WARNING:
PEOPLE WHO LIKE THE FAIRY TALE "The Princess and the Pea" MAY BE OFFENDED BY THE TOILET HUMOUR USED IN THE FOLLOWING SPOOFS. IF YOU ARE THINKING "I LIKE IT BUT I DON'T REALLY CARE ABOUT PEOPLE MAKING FUN OF IT" THEN DON'T LEAVE A BAD REVIEW BECAUSE YOU CAN'T SAY I DIDN'T WARN YOU!
The Poo Poo and the Pee
Okay people, this is the screw-up of the real book version of "the princess and the pee" ok? The next chapter (chapter 2) is the screw-up of the movie (I think?) version. So yeah. This one is from the prince's point of view, and the next chapter is from the princess' point of view. OK? Yeah.
Once upon a time there was a prince named Butt Head. He desperately wanted to marry a princess; but she would have to be a real princess. He traveled all over the world to find one, but nowhere could he get what he wanted. There were princesses enough, but it was difficult to find out whether they were real ones. There was always something about them that was not as it should be. So he came home again and was sad, for he would have liked very much to have a real princess.
One evening a terrible storm came on; there was thunder and lightning, and the rain poured down in torrents. Suddenly a knocking was heard at the city gate, and the old king (Butt Head's dad) went to open it.
A princess was standing out there in front of the gate. But, good gracious! What a sight the rain and the wind had made her look. The water ran down from her hair and clothes; it ran down into the toes of her shoes and out again at the heels. And yet she said that she was a real princess, and her name was Poo Poo.
"Well, we'll soon find that out," thought the old queen (Butt Head's mom). But she said nothing, went into the bed-room, took all the bedding off the wooden bed frame/holder-thing, and did pee on the bottom; then she took twenty mattresses and laid them on the pee spill, and then twenty bedsheets and blankets on top of the mattresses.
On this the princess Poo Poo had to lie all night. In the morning she was asked how she had slept.
"Oh, very badly!" Poo Poo said. "I have scarcely closed my eyes all night. Heaven only knows what was in the bed, but I was lying on something squishy as urine, so that I am black and blue all over my body. It's horribly un-delightful!"
Now they knew that she was a real princess because she had felt the pee right through the twenty mattresses and the twenty blankets and bedsheets.
Nobody but a real princess could be as sensitive as that.
So the prince Butt Head took Poo Poo for his wife, for now he knew that he had a real princess; and the pee was put in the museum, where it may still be seen, if no one has stolen it.