Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto or any of it's characters.

He stared at the book in his hands. Icha Icha Paradise, Vol. 1. The very first book started years ago. He could remember that day well. It was the first book, the start of a now famous series around the world. Ah, just thinking of the book, made him remember the first time he went peeping. The women were just coming into the hot spring and they had their towels snuggly wrapped around their lithe forms. He could feel the drool coming on. The nosebleed hadn't started yet, but he could feel it coming on. He pulled out a trusty notepad and began to take notes and the whole time basing the stories on the woman whom he saw. He was only 16 when he wrote the first volume.

'Ah, youth, how splendid you were.'

He would never regret starting his series. But now it was time for one of his most dangerous missions ever. It was time to try to see Tsunade at the hot spring. This was for perverts all over the world and, he snickered at his next thought, he wondered if Tsunade was still perky or if she was saggy now. Either way, Shizune would be with her so he couldn't be scarred too badly. A lecherous grin appeared on his face, she was coming, now all he had to do was make sure she didn't detect him. He could hear her voice and Shizune-chan's. Oh, sweet mother of us all, she was right in front of him, he stared and began to right in his book. The story was coming together. At the lack of noise, he looked through the peep hole again, yep they were still there, good.

"AHHHH, ERO-SENNIN, YOU PERVERT!"

He jerked his head up, oh no.

"You baka, urusai," Jiraiya whispered hurriedly, trying to stop his student from getting him killed.

"YOU PERVERT!"

It was too late. He could hear the cracking of knuckles right behind him.

"Jir-aiya."

---

"Itai, you stupid gaki. Watch out how hard you put them bandages on."

"You wouldn't be like this, if you weren't a pervert, Ero-sennin."

"No, you idiot, I wouldn't be like this if you didn't open your big mouth. You should have more respect for your magnificent teacher."

"Hmph. I'll never respect a pervert like you."

"Eh? Gaki, do you know how many people who would kill to be taught by me?"

"Other perverts?"

-thwap-

Naruto rubbed his head. The pervert didn't have to hit him so hard. Jiraiya grinned to himself, at least he got the brat to shut up for the time being. He looked at his notebook, at least that escaped Tsunade's wrath. His story was still safe. He stared at his student and thought about writing the brat into one of his stories. He shivered, he didn't think he could handle writing a story like that, but if he phrased it right to Tsunade, maybe…Maybe it would save him from her cause then she wouldn't find out about this story, being too busy with this other story….

"Naruto, my boy, you must learn the pen is a mightier weapon then the kunai."

"Eh?"

The look of utter confusion on Naruto's face paused him. Maybe he would leave this conversation to another day.

"Ahem, anyhow, get lost brat, your ruining my inspiration."

Naruto flicked him off and wandered away, muttering about stupid perverts and useless teachers. Jiraiya rubbed his hands together, with the brat gone he could feel his inspiration return. He sighed, how could his 'precious' student go so wrong. He couldn't understand it. Staring at Naruto's retreating form he shook his head. The brat had not one, but two perverted teachers and he still turned out that way. How could it go so wrong? Why couldn't the brat see the miracle that is the woman body? How could he not love their big breasts and hour-glass figures? It just wasn't right. He bopped himself on the head, he had to stop thinking about the gaki, or the story would never be wrote. He began to focus on the scenes he saw at the hot spring and started to write the story down.

---

'Ah, completion at last.'

The notepad lay in front of him, with the complete story. It was about a violent, big-chested woman who was trying to get her lover to come back to her. Unfortunately her super violent nature is what drove him away in the first place, that and another big-chested woman was trying to get him to marry her. Anyhow as the story progressed, the violent woman tried so many tactics to get her man back and eventually they did get back together, got married and he stopped right after writing about their honeymoon. He grinned, this would be another top winner. Hopefully no one would tell Tsunade about the main character being so like her, he couldn't possibly tell what her reaction would be. Something that would probably involve extreme amounts of pain.

"Yo!"

Kakashi poofed in behind him. Jiraiya smiled, yet another pervert for him to converse with.

"I can't find Naruto, have you seen him? We have a meeting with the Hokage coming up…sometime soon, I think."

"Nah, I ain't seen the brat, since this morning, why not ask those other students of yours, they'll probably know."

