Onett- Earth- 11:46 PM

BLAM! Ness nearly fell out of his bed as his entire house shook. He ran to the window, and saw cop cars flying off toward the top of the incredibly small Onett Mountain. He quickly changed out of his pajamas and scooped up a wiffle ball bat from his sister's room. Halfway to the front door, his mother came out of her room.

"Ness, where are you going?"

Ness scratched the back of his head, an embarrassed grin on his face. "Umm… nowhere?"

His mother placed her hands on her hips, giving her son a look of frustration. "Now Ness, I thought we decided you weren't going to go on any more quests?…"

Ness looked at the ground sheepishly. "Um. Yea, I know… but there was a loud crash…. And … well…"

His mother shook her head. "But what about school? You can't keep missing school just to go save the world! Finals are in a week!"

"But mom!…"

"No buts, mister! You march right back up to your room and get to sleep!"

Ness hung his head, slunking up the stairs. Its not fair… I'm the only one who can save the world… why is school so important?…

There was a very faint knocking on the door. Ness's mother opened it, and saw a small fly buzzing around, trying to get her attention.

"Oh no you don't. Not this time, mister!" She rolled up a newspaper and swatted Buzz Buzz, killing the small insect on the spot. She crossed her arms and nodded in approval to herself. "No mystic quest will get in the way of my son's education. Last time this happened, he had to repeat the third grade!"

Gannondorf's castle- Hyrule- 3:57 AM

Gannon growled as he continued to attack the punching bag chained to the ceiling in his chambers. The walls were dark and bleak, made of brick and covered with Slipknot posters. His bed was made of rock, with midnight black sheets and a small teddy bear with a disgruntled attitude. The punching bag was outfitted with a small red baseball cap on the top, and a drawing of a face on the center. The eyes were crossed and the tongue was sticking out. The words "Stupid hero kid" were scribbled above the visage. Gannon wound up another warlock punch, knocking the bag off of his chains and sending it flying into his collection of bongs. Disgusting bong water spilt all over the floor.

"Dammit… that smell never comes out!" Gannon whined. He looked at his clock and growled. "Where the hell is this kid? He was destined to be here hours ago!"

"We have run into a small snag, I'm afraid."

Gannon spun around, his eyes ablaze in anger. "What do you mean?" Ghost 1 floated through the wall, and hung his head.

"The child of destiny will not be coming. I sent my associate, Ghost 2, to begin the quest, disguised as a small fly, just as with the child's previous quest. But there was one factor we did not count on."

The dark wizard cocked his head to the side. Something that could kill a ghost? What sort of creature are we dealing with?…

The first ghost shuddered. "His mother."

Gannon's eyes lit up in terror. "Holy hell! His mother! What the crap is that! Link never had a mother! All heroes are supposed to be orphans, so that this sort of thing doesn't happen! Mothers get in the way!"

"Indeed. But I'm afraid fate has stepped in the way. Unless we can come up with a way to get around this mother, I'm fresh out of options."

Gannon punched his fist into his other hand and smiled. "I haven't had a good match now that both Links were defeated in the tournament. I won't let any mother get in the way of my plans!"

There was a loud knocking on the door, and it was opened with quite a bit of force. Someone who looked exactly like Gannon, except with lipstick and an apron, put her hands on her hips and sighed.

"Now Gannon, what are you doing up so late?" She sniffed the air. "Have you been smoking in here again!"

Gannon's fierce attitude instantly vanished and he hung his head. "No mom…" His voice was soft and quivering.

"Then what is that smell, young man?"

"I'm thirty seven, mom."

Her eyes flared up. "What did you say!"

His head dropped in anguish. "nuthin, mom."

"You're damn right!" She pulled out a rolling pin and cracked it over his head.

Gannon fell to the ground, and his mother pulled another pin out form seemingly nowhere.

"Now, we'll have no more of this staying up late listening to that rock music. Tomorrow, I want you to go out and find a job!"

Gannon propped himself up on his elbows, still dizzy from the rolling pin. "But mom…"

"No buts, young man! If you don't have a job, I won't make you your eggy-weggys any more!"

Gannon's eyes grew red, and it looked like there were tears forming. The first ghost shook his head. This has to be a dream… or something…

"No… no more eggy-weggys?"

His mother crossed her arms, a glare of doom emanating off of them. Gannon's upper lip began to quiver.

"What about the little toast soldiers?… so I can dip them?…"

"Not unless you get a job!"

With that, his mother slammed the door behind her, knocking a picture frame off of the wall. Gannon looked down at the cracked picture on the floor. It was a picture of him in high school. He had large thick glasses, braces, and his face had even more pimples than it did now. The caption under the picture said , "Least Likely to Succeed… In anything."

