A/N: More Atlantean ruminations, followed by further Shep whumps.
Ch. 8
Cornered
Oceanic sunsets were unbeatable. The best part was when the sun was sitting on the horizon, throwing a citrus-colored path across the perpetually moving water, a path that Ford could have sworn was solid enough to walk on.
Ford didn't normally take to standing out on the balcony as much as he was doing lately. A few moments to enjoy a good sun rise or sunset, and that was about it. He didn't have to check his watch to know he'd been out on this particular balcony for more than just a measly few minutes. More like thirty minutes, give or take.
He was starting to value his privacy a little too much. The problem was, he didn't know how to stop. There was just something about being around people that was making him uncomfortable. Something about trying to laugh with them and crack a few jokes that felt slightly out of place.
Of course, Ford already knew the answer to why he was feeling this way, and he hated it.
Something's missing, namely Major Sheppard. People tended to take the impact that others made for granted. It was a cliché thing to say, but the Major's permanent absence had left a gaping big hole when it came to everyday life on Atlantis.
Ford winced. He hadn't meant for the thought to sound like some twisted pun, one that made him sick.
Ford knew that, in time, that hole would fill in to be nothing more than a pin-prick, and life would find a way to resume its normal rhythms. The problem was, there was this the nagging desire to fight the inevitable shift back into normalcy. To give into normalcy was to accept that Sheppard at died falling down a stupid hole, and to accept that meant to accept that he was gone and never coming back. Ford was aware of that harsh truth, but a part of him didn't want to give into its smug attitude of fatalism.
Crap, Ford, it's an emotion, you don't spite an emotion. Still, he couldn't help the small satisfaction he got from doing so.
To give into the truth that the Major's gone is to admit that I failed.
Ford furrowed his brow. " But I did fail."
" What was that lieutenant?"
Startled, Ford whirled around to see Dr. Weir standing in the entrance to the balcony.
" Oh, uh, just talking to myself, ma'am," he quickly said. He then nodded tersely. " Just, you know, been doing a lot of thinking."
" About failure? What is it you think you failed at?"
Ford's jaw dropped. " Uh..."
Weir smiled slightly. " Let me practice a little mind reading trick on you. You think you failed Major Sheppard." She cocked and eyebrow. " Am I right? Did I get it?"
Ford physically deflated, leaning his back up against the balcony rail. " Don't take this the wrong way, Dr. Weir, but duh. I mean, I know we tried to save him, we did, but..."
Weir moved over to the rail and mimicked Ford's posture say for having her arms folded in front of her chest. " But what?"
Ford shrugged. " Should we've gone after him? The thing is - Dr. Weir - the moment I saw those tracks, I freaked – I panicked. All I could think was 'there's something down here, so we've gotta split'. I didn't... I didn't even consider going in a littler further to see if something really took the Major or if he just rolled down that dune out of sight. I forgot we were armed and could have taken whatever it was down. I got spooked, Dr. Weir. I bolted."
Elizabeth nodded in understanding. " I suppose it's true..."
Ford looked at her, his heart plummeting.
" If you look at it that way. You weren't the only one down there. You had two other men with you. Did you consider their safety as well?"
" Yes ma'am. But if we'd brought reinforcements..."
Dr. Weir held up her hand for him to stop. " Don't Lieutenant. What ifs and if onlys have yet to change anything. You do know you're not the only one wallowing in self blame, right? I don't know if you've noticed, but it seems to me that Teyla is subdued, McKay is – to put it gently – more irritable than what we're used to, Beckett goes pale every time another team is sent through the gate, and me... well, I can't really step outside myself but I did overhear some talk going on about how strict I've been concerning safety protocols. Then there's you, Lieutenant, normally social, now giving in to the lifestyle of a recluse."
Ford sighed. " So what do we do about it?"
Weir shrugged. " Get used to it, I suppose. We can't remain wallowing in our own guilt forever."
Ford looked at Weir in disbelief. " What do you have to feel guilty about?"
