Title: Chibi Hell
Chapter: 10
It was dinner. The Bladebreakers, Chibi, Kai and Hilary sat around the table (Max was still missing). They were having soup, with home baked bread rolls.
Chibi Kai filled his spoon with soup and let it splash back into his bowl.
"What's the 'birds and the bees' mean?"
There was silence and Kenny dropped his spoon. It clattered across the table, most of the teens watching it, simply so they didn't have to look at Chibi.
Rei opened and closed his mouth, then looked at Hilary.
Hilary took a deep breath then flicked her head to stare at Tyson.
He gulped, chocked on his soup and gazed desperately at Kenny.
Kenny turned widely to Kai.
"The 'birds and the bees' refers to the sexual relationships between a male and a female."
There was a shocked silence. Kai continued.
"It comes from the period when hippies had intercourse in the open with-"
"THAT'S ENOUGH!" shrieked Hilary, jumping to her feet. "WE DON'T NEED TO HEAR ANYMORE! NEXT THING, HE'LL BE ASKING TO KNOW WHAT INTERCOURSE IS!"
"What's intercourse?"
"It's-"
"SHUT UP, KAI!" screamed Hilary, spinning around to face the door. "AND SHUT UP, MAX, WE DON'T NEED YOU ASKING THESE QUESTIONS, YOU-"
She blinked. "Max?"
"Hello!" said Max cheerfully. He walked further into the kitchen. There was still a stunned silence, so silent you could have heard a pin drop.
PING
"Sorry," said Kai, picking up his pin. He turned to Max (A/N: I am going to ignore your facial expressions, you readers, you. LOL) and grinned.
"So, Max," he said. "Where did you go to after you disappeared, after you tried to kill me?" Kai thought for a second. "And Tyson."
"I was in a mental institute."
Another of those awkward, space filling silences followed this statement. Max was either ignored it or was still insane (or high) enough not to notice it.
"They cured me of my obsession of killing you, Kai," Max paused thoughtfully. "and Tyson. It also cured me of my reliance on sugar. I'm no longer addicted to it. Now, instead, I take marijuana to get HIGH!"
Max skipped out of the kitchen.
"Great to have gold ol' Maxi back!" said Tyson happily. Hilary screamed, pulling out half of her hair. She frothed at the mouth, pointing at Tyson and screaming in Jibberish.
"Jebiesz jeze (1) !" she howled. "JEBIESZ JEZE!" The froth pouring out of Hilary's mouth turned orange and she started to run around in a circle. She banged into a wall and lay there, twitching.
Kai calmly stood up as the others slowly backed away.
"Max?" said Kai, poking his head into Max's smoke filled room.
"Max, do you have one of your asylums business cards? You know, in case you overdose on sug- I mean, smack?"
Max pulled his joint out of his mouth, puffed out a heap of smoke to add to the cloud and mumbled something unintelligible.
"Come again?" said Kai.
"Yea, itsa goood… troppa draw… u eye in da troppa draw…"
"Sorry, Max," said Kai. "I don't speak 'high'".
Max staggered to his feet and stumbled to his chest of drawers. He thumped the top drawer, before collapsing backwards and passing out.
"OH!" exclaimed Kai. "Look in the top drawer! I am SO glade I learnt sign language."
Later, when Hilary had been removed for medical dissection, Kai took the others, though not Max, to the local mall.
Kenny pulled them all in front of a pet shop window.
"Awww…" cooed Tyson, tapping the glad and causing a young, was innocent puppy, to wet it's newspaper bed.
Kai entered the shop, making his (A/N: can we call them friends? Or just acquaintances? Nah, he lives with them…) friends blink in amazement. He came back out carrying a box. Tyson gasped in pleasure.
"You didn't! You bought the cute doggie?"
Kai gave Tyson a cool glare, smirking as the puppy in the window shrank behind it's water bowl. Kai turned to leave the mall.
"So? What did you buy?" whined Tyson. Chibi tugged Kai's jacket. And Tyson made the mistake of trying the same.
"Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Kai! You're hurting me!"
Kai let go of Tyson's arm, the box still held unopened. Calmly, Kai made his way back to his car.
Rei hurried after him, reaching the curb just as Kai pulled away.
"Kai! WAIT!" Rei put his hands on his hips, glaring angrily at the back of Kai's car, watching it fade away.