Gannon threw the picture back to the ground and let out a long drawn out sigh. "Man, maybe they were right. I'll never get anywhere the way I am now. I'll always be a loser…"

The first ghost went to pat him on the shoulder, but the hand just went through him. I can't believe I'm doing this… he lamented. This is supposed to be Gannon! Dark mage of doom! His mother is worse than he is!… Although I suppose he needed to get it from somewhere…

"Listen Gannon. If you that kid won't come here, we'll have to go to him. It'll be a long and perilous journey, but it needs to be done."

Gannon nodded quietly, still looking at the ground. "Is it okay if I get some sleep first? I get cranky if I don't sleep…"

The ghost hung his head. This is gonna be a long night…

Onett- Earth-8:24 AM

Ness checked both directions. No one in sight. This would be the most difficult thing he had ever done in his life. He had faced down aliens before. He had fought against the entire police force of his town. He had single handedly saved the world. But this… this was something in a league of its own.

He was gonna ditch the bus.

The small hero froze up as his mom drove past him, on her way to work. He managed a small wave as she passed with a nervous grin. Almost busted… he thought as she drove around the corner. Once he was certain she was out of range, he turned the other way and bolted. He ran on and on, running on nothing more than pure adrenaline as he made his way to Onett mountain. Nothing had ever been as exhilarating as this.

Onett Mountain- Earth- 8:46AM

Gannon stood on the top of the mountain, inspecting a small crater. A burned out comet lay in the hole, but there was no other clues as to what had transpired. The ghost had explained to him that this was where Buzz Buzz had landed and attempted communications with Ness. Gannon shook his head. He was gonna kick the hell out of this little destiny kid once and for all.

"Who the hell are you? This area has been marked off!"

Gannon spun around, and standing there was the Onett city police force. The captain walked up to Gannon and poked him in the chest.

"Did you miss the caution tape or what? This is a restricted zone!" he looked Gannon up and down with a sneer on his face. "And what's with the getup? That, my friend, is a pretty shabby looking cape."

A sergeant sidled up behind him, sweat forming on his face. "I don't know about this sir, he looks pretty powerful. Maybe we shouldn't tick him off."

The captain threw his head back with a hearty laugh. "Nonsense! The Onett police department is invincible!"

The sergeant scratched his head. "Umm… you said that last time, and we all got beat up by an 8 year old with a wiffle ball bat, remember?"

The captain's smile faded, and he gave his sergeant a sneer. "That was different."

The sergeant gulped nervously. "Um, how so, sir?"

Captain Strong grinned. "Well, obviously, sergeant, this isn't an 8 year old with a bat. It's just some freak with a cape. We can't lose!"

The officer jumped into the air, bringing his fist back in a scary looking maneuver he had seen once in an anime. Gannon looked up, waited for him to get close, and swung both of his feet out in a double upward kick. Both hits connected, sending Captain Strong off into the distance, where he became a twinkle in the sky. The rest of the police officers, in some ways smarter than their commanding officer, all backed up. Gannon cracked his neck, flashing them all a toothy grin.

"Who's next?"

"I am!"

Gannon spun around, and standing on the summit of the mountain was none other than the eight year old wonder, Ness. He pulled out his Casey bat and jumped down from his perch.

"You wish to destroy this world! I'm here to stop you!"

Gannon pulled back his fist, charging up his dark energy for a warlock punch. Ness cocked back his bat, preparing for a home run smash. All of the cops cringed in fear. There he was! That damn eight year old!

Suddenly a voice rang out, stopping all the action in its tracks. "What do you think you are doing, Ness?"

Ness's eyes went white. The voice of terror incarnate was ringing in his ears. He turned around slowly, and standing there was his mother. Her eyes betrayed a deep anger. "You were supposed to be at school!"

Ness backed up against a rock, his voice wavering as he spoke. "I know, mom… I just… umm…."

As most mothers do when faced with delinquency in their children, the first thing she did was search for something to blame. Her gaze came to rest with the confused form of Gannondorf.

"This is your fault, isn't it? I bet you've convinced him to hang out with you during school and get high!"

Gannon's eyes lit up at the sound of the phrase 'get high'. His good mood was quickly destroyed, however, when another voice shot through the summit.

"Are you blaming your hoodlum son's behavior on my boy!"

Gannon cringed in dread as his mother came up the path, her trusty rolling pin in hand as she prepared to hand out some unholy justice.

"Just because you can't keep your son in school, don't blame my son! He graduated from elementary school over five years ago!"

Gannon hung his head in shame. "Mom…"

"Quiet you! When I get you home, I'm gonna drop you over my knee and …"

Gannon went red in the face as the remaining cops and Ness began to snigger. But the clash of the mothers was just beginning. Ness's mom dashed forward, throwing out a kick with her high heel shoe. Gannon's mother jumped into the air, avoiding the blow and spinning around her rolling pin, catching Ness's mom in the side of the head. She fell back a bit , taking a moment to regain her balance. Before she could mount an offensive, Gannon's mom pulled back her rolling pin, charging her dark energy into the deadly kitchen accessory. Ness's mother rolled to the side, but as she came up, she was met with a warlock… um… pin. (Instead of punch). The blast sent Ness's mom flying through the air. Gannon punched the air in victory and turned to Ness.

