b Disclaimer: /b i Stargate Atlantis and its characters are copyright of Metro-Goldwyn-Mayer Studios Inc.,
I am in no way profiting from this and no infringement is intended. /i

b Title: Shotgun /b
Author: Celede
Date: 4 December 2005
Rating: PG-13
Notes: Response to AtlantisFire challenge. Thanks to my awesome beta Val! The title is crap and misleading, this is not a story about a shotgun... kinda Sheppard/Teyla (seeing as they are OTP)
Spoilers: None, although Dex is there
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"...and if you do it one more time, I'm going to drop you on your head!"

Elizabeth sighed, watching her flagship team emerge from the stargate, and listening to an argument that had obviously started on another world. John was turned in Rodney's direction as they walked and he'd obviously not paused for breath from one side of the event horizon to the other. Rodney, to his credit, was looking remarkably guilty and sorry for himself as opposed to his usual tack, which was to argue with John, even if John was completely justified in yelling at him.

Elizabeth just knew that Rodney had done something really bad this time.

She watched as they made their way up the stairs towards the control room, John still yelling at Rodney with Teyla and Ronon, the latter looking rather amused, bringing up the rear.

"... I never thought I'd get to say that you're stupid, but this is beyond stupid! Do you ever even think before you opened that trap of yours?"

Elizabeth raised an eyebrow at John as the team came to a halt in front of her. Before she could say anything John slapped Rodney over the head and walked away in a defiant haze of annoyance.

"I didn't think they would take me seriously, Elizabeth, I mean come on, it was a joke!" Rodney defended himself."Perhaps we should take this to the conference room where someone might fill me in?" She queried.

Teyla was the first to start walking, Elizabeth noticed she was not looking at Rodney as much as glaring.

That was when Elizabeth knew Rodney really, really had done something bad.

It took a lot to get the normally good natured Athosian glowering in the manner that she was at Rodney.

As the team sat around the conference table, Elizabeth couldn't help but notice that Ronon was almost in pain from holding back the laughter it appeared he so desperately wanted to release.

"Would someone mind telling me what is going on?" She asked the silent group.

Rodney said nothing and looked at his hands and Ronon let out a small chuckle. It was Teyla that spoke first.

"Colonel Sheppard and I have been married," She stated in a matter of fact manner.

Elizabeth almost did a double take.

"Why? I mean, how.. No I mean why?" She stuttered.

Teyla took a deep breath and started to explain. It seemed that the people of MJ8-094 had certain beliefs about how women should exist. They were married to a man of their choosing by their 16th birthday and were thereafter never to be in the company of men without her betrothed. When the village elders had asked to whom Teyla belonged to, it all started to go down hill.

"All I said was 'Well, the Colonel of course, but they're waiting for a spring wedding'. It was supposed to be a joke!" Rodney sulked.

"The Teilans did not see it that way and announced that the Colonel and I had to be married before any negotiations were to take place,"

Teyla was almost seething now.

It seemed Ronon couldn't hold it anymore and Elizabeth watched in amusement as he burst out laughing.

"They were married before they could blink!" He laughed clutching his sides.

Teyla stood abruptly and with a slight nod to Elizabeth stormed out of the conference room.

Elizabeth looked at Rodney, who was still looking at his hands, although the embarrassment from earlier looked as if it had been slightly replaced by fear. Elizabeth couldn't blame him, she wouldn't want Teyla that angry at her. She had seen her fight.

Elizabeth sighed.

"You're going to have to continue the story, now Rodney," She mused.

"Well there's not much more than that. After Teyla realised what had happened, Sheppard decided it was time to come home. And then the yelling began. That's about it really," He said limply.

Ronon and Rodney got out of their seats as Elizabeth ordered them to the infirmary for their post mission checkup. Elizabeth walked back to her office and sat down as her door shut, going through the story that she has just had recounted.

She began to laugh.