"I did, no one has seen him and Sasuke is nowhere to be found. Last reported sighting of Naruto was him heading towards the…" Kakashi trailed off. Jiraiya sighed, he didn't have to be a genius to wonder where the brat was and what he was doing. Kakashi scratched the back of his head.

"Ah, I think I'll get Sakura to get them," after saying that he pulled out his book and began to stroll away.

Jiraiya sympathized with him. He wouldn't want to interfere with that either. Poor man, had to deal with both students, at least he only had one and he didn't have to deal with them together. He should take his newest story to his publisher as soon as possible just to help Kakashi keep his sanity with a new story. He still couldn't understand why his 'precious' student turned out that way, with the Uchiha brat he could understand, the kid trained under Orochimaru for a while. That was bound to turn anyone to the dark side. But his own student, he sighed again, life was so unfair.

He stood up and stretched, he had to rush to his publisher before the man closed.

---

"Oi, Tsunade."

Her head jerked up from the desk. She had a piece of paper stuck to the side of her face and a little bit of drool coming from her mouth. He grinned, she glared at him.

"What do you want, idiot?"

"I got a proposition for you."

"What?"

She was suspicious of him. Well she ought to love this, it would give her a chance to let out the rabid fan girl side of her, that she kept hidden from most people. Unfortunately it wasn't hidden from him, he caught her reading way too many yaoi manga in their youth to be fooled by her normal demeanor.

"I want you to write a story for my book."

"No."

Oh this would be fun.

"Wait, wait, before you answer right away. Let me finish."

She stared at him for a moment, before motioning for him to continue.

"I can't write this type of story, it would scar me too much to write, but this would be right up your alley."

"Ok, go on."

"Well, my oh so precious student has given me the idea," her eyebrow arched up at that, "and I would like you to do it. I want you to write a book about Naruto and Sasuke. You know what type of series Icha Icha is, so use your fan girl imagination."

'Was he wrong in coming to her for this? She wasn't answering and she has no expression on her face.'

"You have a deal."

He swallowed and slowly backed away. Her eyes were flaming, the look on her face was terrifying. She put her hand to her mouth and began to laugh, her laughter was scary too.

"Ku ku ku ku!"

'Oh god, what have I unleashed? Why is she laughing like Orochimaru?' He turned tail and fled from her office. Then paused when he heard a god awful screaming, he stared out the window, it was coming from the directions of the Uchiha…oh never mind. 'I guess Sakura went to get the Uchiha brat and Naruto.'

---

He hadn't heard anything from the gaki in a couple of days, he supposed that he was on a mission with his team. He had heard from sources that Sakura had gotten quite the eyeful when she went to get her teammates and that Tsunade was asking her for all the details. His publisher had gotten touch with him earlier and they had gone over provisions of his book. It was being kept very secret just so the Hokage wouldn't get wind of his new book. He had mentioned offhand to his publisher about someone doing a yaoi edition of his book and the man was practically drooling at the mouth to get his hands on the story. Yes, his wonderful series would be tainted with a yaoi book, but this was for his special student so he had to ignore the taint of the dark side to get this book out. Not to mention it would distract Tsunade from the book he had wrote. He scratched his chin thoughtfully, maybe he ought to go see the Old Hag and see if she had some ideas of what she was going to write about.

'Is Shizune-chan in the room? Yes, ok its safe to enter.' He didn't think Shizune was a rabid fan girl.

"Have you figured out the plot yet?"

Tsunade leaned back in her chair to stare at him from across her desk. Shizune stood on the side, holding a folder to her chest.

"Yes, see here, these were my inspiration."

Before he could stop his curiosity he reached out to grab the pictures she tossed out on her desk. 'OH GOD, MY EYES!' He screamed mentally, he clawed at his face trying to erase the image of that blonde…no, he couldn't think of it. 'Oh no,' his retinas had the image burned into them he could feel all of his inspiration die, his joy of writing and collecting research die. All the while Tsunade sat behind her desk smirking and cackling evilly.

"Yes, quite good inspiration they were too. Shizune here is helping me write the plot of the story while Sakura gave me those pictures."

It was too much, he could hear his mind breaking.