Weir gave him another small smile. " Being curious. I wanted to know about those worlds just as much as Rodney. That, and I was the one who'd talked the Major into coming to Atlantis in the first place. Up until the moment he sat in that chair he didn't even know such things as Stargates and Ancients existed, and only moments later I was asking him to step through a machine that would break him down into molecules and shoot him across time and space to a whole other galaxy. I had basically shattered the man's entire concept of reality in only a few minutes and never gave him a chance to catch his mental breath. So I have just as much right to drown in guilt as everyone else."
Ford managed his own small smile, but dropped it when he saw Weir's face devoid of any grin, and her eyes distant.
" Why is this so hard, Lieutenant Ford? John was a soldier, and there was always a good chance that he would never make it back. We new this." She shrugged. " I guess we always assumed it would never happen."
" He died falling into a pit, Dr. Weir," Ford replied. " He didn't get shot, blown up, captured, or wraith-sucked. He had an accident and it took his life. That's no way for anyone to die."
Weir nodded again, but said nothing since there was nothing to say. They both stood with their backs to the vanishing sun sinking behind the ocean, and contemplated their individual feelings of remorse.
SGSGSGSGSGSG
Oh crap, what've I done? Sheppard kept close as possible to Junior without touching him, and watched with a wary eye the young dinos creeping a little too close with the hunched-shoulder posture of a beast readying for the attack.
He'd been receiving nothing but dirty looks from the resident dino-brats since they'd returned to the underworld. That had been a day ago. They were still camped in front of the massive, red-hazed maw that was the cavern entrance. John deemed yesterday's excursion to topside some sort of religious ceremony, and little inconsiderate him had interrupted it.
Thus far the adults had yet to express any form of irritation toward John's brief loss of control. Poppa Beast had given Junior what had sounded like a small berating, somewhere along the lines of;
" Next time, tie it to a stake and leave it behind."
In which Junior might have replied;
" But dad, something would have eaten it." Or " Someone would have taken it." Or " It might have gotten loose and run away."
" No buts, son. Do not bring it to the (insert religious ceremony here as soon as John could give it a name) again."
" All right, I'm sorry."
After the lecture, Junior's family treated John no differently than before - Momma Beast with mild interest, Poppa Beast with mild indifference, Little sis with wonder, Big sis with discomfort, and Big bro with annoyance. The other adults took no notice of John. It was just the kids he had to worry about.
Or at least a few of the kids. Not all of them turned their heads to look at him with disgust. Some still held unchecked fascination with him, marred by a little mistrust.
At the moment, Junior was keeping himself entertained by tormenting some sort of cat-sized rodent – an orange and red weasel with a squirrel's tail and very long monkey limbs. He had it cornered beneath a bush, and where ever it moved Junior would block its way. The creature shrieked, a sound like a baby screaming.
John folded his arms and shook his head. " You're a cold critter, Junior. Are you gonna eat it or not?"
As though to answer his question, Junior misstepped and weasel-squirrel darted away, up the cave wall and into a bush clinging to a narrow ledge. Instead of being upset, Junior made laughing sounds, swishing his tail and forcing John to crouch and avoid being knocked senseless. While remaining in a crouch, John chanced a glance over his shoulder.
Another dino-kid was pacing several yards away, emitting unnerving throaty gargling sounds. John stood and straightened as best he could. It was always said that whenever confronted by a predator to appear too big for the predator to want to handle. Problem was, John could stand on his toes and still not even touch the top of his head to the bottom of dino-brat's jaw.
Junior soon picked up on the noises the brat was making and snaked his head around to look. But rather than gargle, hiss, or trill back, Junior's ears went flat and he cringed, quickly looking away.
John looked at Junior in shock. " What, you're just gonna take that crap from him? He's... probably insulting you or something. And you're just gonna crouch there?"
Junior began plucking the leaves from the bush where moments ago he'd been bullying a rodent. John looked back at dino-brat and his blood ran cold when he saw the smug grin on the reptilian face. That's when it finally hit John.
They aren't pissed at me. They just hate Junior. Bullies fed off reasons to torment. John's momentary madness had given them that reason. He'd been afraid of this.
Junior's tormentor, still gurgling and smirking, went statue still, then bolted. John started back in surprise and glanced around wildly for danger. He then felt the ground vibrate, and a shadow fell over both him and Junior. Junior continued picking at the plant, wallowing in a state of self-pity, oblivious to the heavy thud of massive footfalls.