Later that afternoon, Rei, Tyson, Kenny and Chibi were sitting in a café drinking milkshakes, when Kai strode into the room. He sat down at their table, clicking his fingers at a waitress. A 16 year old girls stomped over, looking pissed.
"Look, you, we're not your slaves and you have no right to be clicking your fingers at-"
Kai had turned and fixed her with a glare of his own. She fell silent; it was impossible for anyone to ignore Kai's evil eye. Kai twitched his fingers and the girl bent down to his level. He said something softly, almost silently into her ear. She blinked and opened her mouth as if to object. Kai sent her another glare and she hurried off.
"What was that about Kai?" Tyson asked.
"And why did you leave without us?" accused Rei.
"And what was in that box?" snapped Kenny.
"I wanna milkshake," chortled Chibi happily.
"Nothing; nothing; nothing; and that's nice…" murmured Kai, pretty much ignoring his friends.
The waitress returned with a tray baring a cup of coffee and four tall glasses filled with a chocolaty milk liquid, that COULD have been chocolate milkshake… and I was.
Kai accepted his coffee, while the others stared at the four milkshakes.
"Kai?" asked Rei. "You aiming on free entry to heaven or something?"
Kai rolled his eyes.
"Take them before I decide Hell isn't so bad!" he snapped. There was a sudden scramble to grab drinks. Within seconds all four milkshakes were gone. Kai took his first sip of coffee, eyes wide.
"So Kai?" asked Tyson, feeling surprisingly bold. "What was it you bought earlier?"
Kai slowly lowered his cup, ignoring the four pairs of puppy eyes gazing at him.
"A kitten," he said calmly. Chibi's eyes became even bigger and moist, the light reflecting in them several times over.
"A KITTEN? OH MY GOD! YOU BOUGHT ME A KITTEN!"
Kai raised an eyebrow, pulling a vague face. He muttered something about side effects to himself.
"HUH?" exclaimed Rei, even louder then Chibi. "WHAT DID YOU SAY?"
"HANG ON!" yelled Tyson, even louder, if possible. "I NEED TO GO TO THE TOILET AND DO A POOPY!"
Kai buried his face in his arms, an extreme show of emotion.
"YEAH!" agreed Rei. "ME TOO!"
Kai glanced around the café. Everyone was staring, wide eyed, at the teens.
"Omigod…" murmured Kai, hiding his face again.
"YEAH!" exclaimed Chibi. "I NEED TO GO POOPIES TOO!"
"OKAY! BUT I NEED TO DO WEE-WEE'S AS WELL!" shouted Kenny, managing to be the loudest. Kai stood up and hurried away to pay. He was waiting at the entrance when his team-mates (A/N: I still hesitate to call them friends, especially in this situation) came pelting out to meet him.
"KAI! KAI!" they screamed. "KAI! THE TOILETS ARE CLOSED!" Kai sighed and dragged them into the mall. After quickly consulting a shopping directory, he dragged them to the nearest toilets. They were closed for cleaning. They hurried to the next one. Closed for maintenance. By the time they found another set of toilets, Kai was having a lot of trouble keeping a straight face. The last toilets were outside, and totally disgusting. The male toilets were locked, as was the disabled. Tyson let out a strangled sound, somewhere between a scream and a howl, before dashing into the female toilets.
Rei hopped around for a moment, then followed. Chibi grabbed the edge of his tunic and, keeping close to the older boy, entered the unknown.
Kenny found it much harder to come to a decision. He hurried all the way to the door frame, but backed away almost instantly. But his 'need' drove him over the threshold. Kai was almost doubled over with laughter.
Suddenly, a women's yell resounded through the air. Kenny came sprinting out of the toilet, followed by Rei and Chibi. The sound of someone (A/N: heh heh… Tyson… ) being whacked over the head with something heavy reached them as they stood gasping behind Kai.
"She gasp was in one of the gasp cubicles and she gasp got mad at us gasp for some reason," Rei paused for breath, ignoring Kai's raised eyebrow. Rei continued. "She's go this evil, big, red handbag, which she's probably using to hit Ty with."
Kai frowned. Looks like the drugs are wearing off…" he said over Tyson's pleas for mercy.
"Yea – WHAT?" said Rei. "YOU drugged our milkshakes? So much for going to heaven…"
Kai smile sheepishly and shrugged. "Um.. yeah… whatever…"
Rei opened his mouth, fists clenched, ready to (A/N: try to…. smiles smugly ) skin Kai alive.
