He scanned the crowd, looking at all the people whom he had come to know over the years. Hundreds of Koopa Troopas and Goombas lined the party hall. That and the plumbers. And the princess. And that little mushroom guy. Bowser sighed. This is all I have to show for twenty years of hard work?... They didn't even get me a present. But the party hall is nice. Wonder who paid for it?...

He cleared his throat and addressed the party. "Everyone, it's been twenty long, hard, years. But we had some good times, didn't we" There were a couple of "yea rights" from the back row of goombas.

Bowser's speech went on toward the end of the evening. Most of the goombas had left, and Luigi and Toad had come up with excuses hours ago. Now only a few Koopa Troopas, Mario and Peach remained. Bowser was still at the podium, swaying back and forth, a tie tied on top of his head, and a lampshade stuck to one of the spikes on his shell.

"And that's why... I love you guys..." And with that, a drunken Bowser crashed into the ground. Peach nudged Mario. "Twenty years or not, it's time to go."

Mario nodded. He got up, and patted Bowser on the head. "It's been real, buddy." Then he slipped the credit card back into Bowser's wallet and left with Peach.