"Ha! My mom just killed your mom! How do you like that?"

Ness pulled out his bat and slammed it into Gannon's kneecaps. Gannon grabbed his knee and bent over. "Dammit, you little bastard!"

Ness smiled and shrugged his shoulders. "Oh well. So my mom died. Now I can go home and play video games. Sweet!"

Ness skipped off, whistling a tune as he went.

Gannon's mother turned to him with a stern look on his face. "I thought you were supposed to be looking for a job, young man!"

Gannon hung his head and mumbled, "yes'm."

"But instead I find you running around with your little friends!"

"yes'm"

Gannon's mother grabbed him by his ear and began pulling him away. "Its those stupid fanfiction stories you read on the computer! I knew those things were no good! That damn Gadoken King! I read that crap you look at on that internet! With those poor pokey man!"

"Pokemon, mom."

"That's what I said! Pokey man! That mean person kills all those pokey man! You better not be running around killing pokey man! Do you!"

"no'm"

As Gannon and his mother left the mountain, a faint whistling sound could be heard. It got louder and louder, and a cry of "iiiichhhhhhhhhhhhhhuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!" ripped through the air as the small Pichu crashed into the ground from above, burn marks across his fur. (Remember what happened to it during chapter 10? If not, go check.)

The first ghost appeared, shaking his head at the pathetic display he had seen. "Man… no one is gonna like this crap… Mr. Tiyamato is gonna be pissed. I mean, mothers fighting? Who writes this stuff? Who the hell even won?…" He sighed, collecting his thoughts. He pulled out a clipboard and shook his head. "I guess we'll give this one to Gannondorf, seeing as how his mom was stronger. I just hope the next match will go smoother. Who do we have…. Oh, crap. Marth and the Ice Climbers. This should be a treat." He hung his head and floated off, preparing himself for the barrage of flames that were sure to come after such an idiotic chapter.

A random bar- The Mushroom Kingdom – 3:00AM

The third ghost was drowning his sorrows, and was doing a good job of it, judging from the thirty seven empty glasses piled up next to him on the bar. He let out a hiccup, and his head smashed into the bar. The drunk next to him lifted up his head and laughed incoherently.

"How are you drunk?… you're just a dumb ghost…."

The ghost lifted his head shakily. "Hey! You can't call me a ghost! That's sexist!…"

The drunk furrowed his brow. "No, I don't think so. I mean, look. Your drinks are just falling through your transparent stomach and making a puddle on the floor."

The third ghost grabbed at the drunk's neck, but his hands went through and he almost fell. "How do you know I haven't just wet myself!"

The drunk shrugged. The drunk's figure finally began to come into focus, and the ghost made out his face.

"Bowser!"

Bowser nodded sadly. "I didn't think anyone knew who I was anymore."

"No way, man! I was there when you beat that Pokemon, and when you went up against Mario…." He trailed off as he realized his mistake. "Sorry, I didn't mean to bring up bad memories…."

Bowser shook his head, staring sadly into his drink. "No, its okay. I lost. So you're one of those ghosts who are doing this tournament, huh? Tell me, why is this tournament happening, anyway?"

The third ghost laughed softly to himself. "Well, the first ghost was under direct orders from President Tiyamato. Apparently, the console wars have gotten out of hand, and Nintendo needs some money to keep up with the Playstation 3. So he hoped to increase popularity by having us conduct this tournament."

Bowser nodded sagely. "Aha… I see. So what are you doing here?"

The third ghost hung his head. "I got kicked out of the group. They thought I was too dumb… I wish I could get back at those jerks…"

"And I wish I could get back at them for making a fool of me…"

The third ghost suddenly jumped up. He had an idea. It was a strange sensation in his head, but he wasn't going to let it escape.

"I've got an idea!" he shouted, completely ruining the narration by repeating what the narrator just said.

Bowser slammed down the rest of his vodka and gave his new conspirator a toothy grin. "I'm all ears, buddy…"

AN- Oh no! What horrible deeds will the third ghost and Bowser cook up? How will the Marth and Ice Climbers fight go? Will Gannon ever find a job? Find out the answers to these questions and more in the next installment of The Ultimate Battle, which I'll put up just as soon as I get like 7 or 8 more ridiculous reviews telling me my story is unappreciated!

Eh, don't take that the wrong way. I don't actually care. Bring em on. Like some stupid person said, any publicity is good publicity. Peace! (If you can't tell, I'm at a numb point where I honestly don't care. There are several people who enjoy this fic, and I won't leave them hanging for updates. I do what I can.)