A/N: Okay, small warning here. This chapter is going to require a rather large amount of imagination.

Ch. 4

Good Little Biped

John stared at the creature, and the creature – lying prone with its head resting in the palms of its upturned claws – stared at John with bright-eyed, childish wonder.

Am I really all that fascinating? John thought sardonically. Wow, I feel so special.

John took another bite of the tough meat the thing had brought. A whole leg of meat, actually, that was already showing signs of refusing to sit well in John's stomach. The meat was tough, dry, and hurt his jaw to chew. But at least it was cooked. These creatures were never going to stop amazing him.

John only managed a small tear in the massive leg of – whatever it was – and the little creature was picking off the rest every now and then, chewing as though the meat melted in its mouth. Which it probably did. There was no saying what chemical composition made up the thing's saliva.

After having brought the meat, the beast then had brought in what looked to be (when carried by the creature) a shallow cup of water. To John it was more like a wide, shallow barrel carved from a boulder. John found by dipping the meat in the water that it became less of a hassle to chew and didn't scrape his throat on the way down. The meat filled fast, sitting like a rock in Sheppard's gut, so after only two hand-sized pieces he couldn't eat anymore. Without taking his eyes from the beast he hauled himself painfully to his feet by gripping the edge of the 'cup'. But he had to tear his gaze away once standing to see what kind of bruises were obscuring his face.

No bruises, just a dry scabbing cut on his forehead, some dried blood on his face, and a beard. He turned his heavy-lidded gaze on the creature.

" You can wrap up the rest of me with no problem, but forget the worst possible wound a guy can get? What if I had a concussion?"

The creature perked and squeaked. John flinched. " Yeah, don't take that as a sign I want to play or anything. Just stay there, keep observing..."

He looked back at his reflection. He cupped some water into his hand and took a few drinks. Following that, he took more water and splashed it on his face. He scrubbed at the dry blood, careful to avoid the wound and risk reopening it. When he was done, he dried his face on the sleeve of his jacket and looked back at himself. Except for the gash and the beard, he looked relatively more like himself.

" I'd kill for a shave," he groaned. He hated beards. They just weren't him. He had realized this after attempting to consciously grow a beard, only to shave it off when someone had made the off-handed comment concerning him looking like a skinny, life-sized GI Joe doll. The old ones from the seventies, not the beardless youthful ones of today.

They also itched. He did have an option though. He reached into his vest pocket and pulled out his switch-blade, which elicited another excited chirp from the beast. John opened the knife, testing its edge with his thumb. It was still sharp, sharp enough to hopefully cut his bonds when critter-lad finally got bored and trotted off to do something else.

John had never really shaved with a knife before, but he'd seen other guys do it, and none of them had ended up slitting their own throats in the process. It would have been easier had he some soap to lather on his face, but he wasn't going to complain.

In some countries and planets, people can't shave at all.

John splashed his face again, waited for the water to still, then grimaced slightly as he passed the cold metal down his face. The knife scraped loudly, but the facial hair fell away like tiny bits of ash. It wasn't exactly a close shave (though even with a standard issue razor he didn't always get a close shave) but at least he was starting to look less and less like a wiry 1970s GI Joe. It was when he got to his neck that he became nervous. He lifted his head, pulling the skin, and slowed his strokes.

Is shaving really worth slicing your jugular? And yet he continued all the same. Why stop now when he had yet to puncture a major artery?

Thankfully, it didn't take long. When he finished, he wiped the blade on the leg of his pants, then splashed his face again. Finally, he looked like himself – totally himself.

The creature trilled, and John looked at it.

" So, Junior, how do I look?" Junior seemed a fitting enough name. Better than 'it, 'monster', or 'critter'.

Junior lifted its head and clacked its jaws. John folded his knife and placed it back in his vest pocket. He really did feel much better. It was always funny how the simple things in life could have such big impacts.