Suddenly, one of the adults stepped over both him and Junior, and still Junior didn't look up. Instinctively, John crouched, but the adult's feet missed them by several long feet. The adult, brighter-colored than Junior's dad, began climbing the cave wall, and soon John realized with a quick search of his surroundings that all the adults were doing the same. They scurried up the rock-face with the speed of spooked spiders.
John tilted his head back to watch, amazed. Whenever one of the adults stopped, they opened their jaws to make a sound like the one Momma-Beast had made when checking John over. After making that sound, they would snap their jaws shut and move to another spot. They did this for about two minutes or so when one of the adults made the sound, snapped his jaw, then began digging into the wall with its massive claws. Within seconds it looked as though the large male had broken through into some hole, reached in, and ripped out the ugliest looking snake-worm thing John had ever seen. It was fat, yellow, with bright green veins and a huge mouth full of small serrated teeth. It squirmed in the male's grasp, dribbling a clear, sticky substance from its gaping mouth. The male dino shrieked, then began bashing the worm against the wall until it finally stopped moving. After that, he just let the worm fall the great distance to the hard ground. John flinched when he heard the wet, crunching impact, and his stomach churned.
The worm fell close by enough for him to see its mutilated body oozing more clear liquid that steamed when it touched the ground. John couldn't even give a name to the foul oder the thing gave off.
John scrunched his face in disgust, using the end of his jacket to cover his mouth and nose, and taking a few steps back. " Damn, that thing is freakin' nasty."
Junior twisted his neck around, but still showed no interest in what was going on.
Another adult, a female, came over to the worm and split it open with a single claw. The stink poured from it like an invisible cloud, and John gagged.
" Whoa! Dang! What the crap...!"
The female peeled the flesh from the worm like a human would peel the skin off an orange. She tore the skin into strips of various size and laid them flat on the ground. After that, she began pulling off the thing's musculature and slapping the yellow meat into a skin-lined basket.
John felt ready to puke. " Please tell me that's not dinner."
With the worm picked clean apart, she hauled her collection of worm skin to the river and proceeded to dip it, slap it on rocks, and scrub it on more rocks. Soon the flesh took on a transparent appearance that was very familiar to John. He reached around his back through the rip in his clothes, touching the 'bandage' pasted to his skin.
His face twisted in a grimace. " That's just nasty."
He felt the familiar but obnoxious tug on his neck. Junior was ready to move to another, better, spot in which to brood. John followed like the good biped that he was. With all the adults scurrying about the walls, pulling sewer-bathing worms from the rocks, getting around wasn't as much of the nerve wracking deal as it usually was – say for giant slugs dropping from the sky. Amazingly enough, none of the stinkers landed anywhere near Junior and John, but that didn't stop the splattering thud from making him flinch.
Junior headed down to the river where no worms were falling, and lowered his head to get a drink. John, not thirsty enough to attempt to drink from a river used to wash smelly-worm skin, continued to watch as the adults searched the walls for hidden worm holes. He had assumed the worm's liquid innards to be acidic or something the way they had smoked when spilled on the ground, but since the bandage on his own back hadn't burned his flesh away, he guessed that it was more a chemical reaction to the minerals in the rock.
If only McKay were here to explain it in less simple terms, he mused with a smirk.
The sound the creatures were making had to be some kind of sonar/X-ray ability, allowing them to see beyond rock or, in Momma Beast's case when she had been checking John, skin.
It was too cool. Each day he spent with these creatures was another day he learned something new. Hadn't that been the reason for coming to this world in the first place? Hell, Atlantis in general? All in the name of discovery. Well, John was discovering plenty.
And no one to tell. This is McKay's territory, not mine. Of course had McKay been the one on the leash rather than John, he'd be dead by now, abandoned by Junior when Junior couldn't figure out how to get his little pet to shut up. John didn't fathom this out of any sort of spite or amusement. There was a lot of truth to it that actually made it unpleasant rather than remotely funny. The only way this situation would be laughable was if it had been a Genii resigned to this fate.
John chuckled at the thought of Kolya being jerked around on the end of a rope. Then he stopped when he remembered that he was the one being dragged around.
