Chapter fourteen: Crunching Numbers and Weird Happenings
The castle's lights twinkled and shone as the sun set in the horizon. The grounds were already touched by soft dew, with spots marking where Hagrid's large foot prints had been. Andrew, Don, Barry and the car could hear the sound of the students who had already arrived, chattering amongst themselves. Below them first years whispered excitedly as they flew over head, the could hear one boy exclaimed,
"Oh my god! It's a flying booger!"
The boys exchanged looks,
"What the fuck is that kid smoking?" Don said, "I mean the carpet is a horrible green, but..."
Suddenly the car behind them began to splutter and crap out.
"Uh-oh...Don, I think your dad's car ran out of gas..." Barry voiced what they were thinking. They were just about completely over the lake, only a few metres and they would be on the school's grounds,
"Maybe, if we went up behind it and gave it a push-" Andrew began, as Barry and Don both slapped him up the back of the head.
"Andrew, if we gave it a push it would probably go down into the lake!"
"Excuse, Mr. Booger sir...? Will you be joining us to the feast? I want your autograph!" The first year who had called out before was eagerly trying to get the boys attention from the lake edge, as they flew over him. But before they could tell him to piss off, Hagrid voice echoed through the grounds,
"Oi! Rober's! Get your behind ov'r 'ere! Yer goin' to be as mu'h hassle as yer sist'r, aren't yer?"
The boy ran off to join his fellow first years, just as there was a sickening crunch of the car crashing into the Offensive Oak and the magic carpet colliding with the castle's wall.
Barry looked around, he was in the common room, and Lemo was sitting nearby reading a book.
'How did I get here?' Barry thought to himself.
"Would you stop licking my foot?" Lemo asked.
Barry raised his eyebrows,
"Your foot?"
"Not you, Malfoy..."
"MALFOY!"
"Yes, my new dog."
"You named your dog after Malfoy!" Barry looked rather hurt.
"Yes. He smells bad," Lemo said returning to her book.
Barry raised an eyebrow,
"Lemo...There isn't a dog in here..."
Lemo looked up shocked,
"What on earth are you on about! There are three!" Lemo pointed to her feet, where Andrew, Don and a Shetland Sheepdog lay.
"Lemo? Are you stoned? That's Andrew and Don!"
"No..." Lemo shook her head slowly, "That's Chicken and Pickles!"
Just as she said that two people walked in - well they were people to the shoulders, they had dog heads.
"Argh!" Barry yelled in shock.
"Aha! Andrew! Don! Just in time!" Lemo greeted them both by patting their heads.
'W-what! They're not Andrew and Don! They're something that belongs in a freak show!"
Lemo turned around shocked,
"BARRY! Right in front of them! I thought you would be nicer, but no! I'm disgraced! Not everyone is perfect!"
"But they have dog heads..."
"So? I have a tail! Whoopty doo basil!"
"What the fuck? No, you don't..."
"Yea, I do..." Lemo said as she pulled something out from the back of her pants, suddenly a huge peacock tail revealed itself...
"Barry...Barry...Barry...Barrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrry...Barry...Barry...Ba-" Lemo whispered into Barry's ears.
"Gurg..." Barry spluttered.
"HE SPEAKS! - Well...sort of..."
Barry opened his eyes, everything was extremely blurry but he could tell by how blindly white it was - he was a in the hospital wing.
"What happened?" He murmured.
Lemo tried to put his glasses on him, almost poking him in the eye,
"You and the other two dumbshits flew into the castle! How the fuck did you do that? I mean the castle is bloody HUGE and you flew straight into it!"
"Oh no..." Barry grabbed his glasses off Lemo, she was going to cause him a nasty eye injury otherwise, "How's Drew and Don?"
"They're good considering...Don was first to come through and he's been let out, but Drew's still hasn't woken..."
"Fuck...Is he going to be okay?"
"Madam Pomfrey said he'll be good...But Andy hasn't slept since they found you guys, been by Drew the whole time - you know how she gets..."
Barry nodded, his head aching,
"How long have I been in here?"
"About three days...I swear Andy's found a spell, I mean you can't go without sleep for three days and four nights! Can you?"
"Uh...I-"
There a came knock at the door,
"Lemo...I bought you the feather you wanted!" The first year that had called them a flying booger the night they were flying on the magic carpet walked in.
"Thanks Pigboi, but I don't need it now...He wakes!"
Suddenly Madam Pomfrey's head popped out of her office,
"The boy awake now is he?"
Lemo nodded.
"Well, then! Out! Out! I need to tend to-"
"ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! HE'S ALIVE!" Andy screamed excitedly from another room.
Lemo smiled,
"Drew's awake..."
The next morning at breakfast Andrew, Barry, Lemo, Mione, Andy, Don and Emo had their first meal all together; Madam Pomfrey had decided Andrew and Barry were good enough to go.
"Oh no..." Don said as he reached for some French toast and noticed a large red letter heading his way.
"What?" Andrew said through a mouthful of sausage.
"Don's got a howler!" Andy exclaimed cheerfully - she hadn't let go of Andrew since he had left the hospital wing, maybe she was afraid he would come up with another plan to kill himself...
"What's that?"
"You'll see..." Lemo said seriously as the letter dropped on Don's plate and he reached for it with a quivering hand. As soon as he opened it the whole great hall was filled with Mrs. Weasel's furious voice;
"DONALD RONALD WEASEL! HOW DARE YOU STEAL THAT MAN'S MAGIC CARPET! HOW DARE YOU TAKE THE KEYS TO THE CAR! YOUR FATHER MAY LOSE HIS BLOODY JOB THANKS YOU! YOU'RE LUCKY YOU WEREN'T EXPELLED! YOU'RE LUCKY YOU WEREN'T KILLED. WHAT MAKE'S IT WORSE, IS YOU ENDANGERED TWO OF YOUR FRIENDS! HOW COULD YOU! DOES FRIENDSHIP AND LIFE MEAN NOTHING TO YOU! I AM ASHAMED THAT A SON OF MINE DID SUCH A THING! HOW COULD YOU! THINK BEFORE YOU FRIGGING ACT!" The letter turned to face Andrew and Barry,
"ANDREW, I'LL BE CONTACTING YOUR PARENTS AND BARRY YOUR AUNT AND UNCLE, IF THE SCHOOL DOESN'T!" The letter then turned to Minnie down the table,
"And Minnie! Your father and I are so proud you made Gryffindor!" The letter went limp and fell into the jug of orange juice.
"Well...What a great start to the morning..." Lemo said, wide eyed.
"That's not fair, Don! You were unconscious most of the time..." Andrew said, also wide eyed.
The group continued to stare at the orange juice jug. Not noticing Snape making his way to the table until he was right behind Andrew and Andy,
"Well, your mother seems lovely, Weasel...And she right too, you are lucky you weren't expelled. If you were in m house you would've...But Minerva took pity on you because you almost killed yourselves. But if you break anymore rules, I'll personally make sure you're expelled...Good day."
"Brilliant morning..." Lemo muttered.
This story is going sooooooo slowly, sorry! But since it's long weekend I'll be probably writing alot more! ) Please review and I hope you haven't given up on me!