Junior rose onto all fours, and reached out with a single claw toward Sheppard's face. John recoiled a step back with a slight cringe and a shudder. The thing may have had uncanny human mannerisms, but the claws were still sharp and wicked-looking.

Junior flattened his ears in what was either an action of hurt or apology, and withdrew its claw.

" Sorry, pal," John said. " But with claws like those, who needs knives?"

Junior arched what would have been an eyebrow if it had any eyebrows. It then trilled, squeaked, clicked, and took the meat into its mouth and the cup into one clawed hand. Then, in another new feat that astounded John, it rose onto its hind legs and scurried off like a velociraptor.

John didn't dwell on it for long. He pulled out his knife, and leaned his back against the wall to gently lower himself to the floor. He unfolded the blade and began trying to saw through the rope connecting him to the stake. The rope refused to even get nicked. It was like trying to saw through greased rubber using a butter knife.

John flipped his knife back into the handle and shoved it in his pocket with forceful exasperation.

" Of course this wasn't gonna be easy," he growled, then pulled out his radio ear piece and began looking it over. To the naked eye, there was nothing apparently wrong with it. It was still together, just dead silent. Even when out of radio range from the others, it had at least made those annoying, rushing static sounds. Now, it did nothing. He tapped it with his finger, shook it, then placed it in his ear.

" Hey, anyone there? Anyone hear me?"

He felt like an idiot trying for the fourth time that day, but at least trying gave him something to do and kept out the nagging voice of despair trying to pull him down. But with sawing through the ropes proving a bust, that despair was starting to get some good acoustics.

John sighed and slipped the radio pack into his pocket. He tilted his head back against the rough wall and closed his eyes, shivering when cold air leaked in through his collar to go tumbling down his chest.

Patience, John. They have to have a way of cutting through this stuff. Watch, observe, wait for the right moment...

In the meantime, he decided to find a way to distract himself. He opened his eyes, and turned his head about in search of the source for the surrounding light. Since there were no lamps or fires to be seen, John assumed it had to be emanating from the cave wall, like from a fungus. He shifted, turning so that his shoulder was resting against the rock, and began feeling along it. Veins of various colors created prismatic web works within the red stone, and it was difficult to tell mineral from plant – unless it was one of the minerals creating the light.

John cupped his hands around a tangled mass of veins and pressed his face in close. Sure enough, the space within his hands was lit up by two veins of crystal amber within the tangle.

" Wow," John breathed. Definitely no cease to his constant amazement.

There came the clack of claws, and John turned his head to see a beaked, big-eared head pop up over the rise like a gopher peeking from its hole. John's shoulder's sagged.

Junior's back.

The creature twitched its head to look at John, and suddenly bounded over to him like a cat strung out on nip. It was only when it was over the rise that John realized Junior was looking a lot smaller than originally. In fact, he looked to be more the size of a Clydesdale than an elephant.

Because that ain't Junior, John.

" Crap," John uttered, and turned, pressing his back into the wall. Unlike Junior, this new critter-kid obviously had no compunctions about approaching a strange creature. John went rigid when the even smaller creature stop inches from John's face. Also unlike Junior, this one had no horns, and a short mane. It began sniffing John, then prodded him in the chest and sides with its claws.

" Ow! Stop that!" he snapped, pushing the claw away. Instead of reacting in rage or defense, the creature squealed, jumped a few times, grinned, and began pulling on John's arm with both claws... his broken arm.

As John was being dragged away from the wall, he screamed in pain. Then screamed even louder when the rope on his ankle went taut and the creature continued pulling. Alarmed, the little creature dropped John where he curled into himself, cradling his arm and gasping in an agonized breath. The small creature then proceeded into another round of poking as it squeaked and trilled. John, even mired in pain, managed to come up with a small interpretation of said noises.

" Get up thing. What's the matter thing? You sleeping thing?"

" Go away!" John shouted, but it only made the creature poke him more, aggravating his broken ribs.