How do I get out of here? It was not the first time he had asked himself that, and it would never be the last, even if he managed to survive into a ripe old age. He always asked it hoping it would spurn his brain into action and start forming some kind of escape plan. Instead, it planted a seed of despair that he had to quickly smother before it grew. Never in his life had he ever reached the point where he wanted to give up, and his current predicament was not going to be that point. He was a pet, which was a far cry from being a prisoner of war or a prisoner under court martial.
But I'm still a prisoner if Junior can't get it in his head to return me to the wild. If the dinos had met the ancients, then the tale of their presence must still linger in their stories and not just their pictures. It was possible those tales might have been distorted, or the dino-folk would have taken into more consideration John being one of those Ancients. But history, once becoming history, tended to get garbled through time.
Just as long as the stories didn't shift the Ancients' presence as being evil, bringing about plagues and what not.
" What to do, what to do..." John uttered.
He heard a hiss, and before he could even turn was yanked off his feet, falling hard on the flat of his back. Air rushed from his lungs and refused to be sucked back in. Shrieking, hissing, and gurgling resounded in his skull. When he did manage to catch his breath he rolled onto his chest to see three taller dino-kids shoving Junior's head under water.
" Hey!" John screamed and scrambled to his feet to charge at the nearest kid. He knew good and well the lack of impact his scrawny body would make against something bigger than an elephant, but it didn't mean he couldn't try.
Half-way to his destination he slowed enough to pick up a rock, and when near enough to the brat drowning Junior he gave it one massive hurl. The rock impacted on the kid's thigh with a thud, eliciting an annoyed shriek from bully number one. That same bully released Junior, whose head shot out of the water, gasping and spitting.
Junior was momentarily forgotten. The three bullies had now redirected their sights on John, and blood-curdling sights they were.
" Ah hell," John wavered. He took a step back. The bullies rose onto all fours and took a step forward, then another step and another. John kept moving but was jerked to a halt when the leash pulled against the back of his neck.
His heart proceeded to try and crawl into his throat. " Oh no, no, no, no, no... Son a of..."
The three thugs were between him and Junior. John looked at Junior pleadingly, but Junior seemed glued to the spot, unable to act just watch in horror.
" Come on, pal. Don't do this, please," John said desperately. The bigger bully of the three stopped in front of John and extended his claw. At that moment, Junior lifted his own claw and bit the tether tied to it clean in half. The leash went slack. John was free.
Junior followed it up by leaping forward and biting on bully numero uno's tail. When the howl of pain erupted, John turned and took off at the maddest run he could muster. He heard behind him a shriek cut short, and chanced a glance over his shoulder to see Junior lying sprawled in the water, trying to get up. John didn't linger on the sight. The bullies were coming up fast behind him.
The pain running created was excruciating, making him falter and nearly fall. He risked another glance over his shoulder in time to see one of the bullies leap. John skidded to a halt and the kid landed beyond Sheppard. Sheppard veered to the left where he spotted a field of varying sized rocks that looked too complicated for oversized dino-monkeys to get through.
He didn't get too far when the lead bully landed just to John's right and swiped. The massive paw impacted with John's body to send him flying fast and hard. His sudden flight stopped short when he came in contact with a rock formation rising up from the ground like a crumbling wall. Something cracked, then he hit the floor and his leg snapped audibly. He screamed, pulling his leg toward him and grabbing his shin, rolling into a quivering ball of agony.
But it wasn't over. He felt something cool and hard slide through his collar along his neck-bone. The collar tightened, and as John was being slowly pulled back he began to choke and claw at the collar to rip it off. Suddenly he was flung again, and the impact was on his still-healing arm. More pain in the form of cold fire flooded him so that he let loose another throat-tearing scream. Without thinking he began to scramble backwards pressing his shaking arm tightly to his chest. He looked through squinting eyes to see the three hot-heads stalking toward him like panthers that had been given too much Miracle Grow. Terror choked John, and he kept falling on his back as he tried to back away.
His spine touched something solid, another rock. A pile of rocks actually, and with an opening just above his head big enough for him to squeeze through. Ignoring the pain that was making his mind reel dizzily, he turned enough to pull himself up with one arm, then pull himself through the small cave entrance that scraped his ribs and nearly caused him to black out. But he managed to slip through and dropped the very short distance to the floor, startling a group of big-eyed mouse-lizard things that took off into nooks and crannies.
