Chapter ten: Gilderoy Knockharp - the Total Full-Of-Himself-Dick
"Barry's a fan now is he? I bet he didn't even know who the guy was until a few moments ago..." Don said what most of their group was thinking.
"Now fans Barry Saucepan, here came to meet his hero today at Blourish and Flotts. Little did he know - he was going to get the complete collection of my fantastic books!"
The crowd applauded as Barry stood there with his mouth open.
"But! That's not all fans! Barry and his fellow Hogwarts students will be inspired by the real dazzling me! Yes, I have accepted the role as Defence Against the Dark Arts teacher at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry!"
This announcement was met with more enthusiastic applauding.
"Oh this is fucking gr-"
"Donald!"
"M-mum! I said-"
"Smile Barry - just not too much, it'll give you wrinkles around the mouth!" Knockharp said as he smiled a half smile, "You and someone as astounding as me are sure to make the front page!"
"I don't really-"
"Smile!"
Barry obediently forced a smile.
Lemo watched Knockharp as he instructed Barry to do certain things for the camera,
"You know, I think Knockharp is living proof why I date the not drop dead gorgeous guys..." she said thoughtfully, "He seems rather...full of himself..."
Minnie glared at Lemo,
"Are you saying Barry isn't hot?"
Lemo looked startled by Minnie's intense reaction,
"What?"
"I always thought Barry was too good for you!" Minnie said, still shooting daggers at Lemo, who still looked confused,
"Huh?"
"Whoa! Hold your ponies there, Minnie! What makes you think you know best?" Mione asked.
"Well, I don't think Leah is quite what Barry needs in a girlfriend! Look at him..." Minnie said looking at Barry, Knockharp now had him doing a Charlies Angels back to back, 'guns' raised pose.
"I'm looking and I see nothing that means Lemo doesn't meet his 'needs'" Andy said looking as well.
"Barry's famous! He doesn't need some violent bitch cluttering his space!"
Lemo exploded kaboooooof…
"I'M A VIOLENT BITCH CLUTTERING HIS SPACE NOW AM I!"
"Yes."
"I'll show you violent-"
Mione, Emo and Andy grabbed Lemo as Andrew and Don grabbed Minnie.
"Hey, hey! What's going on kids?" Mr. Weasel asked.
"Under control!" Andrew cried out in pain as Minnie hit him in the groin, "Hope you didn't want children Am!" he yelled as he went cross eyed.
"Okay...as long as it's controlled..."
Eventually Lemo and Minnie calmed enough to let each of them go, and they were lead outside,
"Don't think this is over Roberts..." Minnie glared.
"Oh, I know it won't..."
"Watch your back..."
"Bring it on..."
Don watched Minnie turn on her heel and walk back into Blourish and Flotts to collect her books,
"Wow, this is totally out of character for Minnie!"
"Course it is mate, course it is...Their always different around their family..."
Andy watched Don and Andrew whispering; she then turned and whispered to Mione and Emo,
"What do you think their whispering about? Maybe Andrew is gay! And he's been secretly going out with Don!"
Mione and Emo shook their heads, while Andrew whispered to Don,
"What do you think Andy's whispering about?"
"Probably, Malfoy approaching..."
"Hello, bastards and their bitches!" He greeted them. Andy, Mione, Emo, Don, Andrew and Barry all tried not to laugh as he walked through the door of Blourish and Flotts.
Lemo pushed her hair out of her face,
"Not now asshole."
"Oh and why not?"
"Because if you don't leave I'll eat your spleen..."
Malfoy looked at Lemo with mild interest,
"Really?"
"Yes, really now piss off!" Lemo finally looked up to face Malfoy, "What the fuck died on your face!"
The whole group broke into a wild fit of laughter as Lemo caught sight of the untasteful patch of facial hair on Malfoy's face. Andy looked closer,
"Looks like a weasel..."
Andrew and Barry laughed even harder.
"A weasel died on your face?" Mione asked innocently.
"Must have been a really ugly weasel..." Emo said.
Malfoy looked at them all angrily,
"Hey at least I grow more than a pathetic stubble!"
Barry and Don stopped laughing.
"Well, I'll have you know, I am shaving now! I, unlike you don't want to look like Hitler!" Andrew said fiercely as Don and Barry joined the laughing again.
"I do not look like Hitler!" Malfoy said indignantly.
Andy put a sympathetic hand on Malfoy's shoulder,
"Hey, it's all right! We understand if you can't afford a razor!"
Malfoy shrugged off Andy's hand, and self consciously touched his moustache,
"You're all dumbasses! All of you! Don't you worry! I'll get you back! And your little sister too, Weasel!" He then turned and walked back into the book store.
"Hey...Was it just me or did that sound like-"
"And your little dog too!"
"Yep, I think Malfoy has been taking notes on the wicked witch of the West!"
"And he then turned to the history channel to watch 'The Great All Mighty Hitler!"
"- And His Weasel Facial Hair!"
"- Of Doom!"
"That smelt bad," Lemo finished.
"You smelt his moustache!"
"No..."
There's another chapter up! Wow, I gotta quiken the pace and send the 'bastards and their bitches' to their doooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooom soon! ahem I mean School...