A high-pitched wail caused the little beast to stop. John turned his head enough to see the smaller creature bristle and hiss, then run off when Junior came charging in, followed – more methodically – by momma beast. The smaller beast hid behind mom's legs, chattering incessantly. Junior crouched in front of John, chattering as well with flattened ears and a lowered brow. Junior was pissed.

" What did you do?" was John's personal interpretation.

" Nothing," or " I was just looking," or " I didn't do anything!"

Junior checked John over, and pulled its head back in alarm.

" You hurt it." Junior looked back at mom. " She (he) hurt it."

" Did not!"

" Did too!"

Then mom bellowed, which made Sheppard wince.

" Enough, you two!" She then snaked her head around to look at the smaller beast, and hummed something probably along the lines of, "Go out and play."

The smaller creature squealed, clapped its jaws twice at its sibling, then bounded off. The smaller beast had looked very much like the mother. It must be a female thing to not have horns, in which case Junior was a boy, and the smaller creature had been its annoying little sister.

Mom lumbered over to her son and his pet, lowering her head to look at the tiny, fragile biped that was the size of a hamster compared to her. She sat back on her haunches, then lifted the claw of her small finger and gently slipped it beneath John. Just as gently, she lifted him up into a sitting position. After that, she brought her face in close, so close that her warm breath washed over him, and strangely enough it didn't smell all that bad. Mostly sweet, like grass.

She opened her maw, and John shrank back.

" Hey, what? What're you doing?" He started shivering, and if his heart pounded any harder it was going to break another rib.

Momma beast let loose a high-pitched shrill, so high that Sheppard barely even heard it. It was almost like the whine of a machine when it was being charge or had been switched on. After a few seconds of this, she stopped, and slipped her claw away from John's back. He remained sitting, and stared up at Momma Beast with the same cock-eyed look Junior had given him when Sheppard had spoken to him.

" What the hell was that?" he muttered to himself. Momma Beast clicked something to her son, who nodded in return. She then handed him something, something that made John's heart somersault into his intestines.

It was more braided rope, longer than the rope he was attached to. Junior untangled the rope and lifted it by one end, which was attached to a braided loop.

" Ooohhh crap," John breathed, going stiff enough to snap in half. Junior went over to John, moving slowly. John held still. Like he was going to try anything with monolithic Momma Beast hovering over him.

Junior took the loop, untied it, then slowly placed it around John's neck. John slumped.

" Damn-it," he growled. When the beast finished, it pulled the loop up, testing to see if it could slip off John's head. Momma Beast clicked something.

" Careful, dear. Don't break it's neck."

With that thought, John tensed again, and had the uncanny sensation of his neck being as brittle as a dried twig. That might have explained why they hadn't bandaged his head. Careful as Junior was being, kids weren't always so delicate, and it wouldn't have taken much for Junior to snap John's neck. Turning his head too far, twitching suddenly while holding his head in place... John shivered.

With the 'leash' in place – not too tight or loose – around John's neck, Junior then lowered his head and took the edge of the ankle bracelet into one side of his jaw. He gnawed and licked it for a moment until it fell away.

Well, now I know how they do it. McKay would have loved seeing this. Apparently the creatures really did have some kind of chemically enhanced saliva that could do anything.

Liquid Swiss army knife.

Junior tugged on the rope, and John' jerked forward.

" Ow! Damn it! Give me a moment."

Momma Beast lowered her head, clicking something, and Junior flattened his ears sheepishly.

" Don't do that, you'll hurt the little biped."

" Oops."

Junior tugged more gently and trilled.

" Good little biped. Time for walkies."

John glared at Junior. " You're lucky I already know better than to bite you." He then pushed himself to his feet, only to waver when everything spun. Momma Beast watched with an apparent expression of worry written all over her reptilian face. She clicked and trilled.

" Maybe this isn't a good idea. It's still hurt."

Junior trilled back.

" It's cool, mom." Or something like that. The trill sounded longer than just three words.