"You're a fan girl too, Shizune?"

Shizune scratched the back of her head sheepishly and grinned.

"Jiraiya-sama, I think all girls are fan girls at heart…"she muttered. Tsunade nodded her head in agreement.

"Have you gotten the story written? When you do just take the manuscript here and tell the man it's the Icha Icha Yaoi Edition,"saying that he turned to leave.

"Wait, wait, aren't you going to listen to the plot?"

"No, I would prefer to hear nothing of the story, other than it had good reviews and was top of the charts. Other than that, I prefer to remain sane."

"But, but its about your prized student!"

"I don't care, I just saw more of my prized student than I ever want to see again. Hearing about it would only make it worse."

Tsunade shouted something at him, he turned and escaped while he still could. He unleashed a monster. He wasn't going to deal with it anymore than he had to.

-2 Months Later-

He was walking through the market section of Konoha, the bookstore that sold his books was just on the right. There was an unusually large amount of woman waiting in line to the store. 'Huh' Maybe they all were going to buy his new book, the one that was based on Tsunade. That's the only really new book that had come out, he walked closer to see better what all the woman were going on about. Suddenly out walks Kurenai, Hinata, and Tenten all of them clutching a book to their chest. Those books looked remarkably like his Icha Icha series. Sakura walks out next with her nose in another familiar looking book, looking remarkably like her sensei Kakashi.

'What's going on? Are these woman finally understanding the miracle that is Icha Icha?'

"OH SPLENDOR OF YOUTH, THIS AMAZING BOOK IS THE EMBODIMENT OF YOUTH DIVINE! THE AUTHOR OF THIS AMAZING BOOK IS THE ABSOLUTE SOUL OF YOUTHFUL ENERGY!"

'Maito Gai. Fuzzy eyebrows. Green leotard.' He felt his inspiration die again. The last time his inspiration had died like this was when…no, must not remind self of the horror. His eyes widen in shock, there was another book being released that would look like his Icha Icha series that was to be released…He hurriedly thought of today's date in his mind, 'oh god no.' He stared at all the woman who were openly leering at the pages of the book.

"ERO-SENNIN!"

"JIR-AIYA!"

He had to escape, had to hide. He forgot Tsunade put his name on this book as the author, only at the end of the story did she put her name. On the outside though….

Two large charkas were heading his way, he could feel the chakra of the Kyuubi, it was hurtling towards him. 'Must hide now.' He glanced behind him, there was his blonde student and the Uchiha brat rushing towards him. Uchiha brat, sharingan spinning, his special student, kyuubi chakra. They looked pissed. He may have been a Sennin but he didn't want to fight those two. He did the only safe thing, run. As he ran he could hear in the background fan girls squealing and Maito Gai shouting on about youth power. He hoped that they would be distracted enough by that to give him time to escape. He hoped.

"OH NARUTO-KUN AND SASUKE-KUN YOUR YOUTHFUL ENERGY SHINES BRIGHTLY IN THIS BOOK. THE POWER AND BEAUTY YOU SHOW IS ENOUGH TO BRING TEARS TO MY EYES. LEE-KUN!"

"YES, GAI-SENSEI!"

"YOU MUST READ THIS BOOK AND CAPTURE THE YOUTHFUL ENERGY OF THESE TWO."

"HAI, GAI-SENSEI."

"LEE-KUN!"

"GAI-SENSEI!"

"LEE-KUN!"

"GAI-SENSEI!"

The two leaped forward to embrace and shout more. Everyone else shuddered and slowly inched away from the two. Two words, green leotards. Naruto and Sasuke looked shocked and sickened, which seemed to be the general reaction. Maybe those two were fan boys in disguise? Either way, it allowed Jiraiya time to escape.

---

He approached the Hokage tower and teleported into Tsunade's office. It was the only safe place he could think of. Tsunade sat back with the orange-backed book in her hands reading. He sighed, why couldn't he escape that damned scary book. She put the book down and looked up at him. He gulped in fear.

"So I'm a violent, big chested woman am I?"

She cracked her knuckles in a violent motion. He backed against the wall, maybe he could escape through the window? He began to slowly edge towards the window as Tsunade stalked towards him. He was getting closer, almost there…Sasuke and Naruto leap through the window. Sasuke had his sharingan on and Naruto was still in Kyuubi mode. 'Oh no.'

