AN- It's been a little while, I know. It's been a pain in the ass to get new chaps up with my fics for the past two weeks. Dunno why. Everyone is getting pretty riled up on the review page. It's entertaining to read, but I think everyone should relax a bit. It's just Smash Bros. A silly little crossover game that just happens to have an awesome lineup and awesome gameplay. Not exactly a game you buy for the plotline. We should all just take it a little easy, is all I'm saying. Ummmm…. If anyone likes Dr. Phil… they should probably just skip this chapter. Also, if you have any decency left in your soul after this story thus far, you may wish to save what is left and skip this chapter. I took right and wrong, threw it out the window, and replaced it with downright incorrect.
Somewhere in Oklahoma- Earth-1:00PM
Kirby skipped down a dirt road, lots of green grass growing on either side. The sun was shining down, and everything looked like it had a smile. Even the rocks and trees. The small puffball felt the mood called for a song.
"Oh, what a beautiful morning! Oh, what a beautiful day!"
The trees and clouds seemed to come to life and singalong with him. It was like a ridiculous Disney movie. Kirby smiled. Life sure is great when you find out you don't have ultrasyphalarangeditus... and an ear infection. It had turned out that the whole disease was just a hoax to get Kirby to fight ...Leonardo Dicaprio, of all people. Kirby shrugged, determined not to let anything bring down his mood. He was going to live! What a wonderful...
Kirby's little Disney World came to a crashing halt, literally. A gigantic spacecraft smashed into the ground, plowing down several of his singing trees. "Oh what a beautiful day" cut off abruptly as Kirby and the clouds looked on in horror. Several twitting birds stopped their song and hovered above the exit of the ship.
The ship door opened, and out stepped an enraged Samus. She turned and looked at the hood of her vessel. It was belching thick black smoke. All of the smiling clouds lost their smiles very quickly. They went from being white to turning a deep black, and their smiles became deep frowns. They flew off, looking for someone to rain on. Samus was banging her head on the hood. She threw up her arms and screamed, "Mother fucker!" The birds twittering next to her fell out of the sky and died.
Kirby stared at the scene before him. The trees were dead, the birds had died, the clouds were polluted, the sun was blocked out by smog, and all the grass was destroyed. To top it off, Samus had began punching her ship, cursing like a sailor. Kirby's normally ambient smile faded into a disapproving frown. He reached into his pocket (?) and pulled out a strip of cloth, which he fastened onto his forehead (again?) in the form of a bandana. With a completely serious face, he slowly cracked his knuckles. "Yo." he said in a calm anger. (If anyone had read Terry Pratchet's book, Reaper Man, bonus points for you).
The ghosts pulled out of the engine room, lots of wires clutched in their hands. The second ghost shook his head.
"So, what now? Do we need to instigate Samus to fight?"
There were lots of muffled curses from outside. The two ghosts looked sheepish. The first ghost shrugged.
"Um... yea. She sounds pretty instigated already. I think we're done."
The ghost nodded in agreement and snuck out the back.
Outside the ship, things were starting to get heated up. Kirby shook a vengeful fist at the invading space fighter. Samus pressed a few buttons on her arm gun.
"All this, and now an attacking pink puffball? Can this day suck any more?"
In response, the cooling systems shut off on her armor. The inside of the armor began to heat up. Sweat formed on Samus' brow. "Dammit." she said softly. She pointed her gun arm at Kirby. "I have to deal with you quickly."
Kirby pulled out his mallet and dashed forward, pulling back the hammer for a spinning attack. Samus waited for the timing, and as Kirby swung his weapon, she dropped, sweeping out with her armored leg. The leg crashed into Kirby's puffy stomach, and knocked the wind out of the little hero. He skidded across the ground, spinning to a stop. He jumped up and rubbed his stomach. "Owie." His eyes narrowed, and he pulled out his sword.
"Final Cutter!" Kirby jumped high into the air, bringing the sword down heavily. The sword created a shockwave that ripped across the ground towards Samus. She went to jump, but a piston overheated in her knee joint. The wave washed over her, slamming her into her already damaged ship. Samus tried to get up, but the temperature was getting to be too much to bear.
Kirby dashed at the fallen Metroid hunter, his pink body bursting into flames. His flame dash ripped through her, triggering the overheat mechanism on her armor. Steam blew out from all the joints, and all the lights shut off on her armor. Kirby inched close, tensing himself for her counter attack. None came, and he tapped the prone figure with his sword. Nothing happened. From inside the armor, there was muffled swear words. Kirby kicked the armor over, made sure no one was looking, and ran off.
"I win! I win!" was heard echoing through the land as the little puffball from Pop Star continued on his way.