Junior began moving, glancing behind him to make sure John was following. John trudged after his 'owner', his arm held delicately to his chest like a piece of fine china. He brooded over the fact that he was something so frail in the presence of these creatures, and he couldn't help the pity he felt for all the mice he had witnessed being overtaken by his mom's cat when he was a kid. Good thing he was more like a dog to these massive beasts. Dogs always got better treatment than pet rodents.

Plus no spending the rest of my life running in a giant hamster wheel.

But spending the rest of his life on a leash was just as unpleasant, mostly out of humiliation.

Glad McKay isn't here. He'd never let me live it down.

At the thought of McKay, then Teyla, Ford, Weir, and even Beckett, John was hit by a sudden surge of homesickness. All the normal questions popped into his head; Were they okay? Were they looking for him? Had they given up? He didn't know how long he'd been tethered to that pole, but seeing as how he had awoken to an almost fully grown beard, it had to have been for a while.

John's blood ran cold. They probably think I'm dead. He didn't blame them for it, though. He was still a little dazed about being alive himself. He had yet to ascertain if being dead was preferable to being on a leash.

Momma Beast and Junior headed down the incline, and Sheppard followed. The incline, however, was a lot steeper than he had first thought, and he was forced to sit and slide down the glassy red surface with its webbing of multi-colored crystals. They exited the cave, only to enter another cave, one so massive it actually dwarfed Momma-Beast to elephant size and made caves like Carlsbad seem like a pothole. There was a massive fire roaring in a bowl carved into the floor by claws. Yellow branches were tied together forming frames where skins hung, and cups shaped from rock were piled against the wall that curved upward into the hazy ceiling.

Skins were scattered everywhere near the massive blaze, but not too near to catch on fire from a stray cinder. John sighed in relief when the heat from the fire warmed his clothes, then his skin, driving out the moist chill that had clung to his bones like fungus.

Junior's little sister, plus another male, slightly bigger than Junior, and another female of the same size, were darting about the fire, chasing a ball. They stopped on sighting their sibling and his new pet. The bigger female held back, but little sister and big brother moved forward to check John out. Junior beamed and trilled.

" Isn't it cool? Mom said I could keep it."

Big brother lowered his head toward John. John went statue still except for the slight tremors that twitched his body. Big brother snorted loudly, and the rush of air forced John back a few steps. Junior responded with a guttural growl and a hiss.

" Don't do that! You're scaring it."

Big brother hissed back. " Whatever." Then trotted away. Big sister still wouldn't go near John, and kept squeaking nervously.

" Eeeww, what is it? Keep it away from me."

Junior snorted, moving off to the right. John felt the ground vibrate beneath his feet, but on looking back found Momma Beast curled up by the fire. When John looked forward, he stumbled in shock.

One of the adult beasts was heading toward them, this one several inches bigger than momma-beast, with massive horns that curled back and a thick mane that whispered every time the creature moved.

John, meet daddy.

Poppa Beast stopped in front of his small son and lowered his great head to regard both child and said child's pet. Junior chattered, clicked, and trilled excitedly.

" Look what I found dad, it was just lying in the sand all broken and bleeding but I brought it back and fixed it and now it's getting better and mom said I could keep it. Can I keep it dad, can I, huh, huh? It's small and doesn't eat much and it's smart and does tricks and hasn't bitten anyone..." At least something along those lines.

Poppa Beast looked from his son to John. John couldn't help another small cringe in the presence of this massive male. Swallowing, he raised his hand in a small, pathetic wave.

" Um, hi... Mr... um... Junior's dad. Please don't step on me."

Poppa Beast looked back and Junior, clicked, then stepped over son and pet, heading to the fire. Junior trilled, leaping up and down excitedly. John let out a shuddering breath of relief.

They continued on, cresting a small slope that should have been an easy climb but was sapping what little strength John had. It didn't take them long to reach the top, and when they did, the breath caught in Sheppard's throat.