WHACK!
"You disgusting-"
WHACK!
"Little-"
WHACK!
"Perverted-"
WHACK!
"Revolting-"
WHACK!
"BOY!"
Tyson ran out of the toilets, bruises already starting to show up on his skin. He hid behind Kai, who cheerfully stepped to the side, allowing the women a clear view of the other two boys and Chibi.
Just as she continued to beat Tyson senseless (A/N: ahh… if only…), Kai stepped forward.
Excuse me, ma'am," he said courteously. The lady turned to him and yelled something in another language, which everyone was willing to bet was not a blessing upon Tyson, or Kai, or any teenage boy for that matter. Kai's face darkened, and he screamed back at her in the same language. They yelled abuse at each other for a few minutes, then suddenly fell silent. The anger drained from the ladies face. She lunged forward, as if to kiss Kai, who quickly turned and left her waving behind him.
"Ciao bello! Arriverdeci!" (2)
. SCENE CHANGE .
Kai, Tyson (still black and blue), Rei and Chibi finally got home, only to find an ill looking kitten passed out on the floor, next to a pool of what looked a lot like kitten vomit.
Max crouched next to it, slowing rocking backwards and forwards, a thick joint stuffed between his lips. But their attention was drawn to the really big, huge, enormous, gigantic… you get the idea, it was big….knife held in his hand. It was raised above his head, poised to strike. Kai threw himself forward, arms outstretched as Max brought the knife down.
"OUCH! OUCH! OUCH!" yelped Max. He had missed the kitten and stabbed himself in the arm.
Kai gathered up his little kitten, glaring at max.
"What did you do to my kitten?" he growled in his most 'you will die now' voice. Max's eyes widened, and he would have looked innocent if it weren't for the knife, drugs and blood.
"I didn't do it!" he protested. "It was the sugar imp with the red hair. He, she, it did it!"
Kai rolled his eyes and stomped off to look after his poor, stoned kitty.
Later that afternoon, when it was almost time for dinner, Kai came down stairs to find the rest of the house trashed, and Chibi Kai nowhere to be found.
Rei and Kai pulled what remained of the house apart, shouting out for Chibi. They assumed he had trashed the house, as Max was locked in a broom cupboard. They realised that after seeing the smoke curl up from under the door. An hour of searching, dinner was ready, and Chibi was nowhere to be seen.
Tyson was already sitting at the scratched table when Rei and Kai entered the room.
"Ty, have you seen Chibi?" asked Rei.
"Nope, but I did see a little sugar imp with red hair!" replied Tyson. "How many points is that?"
Kai sighed. "Great, another druggie. Just don't touch my kitten… Maybe the smell of food will lure Chibi to us…"
They settled down to dinner. Half way through the meal, a hand shot out from under the table and grabbed a piece of chicken.
Rei ducked under the table. He made a shocked noise, and tried to stand up, but banged his head. He emerged clutching his skull.
"It's the sugar imp with red hair... and wings… looks kinda like Tala."
Kai groaned.
"Looks like you hit your head a little too hard."
Rei pouted as Kei got onto his hands and knees. A second later he sat back up, his face horribly calm.
"Who brought Chibi Tala into the family?"
He reached under the table and dragged out a miniature Tala, complete with wide innocent eyes and a fairy costume.
"So… if he's here… where's little Kai?"
Kai frowned. "That's almost a good question… but it came from you, so it sucks. Chibi Tala, where's Chibi Kai?"
"At home!" squeaked Chibi Tala, attaching himself to Kai's leg. Kai pushed him off.
"How do you know?" he asked suspiciously. Chibi Tala smile up at Kai, and re-attached himself to Kai.
"'Cause!"
Kai growled softly, cursing under his breath. Just before he could start strangling Chibi Tala, the phone rang.
"WHAT?" snapped Kai, picking up the receiver, Chibi Tala still clinging to him.
"Hello? Mr. Hiwitari?"
"Yes?"
"This is the Animal Protection Agency, or A.P.A. We are responding claims made a while ago about your conduct involving a penguin…"
THE END! (and I mean that literally… no more CHIBI HELL!)
for the sequel, review and make your desire for me to continue clear.
(1)You fuck hedgehogs!
(2)Goodbye, beautiful. See you later!