The first two ghosts sat at a McDonalds, quietly eating their small fries. The second ghost's stomach began to growl. "Man... I'm starved. Why can't we get something bigger than the small fry?"
The first ghost shook his head. Soon... soon I will not have to put up with this nonsense. This tournament will make Nintendo millions! And then I will...!
The first ghost's train of thought was cut off as a door slammed open. The third ghost came in, his face wearing a mask of pain and violation. His left eye had a slight twitch.
"What happened to you?"
The third ghost sat down, fell through the chair, and got back up. He shook his head, remembered he was a ghost, and hovered over the table. His personal world of anguish briefly halted as he gave his colleagues a questioning look.
"How are you guys eating? You're ghosts."
The second ghost glared. "Shut up, dude."
The third ghost's face of terror resumed. The first ghost tilted his head. "What's wrong?"
The third ghost shuddered. "I just got back from referring the Dr. Phil and Mr. T match."
"And?"
"Mr. T won. He... he used his famous finisher combo..."
The first ghost cringed. The second ghost gave a puzzled look. "Bloody, was it?"
The third ghost was practically weeping as he shook his head no. The first ghost, in a rare moment of sympathy, stepped in.
"No, blood he could handle. This is far worse. You never saw Mr. T back in his underground wrestling days?"
The second ghost shook his head.
"Well... he had a famous combo. It's what kept him from making it big."
"Did he kill his opponents or something?"
The first ghost winced in recollection. "No... but let's say the wrestler he did it to would have rather died. I can't believe he did it to Dr. Phil..."
"Well? What was the combo?"
The first ghost hesitated. "You sure you want to know?"
Whenever someone asks you if you are sure you want to know, the answer is undoubtedly no. The second ghost knew this, but nodded anyway.
"All right... he starts with a kick to the stomach."
"Sounds normal enough."
"Just wait, it gets worse. Then, when they drop to their knees, he gives 'em... the Arabian Goggles."
"Oh my Go... wait, the what?"
The first ghost's eyes opened wide. "You mean, you don't know the Arabian Goggles?"
"No."
There was some hushed whispering. "You mean he...?" More whispering. "Uggh." More whispering. "And they allow this?" The first ghost nodded grimly.
"And that his big finisher? No wonder this dork is scarred." he commented as he pointed at the crying third ghost.
"That's not all. Then... then he gives em... he gives em, the... the..."
"Would you hurry up? Whats with all the '...'s ?"
The first ghost sighed. "Don't you have any sense of dramatics?"
The second ghost shrugged.
"Argh. Well, they was dramatic pauses, they were. You ruined it. Anyhow... he gives em, the Angry Pirate."
"The Angry...?"
"Pirate. Um. Lets just say... um. Well. You blast em in one of their eyes."
"What? With spit?"
"Umm... yea. sure. with... um... spit. And then, when they can't see out of the one eye, you kick em as hard as you can in the shins. Then they hop around on one foot with one eye closed screamin' "Arrrr Arrr Arrr".
The second ghost looked dumbfounded. "And that's it?"
A silent nod.
"I don't see why you guys are getting so worked up over it. That doesn't seem so bad. And that finishes fighters?"
"Some people never recover from the shame, and spend the rest of their lives in the hospital."
"The rest of their lives...?"
"About five minutes."
"Huh? It kills them?..."
"They commit suicide."
The third ghost finally looked up, with tears in his eyes. "Why? What was it all for?"
The first ghost shrugged a little akwardly. "Well, um..."
"WHY!"
"Geez...well, it was just a ruse."
"A...a what:Sob Sob:"
"Just a trick to get you to..."
"A trick...?"
"Look, it was just something to get you out of our hair."
The third ghost stared dumbfoundedly. The first ghost grinned nervously.
"You know... if we had hair?" he asked sheepishly. He shook his head and walked away slowly, followed closely by the second ghost.
The third ghost didn't move for a bit. His eye began to twitch violently, and he began to mutter to himself. "That's it... I'll show them... I'll show them all!" He barged out of the McDonalds and marched of to an unknown destination, not even stopping to see why a big crowd had formed across the street.
"Oh my God!" one of the people shouted. "Look at that man!"
Twenty stories up, a man was hanging by his neck out of a window. Dr. Phil swayed pleasantly in the breeze.
AN- Okay, another unholy chapter is completed. Yay. We are now halfway through the second round. All that is left is…
Luigi vs Donkey Kong
Gannondorf vs Ness
Marth vs Ice Climbers
The pickings are getting pretty slim! Stay tuned!
PS- Also, if you don't know what the Arabian Goggles or the Angry Pirate are, probably best not to ask. If you must know, email me and I'll let you know. You've been warned.