The cavern that made the creature's home was a hole in comparison to what he was seeing; an entire underground world, plus civilization. John could see no wall, no ceiling, just miles and miles of great rocky pillars that vanished into yellow-tinted clouds high above, pillars that supported the hidden ceiling. The cavern John stood in was several meters above the ground in the rock face, and below stretched a forest of massive yellow trees with – to John's further surprise – green foliage. They were a lot like oak trees – big, mutant oak trees. And moving among the trees were more of Junior's kind in all sizes, decked out in jewels and skins, going about their daily lives. Some were pulling down a few trees and dragging them back to the wall pockmarked with hundreds of cavern entrances. Others were scurrying up and down the sheer wall like monkeys bounding from branch to branch. John saw a group of females tearing the hide off of some brown beast that resembled an elephant with a stubby trunk, tiny ears, and four tusks; one pair going up, the others curving down. Once the skin was off, they began tearing it into sections with each female taking a section back to her dwelling. Various birds – with the smallest as far as John could tell being the size of a St. Bernard - skimmed close to the misty, swirling cloud cover.

John's heart did yet another acrobatic plunge, and his stomach churned.

" I have literally journied to the center of the earth. Crap." But still kind of cool.

Junior chattered, squeaked, trilled, and pointed down into the subterranean valley. John widened his eyes at Junior. He shook his head as he slowly tried to back away.

" Oh no. Don't even take me down there. I'm a freakin' bug to your people. You'll be scraping me off someone's foot..."

Junior clicked. " Aw, isn't that cute, he's talking to me." Then he scooped John up with one claw, holding him in his cupped palm, and began bounding down the wall by puncturing his claws into the rock and swinging, sliding, and dropping down. John had his good arm wrapped around Junior's wrist tight, but being the die-hard fly boy that he was felt a surge of adrenaline pumping exhilaration at the strange form of flight rather than absolute terror. The only small twinge of fear came from the possibility of Junior dropping him before hitting bottom.

Then they reached bottom, and Junior set John down. The exhilaration was yanked from Sheppard the moment his feet touched the rocky floor and he looked up. Junior's kind was everywhere, lumbering dinosaur people that made the ground constantly shudder with their steps. Junior took up John's leash and tugged gently to urge John on. John had no choice but to walk fast and keep up with his 'owner' or get stepped on by the adults who didn't seem to be paying much attention to where their feet landed. The kids weren't any better the way they ran, leaped, swung from the trees, and wrestled in every conceivable direction. A few darted up to Junior and a cacophony of dolphin chatter started up. Junior tugged on John's leash to pull him forward, and his friends squeaked in delight.

John glared at them, stepping back when one tried to touch him. That one, a male, shrieked and tried to pull the leash out of Junior's claws. In turn, John was yanked forward and fell onto his chest. Pain exploded through his body and he cried out. Junior hissed in alarm and shoved the other male away. So the other male shoved Junior roughly, knocking him to the ground. The rest of the dino-kids followed it up with guttural clicking sounds that could only be laughter, then ran off.

John looked over at Junior quizzically. " Why didn't you fight back?"

Junior just stared at him, sag-eared and piteous; a subdued little child. He pushed himself to all fours, then picked up the leash and trudged on with feet dragging.

John didn't need to speak creature to know the situation. Junior had hoped to win a few friends with his new pet, then the novelty of a strange creature wore off faster than Junior could blink because one of the brats had hurt that pet.

Junior had lost his chance of gaining a few buddies by protecting John.

John had to admit, that was pretty good loyalty. Not to mention proof that he had nothing to fear from Junior. Junior's lack of popularity, on the other hand, was good reason to be concerned. Nothing like tormenting the small kid by tormenting his favorite pet.

" I am sooo dead."

SGSGSGSG

A/N: I rather enjoyed writing this chapter:) More Shep pulverization to come, I promise. Also, I kind of hurried with this chapter, so if there are any mistakes or things I didn't mention – I'll fix them later.