John flipped onto his back and continued to shove backwards with one leg as far as he could go. Claws gouged at the rocks surrounding the entrance, making it big enough for numero uno's hand to slip through. John pressed himself into the rocks blocking his way. His spine stiffened, heart slammed, and he turned his head away when the claws shot straight at him.
Then stopped four inches from his face to swipe and clench at air. John watched the claws out of the corner of his eye. The hand retracted and began gouging the rock entrance. Then the hand shot through again and Sheppard flinched, cringing his trembling body further against the obstruction. The bully still couldn't reach.
He won't stop until he cuts an artery or skewers me. John moved his arm slowly, keeping it tight to his body, as he reached into his vest pocket for his knife. He retracted the blade using his thumb, then ducked under the claw, flipping onto his back at the same moment to swipe the soft flesh of dino-brat's finger. The flesh split, numero uno shrieked, then tore his paw out of the cave. His receding shrieks gradually diminished into the distance.
John began to chuckle hysterically.
That's it you little SOB! Run home to momma!
Then he stopped laughing.
Momma's gonna be pissed.
He shuddered, then choked out a gasp at the myriad of pain tearing his body to pieces. Fading adrenaline was leaving agony in its wake. John rolled onto the side of himself that did not protest having pressure put on it. He kept his broken leg straight, and brought the other leg to his chest, curling into himself, panting and shivering.
He was terrified, there was no denying it. The dino-folk weren't going to be happy that some two-legged creature had just attacked one of their own. Yes, it had been in self defense, but who were they going to believe? The gibbering little alien beast, or one of their own kids. His only hope of avoiding being squashed like a bug was a lack of intimidation on Junior's part in defending his fragile pet.
John squeezed his eyes shut against the pain, swallowed, then coughed which angered his flank.
It hurts, it hurts, it hurts so much... But not enough for him to black out. He did drift, though, wheeling in and out of consciousness. He wanted to vomit, but didn't have the strength for even that much. With the immediate terror of being chased long gone, exhaustion spilled over him thick as mud. He was scared, but his body no longer cared for fight or flight responses.
He heard frantic chatter, squeaks, and trills. Even with his body spent, John's heart still managed the strength to start another round of mad pounding. He tilted his head back to see a luminescent neon green eye peering at him through the hole.
John shrank back. " Oh no, please no..."
A hand slipped through the hole, smaller than the hand that had tried to slice him to ribbons. John tensed as the claw neared, but couldn't move even with terror trying to pump him full of the little adrenaline he had left.
The claw rested lightly against his chest, and soft purring trills echoed in the tiny cave.
Junior.
Junior laid his paw flat on the ground, palm up. John gathered the pint of strength he had left and pulled himself half-way into that palm. He didn't need to go the rest of the way. Junior lifted him up, and with the entrance being widened thanks to Dino-brat number one, slipped him out of the mouse-lizard cave with ease.
What happened after that came to Sheppard in snatches of awareness. He remembered being passed off to Momma Beast who was hovering nearby. The pain of that simple transfer had sapped him of his lingering energy. He was taken somewhere – to someone. Sheppard saw a wrinkled Dino-face through the haze over his eyes. That sound, like a machine starting up or camera charging, drilled into his brain.
X-ray vocals...
Then came the odd part. Old healer man, or whoever it was looking John over, clicked something to Junior. Junior shrank back, shivering. John was set on the ground. Junior, using the tip of his claw, opened John's jaw enough to squeeze in the burning super-morphine drink. It worked fast, and John felt himself slipping into that wonderful land known as oblivion. He was distantly aware of Junior grabbing his leg, but a little more aware when the kid began pulling. He felt, and heard, the grate of bone against bone. It hurt, but not like it probably would have had he not been drugged. He winced, closed his eyes, and thankfully passed out.
Ouch.
SGSGSGSGSGSG
A/N: Wow! T'was a mighty chapter indeed. Although the next one may be far mightier still. We're nearing the end here folks! John really can't take much more of this. Something's gotta give, right?