Screams of pain and agony could be heard through the door of the Hokage's office. The ANBU guards stationed outside, stared at the door. Three things could be heard clearly, one, a voice pleading for mercy, two, the sounds of fists meeting flesh, and three, a female voice shouting 'A Thousand Years of Pain, High Heel style.' They gulped in fear and decided it would be a good time to go take a break.

---

"Jiraiya-sama, please don't move, you'll do more damage to yourself."

"Damnnit, when is the earliest I can leave? Cause I want out now!"

"I'm sorry, Jiraiya-sama. The earliest we could possibly release you is two months from now, we have to take off your full body cast first."

The medic nin stared at the Sennin in sympathy. The poor man could barely move, he had more broken bones than whole ones. He would definitely be out of commission for a while. As she walked at the room, she could hear him muttering to himself from the bed. She listened closely for a moment, it was something about how he shouldn't have started writing and he should have made sure that his book about the Hokage was released later? She shook her head and walked out, it was nearly break soon and she wanted to finish reading one book that had caught her interest at the store. As she sat down at her desk, she pulled at the little orange book and began to read. She stared thoughtfully at the cover, she never would have imagined Jiraiya-sama being able to write a book like this. She went back to reading, all the while she read, the little fan girl inside of her shrieked with joy.

---

"Kabuto, you must go to Konoha again. You must find out from Jiraiya if he will be writing a sequel. I must have more. I must."

"Hai, Orochimaru-sama. What was the book called again?"

"Icha Icha Paradise: Youthful Power."

Kabuto teleported away. He sighed, why oh why did Jiraiya-sama have to write a yaoi edition of his books. Also if he had to write it why couldn't he have wrote it about someone other than Uchiha Sasuke and Uzumaki Naruto. Orochimaru-sama was determined that there should be a sequel, even if he had to write one himself. He shook his head and took off in the direction of Konoha, he had heard through spies that he could get a hold of Jiraiya-sama at the hospital. Behind him he could hear Orochimaru cackling on about him being a better teacher than Jiraiya because his student was like him, while Jiraiya's wasn't. Kabuto started the long journey to Konoha.

---

"Oh my god, that book was sooo cute. I mean look at Naruto, he is so absolutely adorable! Don't you agree?"

"Hai…Itachi" Kisame agreed for the thirteenth time to Itachi's exclamation. Itachi when he saw the book that Kisame accidentally bought not knowing it was a yaoi fic, was to gush with joy that his little brother was becoming famous.

"Do you think this color looks bad on me? It just has to look perfect for me when I go to get the Naru-chan's and my little Sassy-chan's autograph."

He held up his hand for Kisame to inspect the nail polish. Kisame looked at it muttered it looked fine and Itachi went back to gushing about the story. He couldn't wait for the next normal Icha Icha to come out. All the hype about the new book, was driving him crazy and Itachi…god Itachi was driving him even crazier. He looked over at his partner and sighed, Itachi was painting his toenails, why oh why, did Jiraiya ever write that book?

---

"Gai-sensei?"

"Yes, Lee-Kun?"

"I don't think this book is about, uh training, err, taijutsu."

"Nonsense, Lee, it is about 'Youthful Power,' see the title."

"But look, Gai-sensei, look at what's on the inside."

Gai opened up the book. He flipped through the pages and snapped the book shut. He looked up and stared at Lee.

"Lee, this is about the youthful energy of Naruto-kun and Sasuke-kun"

"But, Gai-sensei..."

"Yes, Lee-kun?"

"Don't you think we should go and get them to autograph our book, if it's about them?"

Gai stared at Lee. Tears began to stream down his face. His 'precious' student was taking his first steps to fan boy, he was so proud.

"OH LEE-KUN, LET US BE OFF TO STALK SASUKE-KUN AND NARUTO-KUN, WE MUST WATCH THEIR YOUTHFUL ENERGY AND GET OUR BOOK SIGNED!"

"HAI, GAI-SENSEI!"

A/N: Ok that is that. I know my story doesn't make sense, but I don't care. Please review and try not to flame to harshly. Anyhow thanks for reading. Ja