Disclaimer: I do not own 7th heaven, though I wish I did.

Ruthie screamed as she saw Martin sitting in her kitchen with her parents. She didn't mean to scream. It just came out. She had been thinking of Martin so much that all of her emotions had built up. Screaming had been the only way for her to let out her emotions and make sure that her voice was still functioning. Eric, Annie and Martin all looked up questioningly at Ruthie. Deep hazel eyes bore into brown ones. Martin stood up from the table.

"I'm sorry," he said. "I should just go. Bye Mr. and Mrs. Camden. I'll see you later Ruthie."

As Martin turned to leave, a gentle hand placed upon his shoulder stopped him. Eric and Annie had taken this gesture as their cue to leave the room.

"No Martin, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to scream." Ruthie began. "Please, stay. We should talk."

"Yeah, we should talk." Martin said this as he shifted on his feet nervously.

" So . . . outside? We'll talk?" Ruthie questioned.

"Sure, yeah, whatever you want." Martin nervously responded.

Martin held the door open for Ruthie as she walked out of the kitchen and followed her into the backyard. They sat on the steps.

"So..." They both began, but stopped and laughed anxiously.

"OK," said Ruthie, "I'll start. I wanted to talk to you about what happened last week. You know, when you told me about you and Sandy and . . ." Ruthie's voice seemed to shake for a moment and Martin wanted nothing better than to hold her, but he stopped as she opened her mouth to continue.

" And the baby." She finished. "See, I was embarrassed that well. . ." Ruthie trailed off.

"No, please, tell me." Martin gently demanded.

"This is really hard so it might take a while. This was a stupid idea. Maybe we should talk about this some other time." Ruthie began.

"I've got time." Martin insisted. "I really want to settle this. I miss you and I want to know how you're feeling. Help me understand."

"Help you understand." Ruthie laughed bitterly. "Why is it that everyone wants me to help them understand how I feel? None of you thought about how I would feel when you all lied to me, so why now? Why do I have to help you understand now?"

"Ruthie," Martin began, but stopped.

" Fine, you want to understand, I'll tell you. It's not that complicated really. I love you Martin. I thought we could be together, I thought that was what you had come to talk to me about. I was wrong. You came to tell me that you got another girl pregnant and if that wasn't enough, everyone knew, but me. That hurts, Martin. It really hurts. It hurts to be in love with someone who you can't have and it kills you that they mean the world to you and you mean nothing to them. You don't know how that feels." Ruthie whispered.

She put her head down, upset, but also unabashed. Martin tilted her head up so that she was staring into his eyes. Her nose only a centimeter from his. Ruthie had always been able to get lost in those eyes, but she fought the urge. Now was not the time.

"I do know what it feels like," Martin began, " To love someone that you know you can't have."

"Oh," Ruthie said, upset that another girl had stolen his heart. She tried to look down again and at that moment, Martin understood why.

"You Ruthie, I love you. It's always been you."

"What?"

"How about I talk and you listen for a while, OK?"

"OK." She breathed.

"This is hard, coming from a jock and a marine's son, so listen closely because I don't know if I'll be able to say this again." He paused, then began again. "Ruthie, for the past two years you've taken my life by storm. I couldn't have you last year because I lived with you. We just couldn't be. I watched you date Vincent, that bastard, and dated Zoe and a few other girls to keep my mind off of something that was unattainable. You. Then this summer I made a big mistake. Sandy. I knew that this year could have been for us, but a stupid, one night stand screwed that all up." Martin stopped to take a breath.

He began again, " I couldn't bear to tell you about Sandy and the mistake I made. I never wanted to hurt you for anything in the world. But I did. And I hate myself for that. I really did mean what I said that night."

By this time silent tears were rolling down Ruthie's cheeks. Martin brushed them away.

He began again, " So yeah, I do know what it's like. I love you and I can't be with you."

"Why not?" Ruthie questioned. "It doesn't matter that you and Sandy are having a baby. We can make this work."

"No," Martin said, "No."

He shook his head, while Ruthie looked on questioningly. He took one hand in his and looked into Ruthie's eyes.

"Why? Now you help me understand."

Martin sighed," Ruthie, your perfect. You're beautiful, smart, sweet, funny, innocent and untainted, but me, I don't deserve you. Someone like me doesn't deserve someone as pure and perfect as you. We can't be together right now. It would tear us apart. I'm scared of losing you and our friendship."

Ruthie looked at Martin with a look of commitment.

"No." She stated firmly. "Martin, nothing is ever perfect, but you are as close as it gets for me. I may be pure or whatever else you want to call it, but I love you. If I'm everything you say I am then it sounds like you feel that I deserve the best. And for me the best is you." Ruthie said.

"No, we can't."

"Oh, spare me the we can't shit." Ruthie said and now she was angry. "This isn't even about me is it? Not really. You're a hypocrite Martin and a coward! You're too scared to get hurt and I am too, but we can try. You talk about love and how much you love me and how much I deserve. Well guess what Martin, you and me, right here, right now, this is love. You're a hypocrite if you're about to turn your back on it."

"Ruthie, this is too complicated."

"No. No one said this was going to be easy, but we have to try. I love you and that's not going to go away Martin. Please. Let's just try."

Martin looked at her.

"Is this really what you want?" he asked.

"More than anything."

"OK." He said.

And with that Martin tilted Ruthie's head back and kissed her sweetly on the lips.

"You know, I never gave up on you." Ruthie whispered as they broke apart. "Not ever."

And she leaned forward and kissed Martin, out under the stars.

A/N: Well that's it for this chapter. I'm not sure whether to end the story here or continue. Let me know what you think. Review Please.

Beautiful Deceit